Thank you to everyone who reads, reviews and follows this story. A very special Thanks to Becky for editing and encouragement! These characters aren't mine-just having some fun with them!

808 at 10

Chapter 14

When I awoke I knew hours had passed by the change of light through the window of my hospital room. The pain had returned but the medication was keeping it tolerable. I looked over to see Paul sleeping in a chair to my right. I turned to my left and looking into the eyes of my mother and Grandma Bella.

"Joseph." Grandma Bella said with a knowing nod. I'm not going to lie, she creeps me out sometimes. My mother looked tired but managed a smile. She brushed my hair from my face in a familiar gesture she's done hundreds of times.

"How are you feeling, Joseph?" My mother asked.

"Sore." Sad, confused, but I didn't want to get into that with her. "Has Stephanie been back?" She shook her head.

"I'm sure she'll be back soon," she was trying to reassure me. "She was here all the time while you were…" she trailed off, the pain of the whole ordeal clear on her face. She swallowed hard.

"I'm okay now, Ma." I said gently, reaching for her hand. She squeezed mine and raised her chin. Grandma Bella had been oddly silent but I could see her staring at me.

"How are you Grandma Bella?" I asked.

"Better now that you're back with us, Joseph. I knew you'd pull through. Wasn't your time." She said with authority. I smiled.

"Three times, just like you said," I admitted. She just nodded. Yikes!

"We're going to late mass to pray for you, Joseph." My mother said and leaned down to kiss my forehead. "We'll be back tomorrow and bring you some decent food." They hurried out.

"I thought they'd never leave," Paul said on a yawn from his chair next to me. He stretched his arms over his head. "I love Grandma Bella and all but the old broad creeps me out sometimes. How's the pain?"

"Drugs are helping." I replied.

"I bet," he laughed. Then he got more serious, "You scared the shit out of me."

"You saved my life."

"No."

"Yes. If you hadn't come in, Violet would have finished me off for sure." Paul just shook his head. He opened his mouth to speak and closed it again. He put his head down and ran his fingers through his hair.

"I killed her." He looked up and shook his head again. I knew from experience that it never was an easy thing to get over, even if it was justified. And I'd put him in the situation in the first place. He got up and paced the side of my hospital bed.

"I'm sorry that I got you involved," I said sadly.

Paul waved his hand in a gesture to stop. "You would've done it for me." We made eye contact and I nodded. Yes, I would have.

"How's Stephanie?" I asked.

He shook his head at me. "You've got it bad."

"I know." I was an idiot. What could I say? I loved her so much.

"She was pretty hysterical at the scene. Making deals with God and all that." Paul paused, his eyes distant with the memory. "We all were trying to make deals with God." He blinked hard. Dammit, my stupid, selfish behavior in the past had not only come back to haunt me, but had hurt my brother and Stephanie, too. I closed my eyes. When had things gotten so fucked up? Paul turned back towards me and plopped down in his chair by the bed.

"I'm sorry." I said again, knowing it wasn't enough. I couldn't even look at him.

He smacked me on the side of my head, "Shut up," Paul said with a smirk on his face. "It's over. You're okay. I'm okay. Now shut up about it." We locked eyes and I nodded.

"My life is a mess." I said.

"Join the club." Paul replied. Shit, no kidding. Here I was feeling sorry for my situation and Paul was in his own hell with a pregnant mistress and his family in shambles.

"What a couple of fuck ups we are." I said with a bitter laugh. Paul's head bobbed up and down in agreement. "You still staying at my place?"

"Yeah, at least until I can get a few things figured out."

"You're welcome as long as you like. I don't even know when they'll let me out of here. Have you seen the kids?"

"Yeah, Maria lets me have them whenever I want. She's been great considering she hates my guts." We were both paying for past mistakes.

"What about Gina?" I asked.

Paul sighed, "She's keeping the baby. She wants us to move in together. Maybe get married someday."

"What do you want to do?"

"Who are you? Dr. Phil?" Paul replied, irritated. He got up from the chair again and paced the room. I knew my brother well enough to know that he needed a minute so I stayed silent.

Finally he calmed a little and said thoughtfully, "I want to do the right thing for once in my life," he sat down and continued, "I want to stop hurting the people that love me." I gave him a nod. We didn't have a lot of examples from the men in our family of doing the right thing growing up. Or not hurting people either. "How about you," he asked, "What do you want, Joe?"

