A hand was shaking him gently. "Luka, wake up!" He opened his eyes to see Gillian smiling broadly down at him. "Lunchtime!" she announced cheerfully. "We have beef -rice soup, toast, and tea."

Luka shut his eyes again wearily. "Come on, Luka," Gillian said. "You promised Angelique you'd try to eat something."

"I know." The words came out as a sigh.

Using several pillows to prop him up, Gillian helped him to sit up a little, and, after letting the dizziness pass, she set the tray over his lap. "This does look good," she said, still smiling, and picked up the spoon.

She was going to feed him, Luka realized, horrified. Like he was a baby. "No," he said quickly. "I... can do it myself." Taking the spoon from her he almost dropped it, then managed to tighten his grip. But he just toyed with it, stirring the soup and looking at it without appetite. He also noticed, for the first time, the bandages on his wrists, stained with pinkish serum. What was underneath the bandages? (His wrists ached dully, but so did everything else, except the parts that throbbed, or just plain hurt.)

"Come on, Luka," Gillian said again. "You need to eat."

Luka sighed, and tasted a spoonful of the soup. Then he put the spoon down. "I can't."

"Are you nauseous?"

"No... just not hungry." He knew he should be hungry. How long had it been since he'd had anything to eat?

"Then you need to try and get it down. I know it isn't cordon bleu ... or even Campbell's, but it's pretty good. The folks in the kitchen really knocked themselves out for you."

Picking up the spoon once more, Luka managed to choke down a couple of spoons of soup, and he took a bite of toast, then he weakly tried to push the tray away, and let his head sink back into the pillow. "I can't ..." he said again, shaking his head. "Please..."

"All right, maybe a little later." Gillian took the tray away and settled Luka back down into bed.

Luka focused his eyes on a crack in the ceiling. "Gillian?"

"Yeah?"

"Were you... Angelique said you came to Matenda... found me?"

"That's right. We were worried. We'd heard about the fighting in the area, and when we couldn't get in touch with you by radio, we came out to see if you were ok."

"There were others being held prisoner with me ... Patrique and Chance ... and Sakina ... and some others ..." he trailed off and Gillian nodded. "What happened to them?"

Gillian took a deep breath. "They were ... ummm ... all killed - shot. When we found you, we thought at first that you were dead too. You were barely breathing."

"Wasn't sure if it was a dream or not."

"What?"

"I heard shots ... and screams ... I couldn't move ... couldn't see what was happening. I must have passed out ... because when I woke up ... it was so quiet ... the Mai Mai had gone. Everyone else seemed to have ... gone too ... I didn't know ... thought maybe I'd dreamed it all." A faint smile. "I know some of what I thought had happened must have been a dream ... like when I thought I died ... guess that was just a dream ..."

"Must have been," agreed Gillian. "Since you aren't dead."

"But Patrique is?"

"Yes."

"And Chance, and Sakina?"

A hesitation. "We found Chance's body. But not Sakina's. They may have left her in the jungle somewhere ..."

"Or they took her with them." How long would they have kept her with them... used her... until they tired of her ... or used her up?

The room was gone - vivid images flashed before Luka's eyes - seemed to seize his body.

Sakina being dragged from the clinic, wide eyed, knowing what awaited her ... then sitting huddled on the cot, looking at him with frightened eyes as he was ... oh God ... no ... it was a dream ... it was just a dream ... hands pulling his trousers and his shorts down over his hips, to his knees ... men laughing, making jokes, ("Not much of a man, is he?") and then, the sensation sharper now than when it had happened (but no... it hadn't happened! it had only been a nightmare, part of his delirium...) because the pain was no longer masked by overwhelming agony elsewhere in his body - the feeling of them forcing themselves into his body, tearing him apart ... ripping him open ... trying to hurt him, to make him scream - but he hadn't had the strength to scream ... or had he? Maybe he had been screaming inside. He could remember screaming. Or maybe he had just dreamed that part too. And when he'd thought it was over, that they were finished with him, it would start over again, with a different body on top of his, inside of his ... and he was sobbing, helpless to stop himself. He had thought the pain would be easier the second time, and the third ... but it wasn't. It never got easier ... and there was a sticky wetness that wasn't blood ... or maybe it was blood too ... running down his thigh ...

Nausea overwhelmed him. Luka suddenly gagged, and Gillian rushed to turn him, just before he vomited onto the floor. There wasn't much there, just a little soup, but he retched and heaved long after there was nothing left, not even bile.

When he was done, and was weak and trembling with exhaustion, Gillian helped him to settle down again onto his back.

"Sorry," he said faintly.

"It's ok. It's my fault for making you eat when you said you weren't hungry. I'll go get a mop and clean it up."

"No!" Luka said desperately. "Please ... don't leave me alone."

"I'll just be a minute, I promise."

Gillian hurried out and, as sudden as the nausea had come a moment before, tears and harsh, wrenching sobs came. They shook his whole body, making his leg hurt, and his chest. His head throbbed. He scarcely heard the footsteps as Gillian returned, but he heard the clatter as she dropped the mop (or was it gunshots?) and then she was holding his hand and saying "It's ok, Luka... it's ok... you're safe now..." And Luka stiffened at her touch, and suddenly couldn't bear for her to be there, to let her see him like this.

"No!" he gasped. "Please... leave me alone... go away... please?"

"Luka?" He could hear the hurt in her voice, but it didn't touch him.

"Please?" he said again. "Just go away..."

"Ok." A sigh. "You're tired. You get some rest." She kissed his cheek and, after quickly mopping up the mess on the floor, left him alone.

And Luka cried until exhaustion finally carried him away into sleep again.