Chapter 14
Disclaimer- I own nothing!
Tamaki still wasn't' sure about this, he was grateful and appreciated it but he didn't want to put Sara out. He had to go back to work today to make sure he could pay rent and get the things René needed but Sara also had a three month old of her own to take care of.
"Hi there René, ready to spend the day with Aunt Sara?" Taking him from Tamaki she walked into the apartment to get him settled. Tamaki walked in to place René's bag down for her and noticed he didn't see Sean; he must be at work already. He wondered if he even knew of this little arrangement.
"Are you sure about this Sara? It's not that I don't trust you it's just I don't want to be an inconvenience "
"Nonsense, I offered because it's fine. Now go, off to work you go before you're late. He'll be fine I promise. If you want you can call on your breaks alright."
"Thanks again for this." Hugging her quickly he was pushed out of the apartment so he could get to his job. He was definitely calling as soon as he could to make sure Sara was alright. He hated leaving his son but he had to if they wanted to be together.
It felt strange being back at work, he had been out so long he forgot how physical some of it was. It was a miracle neither René nor himself were harmed by any of it. Thinking about it he probably shouldn't have been lifting most of the boxes that he was even they had been on a u-boat or not. Twenty pounds was still twenty pounds and he could really hurt himself since everyone told him he wasn't supposed to lift anything heavy.
"Tamaki are you almost done filling the aisle yet, I need you to tag this."
"Just about sir. I'll do that in a minute."
Something told him that between work and René he would fall asleep pretty easily at night. Which was good since he tossed and turned over any little sound thinking it was René waking up, no matter how much time passed he knew that wouldn't change either.
At five he tried not to run to the time clock and punch out. He couldn't wait to get to Sara's so he could pick René up, oh how he missed him. Even though he called on his lunch to see how things were going he couldn't wait to see him again. That was the one big down side to the new apartment though, it was further from the store than the last one. Getting to the building he ran up the stairs to Sara's floor and knocked waiting for her to enter. He was trying not to fidget so much but he was excited knowing his son was so close.
"Hi Tamaki I figured that was you. René is asleep in the crib. Obviously you don't need my permission to go see him." Walking into the apartment he walked into Sara's bedroom to see René starting to wake up.
"Hey there René, did you miss me?" Picking him up he was happy to see him in a good mood. He feared he would be crying when he got here and Sara would be a mess from it.
"How did it go today?" He saw Sara walking in holding Michael.
"Better than you could have imagined. René was such a good boy and was happy to sleep with Michael. Not that he had much choice but the boys got along perfect together. I can already tell they are going to get along swimmingly."
"So I heard you were a good boy, of course you were because you're my son. And you get along with Michael and on your way to making a friend. That's what mommy wants to hear." Talking for a few minutes Tamaki decided to get going so he could relax and work on dinner before René got fussy. He also wanted to give Sara a break before Sean got home and she started dinner.
Getting home he debated what he wanted to do. He was hungry but René was up and he wanted to spend time with him while he was and to make up for leaving him while he worked.
"René want to help mommy with dinner? As soon as I figure out what that will be." Watching his son squirm but not about to ready to cry he stopped to play with him for a little bit. It was a good thing Sara made a ton of meals for him she had stayed here because he had saved some of them for moments like this. Pre-heating the oven he went to play with René while he waited. He knew he was still too young to really play with him but he would talk and keep him company and calm. Sara told him lullabies were great for times like this. Now if only he could remember some his mother used on him. "Well we can't have everything now can we René." Hearing the oven beeping to tell it was pre-heated he left René on the play mat and ran to put dinner in the oven. He couldn't wait until it was heated up, he was so hungry.
"You have it so easy René you know that, breakfast, lunch, dinner, you have the same thing. I on the other hand have to think of some thing for each meal. You are so lucky to have it so easy. No cares, no worries, you have me at your beck and call; I'm practically your servant. I wish I could be you sometimes you know that." Playing with his hands he listened to the adorable sounds René was making until he started to pull away and get cranky.
"Alright I get it your tired of me for right now. Are you tired, do you want to just stay here? Will you let mommy make a plate so he can eat while he watches you." Watching him just look around the best he could he jumped up to turn the oven off and put some chicken franchise on a plate. He was cool with eating on his lap since it seemed René wasn't ready to fall back asleep yet.
