Sorry this took so long, some personal stuff came up and I've been dealing with that so couldn't find the time to write this
…
Nitori was shaking like a leaf as he stared down at his hands, nervously wringing them and cracking every knuckle until he heard a satisfying crunch.
"Calm down." Rin soothed, covering his hands with his own.
"I'm scared." Nitori admitted, half of himself wanted Rin to release his sweaty palms while the rest of him relished in the comforting touch.
"I'll be there if you need me." He reassured.
They'd agreed that Rin would stay close by, wait just outside the door if Nitori needed him. Originally the red head had demanded he stay in the room but Nitori had denied him, lest Kai think they were conspiring against him.
Rin didn't understand why Nitori was insistent on extending such pleasantries to Kai but if it meant they got this whole horrible situation in the past quicker then he'd agree to anything.
The pair jumped as they heard a knock at the door before a shout from Kai, never one to make a discreet entrance.
"You ready?" Rin asked, standing up and looking down at the boy still on his bed.
"As I'll ever be." Nitori smiled weakly, watching helplessly as Rin opened the door.
"Matsuoka." Kai greeted with a terse nod of the head.
Rin grunted in response before leaving the room and slamming the door after him. It was a show for Kai, to act as if he wasn't interested in either person he'd left behind but in truth he was pressed to the door. His heart beat loudly as he struggled to hear either of them exchange greetings, he just hoped if it came down to it Nitori wouldn't think twice before demanding his help.
"What's wrong?" Kai asked, pulling away from a one sided kiss.
"We need to talk." Nitori muttered, never once looking Kai in the eye.
"Okay, what's wrong?" He sat down next to Nitori and placed a hand on his thigh.
It was attempted as a comforting gesture but it just unsettled Nitori further. It felt like a promise of things to come, things Kai could do to him, make him suffer through in the name of love.
"I… I can't… I don't…" Nitori stumbled through his words.
"Come on, you can tell me anything." Kai laughed, in moments like this Nitori could almost forget what a monster he could be. But they were so few and far between it wasn't worth sticking around anymore, he could see that now.
"Not this." He mumbled.
"What is it?" Kai asked, his voice turning serious. "Is it Rin? Did something happen?"
Nitori shook his head, it may be a lie but this wasn't about Rin. This was about him, about having the strength to break this off. Forget Kai, forget Rin. All he needed was himself, he was brave, he was strong and he could do this.
"Then what?" Kai snapped.
"I want to break up!" Nitori shouted back, shocked at how it had just exploded out of him. He'd planned to use a little more tact, cushion the blow but he hadn't been able to hold it in.
"Not this again." He sighed, standing up.
"I mean it." His voice wobbled slightly.
"I don't know what's going on with you recently." He paced, reminding Nitori of a caged animal, he was trapped, trying to find a way out. "You're just confused."
"I'm not." He shook his head.
"And who do you think will love you if I go? Who will want you?" He sneered, looming over him.
"It doesn't matter." Nitori shrugged. Maybe he'd find someone else, maybe he never would but anything was better than living in constant fear and pain.
He pushed himself off the bed, he was tired of being prey, tired of Kai towering over him to assert his dominance. He was still a good couple of inches shorter but he didn't care. He was confident, he was self-assured and he wasn't going to let Kai push him around anymore.
"I think you already have someone in mind. When will you get it through to that tiny little brain of yours? Rin doesn't want you." He hissed.
"I don't care." Nitori spat.
"What?" Kai faltered.
"I don't need Rin to want me. I don't need anyone to want me to be important. I used to think that I only had any value in this world if I was wanted, if I was loved. But I've realised the only person who needs to love me, to take care of me, is me. And recently I've been neglecting myself. But not anymore!" Nitori cried, taking steps towards Kai who backed away. He loved the role reversal, the power, he was no longer under Kai's spell and it felt liberating.
"You don't know what you're saying." Kai protested.
"Yes I do, for once I do." He smiled. "I will not let you push me around anymore, control me. I am my own person and I don't deserve the way you treated me. I thought that it was love but I was wrong. My friends, the team, they really love me and care about me. You just used me for you own benefit and I'm sick of it. We're over."
Nitori had backed Kai into a corner and for once he'd thought he'd won, he'd finally broken out of his cage. But as he saw Kai's eyes cloud over in anger he realised he was wrong. Reaching out and grabbing the shorter boy's collar, Kai quickly spun the pair and reversed their positions until Nitori was once again cornered.
