Everything belongs to JRR Tolkien except for my OC and the plot.
Like I had thought, Nori and I didn't speak about this little exchange we had. As soon as he was feeling well enough to stand and walk, he just continued his life as if nothing had happened at all and his brother behaved similarly. After several weeks, life was back to normal. Well as normal as life could be in Thorin's Halls.
At the moment I was struggling in the healing wards, trying to bandage a dwarf, who was yelling and shouting at another black haired one. The second dwarf, who was currently being treated by Oin, was yelling back just as loudly. I couldn't understand what they were saying but my ears were starting to ring from the sheer volume two dwarves could achieve when they put their heart and will in trying to obtain an unordinary level of sounds.
It was seriously starting to grate on my own nerves, while I started to envy Oin for being deaf, though now that I thought about it, maybe that's how he became deaf in the first place. I wasn't paying much attention to the two dwarves, attempting to concentrate on applying a bandage correctly to someone who clearly didn't care whether he was being bandaged or not wasn't easy.
I wondered how Dís would react in such instance. The woman was hard headed and probably more stubborn than those two dwarves put together. It probably was something running in the blood of that family, though I didn't know much of the two young brothers. Would Dís behave like Oin or would she say something? If she said anything, what would it be? How would she say it?
Remembering how she had kicked away partying dwarves after the mine's collapsing, I couldn't believe she would let herself be bullied by two angry dwarves.
"Please, could you stop moving for a minute?" I tried to no avail.
Well, I wasn't even sure these men had heard me. It wasn't as if I would yell at injured patients anyway. I sighed and focused on my work, attempting to finish it quickly and be done with it.
I was sitting on the bed next to the dwarf. My balance was precarious as the dwarf was almost bouncing on the bed in his fury. My jars of ointment were set up just next to me and I had a bowl with water in between my two knees, it wasn't so easy to keep it stable while that bloody dwarf gesticulated in every directions. I just wanted to finish healing him and go to the market, maybe go greet Bifur before going to buy some food for this night's dinner.
I was almost done with the bandage when the dwarf made a wide move with his arms, knocking me of balance. I yelped and fell on the floor, one of my hands still holding on one side of the linen I was using to bandage the stupid dwarf. The jars with ointments rolled on the floor, thankfully not breaking, while the bowl with bloodied water fell on me.
I was now on the floor, astounded, and wet with dirty water dripping from the front of my dress. Looking up I saw the dwarf's bandage was completely undone and I had to restart from scratch.
The bloody dunderhead was still yelling at the other.
Looking around I saw Oin looking at me with wide eyes while the other two kept on yelling.
Something snapped in my head.
I was usually a peaceful and calm person, I strongly believed in diplomacy and I really didn't think that violence should ever be used to solve a problem. What was the point in yelling anyway when there surely was a peaceful solution to any situation?
I admit it now.
I was wrong.
I jumped back on my feet, fist clenched on my hips and I took a deep breath, inhaling as much air as I could. Oin flinched, obviously understanding what I was about to do.
"Oy! Would you just shut up you bloody idiots!"
My voice rang above the chaos of the two dwarves and surprised them enough to make them stop yelling at each other. I saw them blink before they both looked at me in surprise.
"Look what you did! Have you no respect whatsoever for the place you're in? You're in a healing ward, not a tavern. We don't do brawls and yelling matches here. So now you'll shut it, stop moving and you'll let yourself be treated. Once you're out of here I don't care what you do to each other but here and now I don't even want to hear you breathe! Understood?"
I was looking at each of them in turn, waiting for any sign they had understood me. Finally they both nodded and remained silent.
I harrumphed and went back to bandage the dwarf's chest. He didn't move anymore and I was done in mere minutes.
"Here. Now go out and back to your place. I want you to stay in bed for two days.
"Two days? For this scratch? Surely milady…
"No. Two days for your head to cool down and for you to think about how you should behave in a healing ward. No out!"
I heard the second dwarf chuckle but he didn't do it any longer when he saw the glare I sent his way. Oin was smiling contentedly and ordered the second dwarf to stay in bed for two days too.
Once it was just the both of us, he turned to me while I was cleaning the mess made by the other two.
"Amelia I should say it's nice to find out that you have a voice too."
I looked at him, astounded, and he simply went to tidy up the cabinets of jars.
"What are you saying Master Oin, of course I have a voice.
"Oh, I knew that dear. It's just kind of you to let us hear it from time to time."
I truly didn't know how to take that so I chose not to speak about it anymore. I was still thinking about his words though; did he mean to say I should speak up more often? Sure it appeared that dwarves had no issue in letting their feelings be known loudly, but I wasn't sure I could do it too.
