Chapter 14: First Day at Work
Early on Monday morning, Alex woke up about 7:00. She'd set the alarm the night before to make sure that she'd be up on time to make it to her new job by 8:30. She got ready, taking a shower and putting all the final touches on her hair and makeup before getting dressed in a black Armani suit. It was just like the old days again, only this time she had much more hope for her future. She left the hotel just in time to meet the car she had waiting downstairs and instructed the driver to take her to the 12th precinct.
Monday morning, Kate walked into the precinct in an irritated mood. She understood that Alex had wanted to spend the night at her hotel so she wouldn't be late for her first day back at the DA's office, but she hated that it meant she had to spend the night alone.
Kate hadn't been able to sleep very well and she'd had a cup of coffee at home before she even made it into work. When that didn't prove to be enough, she stopped at her favorite coffee shop for a cup of the 'red-eye' coffee she usually got when she had to pull an all-nighter. Without it, she knew she wouldn't make it to noon. Kate walked into the squad room and the first thing she saw was Castle standing by her desk.
Despite the fact that she knew she shouldn't, Kate let her bad mood take over and said, in an annoyed tone, "What are you doing here Castle? Don't you have bigger, more lucrative fish to fry?"
Kate was still a little ticked that he had insulted the character he'd based on her. Especially now that she knew that Alex thought it was hot that the character was based on the detective.
Castle looked up at Beckett and said, "Actually I just left my sunglasses here yesterday."
"Yeah, right," Kate said. She knew the way Castle functioned. He'd often use something innocuous to worm his way into her day and this time she wasn't letting him get away with it. Unfortunately for her, he was telling the truth and he held up the glasses as proof.
She sucked it up and figured that since he was there collecting his possessions, she might as well tell him to take the little Russian nesting dolls he'd given to her with him as well. "While you're at it, don't forget those,"she said as she pointed to the dolls on her desk and then she walked away, clearly still upset.
She walked up to Ryan and Esposito and they filled her in what they'd learned over the weekend about their victim. While they were discussing, Detective Karpowski interrupted them to let them know that the victim's Super was on the phone inquiring about the apartment.
Kate thought nothing of the information but Castle found it odd that the apartment was paid up to Friday when the victim was killed last Thursday. He mentioned it to Becket and soon they were off to talk to the building Super who ended up telling them that someone had slipped the rent under his door the Friday after the victim was killed. He also revealed that someone was picking up her mail.
Beckett decided to sit in her car with Castle and wait for the mystery woman to show up for the mail. She had a hunch that it was Talbot's wife who was there to collect the threatening letter she'd mailed to the victim. As they sat in the car talking Kate could feel her bad mood slipping away.
Alex walked into the precinct and was instantly met with several pairs of staring eyes. She resisted her urge to jump under one of the desks and hide and instead walked with her head held high to Captain Montgomery's office. She knocked on the door and waited for him to open it.
Captain Roy Montgomery was at his desk going over the usual paperwork when there was a knock on his door. Since his detectives usually just walked in, he knew this must be someone else so he looked up and said, "Come in."
Alex opened the door and smiled, "Hi, Captain Montgomery, I'm Alexandra Cabot, your new ADA?"She walked in after shutting the door and reached out her hand to shake his. She knew basically nothing about the man, but she hoped for the best.
Captain Montgomery stood up when the lovely blonde entered the room and he smiled as he shook her hand, "Hello Ms. Cabot. I was told you would be starting today. Welcome to the homicide division of the 12th Precinct."
"Thank you," she said with a polite smile. "I've never worked with Homicide before. I'm sure it's going to be quite an experience."
He smiled as he thought about Castle's involvement in their cases, "Oh yeah, it'll be...interesting. I'm sure you'll fit right in. Come on, I'll introduce you to the squad." Montgomery led Alex out of his office and into the bullpen. Ryan and Esposito were at their desks doing paperwork. "Ok guys, listen up. This is Alexandra Cabot, she's our new ADA. Ms. Cabot these are Detectives Ryan and Esposito."
