I'll try making it short this time; thank you so much for the reviews, for reading and putting my story on alert and favorite. Thank you!
Thank you to my lovely boyfriend who betaed this chapter.
I do not own The Twilight Saga or Cruel intensions.

Chapter 14: Frustration

EPOV

"So what is the plan for this Friday?" Jasper looked up at me from the playboy magazine.

He lay on my couch and looked really carefree and just flipping the pages, not really looking at the content of the magazine.

"You can't just flip through Playboy, you have to enjoy it," I said and ignored his question. I looked down at my diary, tapping my pen on the paper, and looking at the words I had just written.

"Sure, Hugh Hefner, but I actually have a girl and I'm not interested in any of those in here anyway."

I snorted. "You can always get your appetite from anywhere as long as you eat at home, isn't that what Alice says all the time?"

Jasper didn't answer, he just stopped at a page, and tried to look interested, but he didn't fool me. Jasper didn't like it when Alice mentioned that another boy was good-looking or something like that. It really bothered him even though he knew she would never cheat on him.

"What are you writing in your diary anyway?" He asked.

"Just some random stuff," I said.

This time it was him that snorted. "Yeah right. You don't just write random stuff in a diary, you let out all your thoughts, wishes, desires… Should I keep on going?"

"Oh please do not stop on your babbling, I'm sure Alice would be so proud of you."

"Is it about Bella?"

The question took me off guard.

"Why would you think that?"

"Because every thought you have includes her."

I looked up at him, and he looked back at me with a knowing expression. How did he know? It was like he had some strange ability to sense peoples' emotions.

I feigned ignorance. "You don't know my thoughts, and I rarely think of her. Why would she occupy my mind? She's old news."

"You haven't slept with her yet," Jasper stated.

We kept looking each other in the eyes. We had some sort of contest going on; the first to look away would be the loser, and I was always the winner.

"I don't have any attempt to do so, she is a virgin. She couldn't give me anything," I shrugged.

It was hard to say that about her, but I kept my face straight and my voice cold.

Bella was a virgin, and I really liked that. She was pure and untouched, and I wanted to be the first one, and the last one. I couldn't deny it anymore, I wanted her. And I was more than sure that Bella could give me everything. If – no scratch that – when she was mine, I would try to give her everything.

"You're lying to yourself right now, and you know it. You aren't that stupid."

"But apparently you are."

Jasper sighed, and finally looked down at the magazine again. I won.

I looked back down at my diary, and placed the pen on the paper.

I can't deny it anymore. Bella has some strange power over me and I am falling for her. I had never thought that would ever happen. As Jasper says; Bella is in my every thought, at least most of them. But I will never admit to him that he is right, and he can't know the truth; that I am, as written before, falling for her. It's a little hard to even write it down, I can't believe it and some part of me want it to be true but another part want it all to be a lie. In some way I like my reputation, and I love being the king at school, but if people find out about me having feelings for a girl, it could ruin it all. My reputation could be crushed, and that thought scares me. But at the same time, I don't care. It's frustrating.

I sighed and read the words I had just written. I was about to put away my pen, but then I added another line.

It's frustrating to fall in love.

I smiled sadly to myself and lay the pen on my desk, and closed the diary softly.

"Frustrating isn't it?" Jasper asked.

I looked at him wide-eyed. He still sat at my couch, with the magazine in his hands, flipping the pages, and not looking at me.

"Stop doing that," I said frustrated. I hated feeling frustrated.

"Can't help myself," Jasper chuckled, and flipped the magazine down at the floor.

"You know that you're going to pick that up yourself and put it back in the box."

"Neat freak."

"Emotional freak."

"There's nothing wrong with being an emotional guy," Jasper defended himself.

"And there is nothing wrong with being a guy who wants his room clean," I threw back at him.

"Good point. So to the question you didn't want to answer before; what will we be doing Friday?"

I laughed while I stood up and locked away the diary in the safe. "You'll just have to wait and see. Patience is a virtue, they say."

"And you know all about patience," Jasper sighed. "Promise me you will go easy on Bella, and promise me not to break her heart, she is a good girl."

Jasper didn't want to interfere in my little games that he knew of, and it was the first time he had ever showed any real concern.

"I can't promise you that, and you know it. But…" I sighed. I couldn't let him know, or could I? He wouldn't say anything, I knew that, and he already knew anyway. "I'll do my best."

Jasper grinned like a big fool. "I knew it."

"You know, you and Alice are together too much, you are beginning to both look like her, and sound like her. It's creepy."

"Just wait till the same will happen with you and Bella."

"Yeah yeah, don't you have somewhere to be?"

"Actually I don't. Alice is at Bella's."

That name really caught my attention, it was like my heart jumped, and then beated faster.

"Then, what are we doing here?" I asked.

"I really don't know," Jasper chuckled.

We drove over to Bella in a hurry. I didn't stay below the speed limit, but I rarely did. Jasper seemed anxious; he kept tapping his fingers on his knees.

"What is your problem?" I asked.