It wasn't that I was astonishingly shy. I just wasn't used to yell at people and I didn't think it was such a bad thing either. It had already been difficult for me to simply speak my mind in front of the King, and it wasn't really me who spoke back then, it was the healer on duty. I idly wondered whether I was developing some personality disorder; I was starting to speak up more when I was performing my duties, but it still proved difficult to voice my thoughts and opinions to others when it wasn't related to work.
Still, it was true that people around tended to find it natural to yell at each other. Even now I could remember Danà's words about that time I had thrown a glass of water at Bofur's face.
She had been right. Bofur had only seemed to tease me more after that. I had thought for some time that the dwarf had some mental issues but he was just being a dwarf. They were merry and cheeky, loved to laugh and tease the others and enjoyed more than anything else to be loud and messy.
Oin's voice broke through my thoughts and I looked up to see him already cleaning the mess done by the two dwarves.
"You can directly go home Amelia. I don't think we'll have more trouble today."
I simply nodded, eyeing my dress with obvious disgust. I wanted nothing more than to go and take a hot bath right now. I'll have to stop by the apartment though to take some clean clothes to wear. I'll have to clean my bra too seeing as how the top of my chest was dripping wet. I groaned. I hated the cold feeling that was sipping slowly from my chest to my stomach. The cloth was sticking to my skin too; I shuddered in disgust and quickly left the wards, hurrying back to my room.
Thankfully it didn't take me long to jog in the corridors and none of the three brothers were there. I quickly went into my room and grabbed a clean dress, a towel, soap…
My hands froze as it hovered over the wooden comb Nori had given me. Had he stolen this comb? Did it matter? I couldn't say I agreed with his choices but the comb had been a nice present. I didn't want to give it back or hide it somewhere just because Nori might have stolen it. I bit my lower lip, clearly unsure of what to do. I couldn't decide what to really think about Nori's activities. I was torn.
After awhile I guiltily took the comb and added it on the pile of items I'll take with me to the baths.
I felt a bit guilty, using something that might have been stolen. But on the other hand I couldn't find it in myself to see Nori in another light. I cared too much about him, I had been too upset when we quarrelled and I simply couldn't think about losing him over something like this. Nori was a thief. Well I'll have to adjust to that. Anyway it seemed that even his brother's opinion didn't matter, so I couldn't believe my opinion would.
I finished to grab my things and quickly strode in the direction of the public baths. I hoped water had been heated recently; usually they heated it twice a day in the women's baths. If I was lucky, it'd been heated in the past hour or so and the water would be perfectly warm.
When I came in though I quickly understood that I hadn't been lucky at all. The air in the room was too cold for the heater to have worked recently enough. Grumbling, I resigned myself to take a cold bath.
This day just couldn't get any better.
I quickly stripped and eyed my bra sceptically, it had seen better days. It was getting overused; it had already been an old one when I arrived here and wearing it almost every day since hadn't helped.
I couldn't see myself not using one though. I knew that Dís and Danà didn't use such things; I believed they used bindings of sorts but I couldn't get it in my head to roll myself in bandages. Maybe I could go and ask the seamstresses if they could somehow replicate it.
I shivered when I stepped in the cold mountain water and I swore loudly. Nope, couldn't get used to that either.
My bath was quick and to the point. I was particularly meticulous when washing my hair, I always was very cautious when handling my braid. I didn't know what would happen if I lost one of the beads; maybe it'd be offending? I should ask Dori about that. I played with it between my fingers. Every time I saw or felt this braid, it made a warm feeling grow in my heart. I was glad Dori and Balin had accepted me as their ward. Having this braid here always seemed to cheer me up.
Quickly stepping out of the frigid water, I was soon dressing back in a clean purple dress that Danà had described as typical of dwarvish fashion. The neckline was round and stopped just high enough to cover the breasts completely. The waist and bust was tightly fitted and then from my hips to my feet the dress fell in an ample skirt. The sleeves were puffed from the shoulder to the elbows and tight around the forearm. Dwarvish women, Danà had explained, worked hard every day and didn't want their sleeves to hinder their movements.
I was soon ready to go back to the apartment and I quickly put my clean, but wet, bra hidden on top of the pile of clothes, medieval-like underwear, towels and other items I carried.
I was glad not to meet any soul in the corridors, but my luck just had to stop when I crossed the threshold of our house.
I could already hear some known voices coming from the kitchen. Though they were friends, I didn't want them to see my dirty clothes. I took a deep breath and readjusted my hold on the pile I carried before rushing to quickly stride to my room. I almost collided with Bombur though when he was exiting the kitchen.
"Hello Miss Amelia."
"Hi Bombur, just give me a minute will you."