His question caught me off guard a bit. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. Stephanie. What are you going to do?"

I closed my eyes for a minute. I wanted to make things right, to make her understand how sorry I was for all the pain I'd caused and how much I truly loved her. But she was already running from me again.

"She loves you." Paul said.

"I love her. It's not that simple."

"Never is. But you deserve better…" he trailed off.

"What do you mean?"

He threw me a look of disgust. "You don't even realize it, do you?" he shook his head in disbelief.

"Better what, Paul? I'm no saint you know…" I was getting pissed at his implication.

"Neither is Stephanie!" Paul was on his feet now. Angry. "You need to stop settling for whatever she'll give you! Man up!"

"I'm not settling for anything!" It was a lie and we both knew it.

He shook his head at me. "I know I'm a screw up. I'm not even going to make excuses. My life is a mess because I made it a fucking mess! But you…" he looked down at his shoes trying to calm himself.

"But me what?" I was angry and I didn't even really know why. He was yelling so I was yelling back. Typical interaction for my family. "What are you trying to tell me?"

"Tell Stephanie the truth about what you want!" he yelled, "and then stop letting her string you along! If she can't decide then that's it - it's over!" His face was red and he was waving his arms around. I was stunned for a moment. Who the hell was he to give me relationship advice? What the fuck did he know? But I kept my mouth shut because deep down I knew he was right.

The silence in the room felt odd after our little shouting match. I looked out the window and he took his seat next to the bed. I jumped when he finally broke the silence, "You don't deserve all this, Joe," he said quietly, "You've been good to Stephanie. I know you have. You don't deserve to keep paying for mistakes you made when you were a kid or things her ex-husband did or whatever the hell it is that keeps her from marrying you."

I couldn't think of a thing to say to that. Had it really only been a short time ago that Stephanie and I were engaged and I had really thought she was finally ready to marry me? It seemed so long ago now. That damn subpoena had shown up and everything turned to shit. It was horrible timing, but then again it seemed like Stephanie was just looking for an excuse to run. Again.

All of a sudden the dream I'd had when I was unconscious came back to me vividly - right down to that amazing feeling of having a family with Stephanie waiting there for me at home. Would we ever get there?

"I should let you rest," Paul said, obviously feeling guilty for fighting with me. He got up out of his chair.

"I had this vision or dream or something while I was out," I needed to say it out loud.

Paul looked at me with raised eyebrows and his signature smirk. "Vision? Don't start getting all Grandma Bella on me, Joe. One in the family is enough!" He laughed but I was still deep in my fantasy. Maybe it was the drugs, but the vision was so clear I swear I could feel them. Smell them.

"I saw what it would be like if I was married to Stephanie and we had a couple of kids. I was so happy," I swallowed hard, "I never realized just how badly I wanted it until I saw what it could be." There was a lump in my throat and I was so tired all of a sudden.

Paul stared at me for a moment and then he leaned close, "Tell her," he said. "I'll be back tomorrow Joe. Get some rest." He headed for the door.

"Paul,"

"Yeah," he turned back towards me.

He'd saved my life, been there when I needed him, and was still hanging around trying to help my dumb ass, but all I could come up with was, "Thanks."

He shook his head like he was disgusted, but he was smiling, "We gotta get you out of this hospital and get your balls reattached." He laughed and walked out.

The doctor came in soon after Paul left and checked me over. He said it had been touch and go but I was making fast improvement. I should be fine but my wounds would take time to heal. It would be awhile before I could go home.

Home. I missed home. And Pino's. And Bob. And her. I laid there for a long time thinking about Stephanie. Where was she? Did she miss me too? I finally drifted off to sleep.

Stephanie and I are on my couch watching TV. The boy - our boy - is asleep on the couch next to her under a soft blanket, and I have our baby girl on one shoulder and Stephanie on the other. There's an open pizza box on the coffee table and Bob is asleep on the floor with some cheese stuck to his ear. A soft breeze is moving Aunt Rose's curtains. I'm struck by how simple it is and how happy it makes me feel. I wish I could just stay here…

I feel a soft hand take mine and I open my eyes.

"Stephanie."