She smiled and extended her hand, first to Ryan because he was closer, then to Esposito. "It's nice to meet you both."
Ryan stood up and shook her hand, a little mesmerized by her blue eyes. He shook it off after a couple of moments and welcomed her to Homicide. Esposito was a little less mesmerized but still took a second longer than he maybe should have to shake her hand.
Montgomery looked around then asked the guys, "Hey, where are they?"He motioned to the empty desk a few feet awat from the guys.
The guys looked at each other then Esposito said, "They went to talk to the Super of Sokol's building. Should be back in a bit."
Alex looked back at the Captain, "So we're waiting on one more?"
Montgomery smirked and winked at the guys, "Um, one more detective yeah, and one surprise tag along."He wanted to see Ms. Cabot's reaction first hand when she found out Rick Castle was part of the team, so to speak.
She raised an eyebrow, "Should I be concerned about this surprise?"Alex wasn't particularly fond of surprises, especially when it came to work.
Montgomery just smiled, "Concern isn't the first thing that comes to mind. Don't worry Ms. Cabot, it's not bad."
The guys chuckled then went back to their paper work. Suddenly Esposito's phone rang and he answered it, talking to the person on the other end briefly before hanging up. He turned to Montgomery, "That was them, they're on their way back with a suspect. ETA's about ten minutes."
Montgomery nodded and then turned to Alex, "Do you have some time to wait around?"
Alex looked at her watch and nodded, "Um, sure. I don't have to be back at my office until 11:30."
Montgomery smiled, "Good, you're welcome to wait in the lounge. We have an espresso machine if you want a coffee. If you'll excuse me though I have to finish some paperwork. Ryan?"
Ryan stood up and led the blonde into the lounge and showed her the machine. He smiled, "So, um, where did you work before you transferred here?"
"I was with Special Victims over at the 16th, but that was several years ago,"she said as she got a cup and placed it under the spout. She pressed a button and the machine whirred to life.
Ryan was impressed, "Special Victims? That's, um, rape victims right?" He shook his head, "Live victims? That's gotta be tough."
"Uh, yeah, it's...a challenge. But it really made me appreciate the little things in life and I'll always be grateful for that."
Ryan nodded but before he could say anything the elevator opened and he glanced over to see who was stepping off. It was Beckett and Castle with a blonde and he smiled. "There they are."
Alex turned and nearly dropped her coffee to the floor when she saw Kate, her Kate walking across the room.
Ryan turned to the blonde and noticed her reaction. He was curious to know why she looked as white as a sheet, so he asked, "Are you ok Ms. Cabot? You look like you've seen a ghost."Ryan, clearly concern, stepped closer.
Before Alex could reply to Ryan, she saw Richard Castle and nearly fainted. This, this was Captain Montgomery's surprise? She set her coffee down before she burned herself and shut her eyes. Maybe it was all a dream. That's it, she was still asleep in her hotel room and this was some bizarre dream borne of eating Chinese food after nine combined with her jitters over her new job.
Ryan was really starting to get really worried, but before he could do anything, Esposito stuck his head in and said, "Hey, Ryan, Cap wants Miss Cabot to observe the interrogation." Esposito walked up to Alex and noticed she looked a little pale. "Um Miss Cabot, are you ok?"Esposito looked to Ryan, who shrugged, and then turned back to the blonde.
"I'm fine...just having a small hallucination, but I'll be fine in just a minute." She took a breath and opened her eyes and when she didn't see either Kate or Castle any more, she sighed, "Better."
Esposito decided not to push it and said, "Ok well, the Captain wants to know if you want to observe the interrogation, just to ease your way into Homicide."
"Sure, just show me where I need to go,"she said with a smile.
Esposito led Alex out of the lounge and across the bullpen, but before they could make it halfway across, Rick Castle and Kate Beckett stepped out of the interrogation room and headed their way. Kate had to tell her Captain that they needed a warrant for the victim's mail and Castle just needed another cup of coffee.
