Sailor and the Tide
Red. The entire world around him turned to red whenever she was in danger. That burst of adrenaline he associated with horrible memories made every muscle in his body twitch whenever he saw some threat approach her, ready to jump, pull the trigger or punch the living hell out of someone. No one would hurt her. Not her. He would kill every single man in this world who dare put his hands on her without her consent. He would cut them off and throw them to the fire. Two of her loved ones had died in front of him. She would not be the third one.
I would kill for her… her… no one else. Her above everyone… her above everything…
He rested his forehead against the cold wet wall of the shower. No, this wasn't right.
He was not the same man who had first come to Alexandria, sure of his vision and his principles. Things were more complicated in this world and he had accepted it. But that didn't mean he had to go back to who he was. He couldn't choose her over what was right. He couldn't choose her over his own principles.
You have no principles anymore. whispered a voice in the back of his head. You only have her.
It was true. This world was constantly proving him wrong, making and breaking his reasons to stay alive. She had appeared out of nowhere and he had held onto her when he saw his own beliefs start to crumble. Perhaps saving her had been duty; perhaps a way to save himself from madness, either way it seemed he had miscalculated the danger when he inadvertently turned her into his reason to keep on going. This woman, this force of nature… she had washed him away like a storm, from the peaceful shore he once inhabited. Now he was drowning in the sea, drunk in salt water and need for her. He had nothing else in the entire stupid world. Not his family, not his philosophy. He only had her.
The doorbell rang in the middle of the night, as he was getting ready to go to sleep. He instantly knew who it was. She was the only person who would visit him this late, although she had never done it before. When he opened, she was leaning on the frame, wearing no coat at the start of autumn. She knew he wouldn't dare leave her out there if she was freezing. Seemed so innocent in the way she rubbed her bare arms, pretending to be a shaky, fragile rose petal.
You cheeky flower, you.
"Did I wake you?"
"No." He answered as he let her pass. She went right towards the bedroom and once he came in he found her lying on his bed as if she was in her own house.
"Shoes off ma'am."
"Yes, mister." She kicked off her boots like nobody's business. "I was taking a walk, but Tobin's house is right around the corner."
"Was he on the porch?"
"You think I wanna find out?" He sat down on the bed, looking at her. Tobin… her ex-boyfriend, if he wasn't mistaken. He was a good man, sweet, amiable, wouldn't harm a fly… Morgan remembered the expression of heartbreak in his face the day Carol ran away; looking for reasons within himself as to what he had done wrong. He didn't know he wasn't the problem. "Don't!" Carol exclaimed as if guessing what was about to happen.
"What?"
"You're gonna start asking questions." Ha. She had read his mind.
"Don't you just hate me when I do that?" He smiled at her annoyed gaze. He knew she felt guilty for what she had done. It wasn't in her nature to be a heartbreaker.
"I hate you 80 percent of the time."
"And what about the other 20 percent?" She didn't answer. They lay in silence, side by side, looking at the sealing. "I've been thinking about what you told me. About those two girls… about the prison." Pause. "I know why you hate to mention them. Ed, Sophia, Lizzie, Mika. You've tried so hard to destroy the woman you once were. That weak woman who let herself be… stepped on… and hurt… Something bad happens and you destroy her over and over, to make sure you don't make those mistakes again. Until one day you find there are no more mirrors to destroy. There's only you, breaking, dying."
"It happened to you too?"
"Yes."
"Is that why you saved me?" He stopped before answering.
"Yes."
Something shifted in the silence that followed his words. He felt Carol's stare burning through his soul and turned towards her. Her eyes were warm. No, not just warm. Hungry. He knew a look of desire when he saw one. His entire body felt like it had just been thrown into the fire. So warm it hurt. He felt himself moving an inch closer to her. Suddenly the distance between them was gone, suddenly they were touching each other.
"Can I sleep here tonight?" She whispered in such a low tone he thought he would lose it. "Don't get any ideas. I'm just really tired."
He turned away, mortified, and the tension was gone as quickly as it came.
Out of place intrusive desire.
He couldn't really say no to her. She had trouble sleeping alone and probably hadn't gotten a good night's sleep since they left the Kingdom.
"I can stay on the couch." He answered.
"That's not how it works."
"How does it work?" She moved closer again, passing an arm across his ribs, pressing her head against his shoulder, her leg slightly entangling with his. He turned off the light at the night-table and accommodated himself to give her space across his chest. His fingers travelled through her hair, gently caressing her temple, and she sighed in satisfaction. Her breathing started to slow down after a couple minutes; before he knew it she was fast asleep, mumbling in her dreams.
He was more awake than ever, painfully aware of her warm body half on top of him. Her left breast pressing against his side, her leg further entangling itself with his, her fingers unconsciously brushing his rib, causing goosebumps. It was all too glorious; he wished he could have her like this for the rest of his life…
He was being so foolish… Even if she did want him, what guaranteed him that she wasn't just playing with his heart the same way she had played with Tobin's? He was just a warm body she used as a pillow whenever she needed comfort. He was just an appeaser of her nightmares. A friend she came looking for when she needed him.
He only had her. But she was the sea and he was a mere sailor drowning in her tide.