Chapter 13 [Whitgate—That Afternoon]

The palace almost seemed hushed on that day. Lament and Mourning hung their dark pall like a heavy mist in the air. Most courtiers remained behind closed doors brooding about the future. Lord Edwin and Master Wyngate planned with the two royals for the next day's funeral services.

A ray of light would buoy Hope's fortunes in that desperately-needed regard…..

At the end of the royal apartments, Merlin slept fitfully. Sweat dampened his brow. Guilt still ate at his craw. Nightmare replayed Arthur's death over and over in his mind.

Arthur….

"No…Morgana took my magic! Had to regain it!" Tears streaked his face. "ARTHUR!" He trembled and quaked. His failures rained down like a monsoon. "I failed….No…no….I failed….I…. He sobbed.

"Merlin?" Mithian knocked at the door. "Merlin, are you all right?"

Hearing her voice even in the unconscious state, he yelled, "I failed you too! Morgana hurt you! I hurt her. Prince Kay…Arthur…how many more people will die? How many more?"

Her heart panicked at his desperation. Instinctively she looked down the passage to make sure nobody was coming. Stop. He needs you. Propriety be damned at this point! She opened the door and rushed into the room.

By now, the quilts were bunched by his feet. He thrashed like a fish on dry dock. He needed sustenance. He needed absolution. He needed love.

She grabbed onto his shoulders. "MERLIN! MERLIN, WAKE UP! IT'S ALL RIGHT!"

"No…failure. Morgana, stop! I can't have Mithian. I…." he protested.

She bit her lip. Piss and bother! Where is Master Wyngate? Didn't Father tell him to watch Merlin? He'd know what to do if anyone does.

Bring him back. Reassure him! her heart yelled at her.

If we're caught, he'll be killed! her brain protested.

What happened to working together? If we don't get Merlin back, there will be no future! her heart snapped back.

She rolled at her eyes at her indecision. You care for him. Let that be your guide! She grabbed onto the back of his neck and pushed her lips down onto his. I love you, Merlin. Let that be enough for us both! For the span of ten heartbeats, she continued to pour her warmth into him.

His twitching and spasming stopped. Instinctively his mouth pressed back against hers somehow recognizing the moment's significance. He didn't hesitate in that moment. His eyes slowly fluttered open….

…their first welcome sight was her shining eyes, a mischievous smirk and the raised eyebrow.

"M…Mithian? How? Where? I…." He looked around the chamber only to realize he had no idea where he was. "Where are we?"

"You're in Nemeth. This is my father's castle. We've been taking care of you for the past two days," she explained. She poured him a cup of water from the pitcher on the nightstand. "First I want you to drink some water. Okay?" She handed him the wooden vessel.

He nodded and accepted the cup. Slowly he emptied it before handing it back to her. "Thank you," he whispered and bowed his head.

"Merlin, whatever's bothering you, it's all right." She pushed gently against his chin easing his face back up so that it met hers. "We accept you as you are."

"If you knew everything, you might not." He frowned. "I failed Arthur and your brother, Princess."

"Excuse me? How did you fail them?" Again her eyebrow arched. "Morgana started that battle not you. If anything, you stopped it."

He blinked in momentary hesitation. Denial cloaked his facial features. "How could I have? I was *miles* away. I still should have been with Arthur. I…."

She snorted. "Do you always lie to the people who matter to you?"

"Princess, as I said, I wasn't…."

She sighed profoundly. Then she giggled in spite of herself. "Merlin, please don't lie to me. I don't need protecting from your world any longer." She inhaled another deep breath before pressing on. "I know you have magic. We all do."

He stared in disbelief. "Princess, how could I have magic?"

"I don't know. How did you get it? Merlin, it's all right." She walked across the room and shut the door. "Everything makes sense now though." She held up her wrist. "Morgana told me that one had to have magic to remove that bracelet. Nobody else could."

"But I did…" He sighed realizing that she had him dead to rights. "I hope you realize that I was trying to help you."

"Of course! That's all you ever try to do for people," she assured him. "So it left a scar? So what? At least I'm not under her control any more. Your magic freed this kingdom from Odin. My father and I are alive and ruling this land because of it. Because of you."

He nodded. "And you're the only one? I mean…."

She shook her head. "My father, Master Wyngate and Sir Ywain all know as well. They're willing to accept you. King Rodor would like to speak with you when you're up to it." She squeezed his hand gently. "It's going to be all right."

His mind spun at the possibility of acceptance. "He…accepts…me?" He flopped backwards half in shock over that statement. "How do….?"

"Other than the bracelet, you mean?" She rubbed her chin faux -thoughtfully. "Let's see. Back in the tomb, I saw your eyes glow before Morgana hit the wall. Malodius found you, I guess, through that. Sir Ywain saw you use it while you were on the trail unconscious. Guess it works by instinct some times? And then everyone saw you at Camlann." She shrugged. "Then the Priestess Freya confirmed it."

"Wait." His eyes went wide. "Priestess Freya?" He shook his head. "She's dead."

"I don't know, Merlin. If so, she came back to life. She's the triple goddess' High Priestess," she informed him. "Anyhow she told me about your magic as well. As I said, it's all right."

His mind spun over all of these apparent slip ups on his part. He thought he had been so careful with his secret. How did I let them see it? How did I use it while I was unconscious? "Great. Gaius warned me to be careful."

"Wait. Gaius knows? Of course!" she realized.

"See? I'm still messing up." He shook his head.

She rolled her eyes at him. "Merlin, stop! No you aren't! So what if Gaius knew before everyone else? The point is we know. How many times do I have to tell you that it's all right?"