He didn't know what to do anymore, walking back and forth in the bedroom trying to get him to settle down for the night. René had been crying all night and he couldn't figure out why. He needed to settle down so he could fall asleep before he had to get up to go to work in a few hours. Could he be getting sick? He had looked into everything else it and it didn't seem to be anything but it was mid-November and the weather had cooled down. He didn't feel warm though. What was wrong with his son? Moments like this he wished he had help. He needed someone besides Sara that he could turn to and get a second opinion on especially when it was midnight.
"What's wrong René, huh? You're okay, everything is okay." He could tell he was uncomfortable since his crying didn't sound normal and he didn't want food. He had tried getting him in different clothes, that didn't work but something was definitely wrong. What should he do, it was late everything but hospitals were closed and there was no way he could afford that. Never would he deny René a doctor but a hospital bill was the worst thing he could get hit with. There was no way he could pay that and pay rent, and buy René what he needed, and buy himself food. Terrified of things getting worse he picked up the phone to call Sara. He hated waking her or Sean but he needed help, René needed help and he was out of ideas.
Opening the door he let Sara in, she rushed in and followed Tamaki to René's crib.
"I'm sorry I woke you but I didn't know what to do anymore and I was getting worried."
"No I'm glad you did. When babies get sick it can get serious quickly and have consequences. Did this just start?"
"Around nine, yes. He became fuzzy and hasn't settled down since. I can tell something is wrong but I can't figure out what."
"He feels a little warm, a slight fever is likely but I think it's more internal than that."
"Sara, I…I'm not able to take him to the hospital." He felt terrible for saying that since he wanted to do nothing more than take care of his son.
"Let me try a few things to see if they work until you can get him to the doctors." If worse came to worse she would have Tamaki take René to the hospital and she would help him with the bill. She couldn't watch René get sicker and Tamaki on the verge of tears from not being able to help him.
Watching time pass and René still crying Tamaki couldn't take it anymore. Sara took his temperature again and he didn't like the like the look on her face as she saw the number.
"Sweetie he is running a fever. You have two options, we see if can lower it here and if not we take him to the hospital in the morning. Or, we take him now."
"What would you do?"
"Honestly, I would take him now. A fever for a child so young can be serious, especially for future development."
"I'll do that then. I could never forgive myself if I waited and he suffered from it." He could figure out how he could pay later. René needed help, everything else was unimportant.
Waiting at the hospital, watching René be hooked up to all sorts of things terrified him. He didn't like that Sara had left Sean and Michael home but he was eternally grateful for her coming with him. Squeezing her hands he wished he could call his father or more importantly Kyouya. He would know how to help him relax and make sure René was okay. He should know that his son was sick. He still could, they were only a phone call away. But, he didn't want to leave René alone right now.
"Would you like me to call someone, anyone for you?"
Shaking his head no he squeezed her hand tighter. He needed to be the one to do it. Once things settled down, once he knew something more he would. He had to be the one to tell them everything. He needed their help and for his sons' future he would face any consequences that came with it.
"Tamaki?" Seeing a doctor was looking over at him he quickly stood and went over to René.
"We have him on a fever reducer and antibiotics. We'll keep him monitored and see how it helps. A nurse will stop by in a few to set up payments with you."
"Umm hmm." He really didn't care about that right now. Now he wanted to stay by his son's side and make sure he knew he loved him so much and would do anything for him.
"Tamaki, I'm going to go check on the boys. I'll be right back okay."
Remembering Sara was here he turned to her for a second. "Thank you for everything. You don't have to stay though. I hate taking you from them."
"Nonsense. It's fine. I'll stay until morning. I'll be right back."
Nodding he sat beside René as carefully as he could, it was hard to hold him from the wires but he managed to find a way. René seemed to feel Tamaki's arms holding him as he tried his best to snuggle close to him.
"Mommy is right here René. I'm not going anywhere I promise you. Everything will be alright." Gently talking to him he found it comforting for both of them. When Sara came back a little later she saw him asleep holding his son.
Tamaki stood in front of one of the hospital pay phones trying to get the courage to at least call his father. He figured Kyouya would step in but he still didn't want to risk him losing everything, losing his future to help him out. His father may not even help him though; he was a disgrace to the Suoh name for not only running away from home but having a kid before marriage, not even being an adult. Feeling his hands shaking he shoved the money in and dialed his old house number. Hearing it ring he couldn't decide if he wanted his father to pick up or for it to go to the answering machine.