I muttered before almost running to my room. From the corner of my eyes I had seen that Bofur was here too, as were the three brothers. I quickly threw my dirty clothes in a basket at the foot of my bed and put the other items back in their place. I was about to go out of my room when I heard two new voices coming from the kitchen.
I knew them but couldn't quite place them. I shrugged, it didn't matter much who was there, for I would be nice and polite with anyone. I had yet to meet a dwarf I hated or disliked completely. Sure some of them freaked me out, intimidated me to no end or were just plain weird. But all in all they were a nice bunch, with admittedly no manners, but lots of honour and pride that compensated for their bluntness.
When I pushed the door and entered the kitchen though, I froze and all my nice sentiments went out of the proverbial window.
There, in the middle of the room, those bloody dwarves were studying my bra. Yes studying.
My eyes widened.
My other sense just stopped working.
I remembered the two dwarves. They were Dís' sons and heirs to the throne. Even though I remembered their faces and the time they had saved me from the maze of corridors, I wasn't certain about their names. Pili? Lili? It was something Li. Well, whatever their names, right now I didn't care.
The damn idiot, the younger brother, was holding and tugging on my bra in front of the others.
He was standing in a middle of a circle that consisted of him, his blond brother, Bofur, Bombur, who was apparently back and Ori. Dori and Nori were still sitting at the table, Dori drinking tea peacefully and Nori preparing his pipe.
My ears decided that now was a good time to start communicating with my brain again.
"Is it a slingshot?' Something Li said.
"It doesn't look like it'd be efficient, nor does it appear precise.' Ori frowned.
"Maybe it's a kind of hat?' Bofur added.
"Na… it has two sides. And it's too thin.' The blond brother pointed out.
"I wonder what you can put in that. It's way too small to be a kind of bag.' Something Li analyzed and I saw red.
"It's too big to be a pouch and it doesn't close anyway…"
My wits came back to me in a rush. I bolted and pushed the men away, making a beeline for the dark haired dwarf who appeared shocked by my sudden rush.
"Oy, Miss Amelia, how are you?' He asked me.
"Give. Me. That. Now." I enunciated.
I was entirely stunned to see a sly smirk grew on his face. He wouldn't dare.
"Now, now, Miss Amelia, it's not a way to talk to a prince."
"Prince or not I'll whack your stubborn head if you don't hand me that immediately.' I snapped while a blush crept on my cheeks.
I tried to grab the garment but he dodged my hands absentmindedly.
"Na…I don't think so." He smiled widely and cheekily.
"Kili, you should give it back.' The blond dwarf advised his brother.
"I just want to know what it is!' Kili answered in a shrug while he still avoided my hands easily.
"Give it back!" I ordered but it just made him smile more.
The other dwarves started to chuckle when Kili decided to dash away from me, jumping on the table and dangling my bra in front of me, just to remove it quickly from my sight when I attempted to catch it.
I couldn't win against his reflexes, he was way faster than me and I was starting to be so embarrassed that my movements were becoming uncontrolled. My head was probably as red as it could humanly be possible to be.
"Give it back!"
"Come on, you can catch it! Give it a try!" He joked while the other cheered.
I glanced toward Dori and Nori at that moment. Dori was starting to frown and he looked at me questioningly. I quickly glanced at Nori who was observing me attentively. At the precise moment when I was about to talk, Kili shook my bra just in front of me and I once more tried to catch it to no avail.
To my utter shame, a few tears started to well up in my eyes.
I saw that Dori was about to stand when suddenly Kili wasn't on his feet at the top of the table anymore.
He had apparently stumbled on a plate that I was certain hadn't been there a second before. I dashed to try and grab Kili before he ran away but he was still quicker than me and in a second he had bolted to the door. Still smiling he went to shake my bra in front of me again when we all froze. In his hand was a handkerchief.
"Eh?"
Where was my bra? Everyone stopped to laugh and Kili whined.
"Oy, Nori you're no fun!"
My head snapped to the side as I looked at Nori who simply shrugged. I caught his eyes and he gestured for me to come and take my bra back. In the meantime Dori was already chastising the younger dwarf.
"Kili, you should know when to stop your jokes. Amelia clearly didn't appreciate your dubious humour."
"But I didn't mean anything by it master Dori."
"Still" Dori admonished him.
I didn't pay attention to them while Nori handed me the piece of underwear.
"Thanks Nori." I whispered.
He simply smirked at me and sent me a wink which quickly made me smile softly again.
"I just wanted to know what it was! I found it on the floor…'Kili was still whining.
"Lady Amelia' The blond asked 'Can't you tell us what it is?"
"Aye lass, what is it?"
"Yes Amelia, what do you use that for?"