Kate and Castle stopped in their tracks when they noticed Esposito with a blonde and Kate was stunned to see that it was Alex standing there. Suddenly she couldn't move. Castle, on the other hand, didn't have any problem when he recognized the blonde as the same woman from his party.
He smiled as he approached the blonde, "Well hello there, I see you've found me...Alex. How are you?"It was easy for Rick to remember her name because it was so similar to his daughter's name, Alexis. He smiled charmingly and extended his hand.
Alex realized this was really happening and took a breath. She reached out her hand and shook his, "Hello Mr. Castle, it's nice to see you again. Though to be honest, I wasn't expecting to see you here of all places."
Rick just grinned, "Yes I'm helping out the NYPD, you know providing a new insight based on my years of experience with researching for my books." Castle remembered that Beckett was next to him and he smiled, "Alex, this is Detective Beckett, she was the inspiration for Nikki Heat."Castle presented Kate to the blonde, hoping to impress the other woman with his connection to the NYPD in addition to mentioning his latest best seller.
Kate stood there watching Castle hit on Alex and she felt the familiar jealousy bubble to the surface, especially when she saw Alex's hand touching Castle's. She forced herself to pretend like nothing was amiss and said, "Nice to meet you." Then she turned to Castle, "Castle, for god's sake stop bringing up Nikki Heat, it's not cute."
Alex looked at Kate and followed her lead, "Nice to meet you too, Detective Beckett."She was still trying to digest everything that was happening. Honestly, she couldn't believe the odds.
Kate smiled at Alex and asked, "Um, what brings you here?"
"I'm your new ADA. I'm going to be prosecuting your cases from now on,"she said, keeping a neutral face so she wouldn't tip anyone off.
Kate had an idea and turned to Castle, "Hey Castle, can you fill the Captain and the guys in on Nurse Do-Right while I talk to...Alex...about a warrant?" Then she turned to Alex, "Can I talk to you in private please?"Kate watched as Castle took the hint and led Esposito and Ryan, who had come out of the lounge, into the Captain's office to tell them about the nurse and the mail.
Once the guys were in the Captain's office, Kate led Alex to the observation room and locked the door behind them. She turned to Alex, "So, this is your new job?"
"Yeah, the DA gave me a choice and I picked Homicide. I had no idea that you'd be here."
Kate looked at Alex for a moment before she glanced around and noticed no one could see them from the outside. Kate stepped closer to Alex, slipped her arms around her waist, and kissed her, quickly but firmly, before she pulled away. Kate smiled at Alex, "I missed you last night."
"I missed you too, babe. I had a hard time falling asleep without you, but I didn't have my stuff and I hated to wake you early just so I could go back to the hotel and get ready. Forgive me?"she asked with a pout.
Kate smiled and kissed her again, "Yeah I forgive you...as long as you spend tonight with me. Bring some clothes for tomorrow ok?" She took a breath and then asked, "So, we're going to be working together huh?"
"I promise. I'll go home and pack some stuff before I go over." Then she nodded, "Yeah. Um, how do you think we should handle this? I mean, do you want us to continue pretending like this is the first time we've ever met?"
Kate thought about that for a moment. She didn't want Alex to think she was ashamed of her or that she wanted to hide their relationship, but she also didn't want Alex to start her new job as 'Kate's girlfriend'. "Um...I don't know, I mean, I love you and I don't want you to think that I don't want them to know about us, but you just started here and I don't want them to judge you as my girlfriend before you've have a chance to impress them as our ADA." Kate paused for a moment then asked, "So, would you be ok with acting like we just met?"Kate hoped she wasn't messing up her chance with Alex by asking her to pretend they were just friends.
Alex pulled away and was silent for several moments as she thought about Kate's reasoning. She turned back to look at the brunette and said, "Honey, I'm not asking you to announce that we're a couple...but I also don't want to pretend like I don't know you. What if I slipped up and said the wrong thing, you know? Can't we just...say we're friends? That we knew each other and now that I've moved home, we're reconnecting?"
