Chapter 14
The next morning Yashiro hovered nervously outside Ren's apartment.
Having caught a taxi there on the presidents orders to 'make sure that stupid boy actually turned up to work', he was dithering between determination to give his full support to his friend for whatever he was going through right now, and fear that Ren was not Ren.
Although he had previously known that his client was able to be scary when angered, and that his gentleman's smile was fake, it had never seemed as real as it had last night and he had never felt truly afraid until then.
However Yashiro was not a complete coward, and is always completely faithful so when Ren opened the door to look for him, he came face to face with the manager's raised fist, hovering mid knock.
They stood in awkward silence, gauging each other's reactions. Ren was a little paler than usual, and he had a sadness in his eyes that Yashiro had only seen once before; the first time they had been introduced.
There were also other emotions that he recognised from that first meeting which he had not seen since, due to the 'Ren' persona, but that he still couldn't work out the meaning of.
To break the silence, and also to make use of his raised hand, Yashiro placed it on Ren's forehead and started fussing over his health, as though he had done nothing more than skip a meal. His words did not fit his emotions, and although both men were glad for the attempt at normality, Yashiro was too distracted to remember to remove his hand, even after they ran out of conversation topics.
And that was how the director of 'A Breath of Darkness' found them. He had come to see if Ren was alright, since he knew that Ren never took a day off even if he was ill, and that the Role of BJ was putting a strain on him. Ren and Yashiro had not moved from the open doorway to the apartment, and the director stood in the hallway waiting for the diagnosis which never came. At first he was reassured that Ren had just been ill, but soon became alarmed by the atmosphere around the two frozen individuals, and cleared his throat to make his presence known. It broke the spell and time seemed to start again.
Ren bowed his apology for causing delays to the filming, although he could tell from the director's expression that he knew that something more was amiss.
That was the point at which Ren noticed something different. He was unable to think of anything to say; unable to graciously pacify the man in front of him.
Even though he had thought he had control of his emotions, it seemed that there was something missing. Much as Kyouko was able to manipulate those around her when acting out Natsu, but had no power to do so as herself, 'Tsuruga Ren' had the ability to influence people's opinions and actions.
That meant that he had not formed his character properly.
However, not instantly being able to find the fault and unknowingly showing his confusion and hopelessness in his body language, he was left no choice but to accept the director's wishes that he take a break from being Cain Heel.
Apologising and thanking the director, he took his leave and shut his apartment door.
Leaning against the wall trying to gather his thoughts, he completely forgot his manager's presence. Yashiro had made the alterations in his planner before searching the kitchen for something to force feed his client for breakfast.
Waving the bowl of cereal in front of Ren and getting no response, he voiced his concerns out loud, this time seriously.
Finding the words was hard.
"Ren, you… Ren, I… you know, the first time I met you, you smiled at me, but in your eyes there were shadows. They were hard to define, and the next time we met, they were not there, but to be honest, you scared me a little. For a 17 year old to have such an air about him; to have so many strong negative emotions swirling inside him, I did not want to imagine what sort of life he had led. Then gradually, your overly mature appearance and choice of words relaxed a little, and especially over the last year, I thought that you were both acting your age, and were happy; that your past no longer haunted you as it had. I knew that BJ has been a difficult role for you, and I assumed it brought back those memories, but you usually returned to yourself quickly. However… you, since yesterday, have had that same expression in your eyes."
"What?" Ren looked up sharply, although he had been ignoring his manager, he could still hear the words.
"What happened between you and Kyouko?"
Ren winced at the words then glared at Yashiro, and unconvincingly trying to be nonchalant muttered "Why must you always jump to the conclusion that she is involved?"
"hmmm." Yashiro decided not to push the topic, although he now wished that he had gotten the full story out of Kyouko, even though she didn't seem to know.
"Anyway, since you no longer have to become Cain Heel this afternoon, you have just a few modelling shoots this morning. Therefore for today, you don't have to be the perfect Tsuruga Ren, at least when it is just us. For the Photos, we could pass off any slip ups as deliberate to match your new roles for the press."
Ren was speechless and embarrassed. He was braking his work ethics. Not only that, but he had been an idiot, and lost the trust of those close to him.
Or… rather he had undeservingly kept the trust, even though he had not earned it, and now he was still causing trouble for them.
"Yashiro-san… Sorry. I…"
"I know you are not ready to talk. I can see that, but please tell me some day, or give me permission to ask the president since he obviously knows."
He didn't mention Kyouko, or how he was not sure if he was sad that she had been confided in first, or just glad that Ren had at least someone to confide in.
"I see… I have caused you trouble. I will figure it out. I will act it out properly."
Ren did want to confide in his best friend, but Yashiro was already wary of him, and if he told the truth and Yashiro ran in fear, he would have nothing left. Selfishly he held onto his last hope and said no more.
That day at work, only Yashiro noticed that anything was amiss with the actor.
The rest of the week passed without incident since Ren and Kyouko did not meet.
Kyouko started working with her new manager, Inoue Michiyo. Inoue was under strict instructions from the president not to leave her alone, even for a short time. Lory wanted to know Kyouko's state of mind, and also everyone she spoke with. He wanted to root out the bullies, so Inoue was also writing down everything said to Kyouko and passing it back to Lory for analysis.
Unfortunately, only those close to Ren and Kyouko would have noticed that the two were both acting a little strangely. Inoue did not know Kyouko well enough yet to realise that anything was amiss.