They were all staring at me, waiting patiently for me to tell them. Ori even had taken his notebook out and was ready to write everything I'd say. I was hesitating. Surely my embarrassment would be nothing compared to theirs, and besides it couldn't get worse for me.
"It's my bra' I muttered.
"What's a bra?"
"It's what we use instead of bindings in my world.' I groaned.
"Instead of binding what?" Kili asked.
They were all waiting for me to explain. All those grown men were paying extra attention to my every word. I simply quirked an eyebrow, wondering which one would find out first. Surprisingly, it appeared that Nori was the first one to make the connection. I heard him suddenly choke on the smoke of his pipe and struggle to find his breath again.
I couldn't stop myself, I had to glance at him.
Well, he was probably as red as I had been earlier on. He had let his pipe fall on the table and was looking at me while coughing loudly. The sight and the knowledge he knew what I had meant made me smirk.
I was surprised to see his eyes glint with amusement after I had smirked at him, though something in the depth of those grey irises promised retribution for the little teasing I was doing.
"I don't get it.' Kili frowned.
"Ask your mother, she'll explain." I retorted automatically.
At that Nori coughed some more, though this time I just knew he was trying to dissimulate his laugh. Oh yes I could picture quite well how Dís would answer. That would teach him to play with my belongings.
I wondered where this sneaky streak came from. I had never been cheeky. On the contrary I had always been rather introverted and though I laughed as loudly as everyone, I just couldn't find it in myself to laugh with people or in front of them. Teasing others in a friendly way was nothing but a notion I had heard of but never truly experienced myself.
Since I had arrived here though, I realized that I was slowly beginning to change. It felt oddly liberating to be able to laugh with others. In the end I didn't mind the embarrassment if it meant I would manage to tease others and laugh with them later. I could see they didn't do it in a mean way either, which helped me greatly in accepting the embarrassment.
Yes, I was definitely learning to enjoy life here thanks to those blunt and slightly annoying dwarves, who couldn't help but laugh almost all the time.
I looked around when I heard a short gasp.
Yep, from the red of his cheeks to the way he was biting hard on his lips to avoid laughing aloud, I could most certainly tell that Bofur had found out too. The playful way his eyes twinkled let me know immediately he enjoyed my little prank to Kili.
I was now clutching at my bra tightly, holding it against my chest protectively and thought how ridiculous it probably looked like. After all it was only a bra, an old, overused one at that; but I didn't want to let these men and boys catch it again.
I noticed that Ori was observing me, frowning, still clearly blissfully unaware. I was observing while he stared intensely at my chest and I was glad I did that. Suddenly Ori's face went from its natural pale rosy colour to a bright red. It had been so sudden that I couldn't help but laugh. Ori looked so embarrassed too…
I laughed so much that I bent in two, leaning heavily on the table in order not to fall on the floor. Bofur evidently couldn't hold his laugh anymore and he soon roared with laughter too. From his laugh and also the way he apologized discreetly, I knew the blond dwarf had finally understood too. Meanwhile Dori was still going on and on with Kili about the proper way to behave in front of a lady…and Kili was still complaining that he didn't understand.
Sending me a playful wink, the blond turned to his brother and said.
"Kili, stop complaining, I'm sure mother would be happy to explain. "
"But Fili…"
I laughed some more at the look of disappointment on Kili's face, before quickly going to put the annoying piece of lingerie in my room.
Yes, I had changed. I was changing. I could tell I was a different person already and it scared me slightly. On the other hand I couldn't help but feel relieved too. I didn't mind who I was starting to become.
As I sat next to Nori who was once again smoking rather peacefully, I wondered whether those men had any idea about the influence they were having on me. I felt better in my skin here; it felt as if I was slowly starting to find myself. At 25, you'd think that I'd know already who I was. Well apparently not. This person who was speaking aloud and scolding grown men, this person who could accept embarrassment and could tease people back…this person was someone I could start to appreciate.
I was slowly growing out of my shell and I wasn't stupid, I knew I owed it mostly to these strange and cheeky people.
While everyone, except for Kili who had left to look for Dís and Fili who had followed him, was sitting back around the table still chuckling slightly, I smiled to myself. I really enjoyed it here.
For the first time, I suddenly realized I could really grow to love this place more than I ever did my world.
I might very well be one day thankful for ending up here, with these people.
A bit later, in the early evening, we were all gathered in the living room. Dori had lighted a huge fire in the hearth. I sat in a chair close to the fire, Nori facing me though he was slightly hidden by the shadows casted by the flames. The dwarves were enjoying their ale, even Dori and Ori, while I peacefully sipped at my tea. At some point, Bofur decided that our evening had been peaceful enough and thought it'd be fun to try and coerce me into drinking ale too.