Kate nodded, grateful that Alex had thought of that angle. She knew Alex wasn't asking for much and that the blonde would never pressure her to come out if she wasn't ready. Kate realized that this was a turning point in their relationship and if she chose wrong, she could lose Alex.
"How about we stick as close to the truth as possible? We can say we met when I was on vacation in New Mexico and you recently moved back to New York. That way, we don't have to worry about what we say, ok?"
Alex smiled and nodded, "I think that sounds like a plan." She walked back over to Kate and put her arms around her, kissing her firmly on the lips before pulling back. "As much as I hate to say this, we should probably go back out there before they start to wonder what's going on. Do you have plans for lunch?"
Kate smiled, "If you can get me the warrant I need, I'll be all yours for lunch." Kate kissed Alex on the nose, "Deal?"
"I'll get right on it. What's it for?"Alex asked and then reluctantly let go of Kate.
"Well, we need a warrant to open a letter in the victim's mail," she said and then proceeded to fill Alex in on the details about the case. "So, can you get it?"
"Based on what you told me, it shouldn't be a problem. I'll call you once I get it." She pecked Kate one last time on the lips and then walked over to the door and opened it, "After you."
Kate smiled as she walked past Alex, she whispered, "Tonight, I'll show you how much I missed you last night."Kate slipped out the room and headed for the interrogation room. She saw Castle standing outside waiting for her and without a word she opened the door and went in to question the nurse. Castle slipped in behind her to watch.
The day passed quickly and once the warrant came through, Beckett and Castle brought Doctor Talbot and his wife in and together. Thanks to some fancy footwork they were able to get the doctor to confess to killing Eliska Sokol. As it turned out, the doctor has switched Sokol's baby with his own just after they were born and he murdered the victim to keep her from telling his wife that their son, Zane, was actually Sokol's son.
After she sent the doctor to be booked and processed, she brought the victim's ex-husband in to meet Mrs. Talbot in the hopes that they could find a way to raise Zane together. When she saw that they were getting along just fine without her, Kate slipped out and headed for home with a smile on her face. She was walking down the hallway towards her apartment when she saw Alex standing against the wall next to her door. Kate grinned as she walked up to her gorgeous blonde girlfriend, "Hey baby, waiting for someone?"
Alex smiled, "Yeah. I guess I'm a little early. I kept hoping you'd get off the elevator before any of your neighbors did. I didn't want them to think I was weird for sitting outside your door with a suitcase."
Kate stepped closer and took Alex into her arms. She kissed her and said, "I personally don't care what the neighbors think, but let's get inside before we end up giving them a show ok?"Kate took out her keys and opened the door, letting Alex walk in first.
Alex rolled her suitcase and said, "I'm going to go put this into your room, if that's ok."
"Go right ahead. I'll see what I can make us for dinner. What are you in the mood for?"Kate asked as she closed the door behind them.
"Anything is fine with me baby. You're an amazing cook," she smiled and then rolled her luggage to the bedroom. She set it down in the corner out of the way and then took off her heels, putting them next to her bag. She walked back into the living room and asked, "Do you want to watch a movie after dinner?"
Kate looked up from the other side of the fridge door and smiled, "That sounds good. I've got the makings of a nice pasta dish, why don't you go pick out a DVD while I get started on dinner?"
Alex nodded and then went to the entertainment center to find something. She looked at the selection and asked, "How about The Devil Wears Prada?"
Kate smiled, "Yeah that sounds good. I'll get started with dinner."Kate went back to her task of gathering the ingredients while the bowtie pasta boiled.
Alex popped the DVD in the player and let it load, but didn't press play. She walked into the kitchen and smiled as she watched Kate standing at the stove. She loved that sight. "So, I picked up some wine on the way over. Are we having red sauce or white?"
Kate looked up from the stove where she was preparing the sauce and smiled at Alex, "Alfredo sauce. Is that ok?"