"Yuzuru Suoh." At his father's voice his body froze. That was really his father at the other end.
"…f…fa…da…"
"Hello? Is someone there? Tamaki if that's you or you have my son say something so he can come home."
"…da…I'm sorry!" Slamming the phone down he stood trying to breathe again. He couldn't believe he got his father on the phone. He could have told him what he did, the situation he was in, beg for forgiveness and his help in at least paying for this bill for his grandson so he wouldn't have to suffer should money become as tight as he was expecting.
"Tamaki? Everything alright? Did you get through to your father?"
Hearing Sara he turned to her before crouching to his knees and dropping his head.
"What was I thinking? I can't talk to him. Sara, when I found out I was pregnant I ran away from home. My family wouldn't support me. I was a disgrace already to them. This, this was automatically a reason to disown me."
"He is your father. I'm sure he loves you and I bet he wants you to be safe."
"You don't get it. I can't go home. I'm better off dead to him. Save him from all the negative press. I am on my own now, no matter what happens I can't go back. Besides even if I did there is no guarantee I would be taken back."
"Tamaki…" She knew he came from a high class society but still they were family. It was heart breaking to hear. She couldn't imagine Sean ever doing that to Michael.
"What about René's father? I know you're doing fine on your own but I'm worried about you. You need to rest before you end up here too."
"He'll get in more trouble than I would. I couldn't live with myself if he lost everything because of me. He deserves a future."
"Tamaki, it takes two people to make a child. You getting pregnant was never solely your fault."
"I know but, telling him wouldn't help me. He would be disowned too and then what? We would be no better off, we would still be struggling to survive to raise our son."
Wiping away the few tears that fell he stood back up to go back to René. He may not know exactly how yet but they would get by. René would be fine and they would continue to survive.
After nearly three days Tamaki was finally able to take René back home. His fever had dropped significantly and he seemed back to his normal playful self. He loved having him on his lap and watching his smile and try to reach for his face. Or if he placed him on the mat for a second to grab the TV remote or a glass of water he could hear him coo and make adorable noises. There was something he noticed too, he couldn't shut up; no matter what was going on he was always talking to René. He knew it was good for him and his growth but he thought he would get tired of listening. As long as he was happy though he was happy too. And talking was cheap, cheap was great.
He knew if they wanted to keep going though he would have to go back to work and since René was basically better he had to go.
"René! Welcome back cutie!" Sara happily let them both in so she could get René settled and Tamaki could head to work.
"He's been doing really well but please call if something comes up."
"Tamaki, how long have I been babysitting for you. Go. He'll be fine. Look at that happy face, someone is certainly feeling better." Saying good-bye to him he headed out, knowing he was doing better made him feel better about leaving but still, he was always most comfortable with René near him.
He hadn't been too surprised when Sara invited them for Christmas. It would be nice to spend the day with them since he couldn't really do anything special for the day. It was a good thing René was so young and didn't understand the holiday; while he wanted his first Christmas to be special he couldn't afford to do anything right now. Sara wanted them all together for the day to make it special for everyone, including the boys. They all had a great day and he was beyond grateful to her for allowing them to join her family. The day after marked a year since he ran away from home and knowing that, he hadn't slept all that well in the days beforehand. He couldn't believe he had been in France for a full year already but if he made it through the first year he can make it through the next one. He could do this.
Tamaki needed to stop believing things were starting to settle, that he could have spare cash. Maybe not thousands or even hundreds of dollars but at least five bucks would be nice. At least enough to not have to worry about every cent the way he was now, nothing could be bought with seeing how it would affect him later. Seeing the hospital bill come in sweat poured from him. He was beyond screwed. Even making minimal payments he had to cut out something to start paying it. The problem was he had nothing he could cut out. Looked like he was moving again and cutting down on food. Two meals a day would have to do for now, René needed his essentials so nothing could be cut from that budget. Lunch wasn't really needed; he could save the money he spent on it at work and just wait until dinner. Hearing René start babbling in the bedroom he guessed it was time to stop stressing over their finances and spend time with his son who was up from his nap.
"Somehow René we'll do it, don't give up on me. I'm going to figure it all out I promise you." Picking him up they went into the living room to play and relax. He had to figure this out though and if he had to move then he had to find a place soon because he couldn't lose his son.