"If you think you can push me aside you're wrong." Kai yelled, spit flying out his angry mouth and onto Nitori's face. "You're mine, you'll always be mine. Do you understand me?"
Kai surged forward and sealed their lips, knocking all the breath from Nitori, sucking away his life. It was a powerful kiss, claiming, bruising and Nitori couldn't fight it. Instead he did what he always did and fell limp, let the other have his way until he could finally be realised.
"Mine." Kai growled as he pulled away for air.
Nitori helplessly shook his head but the gesture was ignored, Kai threw his body onto the bed as if he were a mere rag doll.
"I'm going to remind you exactly who you belong to." He grinned, that same malicious smile that Nitori had come to know and fear.
"Rin!" Nitori screamed, he had wanted to do this alone but at this point he realised there was no shame in accepting help.
Before he could cry his name a second time a hand slammed down on his lips.
"Why is it always about him? Why can't I be enough?" He demanded, tears glistening in his eyes.
Nitori gasped as the hand was forcibly removed from his mouth and Kai was pulled away, Rin having acted fast when he heard the other boy's terrified cry.
"That's enough!" Rin shouted, despite being shorter than Kai he was still stronger – all those years training had paid off – and he could effortlessly manhandle him.
"Ai, don't do this!" Kai begged as he was dragged away. "I love you."
"It's over. I'm sorry." Nitori said just as the door was shut and separated them.
"Let me back in!" Kai shouted as he squirmed out the other boys grip.
"Not a chance." Rin crossed his arms, protectively standing in front of their door.
"I need to talk to my boyfriend." He growled, his hackles up like a wild animal.
"Not anymore, you heard him." He replied, fighting the urge to smirk as Nitori was finally free of this beast.
"He's confused, he doesn't mean it." He shook his head. "I know what he really wants."
"Right, and what's that?" Rin shouted. "To be beaten by you? To be abused by you? To be raped by you?"
"You don't know anything." Kai shouted back. "You have no idea what really happened between us."
"Oh believe me I do." He laughed bitterly, stalking towards him like a predator. "Because I was there, night after night as he cried over what you did to him. Because I held him when you broke him a little each time. But now I can finally say what I have been wanting to say since the moment he met you. He's done with you, you've got no hold on him anymore."
"If you think I will back down that easily you are sorely mistaken." He smirked, he'd win Nitori back. He did every time.
Rin frowned and grabbed Kai by the shoulders, driving him further into the wall with a loud smack.
"Stay away from him, I mean it." He warned, digging his nails brutally into Kai's flesh. "I've kept quiet for this long but if you come back I won't be so forgiving."
They stared each other down, neither one wanting to back down, to admit defeat.
"Whatever." Kai shrugged, pushing Rin off. "You're welcome to the cheap little slut."
Rin watched as Kai headed down the corridor, never once looking back. He didn't doubt it wouldn't be the last they heard from the boy but he'd be there when he returned, he'd always be there for Nitori.
…
Nitori sat on Rin's bed, completely shell shocked. The break up playing over and over in his mind, as if it were just a dream rather than a reality. He barely flinched as he heard the door softly click closed and the mattress sagged with Rin's added weight.
"You okay?" Rin asked softly.
The question made everything real, he'd finally done it, he was finally free. After months of torture and fear he'd finally ended it, stopped his suffering. Tears of relief began tumbling down his cheeks.
"It's alright." Rin whispered, wrapping Nitori in an embrace. "It's okay now."
"I know." He said hysterically, barely believing the words himself.
He looked up at Rin and offered a watery smile, he felt like he could breathe for the first time, as if a tight lock on his chest had finally been unlocked.
"I'm proud of you." Rin offered, hoping it wasn't a patronising gesture.
"I'm proud of me too." Nitori grinned.
He moved out of Rin's embrace and stood tall, stretching his arms up to the sky. The world was his again, he was in control.
"And you're sure this is what you want?" Rin asked, he knew it wasn't the best time for his query but he needed to know he wasn't going to go back to Kai, wasn't going to destroy himself again.
"It is." He nodded. "I'd rather be alone than with someone who makes me miserable."
"I already told you." Rin groaned. "You don't have to be alone."
"Senpai you don't need to pretend anymore." Nitori turned around and smiled, it wasn't as full as it had been once but it was brighter than weeks gone by. "You've helped me realise I am worth more than Kai and I deserve happiness but I don't want your pity."