"Sounds great. I picked up a bottle of red and white just in case. I'll be right back."She went to the bedroom and opened her bag, taking out the two bottles before returning to the kitchen. She set the bottle of white down and put the red in the fridge to chill. Then she went to the utensil drawer and pulled out the corkscrew.
Kate watched Alex's movements in her kitchen and smiled at how familiar she was with the layout. It had only been a few days but already Alex looked like she belonged there and Kate suddenly had a vision of Alex living there with her. She could see the two of them making dinner together every night, Kate teaching Alex to cook and then watching a movie or listening to music before heading to bed together. Needless to say, Kate liked that idea. In Santa Fe, they had, in a sense, lived together and Kate wanted that back.
She idly wondered if it was too soon to ask Alex to stay with her, but decided to bring it up later that night to see how Alex felt about it. For now, she turned back to the stove with a smile.
After popping the cork, Alex took two wine glasses from the cupboard above her. She poured two equal amounts and then walked over to hand Kate her glass so that she could take a sip. Alex set her own glass down and put her arms around Kate, kissing her on the neck. "Ryan and Esposito must think I'm crazy..."
Kate smiled, though she was a little puzzled, "Why would you say that?"
"Because I thought I was hallucinating when I saw you and Castle walk into the precinct. Seriously, I thought I was having some sort of weird dream."
Kate chuckled, "And they were with you when that happened?"
"Yes. I had a little moment while I was getting some coffee and they both saw it..."she said, burying her face into Kate's neck.
Kate tilted her head back and to the side to allow Alex better access. "So, why would seeing me make you think you were hallucinating? I know you weren't expecting to see me there but...am I what you would hallucinate? And with Castle, no less?"
"Because it was just...surreal. Honestly, I've had weirder things happen in my dreams after eating Chinese late at night, but think about it, what are the odds of you and Rick Castle walking into the place where I just started work? Not saying I wasn't thrilled to see you, just weirded out."
Kate smiled, "I can see how that would mess with your head. Don't worry baby, the guys won't care that you zoned out for a moment." Kate turned to face Alex and wrapped her arms around the blonde's neck, "I like the idea of working together, means I'll get to see you more."Then she leaned forward and kissed Alex.
Alex smiled, "You think you'll still feel that way after we work our first case?"
Kate looked at Alex, "Why wouldn't I?"Granted, she hadn't really worked with ADAs much. Of the few times she had, it was usually when she had to testify in court and based on that, she was pretty ok with her experiences.
"I can be kind of tough,"Alex said, putting on a hard face.
Kate grinned, "I've dealt with tough. Besides, since I don't send cases to the DA's office until we have the right guy, so there shouldn't be a problem. If I can deal with Castle's annoying presence, I can handle you in 'tough' mode, I think."Kate placed a kiss on Alex's neck.
Alex grinned, "Oh yeah? We'll see about that later...maybe I'll have to play a little rough."She tweaked an eyebrow and spanked Kate on the ass.
Kate grinned and lightly bit down on Alex's neck, soothing the mark with her tongue before pulling back. When she glanced down at the mark, all traces of playfulness vanished and she suddenly flashed back to their last morning together in Santa Fe. She remembered that moment in the shower when she'd lost control and bitten Alex. Kate began to lightly shake and she pulled away from Alex, turning her attention back to the stove.
Alex knew exactly what had crossed Kate's mind and she touched the brunette's shoulder, "Honey, don't..."
Kate was spiraling into the past, remembering how she'd hurt Alex and how she'd vowed never to do that again. She was deep in her thoughts when the touch of Alex's hand on her shoulder startled her back to reality and she jumped a little.
Alex rubbed Kate's back, "Kate, look at me please..."
Kate took a breath then and there were tears in her eyes but they hadn't fallen yet. She lowered her head, unable to look at Alex after having bitten her again, leaving teeth marks on her again, even if they were faint.
Alex lifted Kate's chin and looked into her eyes, "Baby, please...come on, don't cry. I'm fine, see?"She touched her shoulder and there was only a bit of faint pink.