"Come on lass, it was so much fun last time."
"No Bofur.' I answered sternly.
"Last time? What last time?" Dori wondered.
I glanced at Ori. Had no one told Dori about my little escapade in the Halls' corridors? I was pretty certain that the King at least would have somehow found a way to tell Dori to keep a closer eye on his 'human'. Ori shrugged slightly and shook his head from side to side.
"Well, the time after she got lost in the corridors…' Bofur started.
"You got lost in the corridors?' He asked turning to look at me with wide eyes. 'Why did you get lost in the corridors?
"Hem, I was looking for Bofur and…" He didn't give me time to finish my sentence.
"Why didn't you ask Nori to show you the way?"
"Well Nori wasn't here so…' I tried to say before Dori once more interrupted me to turn towards his brother.
"You weren't there? You left Ori and Amelia alone and she got lost?"
I could already feel it was going to quickly turn into a yelling match. Ori's sad face and Bofur's dumbfounded one were clear enough to read. I looked at Nori who was glaring at his older brother.
"Ori is old enough to take care of Amelia.' He groaned.
I did enjoy the irony right then. After all, a few months ago it had been Nori who was angry after I got lost. In the mean time, Dori replied to him.
"You always leave and go do some thievery…What a shame! See where it leads you too! A thief! A dishonourable thief!" The ever sweet Dori snapped.
I didn't know why, but I suddenly felt that I had to intervene and stop this quarrel or Nori might just disappear for weeks once more. No way was I going to let that happen. I didn't want him to leave again and I sure didn't want to find him lying in his blood ever again. I spoke up quickly.
"Dori, please. Really nothing major happened at the time. Fili and Kili found me back and then we all had a good laugh and I got a bit drunk, that's it."
"Amelia, we should not take such a thing lightly. You're my ward, I have a responsibility towards you."
"Sure, I agree with that. But Dori, it really was nothing but an accident. You all have to start trusting me a little. I'm trying hard to adapt, but you have to make compromises too.' I was a bit tired of all their endless talks about my protection.
"Compromises?' Dori asked after everyone had remained silent for several minutes.
"Well yes. Where I come from, women are mostly independent. They live alone, they work and some choose never to get married. Women are allowed to take their own decisions and are not protected by kin or guardians anymore."
They all looked shocked at those few words. Of course I had already told them when we first met, that it was normal for me to walk around by myself, but I wasn't sure they really believed me back then. I continued carefully.
"I'm not saying I don't like how things are being done around here. I am just saying that, sometimes, you need to let me take my own decisions; accept that I might want to do things on my own or in my own way. And if I get hurt then so be it, you'd have no responsibility in it whatsoever. You need to respect my choices and wills. In exchange, I promise I'll always take into consideration your opinion."
"Amelia, it's not really how things are done here…"
"Are you telling me that any of you would go and order Dís around because she's a woman?' I quirked an eyebrow at them.
"Well no…"
Dori didn't have the time to finish though, for someone knocked loudly at the door. Ori quickly stood up and opened it before stepping out of Dís' way. I blinked at seeing her appear almost magically just after I had mentioned her. Then I smirked at the sight; Dís strode in, one of her hands holding tightly on Kili's right ear. The young dwarf was bent in two, a grimace on the face, but completely silent. Fili wasn't far behind, smirking slightly and eyes alight with mirth.
"Apologize immediately.' Dís snapped at her youngest son.
"I'm…I'm really sorry lady Amelia and I promise I won't ever come close to your bindings. Ow, mother…' he whined when Dís yanked slightly on his ear. 'I'm deeply ashamed at my childish behaviour. It was totally unbecoming of my status. I am really sorry and hope you'll accept my deepest, sincerest apology."
I had a hard time stopping the slight smirk that threatened to pop on my face. Bofur coughed lightly and I knew he was struggling not to laugh aloud. I didn't pay attention to him though and glanced at Dís. She looked clearly uncertain; apparently she wasn't sure I hadn't been deeply offended by her son's actions. I reassured her with a smile and a nod before accepting Kili's apology.
"I'm sorry to have intruded like this on your evening' Dís then said, nodding at each dwarf 'But this matter simply couldn't wait."
"Oh, but Dís, it's actually perfect that you're here!' I suddenly exclaimed, a sly smirk on the lips.
"Is it now?' Her face remained impassive as I nodded.
"Yes, I was just telling them that they should let me take my own decisions, even if it means allowing me to make mistakes and maybe get hurt." I said quickly, hoping Dori wouldn't interrupt me.
"And what do you all think of that?" Dís asked the dwarves.