"I don't know what I'd do without you René you know that. You mean the world to me; you are the world to me. And if you continue to have faith in me I'm sure we can figure this all out.
After the New Year they got together at his place to hang out while Sean stayed late for work.
"You're moving!"
"Sorry Sara, I don't have a choice. If I don't then we'll starve so I can continue to pay René's hospital bill." They sat in his living room, the boys in front of them on the floor. René seemed to be enjoying watching Michael play.
"I can't believe you can't get any sort of coverage."
"It's because all my stuff is back in Japan. They got something when I applied for school but it wasn't enough."
"But you were born in France weren't you?"
"I was but when I moved all my documents were given to my father. Even if they were here though, I have no way to get them. I haven't spoken to my mother since I moved to Japan. I lost complete contact with her than too. I can't even find her if I wanted to. I know she is still in France but she moved and I have idea where to."
She remembered him telling her about that. He really did have it rough and she couldn't believe family could do that to each other. Tamaki shouldn't have to raise his son alone like this. He should have family supporting him, even if only for advice. If they weren't friends he would really have no one in his life.
"Well you do what you have to. I don't want you starving yourself to death. I'll still babysit for you."
"Thanks Sara. Can I ask you for your opinion? Should I, should I put René up for adoption?"
"What?" Looking over him she saw he didn't like the idea anymore than he did saying it. He looked on the verge of tears. She could tell he had been thinking about it a lot and struggled with himself to find an answer.
"I don't want to but maybe their right, maybe I can't do this."
"Who told you you can't?"
"Some people at the hospital, when they started going on about the bill. I was looking at the wrong bill when I wrote their check and they called. They went on and on about how they can give me names of places I can give him too. That he would be better off and could have a great life and,"
"Tamaki stop! You're doing fine. Don't listen to them they don't know what they are talking about."
"But he could do so much better. Sara, I don't know how I'm going to do it. There are things he'll need or needs and I have no idea how I'll pay for them, this stupid bill or not. Let's face it I'm in way over my head and René,"
"And René is doing fine. Look at him Tamaki, does he looked malnourished or abused or un-kept? No, you are taking amazing care of him. No matter what anyone tells you you know the truth and the truth is that he is fine. Putting him up, giving him away to someone else doesn't mean he'll grow up with more or he'll get more love."
"Oh Sara!" She pulled him close as he started to cry. This had really gotten to him, then again that would get to anyone. Poor kid, he had to deal with so much it was unfair.
Settling back down he wiped his eyes and sat up. He felt better from crying though he felt bad for crying on Sara.
"I had been thinking, I have just enough for a ticket back to Japan. I almost did it too. I almost chose to pack up everything and take René and go to my father but before I did I got my head on straight. I would be turned away at the door. I couldn't show at his doorstep with a kid in my arms. I would be in the same situation there as I am here only people would know me and it would be harder for me. I need to stop thinking I can go back. There is no back, I'm here now and I will stay here with René. That is the only thing I can do. We are all we have." Seeing René was looking over at him he stood up to pick him up.
"Isn't that right René, it's just you and me." Watching his face light up and smile at him he smiled back. He knew it wasn't going to be easy for them but somehow they would be alright because he couldn't give René up. It was an easy out for him but he didn't want it easy, he wanted his son in his life. He wanted to raise his son no matter what he had to do to have that happen.
"I love you René, no matter what anyone else says."
Tamaki walked into his new place with René. It was about the same size as his last place, maybe slightly smaller but the rent was much cheaper. He was worried but the place seemed in good shape and the landlord didn't seem shady. Thinking about it he probably should have asked Sara if she knew about the area but it wouldn't have made that much of a difference. It was the only place he could find that he could afford. And it wasn't too bad; he hadn't seen it on the news a lot or heard about it being known as a drug spot so they should be safe enough. The only real downside was that Sara was pretty far from here so they couldn't get together as often and he would have to leave pretty early to get René to her so he could get to work on time. It was a good thing he could get René ready at whatever time he needed. He wasn't too fussy about waking up when he was needed in the morning. He had to admit, René was a pretty awesome kid. Not that he expected him not to be but Sara gave him a heads up on what could happen, gave him all the sides he could experience. Luckily for him René didn't fuss too much unless something was wrong. Usually he could do whatever he wanted with him, to a certain degree of course and he was fine with it.