Kate blinked the tears away and looked at Alex's neck. When she saw that teeth marks were gone she took a few deep breaths to calm herself down. "I'm sorry Alex. I...I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry I hurt you."
Kate threw herself into Alex's arms and held her tight, her face buried in Alex's chest, well away from her neck.
Alex soothed her, "Shhh, Kate, it's ok. You didn't hurt me. You were just being playful like I was. It's ok for us to do that, baby, because we know the limit...you know what's ok and what's not."
Kate turned her head so her words wouldn't be muffled when she said, "I'm just, scared of going too far. I crossed the line in Santa Fe, and I almost crossed it again. I'm scared that one day I'll lose myself and really hurt you."Kate tightened her grip on Alex's waist.
"Honey, we need to really sit down and talk about this...I don't want you to always be terrified of hurting me,"Alex said, holding her close.
Kate thought about that and she knew Alex was right. "Ok, but can it wait until after dinner? I just, I need a little distance between this and talking about it, is that ok?"Kate needed time to fortify herself for such a conversation. She didn't want to hurt Alex ever in any way and she knew that if they didn't talk about this, it would always be hanging over their relationship.
"Of course. Why don't I go set the table and give you some time, ok?"She kissed Kate on the lips and then went to another cabinet to take out some pasta bowls. She set them down next to the stove for Kate and then took two sets of silverware from a drawer and went to the dining room to set them out.
Kate waited for Alex to leave the kitchen before she rested her hands on the counter and took a deep breath. 'I can do this, it's no big deal. We can talk about this and it'll be ok. I can control myself, I can keep myself from hurting Alex. I can do this.' Kate thought to herself. She lifted her head and squared her shoulders before serving the pasta into the bowls. She carried them into the dining room and smiled when she noticed that Alex had also brought the wine glasses to the table. "Let's eat."
Alex smiled and sat down. She topped off both glasses of wine and then picked up her fork, "This looks amazing, Kate." She took some pasta onto her fork and blew on it before taking a bite, "Mmmm."
Kate smiled and began eating. She loved it that Alex had a normal appetite and that she usually loved anything she cooked. Kate took a sip of her wine. "I'm glad you like it."
"I feel bad that I don't cook more. But I'm nowhere near as good as you, as you might already know,"she said with a chuckle. She loved Kate and she wanted her to know that she appreciated everything she did for her.
Kate grinned, "I love cooking for you though. It's one small way for me to show you how much I love you."Kate reached out and placed her hand on Alex's.
Alex smiled, "I know, but I just feel like I don't have anything to give back. It's not about keeping score, I know that, but I feel like a bum."
Kate smiled and said, "You came back to me. You could've stayed in Santa Fe after you were released from Witness Protection. You could've come back to New York and avoided me, forgetting about me and going back to your old squad, your ex even, but you didn't. You came back to me. You kept on loving me this whole time...that's more than I had hoped for this past year. I had thought that you had forgotten about me, found someone else, that our time together was nothing more than a fling for you. Especially after the way I hurt you before I left, but you're here with me. That's enough Alex."Kate gently squeezed Alex's hand as she explained.
Alex squeezed back, "I just...when we're together...I want to be able to do things too. I don't always want to bring home take out when it's my turn to cook or whatever. I want to split things equally..."
Kate grinned, "Well then...how about I teach you how to cook? I mean if you want that?"
Alex grinned like she was a little kid, "Really? You'd give me lessons?"
"Of course I would. I think it would be fun...especially with the right incentives."Kate grinned. She was already picturing kisses as rewards for good work...and other sexy rewards for bigger jobs.
"I'd love that, Kate. I could come over a few nights or you could come over to my place and we could practice there. It'd be so much fun."
Kate nodded, silently wondering if now was the time to bring up what she was thinking. "Um, Alex...I was wondering about something...how much longer are you planning to live at the hotel?"
"Um, not much longer. About a week, I guess. Why?"
