So Im sure you guys are like...what the hell?? Where is the next update and here it is...sry for the delay but I was actually in OHIO hahaha visting one of my really good friends...yes me and Spencer are bestfriends hahaha jk...anyways but yeah so I barely got back a few days ago and I've been running ragged with getting back to work and situating some things but yeah. Well hope u guys are still reading.
The rain was starting to come down harder as I was driving over to Nikkis place. All I wanted to do is talk with her and tell her that it wasn't what she thought it was.
I wanted to be with her and no one else.
I was just afraid that she wasn't going to see it that way and I was going to be without a girlfriend. At least thats what I thought we were.
I parked right outside of her apartment and I knew that this was going to be a difficult conversation to have. I just wish that we didn't have to have it.
xoxo
I stood outside trying to cover the rain over my head but it wasn't working. Nothing was working and with the way I was feeling I didn't care that I was getting soaked.
I knocked on her door one last time and I was starting to think that she wasn't going to answer the door to me. So I turned on my heels and started to walk down the steps as I hear my name being called. I turned around and Nikki was standing there in her sweats and tank top. Even when she was dressed in comfy clothes she looked really good to me.
What was it that made me so attracted to this girl??
Why did I feel like Nikki would be great for me?
I walked back to the front door and she stepped to the side without saying anything to me. I walked into the apartment and stood there as she shut the door behind me.
I was officially freezing now.
"Your soaked Ashley."
I looked up at her and I was so relieved that she was at least talking to me for the most part.
She walked to the back of the apartment towards her room as I walked into the living room waiting for her to come back. As she stepped into the living room she handed me a towel.
Nikki stood there close to me as I dried my hair and than put it around me. I looked at her as if I didn't know what to say at the moment because I was afraid that she was going to be really upset with me. Of course I deserve it, so if she did get angry than I would take it as it is because I hurt her when I really wish I didn't.
"How are you doing?" I finally came out and asked her as she walked over to the couch to sit down. I followed right behind her.
"How do you think I feel Ash? I was hurt that you didn't tell me about Spencer." I understood that she was hurt by my actions and I felt like shit for it.
"Do you like her?"
"NO!" I quickly sat next to her as the towel hit the floor. As soon as I said it the words echoed in my head and I could feel myself being really honest with her. Yes I fell for Spencer when I first came out and she was the one that I wanted to be with but Nikki changed that for me. Something about her just made things more clearly to me that I didn't need to be chasing someone who didn't love me when there was someone as wonderful in front of me.
Should I tell her the truth about loving Spencer first?
I think I'll keep that to myself otherwise that would just start a whole lot more drama and I'm all about no more drama for the time being.
I placed my hands on Nikki cheek as she leaned into my palm and I looked at her long brown hair flow off her shoulders. Her hazel eyes were closed for the moment as I felt her cheek against my hand. I loved the way she felt underneathe my skin.
"I'm really sorry if I hurt you Nikki. I didn't mean any of it. Yes it is my fault for not telling you that I still talked with Spencer every now and again."
Lie one.
Don't get me wrong I didn't want to lie to her but I knew that I would be protecting her by not telling her how many times Spencer would call or come over to talk.
"But I want you to know that I don't like Spencer. Now or ever have I had a thing for her."
Lie two.
This was starting out to be a bad trend. Why couldn't I just come out and tell her that I loved Spencer first? Why couldn't I be open with how I felt in the past?
It would hurt her that's why.
Nikki sat there holding onto my hand as she played with my fingers. She kept her head down the whole time not saying a word to me. I was starting to get scared.
"Please say something." She looked up at me with those eyes and slightly smiled at me.
"Will you stay with me tonight?" Wow hearing those words from her made me so happy that she wanted to work on us and not go over the problems that we had at the time.
"Are we ok?" I had to clear this up because I didn't want this to come back to bite me in the ass like it has so many times in the past.
Nikki leaned over towards me and I saw her full lips come towards me and I could feel her breathe on mine. Man did it drive me crazy as I thought of her lips on mine. I glanced down at her shirt as I caught a glimps of her breast coming out of her shirt. Nikki did have some beautiful breast and I was remembering when we were together before Spencer had ruined everything. Actually it was Aiden who ruined it all. I swear he just wanted to see girl on girl action.
Perv.
"Will you stay with me tonight?" She asked again but with a softer voice and it made me have chills up and down my spine. Damn she knew how to make me fidget in my seat.
"Ya." I closed the distance and I kissed her lips. Trust me you can not be that close to a beautiful girl and not be able to kiss her. There is just no way.
xoxo
Spencers POV
"Where were you today?" I was finally back at my place with the weight of the world on my shoulders.
First Ashley denies me when I kiss her in her room. Why did she have to do that? It crushed me bad.
Second Nikki goes off on me. Ok I guess she had a right to but I couldn't help how I was feeling.