"I'm just afraid what Alice will say when we show up," he sighed.

"She isn't my biggest fan, and she doesn't want me anywhere near Bella. This will only make it a lot more fun. Just tell her I forced you or something," I shrugged.

"You know it won't be that easy with Alice."

"Then why would you agree to go in the first place?"

"I didn't think about it until now."

"That doesn't seem like you, you always over think everything. Did you just make a snap decision with me? Wow that is huge, you have to tell Alice," I chuckled.

"That's not funny," he said. "She will be so pissed."

"You are completely pussy whipped. Get over it. She isn't the only one out there."

"She is for me. Don't you feel like that with Bella?"

I could see from the corner of my eye that he had turned towards me in his seat, and at the same time I could feel his stare on me. He wanted an answer, but I couldn't really give him one. I was frustrated, and I felt like my feelings – that I hadn't thought existed before – was all over the place.

Luckily we were already there, and I parked the car, and opened the door. "Are you coming, or are you just going to sit there all day staring?"

Jasper shrugged, and we both got out of the car. I looked up at Bella's window and was met with and ice cold glare by none other than Alice. She was looking down at me with her arms crossed. Jasper came up beside me, and I was sure he was smiling at her the best he could. Her face expression changed, and I looked at Jasper and then back at her. They seemed like they had one of their silent conversations. It was creepy how it seemed like they could read each other's minds.

The front door opened and Bella waved at us. "Hey, what are you doing here?" At least she seemed happily surprised.

"We thought it would be nice to stop by, we were in the neighborhood anyway," I smiled at her while I walked towards her.

Bella looked at me with her eyebrow raised. She didn't believe me. She was beginning to be too good at looking right through me.

"Okay not exactly," I chuckled.

"So you want to come in?"

"Sure," I said and turned to look at Jasper who still stood the same place, looking up at the window and probably still having the silent conversation. "Do you want to stand there all day and stare?" I yelled.

Jasper snapped out of it and smiled past me towards Bella. "I'm coming."

Alice wasn't pleased with me being there, she kept glaring at me when Bella didn't look, and sometimes she even made faces at me. It was really childish, and I could feel Jasper thought the same, but he acted like he hadn't noticed. Jasper knew too well not to say anything to Alice, because he would already have a lot of trouble when they would be alone. She would give him a hard time for showing up here with me, and even though I felt sorry for him, I really didn't want to bother. All he had to do was just for once be a man, and not let her control him that way. I would never let a girl control me that way at least.

We sat in the living room talking.

"So were you doing homework before we showed up here?" I couldn't help but ask.

"No, we were just talking," Bella said.

"About what?"

"That doesn't concern you, Edward," Alice snapped.

"Sorry for asking," I shrugged. "But then we didn't interrupt anything important," I snickered. Alice threw me a look that could kill.

But then she grinned wickedly. "Actually you kind of did. Bella was just talking about her boyfriend Jacob, and how she misses him." She looked me directly in the eyes. "He is a nice guy, don't you think Jasper?" She turned to look at him.

"He is," Jasper said. "Will he be visiting again soon?"

"I don't know," Bella answered.

"I hope he does, he was so nice. Plus he really is good for you Bella." Alice smiled at Bella, but I could see her throwing me a quick glance out of the corner of her eye.

"I know," Bella stood up from the couch. "Anyone want something to drink?"

"I would like some water, thanks," Jasper said.

I stood up before Alice could. "I'll help you."

She glared at me. "Water for me too."

Bella and I went out into the kitchen.

"Do you want something?" She asked. Yes, you.

"I'm good, thank you."

She took two glasses, filled them with ice cubes and then filled the glasses with water.

"You don't want something to drink either?" I asked.

"I'm not thirsty."

Both glasses were filled but they just stood on the kitchen counter, she didn't make any move to carry them into the living room.

The silence was awkward. It was like Bella wanted to say something. I stood waiting a minute longer. She had her back to me with her front to the sink. I admired her frame. I loved her curves.

"Have you drowned in the water?" Alice yelled from the living room, no doubt she was impatient and didn't want me and Bella in the same room alone.

"Just a minute," Bella called back.

She turned around to look at me, I smiled my crooked smile, and she smiled back at me with her cheeks slightly flushed. I still had an effect on her, and I still loved it.

"I don't know how to say this," she looked down at her hands which she had folded in front of her. She sighed and looked up at me from her lashes. "I really don't want to hurt you."

My heart did the strange jumps, and I felt some kind of pain. I tried to prepare myself for what she was going to tell me. Maybe she would tell me that she loved Jacob, and that she could never be with me. That thought hurt me, and I was sure I had a painful expression on my face.

"I have been with Jacob for a long time now, and he really is good for me. I know he will always be there for me no matter what. He has always been there for me and we share so many memories."

"You sound like best friends," I said.

Bella looked up at me with an unreadable expression. "He is my best friend."

"As you described him."

"But he is more than that," she tried but sounded uncertain.

"I don't know him, but sure he can be good for you, a good friend." I wouldn't give up so easily.

