I began measuring my days in breakdowns. On a good day I only broke down two or three times. Most days were not so good. The day that I went to pick up our mail from the post office was not a good day. Bella had put our mail on hold before going out of town with Edward and I was met with a stack of mail, including a thick envelope from Esme.

When I got home I sat the mail on the counter for Bella to go through and took the envelope from Esme to the couch. I plopped down and stared at her handwriting on the front. I had an idea as to what was inside and I couldn't decide whether I should open it at all.

After staring at it for as long as I could take I ripped the side and let the contents fall into my lap. A bundle of photos were lying there along with a folded note. I opened the note and noticed that it was dated three days after I left for Texas.

Alice,

I hope that you and Jasper enjoy looking through these pictures as much as I did.

Love, Esme

With trembling hands I picked up the photos. The top photo was of Emmett and me. It was a typical shot of the two of us. He had rabbit ears stuck behind my head with a large grin on his own face while I was cutting my eyes at him with a playful scowl.

The next few were safe to look at. There was a photo that I took of Carlisle and Esme as well as one that Jasper took of the four of us. As I flipped to the next photo I almost dropped the entire stack. There was Jasper smiling at me with that perfect smile of his. I didn't realize that Esme had taken a picture of him alone. It was definitely candid because he was looking over his shoulder at the camera. But it was a beautiful photo of him.

The following photo proved to be even worse. I was smiling at the camera while Jasper was leaning into me, kissing me on the cheek. A tear fell onto the photo and I hastily wiped it away. I sat the stack of photos down and took the last two into my room. After standing at my dresser and propping them up then laying them face down at least twice I propped them up one last time before flinging myself on my bed. I curled up into the Cowboys blanket and wept.

***********

The day that Bella came home was an okay day. She text me to let me know that she was back in town. I replied and let her know that I was home already. Fifteen minutes later she blew through the door with her bag in her hand.

"What are you doing here?" She crossed the room to the couch where I was sitting and sat down beside me. I opened my mouth to answer her but the only thing that came out was a sob. She wrapped her arms around me.

"Alice, what happened? Why didn't you call me?" Bella continued to spout off questions as I cried in her arms. Her questions turned into shushing as she stroked my hair. I finally felt a semblance of peace with Bella home. My tears slowed and my sobs quieted as I sat on the couch with my best friend. I pulled away from her and wiped my face with the back of my hands.

I told Bella all about Texas. I told her about Bonnie, Mr. Hale, our night under the stars, the stress of the trial, all of it. I finished up with my dream and leaving Jasper. Bella sat there in silence as I talked. By the time I finished her mouth was hanging open.

"Mary Alice Brandon. I cannot believe all of that happened and you didn't call me the second you landed." I smiled meekly at her.

"I didn't want to ruin your vacation with Edward. Which by the way I want to hear all about." Bella returned my smile as she raised an eyebrow at me.

"You would not have ruined my vacation. And no changing the subject. We'll talk about me later. Now, tell me about your dream again." Bella sat and listened as I described my dream once more. I didn't leave out any details.

"So this dream was different than your others?" I nodded and explained how my other dreams were more fluid.

"Alice, what if this wasn't one of your dreams?" Bella put emphasis on the word your. "What if this was a regular dream like everyone else has? I mean, you were under a lot of stress down there. Maybe that dream was just a culmination of all of that." I shook my head as she spoke. This wasn't a regular dream. It was one of my dreams. I had not left Jasper of a run of the mill dream. I left him for his own good. Hadn't I?

I fell into Bella's arms again as the thought that I screwed up ran through my head. If this was a mistake and I left him for the wrong reason he would never forgive me. Not that he would ever have the chance to again. I shook my head in Bella's arms. I had done the right thing. Jasper was with his family where he belonged.

After I calmed down, again, Bella told me about her vacation with Edward. It was nice to listen to her talk and not get lost in my own thoughts.

*************

Since leaving Texas I have received two texts from Jasper a day. One in the morning and one at night. If he hated me, if he spewed hatred through his phone I would understand. Instead, his texts tear at my heart. They are simple and they are him. In the morning it says "Good morning love" and at night "Good night darlin". Pair those with my new found fear that I left him over a wayward dream and my heart is at its breaking capacity.

Bella won't let me lie around and mope. I think that we have seen every new movie at the theater, tried out every restaurant we've ever said we wanted to try, and walked around every fabric store within a 25 mile radius. I know Bella means business when she volunteers to go to a fabric store. She even threatened to have me committed if I didn't act like myself in the store. So I walked the aisles of fabric and ran my hand along their different textures. I didn't let Bella know that I was thinking of what I could make Jasper with each different one.

My breakdowns have become less. I feel numb now. I let the best thing in my life go. On purpose. I deserve to be numb. I can only imagine how Jasper is. Different scenarios run through my mind. Is he as miserable as me? Did he run to Maria for comfort? Did he pull himself up by his boot straps and get on with life? Does he know that I am miserable? That I can only sleep when I have his blanket because it still smells like him?

Two weeks have gone by. Two weeks of numbness, Bella's field trips, and Jasper's texts. Just when I think life is getting back to normal, at least my new definition of normal Bella picks up our mail. She hands me my stack and sits beside me, which is odd. I flip through the bills and magazines to find an envelope with a TX postmark. My hands tremble as I rip open the top and pull out a letter. I expect to see Jasper's handwriting but instead I see a feminine script. Bella leans in puts her arm around my shoulder as I read.

Alice,

I have thought hard about writing this letter. I don't want to pry but I cannot sit back and do nothing. I am not sure what happened between you and Jasper but the day you left you took a piece off my son with you. He walks around here like a shell of himself. It is even worse than just after we lost Rose. He goes through each day just getting by. He isn't living, he merely exists.

I am writing you because I am a selfish woman. I have already lost one of my children and I cannot bear to see the other one wither away into a shell of himself. My boy is broken, he is hurting.

I know that you two are in love, I could see it each time the two of you shared a glance or a smile. I don't think you would want Jasper to hurt like he is. It is like he needs you in his life to be whole. If you do love him Alice I am asking you to make my boy whole again.

I am sorry for meddling and I know that Jasper will be so mad that I am sticking my nose in his business. But I am his mama and I hurt when he hurts. Please Alice.

Bonnie Hale

I stare at the letter in my hand. My thoughts of Jasper moving on had been wrong. I felt a tear slide down my cheek. I was wrong. That stupid dream was wrong and I had broken the one I loved because of it. I ruined what we had. I had to fix this. I looked over at Bella with a new resolve.

"Will you help me?" She nodded as she pulled me in for a hug. I knew that Bella would help me fix this. Jasper may not want me back after what I have done but I cannot sit back and let him suffer like Bonnie said he has been. He deserves more than that.

Bella and I sat on the couch and devised a plan. We were on the internet and the telephone working out details. Well after dinner my pan was laid out. I would go to Texas and fix what I had done.

AN: Thanks for the reviews. I hope that you enjoy this chapter. It is one of my shortest chapters. Any longer just felt wrong. It feels like somewhat of a segue chapter but that is what it is. A segue between Alice leaving and her returning. I wouldn't leave poor Jasper along for too long. Let me know what you think. Also, if you're into Emmett and Rosalie, check out my other story, To Be Atoned. It is a little more angst filled than this one. Thanks for reading!