Kate lowered her head and focused on her plate as she said, "Oh, because, um...I was thinking that it might be...good if you um, moved in here? I know we've only been together a few days this time but in Santa Fe we were together only a few days when you suggested I stay with you. This is like that, except that we know each other better now."Kate stopped talking to give Alex a chance to respond. She stared at her plate as she waited.
Alex took a sip of wine and then spoke in a soft voice, not wanting to hurt Kate's feelings, "Honey, I...I would like that, but...the thing is, I already put a down payment on a loft and...to be honest, I think I need a little bit more time before I can move in with you. I just need to get readjusted to New York and I mean, we can spend time together, but I have to find my feet again..." She touched Kate's arm, "Please don't hate me..."
Kate looked up at Alex, "I don't hate you baby, I never could. I understand that you need time and as much as I would love to live with you now, I can wait until you're ready. I didn't know you already had a place set up. I just didn't want you to keep wasting money on the hotel. So...when you move into this loft, can I come over?"
"Are you kidding? You're going to come over all the time!" she said with a beaming smile. "But I'll make you a deal. How about for the next week I check out of the hotel and stay here? Does that sound fair?"
Kate smiled, "I like that idea. Though it will be hard to have you move out after a week, but...I'll take a week with you here, all the time, with me." Kate lifted Alex's hand to her lips for a kiss. "Since we're done eating, how about we go watch that movie?"
"Sounds good. Though do you mind if I get a little ice cream? You know how I have a sweet tooth. Do you want some?"
Kate's eyes lit up, "Ooh, sounds good, do you need a hand?"
"No, you go get settled and I'll take care of dessert."She stood and gathered both plates and returned to the kitchen to put them to soak and get the ice cream. About five minutes later, she handed Kate a bowl and joined her on the couch.
Kate waited for Alex to get settled on the couch before she shifted closer and rested her head on the blonde's shoulder. With her ice cream bowl in one hand and the remote in the other, Kate smiled at the domesticity of the moment before she pressed play and set the remote down. She looked up at Alex, "I like this."
"Me too, baby. I love doing this, sharing an amazing meal and then relaxing together before bed. I love you so much, Kate."
Kate placed her bowl on the coffee table and wrapped her arms around Alex, "I love you too Alex." Kate sighed in contentment then said, "This is how I always wanted it to be with us. This whole year apart, all I wanted was to have you here with me, snuggling on the couch."Kate turned her head and leaned up to kiss Alex.
Alex looked into her eyes, "Me too, honey. I would snuggle up with the pillow you slept on and I could inhale your scent and it somehow made it bearable. But being without you was so hard..."
"Well at least you had a pillow...I didn't have anything with your scent on it. All I had of you was this," Kate held up her hand with the ring Alex had given her. Kate had slipped it on while Alex went to get the ice cream. "It kept me close to you in my mind, but it doesn't compare to having you right here with me."
Alex set her own bowl down and kissed Kate, her tongue slipping into the brunette's mouth. She wrapped her arms around her girlfriend and was enjoying being close to her, but she noticed that Kate was hesitant. She pulled back and looked into her eyes, "What's wrong?"
Kate turned to look at the movie on the screen. Andy had just gotten the job with Miranda and she smiled at the scene but then faced Alex, "I...it's just...I think we should be careful."
Alex exhaled, "Forever?"
Kate frowned, "Not forever just...I don't know...I just don't want to risk hurting you."
"Talk to me about this Kate. You said we would after dinner."
Kate sighed, "Remember when I told you about Amber?" Alex nodded, "Well...what I didn't tell you was what happened after I got away from her."Kate stopped, unsure if she could actually say what she'd done.
Alex paused the movie and then took Kate's hand, "It's ok baby, I'm here."
Kate took a breath, "Lanie convinced me that I needed something to help me heal, so I started taking self-defense lessons. I got very...um...well I think the word Lanie used near the end was obsessed. I started doing strength training as well as the fighting moves. When I joined the academy, I would take on anyone who wanted to spar, men, women, it didn't matter. I sent them all limping off the mat. It got to the point where no one wanted to spar with me. I haven't really been in a serious relationship with anyone since then, apart from the occasional date, but I know that I have the strength to seriously hurt you if I lose control. The biting is the least of my worries."Kate had to stop talking, scared that Alex would be angry with her and ready to leave.