They all shifted uncomfortably on their seats. I could see that they hesitated to tell anything to Dís who had finally let her son go. Kili was now rubbing at his ear vigorously while taking a few steps away from his mother. I glanced at the dwarves around; it was both strange and funny to see them so uncertain in front of Dís, though I had to admit that even I would be squirmy under Dís steely gaze.
"Well, we just think that Amelia should be careful in what she does.' Dori tried to be diplomatic.
"She's old enough to take her own decisions.' Dís countered.
"Old enough? She's but a child…' Nori muttered and I glared at him.
"A child that saved your life recently, if I recall correctly…' Dís stated matter-of-factly and I smiled broadly at her.
"We just don't want to see her hurt."
"And I don't want my sons to behave like idiots. They do though."
"Oy!' Fili complained before shrinking under his mother's glare.
"I'm her guardian, it's my responsibility to take care of her.' Dori insisted.
"True, but it doesn't mean you have to suffocate her. It just means that you have to be here when she does make mistakes.' Dís answered in a shrug.
"I'm not a reckless person Dori. I'm happy you're so concerned about me and that you all take care of me. But I just wish for a little more trust and liberties. I cannot ask you permission for everything I do, and I don't want you to protect me from everything. It's alright if I get hurt sometimes. That's how someone grows, by making mistake and learning from them."
Dís nodded, clearly agreeing with me, but I could see that the dwarves around were reluctant, even though Bofur did seem to understand and slightly agree with me. Dori, Nori and Ori were all frowning, pouting really, just like children. It would have been fun if I hadn't known that it meant they just didn't understand me. I glanced at Dís who simply stared back. Obviously she thought she had already said enough and that it was now my problem to solve.
Well I guess she had helped a lot already. I sighed and walked to Dori to put my hand on his arm.
"I'm not saying I want to go run around and do dangerous things. I'm not stupid, well not that stupid I mean. It's just, I want you to understand that at some point I might need to take decisions on my own and even if you think I'm making a mistake, I would like you to simply explain to me why you think so and then let me make the final decision."
"It might prove difficult to let you do something when I know it could hurt you."
"But if you don't let me experience it on my own, then I will never be able to become stronger."
"You don't have to become stronger. You have us with you.' Nori groaned, clearly upset.
"I trust you all, but I want to be strong. I want to… Everyone around is so strong, I don't want to remain the little, helpless human girls anymore."
"I don't think many people see you like that…' Ori thought aloud.
"Maybe not, but that's how I see myself.' I replied softly before turning back to Dori. ' So, what do you think? Will you all be able to let me take some decisions on my own?"
Dori was stiff and clearly grumpy, though when his eyes fell on me, I could only see concern and kindness in them. He put his large hand on my much smaller one and squeezed it slightly.
"I can't promise you anything, but I swear I'll try."
I smiled broadly at him. Knowing he would at least think about it felt like a huge victory already. I wouldn't lie and say that I didn't like the fact that the dwarves took care of me. Actually it usually felt great in a sort of odd, guilty way, to be pampered by them as if I was something precious. Yet, I couldn't forget entirely notions I had known all my life before I came up here. The fact that dwarvish women were pampered was all nice and good, but I could tell that some of them were more independent.
I couldn't put aside my need for freedom. Even though I had always been a rather introverted person and had always dutifully listened to my aunt and uncle, I had been able to take my own decisions. Considering our family's past, my uncle and aunt hadn't at first been happy with my choice of study and career. Still, it had been my choice and even though it had brought me more pain than I could have imagined, I still didn't regret choosing to follow that path.
The three brothers had to understand that I simply couldn't live a life where I would have to always follow their decisions. Saying goodbye at Thorin's Halls' entrance and then wait patiently for weeks until they came back, was clearly not the life I was dreaming of. No I couldn't picture myself in such a way. I couldn't see myself obeying their every order and never voicing my opinion, never taking choices. Of course I wasn't the kind of person to speak loudly and freely. And of course until now I had truly nothing to complain about, but I felt that it was better to state right now that I didn't intend to obey blindly to all their decisions.
Dori apparently respected my opinion and, even though it was obvious he didn't like it, Nori was grudgingly accepting it too. Ori surprised me though, because he simply smirked. He clearly was as protective of me as his brothers, but he could understand my point of view rather easily. After all, his brothers tended to over protect him too.
In the end, Dís, Fili and Kili stayed with us during the whole evening and we improvised a dinner with what we could find in the cellars. I was a bit ashamed I had forgotten to go and buy food, but in the end, there was always plenty to eat anyway.
I looked at the dwarves around and was glad we had that discussion earlier. I didn't know what was in store for me in the future, but I couldn't find it in myself to be worried. Somehow, knowing the three brothers had my back was reassuring enough. I knew perfectly well that, even if I were to take a bad decision, they would still be there for me.