"He is my boyfriend, and you are my friend." She looked down at her hands again.

"I really don't know where you getting at Bella. I want to be your friend, but it is hard when you always say things like Jacob is good for you, and that you and I are friends. What do you mean? What are you getting at? It sounds like you aren't even sure that you like him as a boyfriend, and at the same time it's like you try to distant yourself from me." My hands were like all over the place, showing how frustrated I was, and at the same time I wanted Bella to admit that she cared for me more than just a friend.

"I'm sorry. I can't explain but… You and I…" She trailed off.

I waited with anticipation.

"What are you doing?" Alice's voice came from behind me.

Bella's head snapped up, and looked passed me, and I spun around and looked at an angry Alice with her foot tapping the ground.

"I'm thirsty," she lied. She obviously wanted to see what we were doing.

Bella gave her the two glasses. "Here."

"Thanks." Alice took the glasses and looked between us. "Are you coming?"

"Yes," Bella said and walked past me and out of the kitchen.

I was dying to know what Bella was going to say. I was nervous about it but at the same time I couldn't wait to hear it. I really just wanted Alice and Jasper to get the hell out of there so I could be alone with Bella.

I followed into the living room and sat down again. Jasper was drinking from his glass, but Alice's was untouched on the coffee table. That just proved that she had lied, when she said she was thirsty.

"I thought you said you were thirsty, Alice?"

Alice smiled at me, picked up the glass and took a small sip. "Guess I wasn't as thirsty as I thought."

"I guess you are quick to assume a lot of things," I quirked my eyebrow at her. We glared at each other.

"So Bella, what are you girls doing besides shopping this Friday?" Jasper said to try and distract and to ease the tension in the room. Alice looked at Bella with an excited look when she heard the word shopping. She had forgotten all about our glaring contest.

"I think we'll go to some restaurant for dinner," Bella said.

"I can't wait. A girls night out before we join you guys," Alice gushed.

I threw a glance at Jasper who smiled smugly at me, no doubt proud of himself for distracting his nosy girlfriend.

I decided I couldn't wait any longer to talk to Bella, so I picked out my phone from my pocket, and texted Jasper a message.

Don't you and Alice have somewhere to be?

Jasper looked at me when he had read the message and shook his head.

I rather want to be here for a while, and prolong the fury that will be waiting for me.

Jasper smirked at me.

Alice and Bella was busy talking about something, I didn't listen, I was just glad they didn't notice me and Jasper texting each other.

Pussy. Just don't take too long. Bella had something to tell me, but your dear girlfriend interrupted us.

Jasper sighed before he replied.

Okay, you are in luck today, but I'm not sure if Alice would leave knowing you would stay here.

I smiled to myself with triumph. I would get what I wanted; Bella and I alone.

"Sorry to disturb you girls, but Alice didn't you have to help your mother with choosing the painting for the dining room?"

Alice head snapped to Jasper, and she had her mouth open. "I totally forgot that." She turned to Bella again. "I'm so sorry, but I'll have to go and help out."

"That's okay Alice. I'll see you tomorrow right?" Bella smiled.

"Of course," Alice said, and then she looked between Jasper and I. "Jasper could stay."

Oh no, he can't. She obviously didn't want Bella to be alone with me.

"Nah, I'll drive you," Jasper said to my satisfaction. "I need to get some homework done anyway."

Jasper stood up, and held out his hand for Alice, she looked at it before she slowly reached out and took it.

"Don't you have homework too, Edward?" Alice asked.

"I do, but they can wait. Bella wanted to tell me something earlier," I winked at Alice. Bella didn't see it.

Alice fumed, but followed Jasper out into the hallway.

"Are you sure you want to be alone with Edward?" Alice decided to just be straight forward.

"I don't mind," Bella said. But I could see she was nervous about it because of what she needed to tell me. That made me anxious, I wanted to know but I was still nervous about what she wanted to say. What if she didn't want us to be even friends anymore?

Alice and Bella hugged, and Alice glared at me before she hurried out of the door.

"Later," Jasper said and followed her.

Bella closed the front door, and smiled a crooked smile. But it wasn't a crooked smile like mine, but one of those crooked smile that showed she wasn't really happy, it showed that she wanted to smile, but almost couldn't. That made me even more nervous, and suddenly I wasn't so sure if I wanted to know what she was about to say before.

"Let's go sit down again." My voice didn't sound so sure.

Bella nodded and we walked back into the living room, and both sat down on the couch with only a few inches between us.

"I really like being with you, Edward," Bella started.

"I like being with you too," I smiled crookedly, and my heart pounded.

"I like being with you, more than I should, and I feel guilty about that. I can't do that to Jacob, I owe him too much, and I really like him."

"But you don't love him?"

Bella looked at me with her beautiful brown eyes, and I could see tears forming. She sighed deeply and looked down at her lap. Her mouth twisted like she was going to say something, but no words came out.

Finally she looked up at me again, and her eyes were filled with tears.

"I…"

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