"You make it sound like you're some sort of monster. You're strong, you have to be in your line of work, but it doesn't mean that you're going to start throwing me into walls or punching me in the face. That's not you, Kate. I don't care how many people you sparred with, being in a controlled environment where you can let go and being here is different and you know that."
Kate slowly shook her head, "But what happens the next time we're playing around and I forget myself and I hurt you? I don't like the thought that I could do that, I never want to hurt you Alex."
"I'm not a China doll, Kate. I'm tough..." she said with a smile. "So long as you don't plan to bite me so hard that you take a piece of me with you, I can handle the occasional playful bite..."
"This isn't funny Alex. In Santa Fe I almost did break the skin."Kate wasn't ready to joke about this.
"But you didn't, Kate. You knew when enough was enough. I trust you to know that now, too," Alex said, the smile gone from her face. "I mean, if you're telling me that you're always going to feel like this, how are we supposed to move forward?"
Kate thought about that. She wanted to have a life with the beautiful blonde, a family eventually. She wanted to move forward and Kate knew the only way she would be able to do that was by easing into the playful fun. "I don't know. But I have an idea. If you're willing to be patient with me."Kate had a sudden fear that this would be too much for Alex, that she would decide it wasn't worth it and leave her...and in Kate's mind, when Alex left her, it was always to go back to her ex.
"Tell me,"Alex said, caressing Kate's cheek, encouraging her to be honest.
Kate took a breath. "I love you Alex, I want us to one day have a family and get married and spend the rest of my life with you. I don't ever want to lose you. I think, I might be able to get past this fear I have if we...take it slowly. Start small and work our way up to the big stuff." Kate smiled, "I liked that little tap you gave me earlier...I think we should start with something small like that." Kate looked carefully at Alex, "What do you think?"
Alex nodded, "I think that sounds like a great idea. We can practice as much as it takes to get you comfortable." She kissed Kate's nose and rested her forehead against the brunette's, "I just want you to feel safe and secure."
Kate sighed in relief and spoke from her heart, "I feel safe when I'm with you, like this. Just us together with no pressure or anything. You and I had a great weekend together, I felt safe with you. It's only when the...kinky stuff comes into play that I start getting nervous."Kate knew she sounded like a boring, vanilla-flavored prude but she couldn't help it.
"Honey, I'll be honest with you, I'm not very adventurous usually. I like the occasional fun like a little spanking or silk scarves, but trust me, I won't put you in a position where you feel uncomfortable. When you're ready to experiment a little with me, we can, but until then, I'm more than happy having boring ol' mind-blowing sex,"she said with a grin.
Kate smiled and leaned forward to kiss Alex. She let her tongue slip out and when Alex opened her mouth, Kate slipped her tongue in and deepened the kiss. Kate ran her hand around Alex's waist and pulled her closer, loving the feel of Alex's body against hers. Kate let out a moan at the contact.
Alex started leaning back, pulling Kate with her. She just wanted to kiss Kate and let her know that everything was going to be ok. She rubbed Kate's back, lifting her blouse to gently scratch her skin.
Kate shifted and pressed forward, following Alex down on the couch. Kate placed her hands on the couch to hold herself above Alex as she pulled back and said, "I love you baby."Kate lowered her head and began kissing Alex's neck, being very careful to keep her teeth away as she licked and kissed and sucked on Alex's soft skin.
"I love you too. Never forget that."
Kate smiled as she continued down to Alex's collarbone. She lifted her head and asked, teasingly, "So...did you want to finish watching the movie or...?"Kate left the other option open, letting Alex fill in the blank.
"We can always finish it later...let's go to your room."She sat up with Kate and took the detective's hand. She led her to the bedroom and helped her down onto the bed so that they could pick up where they'd left off.
TBC