For the first time I realized how at ease I felt around here. How easy it was becoming for me to speak up for myself when I had never done so. It felt strangely thrilling to be able to voice my opinion and better yet, it was exhilarating that people around would actually listen to what I said.
All in all I was in a sort of giddy state of mind all evening and just couldn't sleep. After having spent some hours turning and tossing in my bed, I decided to simply go back to the kitchen and prepare myself a calming infusion. Silence was reigning in the dark rooms and the only light that filtered was that of the moon; we hadn't shut the shutters in the kitchen that night.
I was holding a candle that I had lighted in my room; I still needed to use an ember for that, I seemed completely unable to light a fire without a proper, modern, lighter. Thus I was glad to see there were still embers in the oven and I just needed to add some wood and wait before it would warm enough.
As I was patiently waiting I felt, more than saw or heard, something shift in my back. I turned, not expecting to see anything or anyone.
"Holy cr… Nori!" I gasped, startled.
One of my hands was clutching at my tunic, above my heart, which was pounding loudly in my chest. The sneaky bastard had scared me.
"Couldn't you simply tell me you were there?' I whispered angrily, still shaken by his sudden appearance in the room.
"Sorry." He mumbled.
He was hidden in the shadows, as always, leaning against the far wall, arms crossed against his chest. I couldn't see his face clearly and much less his eyes, but I knew he was observing me. I shrugged and turned my back to him. He gave me some time for my poor heart to calm down and after long minutes of silence, he finally spoke his mind.
"Why are you so…careless about your own safety?" He whispered and I had actually trouble to hear him.
I didn't answer at first. The metal of the oven was hot now and the water I had put in a small pan was almost boiling already. I mechanically prepared my infusion of chamomile, poured it in a cup and silently went to sit at the table. After a few minutes, Nori took a seat in front of me. Now at least I could see a bit of his features.
"I could ask you the same question, don't you think?" I said in a murmur.
I looked up slightly and saw that he was turning his pipe in his hands, a frown on his face. At some point though, he glanced at me and we stared at each other for a short while before I decided to speak.
"Nori' I sighed 'Can't you see why I need to do that?"
Looking at his deepening frown I guessed we were not going to go anywhere with this discussion. I suddenly felt fear growing in the pit of my stomach. What if we ended up arguing like last time? I didn't want to go back to this awful months where we didn't speak with each other. I had to make him understand, and I had to do it without angering him. I swallowed the lump that was starting to form in my throat and told him softly.
"Nori you disappear, sometimes for weeks, and you risk your life every time you leave."
"It's not the same.' He grumbled, interrupting me.
"You're right, it's not.' I continued just as softly. 'It's not because I won't put my life at risk, I'm not asking you to let me do that. Besides I know you're leaving for a reason and I don't ask you to stop, even though it scared me more than anything else to see you…"
I couldn't manage to say the words. An image of Nori, pale, bloody and weak crossed my mind and I squeezed my eyes shut for a second. I shook my head slightly; I dearly hoped never to see him in such a state ever again.
"All I want, all I ask' I said after a few minutes. 'Is that you give me the opportunity to make my choices. Just as I let you make yours, even though it's hard, even though it's against your beliefs."
"You don't understand. I can't.' He whispered before pausing for a short while. 'I can't let you get hurt. I can't let you make a choice that I know will hurt you in the end."
He had stopped playing with his pipe now and I saw that his fists were clenched tightly. On a sudden impulse, I extended my arm and leant over the table before I took one of his hands in mine. I squeezed it lightly and Nori startled before looking in my eyes.
"Nori. It will hurt me more in the end if you never let me make my decisions." I said holding his gaze.
His eyes reflected how torn he felt at that moment and I knew I certainly mirrored his feelings. I was asking him something that quite obviously went against all his instincts. It was strange to realize that for all his fussing and worrying, Dori wasn't actually the most protective of the three brothers. I was now quite certain that Nori was. In his own quiet, discreet and sneaky way, Nori was the one that took the most risks and in counterpart tried to protect everyone the most.
Realizing that made me see our dispute on a whole new level and I finally understood what had angered him so much the last time. It wasn't me getting lost or coming back drunk with Ori the next morning. It probably wasn't the fact that I made light of the situation either. No. From what I understood now, it was the uncertainty, the lack of control and the fact that he had been entirely unable to help and protect me that had angered him so much. Now I guessed that he probably had been more furious against himself than he was against me.
"You can't imprison me here Nori. I told you already.' He winced, clearly remembering my words. 'Just like I can't stop you when you have to go out and search for whatever it is you're looking for."
"Amelia…I.' He sighed and shook his head.