"What do you think René? Do you like it?" Hearing him start to get excited he took that as a yes as he put him down to get him out of his car seat. Not in the mood to unpack what was left he sat on the floor placing him between his legs and watched him bounce up and down while he held his hands.
"I can't believe your getting so big. Stop growing so fast will you."
Together they played on the floor until René got bored and wanted to eat.
Moving, while helped him from being evicted later hadn't helped him as much as he would have liked when it came to finances. He could not wait until René's hospital bill was paid and on top of it he needed shots, he was beyond screwed. His paychecks were barely covering rent and items for René as it was. He couldn't remember the last time he actually spent money on food for himself. He ate simple and cheap soups most meals since that was all he could afford. Some days he just skipped eating all together to save money or when René needed something he couldn't go without and he couldn't afford both. At first he would get wicked headaches that made it hard to function but they seemed to lesson as his body became used to it.
Coming from work he stopped by Sara's to pick up René and take him home for the night. She kept telling him he didn't have to knock but he felt weird just walking into her place.
"Hey Tamaki come in, before you grab René sit for a second."
"Sure, is something wrong?"
"I need to talk to you."
"Did something happen? Is everyone alright?" Worried he sat on the couch having her sit beside him.
"It's you Tamaki. I am getting really worried about you."
"Me? Why? I am doing fine."
"I know you are but hun, are you eating, because you've lost a lot of weight. I know you shed some after René but you look really thin. You know that if you're ever short on change or something you can ask me for help. And you're always welcome to stay for dinner.
"Don't worry about me, really, I'm okay. I've always been this skinny, you met me while I was still pregnant so you didn't see me prior."
"Are you sure? So help me Tamaki if I find out you're lying I will tie you to a chair and shove food down your throat."
"I am fine really. At most, I skip lunch because I'm working and not hungry for it but then I go home and have a big dinner." He really hoped she was buying it, thankfully he wasn't just down the hall anymore otherwise she'd probably go check his cabinets. Which would show they were empty and had been for awhile now and he would be beyond screwed if she learned the truth. He knew his clothes were a little baggy on him but there was no way she could tell he hadn't been eating.
Finally getting home Tamaki laid across the loveseat with René on top of him playing on his chest. The only real drawback to skipping meals was the complete lack of energy, his body just couldn't adjust. All he ever wanted to do was sleep.
"Momma can't nap with you on me you know that René." Knowing he couldn't or wasn't going to answer him he watched René just stare at him while he kicked him every once in a while.
"Five months already. Before I know it you'll be a year old. Stop it already; I'm not ready for that yet." Yawning he picked him up to snuggle beside him on the loveseat.
"I know you napped at Aunt Sara's but momma's really tired so nap with me for a little while."
Making sure he was okay and safe in his arms he closed his eyes, he wouldn't sleep long, maybe just an hour or two.
Tamaki's eyes snapped open and he quickly sat up realizing René wasn't in his arms anymore. He hadn't rolled over so how did he get of them?
"René! Oh God, René where are you?" On his feet he looked around the couch terrified by where he was.
"Oh thank God!" Seeing him on the side of the couch under the arm he was playing with a toy of his.
"What are you doing, you didn't like sleeping with me?"
Taking a breath he sat beside him on the floor to play with him for awhile. René seemed okay but how did he get over here, he wasn't crawling yet and could barely sit up without help. He would definitely have to keep a better eye on him it looked like so he didn't risk getting hurt next time. Not that there would be a next time of course.
Something had to change he knew that much for certain. Sara was constantly asking him about his weight and if he was eating. He couldn't tell her that he wasn't eating more than a meal a day, if he was lucky and when he did eat it was never much. And he knew he could stay for dinner when he went to pick up René but he hated being a bother to her and Sean. He didn't like her always trying to take care of him, it wasn't her job to, they were just friends.
Laying in bed he heard René crying for him, he had to get up and get to him. Now he just needed his body to follow through.
"Tamaki? Hey are you home?" Rolling to his side he saw Sara walking in to his bedroom. "Tamaki are you feeling okay?" Checking on René for a second she walked over to him in bed.
"What are you doing here Sara?"
"I got worried when you didn't show up this morning. I didn't remember you telling me you were off. I tried calling but you never picked up."
"Oh."