"Cut! Kyouko, I need more emotion in that. I want the audience to really feel the heart ache. Ok, again, please."
The director clapped his hands to hurry the crew to be ready.
This was the new drama that Kyouko had started under the presidents orders. She had not previously worked with any of the crew or the cast, so no-one noticed that she was at all out of sorts.
Over the last few days she had been arriving at all her works fully in character, so that she didn't have to deceive her friends about her state of mind. The calm confident smile she had worn since her meeting with the President was, of course, as fake as Ren's.
She had learned from her new manager that it was better to just follow directions, and then apologise all in one go when the work was done. It had taken a lot of convincing, and a little interference from Lory before she had been able to follow the advice and, naturally, she couldn't resist a small bow and single murmured word, but far fewer scenes were disrupted by her eccentric dogenza's.
"Cut! Again, please."
"Cut! No. Not that sort of hurt. Kyouko, you are supposed to be watching your long treasured friend walk away, not someone you regret knowing, nor someone you already miss. Again."
"Cut!"
By this point Kyouko was all a dither. She was almost as good as Ren at not needing many NG's and she was now struggling to even get into character. Seeing that Kyouko was about to prostrate herself across the floor in apology, Inoue intervened and arranged a break.
Kyouko swept out of the room, her manager hurrying after.
Kyouko was used to being able to hide in stairwells or in empty dressing rooms and found it weird to always have Inoue Michiyo with her.
Her demons circled her manager, giving her a chance to slip away.
She rushed through corridors looking for privacy when she suddenly realised where she had ended up; on the set that Tsuruga Ren was acting in.
As she paused in the doorway to watch him perform, unable to tear herself away, images came to her; young Kuon flying across the stream, the brother Cain Heel, the defenceless Ren he showed only to Bo, but most prominently, the sempai who always cared for her.
Ren glanced up and stumbled over his lines. His breath caught in his throat as he saw the girl he loved, who he had resolved to leave be, staring at him with large sorrowful eyes, water streaming down her cheeks. Beautiful, but heart wrenching; a look that said goodbye to a loved one.
Not a loved one, he convinced himself; just a childhood friend.
Realising that Ren had noticed her and that she had distracted him from his job, she bowed slightly and left in a hurry.
Yashiro was more practiced at following actors who didn't want to be found than Inoue.
Catching up to her and joining her under the table, he waited until she could talk coherently before asking why she was crying, and what she had come there for.
"I'm sorry!" she wailed. "I didn't mean to, I was just trying to escape from Inoue -san, and accidentally came here. I didn't mean to distract Ren."
She was so distracted herself, that she didn't notice that she had automatically used his first name with no honorifics.
"Escape from Inoue -san? Don't you get on with her?"
Yashiro decided to skip her relationship with Ren and move on down his list of questions for her.
"Oh, no, I do. She is very efficient and has a lot of knowledge that is useful to someone new to the industry like me. I just needed to think about my role, and I haven't had time alone to clear my head."
"Are you having problems with a new role?"
"Yes. I keep getting NG'ed and I don't know why."
"What do you have to portray?" Yashiro was curious. Kyouko had not had difficulty with any of her new roles since she had mastered Natsu.
Kyouko started mumbling dark thoughts, until brought back into reality by the repeated question.
"Kyouko, what do you have to portray?"
"The best friend of my character leaves her, and she goes mad with longing for him."
"That doesn't seem too different from your other roles… why do you have problems here?"
"I DOON'T KNOOOOWWWW! I keep imagining different people leaving and the director tell me it is the wrong sort of loss. I need to think about it. I am determined to think it through myself."
Kyouko felt that this was something she needed to learn, especially since she could no longer ask her trusted sempai until she worked out how to apologise to him.
She didn't know that her director was currently, vainly, on the phone with Lory, asking for permission to tell Kyouko about the love so she could express the correct longing emotions. This had been one of the conditions for such a new and unconventional director to be given this chance by Lory; disguise all love with friendship until further notice.
"So this is why you are crying? Because you can't get your character's feeling right?"
Yashiro knew this was not the case since her eyes had showed not frustration but sorrow.
"Crying?" Kyouko's eyes had been pouring water all through the conversation, but she had not realised that the tears were still flowing.
"Oh, that's odd, they won't stop." Wiping them away futilely a few times she looked at Yashiro hollowly.
"Corn left. I broke the rules, and now he left me. He left me all alone. That's what I was thinking. Oh!"
She frowned. Corn had been an obvious choice to get the needed emotions for her role; why had she not seen it? Was she avoiding thinking about him? Yes, or she wouldn't be able to keep up appearances. Ah, so that's how to stop the tears. Concentrating hard on Moko-san she pushed the painful memories from her mind and sighed.
"There you are."
Her manager had finally found them. Apologising for running away, Kyouko smiled up at her and told her that she was ready to return.
Yashiro and Inoue looked each other in the eyes curiously.
Both being managers to stars who had similar work ethics, they were intrigued by the other. Yashiro had the added curiosity that he knew a little of the relationship between their two stars and knew they would meet often. The president had introduced them a few days previously, but it had not been possible to eye each other over in front of their overly observant Boss.
Inoue wondered why Kyouko had gone to this man for advice, rather than herself.
Ren, having been given a break for being distracted, was watching from afar. He wanted to make sure Kyouko was okay, without imposing himself on her.
It was an added bonus that he got to witness the managers' meeting. Perhaps he would be able to get his own back for all the matchmaking he had endured over the years.