"I don't like the fact that you're a thief. I can't even start to tell you how much it scares me to even think about what could happen to you because I know you'll soon disappear again. Actually, considering the fact that I found you dying on the floor, I'm pretty sure I'd rather bind you on that seat and spoon feed you for the rest of your life, than letting you go out again."
After those words, Nori looked at me and I could see a small twinkle in his eyes. He arched his eyebrow then and I could even spot a tiny smirk on his lips. I simply shrugged, it truly wasn't far from what I was feeling, and spoke once more.
"Still, even though I hate it, even though I can't agree with your choice, I won't stop you. I won't even try to do it because I know it's something you need to do. I need to be able to make my own choices. Can't you trust me at all?' I whispered, keeping my voice as soft as possible.
"I do trust you.' He sighed deeply before continuing. 'I won't stop you. I'll let you make your choices.' He sounded so defeated then that it hurt me.
"Nori, I swear I'm not going to run directly towards danger. I'm just asking you to listen to my opinion, especially when it concerns my life, just like you'd listen to Dís."
"But you're not Dís, you weren't born in this world. You know nothing of its dangers."
"And that's why I have you to advise me.' I softly replied. 'Besides, I'm obliged to be cautious about what I do; Dori would probably have a heart attack if the both of us started to run around in the wild recklessly."
Nori looked at me and I saw the corner of his mouth slightly quirk upwards. During all this time my hand had been on his but at that moment he turned his hand to grab mine.
"We wouldn't want my poor brother to suffer that, now would we?' He said, squeezing my hand and I smiled softly at him before answering.
"Aye, that's why I will stay level headed and serious while you run recklessly around and worry all of us." I mock sighed.
Nori smirked at me and I felt that we had reached an understanding of sort. I hoped he knew I wouldn't risk my life on purpose or suddenly become reckless.
"It means a lot that you trust me Nori." I whispered once more.
He didn't answer, simply hummed slightly and squeezed my hand. I felt suddenly tired and Nori must have realized it for he let my hand go and stood up. I looked at him while he slowly came to stand beside me. He put his hand on my shoulder and gently squeezed it.
"You should rest now."
"I'm the healer here, and you're the one that was injured a few weeks ago. Go to bed Nori or I'll make you." I admonished him, though a smile tugged at my lips.
He quirked his eyebrow and smirked before he leaned and whispered directly in my ear.
"Really?"
He winked at me then and simply left silently while I couldn't stop a broad smile to grow on my face.
Once I was back in my room I shook my head, still smiling. I was relieved to have been able to talk with Nori, and really glad that our discussion hadn't degenerated into another dispute. I knew I was asking him something difficult but I trusted him to respect his own words. I hoped he knew I wouldn't ask them to let me do really stupid things. It wasn't in me anyway to become someone reckless. I was too cautious, level headed and rational to ever put myself into some weird, dangerous and uncertain situation.
Still I found myself curious about my own capacities. I had always been doubtful about what I could do and had never been eager to discover things that were out of my 'comfort zone'. Now though I felt like I could, and should, be able to explore a bit more what I was capable of. I wanted to better know who I was, who I could be and become.
I now lived among people who were hardened by life to an extreme point. Most of them had seen or experienced things I hoped never to experience myself; who would actually want to face a bloody dragon or wander the wild and continuously have to fight for his life? No, those weren't the kind of experiences I wanted to have. But still, they were strong. And I didn't speak only of their physical strength. No. I respected them more than they could imagine simply because they were able to live on, to laugh and joke, despite all the hardship they encountered.
I wanted to be like that. I didn't want to be the weak girl who'd run away at each difficulty, the one who'd lower her head and walk away when she was hurt by others.
I doubted the dwarves knew it, but they were slowly influencing me.
And I really couldn't be mad with them for such an influence.
A/N: Hello everyone! First of all, thanks for the reviews :) You are all awesome! Thanks to Sofia, Mary and the nameless guest who reviewed too!
Thanks to Kapibarasan too for the tip about quotations, I hope it's more clear now like that. :P
Now... Most of you asked me what Nori was looking for...I won't tell you but I promise you'll have the answer at some point in later chapters :) Be patient ^^
About this chapter... First don't expect all the others to be so huge, this one is a bit of an exception and I just didn't want to cut it in two. That aside, I'm not entirely happy with how the two talks came out (with Dori and with Nori). I hope you're not too disappointed. I felt that both were needed, but I'm not convinced with what I made of them...anyway, what's done is done and after re-reading and editing this chapter so many times, I just can't see it anymore ^^
The next update will likely be on Monday or Tuesday. Starting next chapter, we'll go in slightly more adventurous waters :)
Thank you all for your support! It's really great and motivating!