He closed his eyes as she pressed her hand against his forehead.
"You feel really hot, you probably have a fever."
"I need to get to work. I'm probably already really late." Sitting up he was pushed back down by her hand.
"You are not moving from this bed. Just stay here and rest. You're in no shape to work. I'll take care of René before you get him sick and I'll make you soup or something while trying to get you to cool down."
"I'm fine I swear." Forcing his body to stand his legs fought against him making him fall back. Sara heard and watched his head hit the wall as he landed back on the bed.
"You're absolutely right; I'm not sure what I was thinking. Now back to bed." Not hearing another word about her taking care of him she grabbed René to get him breakfast and went to call Sean.
Tamaki sat up as Sara brought him soup for lunch. He had skipped the breakfast she made for him but knew he couldn't get away from lunch as well. The smell was tightening his stomach, he was so hungry. Taking the bowl from her he inhaled the scent, it smelt fantastic and was homemade, he hadn't had homemade anything in so long. Bringing the spoon to his mouth he swallowed two spoonfuls before stopping as his stomach tightened even more.
"Feeling any better from sleeping?"
"Not really. Sara, thanks, for taking care of René. Who is watching Michael?"
"Sean has him. He was off today. You can thank him for my stopping by. When you didn't show up he saw how worried I was becoming and told me to come here."
"Please give him my thanks than." Pulling the bowl away he rolled to the side and out of bed to throw up in the garbage can. Keeping one hand on the floor his right hand clutched his stomach, it hurt so much.
"Tamaki!" Going to him she knelt beside him to hold his shoulders, this was new, he hadn't gotten sick all morning. Seeing him holding his stomach and clearly in pain she quickly put two and two together. Anger became second to worry as she knew what caused this. She couldn't do anything though, not with him throwing up. Moving away he sat back grabbing a tissue from the box off the nightstand he wiped his face.
"You have a son that needs you and you are beyond reckless!"
Dealing with the pain he still felt he tried to move away from what she was getting at. He knew he was in trouble with her and this whole thing could mean he was having major health problems. Crouching over him she looked into his eyes.
"Tamaki, talk to me, for the love of God, please. Have you been eating because this. If you're as bad as you look than I need to take you to the ER and they have to give you what you need by IV. If you can't get food down. You're starving yourself and if you don't, if food doesn't get into your body and stay there you'll die."
Seeing the worry, fear, and pain in her eyes he felt tears run to his eyes. He was scared of dying, of leaving his son. He didn't want things this way it was just how they happened. And if he went to the ER then who would watch René? And he couldn't afford another hospital bill; he would lose René for sure. Scared he started to cry. Wrapping her arms around him she let him cry on her shoulder.
"Ssshhh, ssshh, shh. You'll be okay. I'm going to help you and you'll be fine." Clutching her tighter he was scared to let her go, of what could come next.
Resting in bed he heard Sara talking to someone, he wasn't sure who and he didn't hear another voice talking back to her. Sitting up he noticed René wasn't in the room. Maybe that was who she was talking too.
"Hey, you're up, that's good." Carrying a light meal in Sara sat near his feet to give it to him. "I want you to try this. Perhaps you can keep this down."
Taking the tray from her he just stared down at it. "I'm really sorry Sara. Things were never supposed to go this far. I never imagined I could get this bad, I never intended for things to get so bad, but, this really got me thinking. I want to know if you'd become René's guardian should something happen to me. I know it's a lot to ask since you have Michael who is only a little older but you are all I have and he loves you and Sean. I know he would safe and taken care with you guys."
"Of course Tamaki, I would be honored to be his guardian but I know I'll never be needed. I'm going to get you well again. Now come on and try to eat. Let's do a little at a time." Helping him as best she could she had him take small bits and made sure he didn't try to eat too fast.
"Tamaki, I need to know, why did you lie to me about how tight money was for you? You could have stayed for dinner any time you liked so why did you continue to go hungry every night? From how your kitchen looks I get the impression this has gone on since before I first brought it up with you."
Swallowing and making sure his stomach didn't tighten he forced himself to open his mouth and talk to her.
"Because I didn't want you to feel like you had to. I feel bad enough that I can't pay you for babysitting I didn't want you feeding me too. Because I know you, the second you learned the truth I would come home to homemade frozen meals and stocked cabinets along with you having me stay for dinner at least twice a week. I don't want to feel like I'm using Sean's hard earned money. We aren't family, it's not right."