"I just wish I understood how this all happened!" he retorted. "And Freya being alive? That's amazing. I can't believe that she's a priestess."

"She's adapted to the role quickly," she informed him. She sighed feeling Jealousy's nudge but maintained her resolve. "We all have to adapt and change to survive, Merlin. She has. Father and I are. So will you."

"So will I? What about Queen Guinevere? Camelot needs me. I…." he started.

"Yes I'm sure they do. Just take time to think on it. You've served everyone. Now let us serve you," she insisted. "Oh and when we're in private like this, please drop the 'Princess' title. Just call me Mithian."

"But you're the Princess! I'm a peasant and a servant," he argued.

"For now that's true." She smiled. "Arthur refused to give you your due under Camelot's laws, Merlin. But here in Nemeth, we know your true worth." She kissed his forehead. "I know."

He nodded. He wanted to believe that the class limitations could just fall away like moist gingerbread. He had so longed not to have to hide any longer. Furthermore he longed for a point where his magic could openly assist the Five Kingdoms much as any knight's sword. And then he desired a capable woman to love and stand beside him.

It all seemed too much to hope for. Any moment he'd wake up and be back in Reality's icy grip once more.

The rub, however, was that he was awake. He had at least a start on fulfilling those hopes. Best of all, this gorgeous woman wanted him…

…him…Merlin, Warlock, servant, peasant….

She knew. She didn't care.

"Mithian, I…." The thoughts ruminated through his brain sweetening everything they touched. "Thank you. You're so brave and kind to do all of this for me. You know there'll be objections and…."

She snorted. "Of course there will be! I just had to deal with Master Wyngate's objections. I don't care, Merlin. Remember what I said that day in Camelot? I'd give up this kingdom for a love like what King Arthur and Queen Guinevere shared. I want that to be with you. As I said, there are ways to make this happen. We willmake it happen."

"And King Rodor? He really wants to talk with me?" He imagined that the 'talk' would turn into a trial. After that he'd be dragged to the gallows or a stake.

"Father has never enforced the laws against magic here in Nemeth. As long as people live peaceably, we have no quarrel with them. Why should you be any different? Besides you have proven your worth in so

many ways." She smiled warmly once again.

He sighed. Despite Doubt's and Guilt's respective holds on his mind and soul, she pushed a few shafts of Hope's light through his moody overcast. Her warmth buoyed his spirits ever so slightly. As she had during their previous conversations, she bluntly spoke her mind. Their kiss swept a bit of the darkness away. "As have you. Forgive me for hesitating." He squeezed her hands gently.

"It's a lot to take in. You've been through quite the ordeal," she assured him. "Part of loving someone is waiting for them to be ready. I've waited this long for a man of your quality. Just do me a favor?"

"If I can, Pr…Mithian."

Her eyes sparkled. "See? It isn't so hard to open up. Just don't give up on hope. All right?"

He exhaled sharply. His whole world had just been blown to bits. He'd watched his ruler/best friend die and be reclaimed by the Lake of Avalon. Kilgarrah would soon pass from the world. And yet, much as Gwen had done, he had a path against the prevailing social constructs. He could rise like a joyful phoenix from Discontentment's ashes to soar on Amor's soothing breezes.

Mithian was offering him that. All she wanted in return was to be loved as a woman and for herself.

"I want to. I want it so much. Forgive me but is there a way? Please?" he begged.

"You are nobody and yet everybody, Merlin," she remarked.

"Excuse me?" He quirked an eyebrow. On the surface, her retort seemed an insult or dismissal. However it resonated with some past words exchanged as he watched.

"King Arthur said as much to me when I departed Camelot. He put his love for your Queen above all else. A blacksmith's daughter could trump a royal princess." She looked him right in the eye again. "Well I say that you, Merlin, servant and former peasant, trump any Prince, knight or courtier where I'm concerned."

"And what about Queen Guinevere? She could want me back," he pointed out.

"Perhaps. Father and I are prepared to negotiate. Besides if she is the woman I believe her to be, I think Queen Guinevere will support our position." She rubbed his arm. "Times are changing, Merlin. The precedent has been set. Believe in that. Just have patience and faith. You've served Camelot and its friends for so long. Now you can do everything openly. Your friends believe in you. I believe in you."

"Thank you," he whispered. His hope dripped on every word rasped by his throat.

"My pleasure."

"Can I ask for a favor now?" he queried.

"Depends on the nature of said favor," she accepted conditionally.

"Can we…kiss…again? I…" He bowed his head. Much like a crushing teenager, his cheeks blushed a rosy hue.

She giggled. "Of course we can." Relief washed through her as well. She embraced him before planting her lips on his again.

Much as that flower in the arid desert, he eagerly returned her nourishing touch with his own. For several seconds, they danced to a common tune. Their hearts beat as one. Their minds seemed to flow together. Their warmth buoyed them up.

He grinned. "Just be patient with me. I will get there for you."

"I know. Thank you for taking those first steps with me. I'll wait as long as you need me to. I can go and tell my father you're ready," she noted gladly.

He shook his head. "When we tell him, I'm going to be on my feet." He forced his stiff legs to bend. He slowly put his feet on the floor. Then, with effort, he stood.

"Careful!" she directed.

"We just need to take it slow. I'll be fine. As long as you with me, Mithian, I'll be fine," he declared.

"Now that is music sweeter than any minstrel's harp to my ears. Let's go and see what Father has to say," she indicated while leading him out into the hall beyond.

And so Hope and Dread led to Amor's breakthrough…..