"Pity?" He echoed.
"Yeah, I don't need you to be a backup. I'm worth something alone, I can see that now." He said, Rin's heart clenching with each word.
"Ai, I…" He stuttered.
"Don't force feelings that aren't there on your side."
And with those three simple words the vice that gripped Rin was realised, Nitori felt something. He may not realise it wasn't one sided, it may not even be of the same intensity but it was something.
"I'm not forcing anything." Rin nervously rubbed the back of his neck. "I meant what I said last night."
Although he never said specifically they both knew what he was referring to.
"But why?" Nitori asked.
"You really going to make me list all the reasons?" He laughed slightly but Nitori continued to stare at him in disbelief. "I, well, you're beautiful and not just on the outside. And you're kind and caring. And you're so determined it's admirable, once you set your mind to something you achieve it."
Rin felt his cheeks heat up as he spoke, he felt slightly uncomfortable being exposed like this but he knew it was what Nitori needed to hear.
"I don't know." He moaned. "I just think you're perfect, everything about you is perfect. Even if you can't see it."
Nitori moved quickly and silently, closing the distance between them until their lips were pressed together. The kiss was guilt free, it was everything Nitori had been dreaming off for months but had been denied for so long. He felt safe with soft brushes of lips, playful tongues and combined breaths.
Each small death he had survived with Kai were forgotten with the kiss. He was no longer afraid because Rin was his protection, his life line. A few weeks ago he would have never believed he would have felt this free, the light at the end of the tunnel seemed a thousand years away. But he'd made it, they'd made it.
Nitori wasn't sure where he got a sudden bout of confidence from but he was soon moving closer, placing knee on either side of Rin's lap and resting there. Pressing their bodies together, feeling the security tinged with excitement that he had longed for.
When they finally separated for air Rin moved them, gently lying Nitori down on his bed and positioning himself over him.
"Is this okay?" He panted, eyes blown with intensity.
"This is fine." Nitori smiled, kissing Rin's nose.
"I love you." Rin whispered.
Nitori's eyes raked over his entire face, soaking up the moment. Remembering what real love was like, what it looked like, what it felt like.
"You don't have to say it back if you don't want to." Rin rushed, misinterpreting his silence.
"I love you too." He smiled, as if those words washed away the past few months.
At the confession their lips joined again, neither one sure who made the first move but both knew it was what the needed. The longing that had built up between them was finally free, they were together with no obstacles, no complications.
It was different to anything they'd felt before. Rin had never been with anyone seriously, a few kisses and fooling around but nothing real, nothing permanent. Nitori felt love with every touch, with every caress.
It was perfect.
Until there was a shift, it crackled in the air. Rin adjusted, his knee innocently falling between Nitori's thighs. It wasn't forceful contact, it wasn't insistent but suddenly Nitori was trapped. He was confined, dark eyes watched him, whispered in his ear, gripped at his throat.
He pulled away with flinch, eyes wide and terrified.
"Ai?" Rin asked softly, wondering what he had done wrong.
"I'm sorry." He blurted out.
He hadn't wanted to ruin the moment, it felt right with Rin, it was everything he'd dreamed he could have finally becoming a reality. And yet the threat of Kai still loomed, that same fear could still shatter through his body when he least expected it.
"It's okay." Rin reassured, moving off Nitori and lying beside him.
He gently stroked silver bangs as Nitori breathed, deep and calming until his heartbeat lowered, his pulse returned to normal, his cold sweat left.
"I don't know what happened." Nitori laughed in embarrassment. "I don't know why I froze up."
"It's okay." He reassured with a soft kiss to his forehead. "You don't have to explain anything to me. You've been through a lot and I rushed you. I'm sorry."
"It's not you, it's me." He shook his head.
He rolled over slightly until they were facing each other, red meeting blue in a soft gaze.
"Would it be okay if we just lay here and talked?" Nitori asked.
"Of course it would be." Rin smiled.
Nitori shuffled forward, nestling into Rin, his head slotting perfectly under his chin. Rin did most of the talking and he was eternally grateful for that fact. He listened to the deep rumble of his voice from inside his chest, eyes dropping until the familiar tones of Rin lulled him to sleep.
Even after Nitori had fallen asleep Rin continued to talk, hoping even in his subconscious he realised the older boy was there for him. They were finally free from the pretence, they could be together and nothing would keep them apart.
…