"Oh Tamaki." Placing her hand on his cheek she stared into his eyes. He was beyond exhausted, pushing himself harder than his body could handle and he was still barely surviving. What would it take for him to let her in? At the rate he was going he would run himself to the ground. She couldn't lose him too. Pulling her hand away she watched as he shifted to the garbage can to throw up.
After being forcibly removed from his place Tamaki laid in a hospital bed and stared at the wires going into his arm. Sara had called paramedics on him the next morning once she noticed his fever spiked. He struggled as hard as he could to stay where he was, another bill would cost him everything. He couldn't lose René; he was all he had in this world. Trying his best to roll over he felt his eyes burning from crying for so long. He was scared and sick and just wanted to hold his son. He needed to know that he was alright, that he was being taken care of by Sara and that social services hadn't gotten a hold of him. He wanted to tell him that he loved him more than anything else in this world.
"Tamaki?"
Moving his head he saw Sean in the doorway.
"My apologies if you were trying to rest."
Sitting up he had him come in, he didn't expect this. While he was friendly with Sean he was much closer to Sara.
"Sara is with the boys; once the doctors give the okay she'll bring René in for you."
Nodding he had him come closer, he knew there had to be a reason Sean was here instead of Sara. He couldn't handle any more bad news.
"Mind if we talk, man to man? I know Sara gave you an earful but sometimes talking another guy helps you know."
"Sure." It could be nice to talk to another guy for once; he had never really done that since he moved here. Coming closer he stood beside the bed to make it easier for them.
"I know Sara goes a little overboard but she means well and she is scared she'll lose you just as she lost a few others she was close to. She hates talking about it but back in college a good friend of ours became pregnant. She faced complications and died during childbirth. Both mother and child would still be with us if she received the proper care during the pregnancy since it could have been detected and fixed before it got worse. She has also watched a few others lose their children to drugs when money got tight. Not saying you would ever go so low as drugs to deal with hardships but she couldn't handle losing you too. I thought you should know why she worries so much. Also, it was brought to my attention that you don't like staying because of me." He put a hand up to stop him from interjecting. "I'm telling you to stay when you need to. You're not spending my money; Sara makes enough food to feed an army. You and René are always welcome to my table."
"Thanks Sean. One day I'm going to make it up to you, to both of you."
"Just don't push yourself to do so. But, I understand why you do what you do, I would do the same if I was in your shoes. Becoming a parent your focus changes and I would do anything I had to continue to support my son. If that meant skipping meals and working seven days a week and two jobs to do so then I would do it. But try to remember that supporting your son also means always being there in his life and if you're killing yourself trying to make everything work out then something has to change. If you ever need to talk to someone who isn't my wife you have my number. Now I should go. You need rest. Oh, and don't worry about how long you spend here, you're bill is already paid in full. You should have told me you couldn't get coverage. I work for a bank that deals with insurances, I could have gotten you what you needed much sooner."
Feeling more tears come to his eyes he couldn't stop himself from crying. Only this time he was so happy.
A week and a half after he arrived he was allowed to see René. Both were happy to be near the other. Now that his fever had broken and his cold had ended all he had to do was get his weight up a little more. He didn't need the nutrients by IV anymore so he was allowed to try eating actual food again. Keeping it down made everyone happy, that meant they were on the right track and he shouldn't have to spend too much longer here. Holding René on his lap he hated letting him go at the end of the day. According to Sara he had been looking for him once he arrived and was hard to settle down for awhile but once he calmed down he was fine. As bad as he felt for her having to deal with that he was glad to hear René missed him as much as he missed him. He had to be doing something right for once. Watching him snuggle against his chest he saw him start to fall asleep. As tough as things were he knew the struggle was worth it, it would always be worth it so long as he got to hold his son.
"I love you René. I love you so much. I'll always love you, no matter what happens.
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I'm sorry this chapter took so long to get up. I started it months ago but I faced slight writers block and feel in love with the second Kuroshitsuji musical so much that I made a story that was much longer than I thought it would be. But that ended and before I start any more for it I want to get this going again and completed. Hope you enjoyed the chapter, it was much longer than I intended but I always wanted to make it up to you guys for waiting so long. Please review and see you all soon.
~Femalefighter~