Third I had Jason to tell that the wedding wasn't going to happen and that I didn't want to be with him anymore.
It should go over great.
Not.
"I've had alot on my mind today." I told him as I was sitting at the dinner table and he had actually made me dinner and I thought that he was being great to me which was making this so much harder to do.
"I thought I would make dinner since I didn't know when you were going to be coming back."
"Thanks but I'm not really hungry." Jason looked at me as he sat down at the table as I looked up at him. He didn't look all that happy.
"What's going on Spencer?"
Maybe I should get this over with because it is only going to get harder. Especially when it gets to my mother.
"We need to talk." Jason sat there with his arms crossed and I hated when he would do that to me. As if he was trying to intimidate me. Not going to work this time buddy boy.
"I've been doing a lot of thinking."
"That's never good."
Asshole!
Maybe this won't be that hard after all. I glared at him making sure that he knew that I wasn't all that pleased with his stupid ass comment.
"ANYWAYS! As I was saying, I've had a lot on my mind that I think we need to talk about."
"So your actually saying that you want to talk to me now because lately you've been talking with your lesbian bestfriend now."
Of course he was going to bring Ashley into this. He couldn't keep his words to himself. I was done with him.
"I think that we need to call off the wedding."
As prodicted he stood there with bewilderment on his face as if he didn't get the concept that I didn't want to be with him anymore. I wanted it to be over with.
Jason didn't say a word which was a shocker because he was all over my ass if I had came out and said something that he didn't like. Instead he kept his mouth shut and stood there looking at me.
"Do you have something to say?"
"Did you tell your mother?"
There goes the mother card. I was waiting for that one.
"This is my decision Jason not my mothers and I think that it's bullshit that you even brought her into this conversation." I was heated and still seeing him standing there in front of me with a smug face was making me even more upset.
"No! You know what I think is bullshit Spencer? The fact that you think you get say in calling off the wedding. We didn't talk about anything, we haven't even been in any arguments but you think that we need to call it quits. Is there someone else?"
Ashley.
"No. There's no one else. I'm just done Jason. I don't love you like I use to and for use to get married without that love would be a mistake and I don't want that. So I came up with the choice to call off the wedding."
Jason didn't say one more word to me instead he grabbed his jacket and was out of the house. I took a deep breathe and I sat down on the couch thinking that this was only going to get worse. No way was Jason going to let this go so easily. That was not him at all. He was a stubborn ass about everything that he does.
I want to be finished with him.
Ashleys POV
I was so peaceful as I laid there with Nikki in my arms. Nikki and I didn't have sex because I didn't think that it should of been like that.
When the time is right we will both know it and go from there. So until that time I was going to enjoy being with her and loving her for who she is. A beautiful woman that was now in my life and I didn't want to ruin that.
Buzz Buzz
I looked over at my phone on the dresser across the room and it was going off.
Who could it be at 3:35 in the morning?
I slowly moved out of Nikkis arms and I went over to the dresser. I looked at the screen and Spencers name was flashing against the screen. Should I answer it?
A second later I answered the phone and walked out of the room so I wouldn't wake Nikki up.
"Hello."
"Ashley?"
I was being quiet because Nikki waking up and finding me talking with Spencer would be really bad right now.
"Yeah. What's going on Spence?" I sat down on the couch rubbing my eyes together trying to semi wake up so I could hear what she had to say to me.
"I called it off."
Excuse me!
"You what?!"
"I told Jason that I couldn't be with him anymore and that I didn't want to go through with the wedding anymore."
Wow. This just got really serious.
"Spencer why did you do that? Do you even know what you are doing?" I was shocked as hell that she had actually did it. What was going to happen now?
"I haven't been more positive about my actions for a long time. I want you in my life and I'm going to do what ever I have to to get you in it."
Oh man this was going to be hard.
"I'm with Nikki Spencer and you know that. Why are you trying to ruin things for me right now? I thought we were friends?"
"We are friends Ash but I don't want to be just friends with you. I want to be with you. I want us to be with eachother. I love you."
Stop saying things like that.
"Spencer you don't know what you want right now. You just need to deal with what is going on right now with Jason and I need to go back to bed with my girlfriend."
"Ashley please don't close us off. Please give us a chance."
"I have to go."
"Ashley!"
"Goodnight Spencer."
I hung up the phone and I sat there on the couch with my hands on my face. Never have I been so tore between anything in my life and now that Spencer comes out and tells me that she loves me is beyond confusing. I love Nikki and I wasn't going to give that up. She treats me good and that's what I need in my life right now. Not someone who is going to change their minds at the last minute when something gets really serious. I don't need that. I don't need Spencer.
At least I don't think I need her.
Sry it wasn't longer but I feel really bad for not being able to post anything lately. So here you go...tell me what you think and always leave the love. Thx again for all of the addings and reviews...they are awesome and so are you guys. :)