Author's Note: Thank you guys! I love doing this. I promise to finish this book with more chapters and a second book may or may not be in the works. All depends on you guys. THANK YOU. SAME DEAL IS ON THE TABLE!
"Have a seat Miss Livia." Mrs. Harris says sternly.
I listen to her command under he harsh gaze. I sit down quietly and wait for her lecture to begin.
"Livia, you haven't been coming to our meetings. I have no choice but to be upset about it."
"I'm sorry Mrs. Harris." I apologize.
She just shakes her head sadly at me.
"Do you want to get better?" She asks me.
I stare at her wide eyed and angry. Was she oblivious to everything that has happened? Can she not see how I want to get better?
"Of course I do!"
"Well what am I suppose to think? You haven't gotten any better with your anxiety. We don't have time for this Livia. You need to get better."
I stare at her, trying to turn my gray eyes into daggers. I try to look past her, but my anger controls me and I have to stare her down.
"I have as much time as I need. I am getting better. You just can't see it." I retort.
She shakes her head at me with a smirk on her face, letting out a small laugh.
"Time isn't something you have Livia. You think you're getting better. But why? Because of that boy? Jordi is his name right? You're both in a hospital, one of you has to leave before the other. Once he's gone, what happens to you? Do you really think he'll come back for you? You have to get better on your own."
I look down at my feet avoiding her gaze. She's wrong. Jordi and I are better than that. He wouldn't leave me. Or would he?
"You didn't think of this before." She asks.
"No." I say immediately.
"You do realize your life depends on you. You need a new heart, but we can't risk going into surgery until you get better. Don't you want to get out of this place. Don't you want to go home?"
What home? I've never felt at home. I've never had a stable family, someone is always leaving. A dead dad and a mom who doesn't care isn't the best place to grow up in. I don't want to go back home, it won't help me.
"We called your mom. She's coming to visit you today. She's suppose to be here in about fifteen minutes. We want you to go get ready and then we're having a session the next day. Got it?"
"No I'm not going to see her! That's not what I want! Give me time!"
Mrs. Harris snaps, slamming her hand on the desk in front of her making me jump. I stay silent.
"You don't have time Livia!"
She calms adjusting her glasses back into place. She sits up straight waiting for my reaction.
"Fine."
"You need your mothers support in all this." She adds.
"I never have. I don't want her support."
I get up and walk out her door before hearing anymore bad news. I walk to my room antsy for my mothers arrival. I straighten up my room out of habitat and sit down on my couch, twirling my thumbs. What am I suppose to do? How do I look normal? I hear footsteps and look up to see Nurse Jackson standing by my doorway.
"I'm sorry sweet pea." She squeaks.
She walks over to me and sits down next to me. I keep my hands in my lap watching them.
"You don't always have to be so strong Livia. It's okay to rely on people."
I gaze up at her trying to hear the truth in her words. I can only listen though.
"Thanks Nurse Jackson."
She pulls me in for a hug and I let my head rest on her shoulder. She pulls back and looks at my face with a sad look in her eyes.
"If your mom is too much for you, you holler for me. Got it?"
"I will. I'm almost positive." I joke.
She gives my arm a squeeze before getting up to leave. I let myself sit staring at my nails. I hear laughter in the hall and I see the red band society walking my way. A ping of jealousy washes over me at first, but then I remind myself they're coming to visit me. They have their problems too, not just me. Don't be so self-centered Livia.
"Yo Liv. What's up?" Dash asks.
"Dash we saw each other like, I don't know, 10 minutes ago?"
"A lot can happen in ten minutes." Kara says with a smirk.
My face reddens at her joke. I knew exactly what she meant.
"So what are you doing today?" Leo asks.
"Yea, we wanted to go dress shopping." Emma adds.
My immediate reaction is to look up at Jordi for help. I forget that he knows nothing about today. He returns a confused look at me.
"Oh... um... my mom is visiting today. No big deal."
"That's great! Can I meet her!" Emma says excitedly.
"No!" I say quickly.
Jordi gives me a look. I know he'll be asking me a lot of questions later.
"It's just... I haven't talked to her in a while. I just want it to be me and her." I lie.
"Okay, maybe next time." Emma says unfazed.
I forgot to tell everyone about my mom. They must think she's an amazing person. I'd die if they found out what she's really like.
"Yea...next time." Jordi says looking over at me.
"Well, I got to get ready. I'll see you guys later!" I say, trying to sound cheery.
Everyone files out of my room but Jordi. He gives me a look and I sigh.
"Okay, I promise, you can meet her next time. I just miss her and I want to talk to her alone." I lie looking down at my feet.
He looks at my eyes and seems to know I'm lying, but he doesn't push.
"Okay. See you later Livia."
He pulls me in for a quick kiss that I wish would've lasted longer. He starts to walk away but I grab his arm for a minute. He stops looking at me. I forgot all of my intentions with Jordi.
"Oh.. sorry.. I'll see you."
He looks back almost upset, but eventually leaves my room. I follow behind him and close the door on his way out. I let out a long breath and try to recollect my thoughts. I don't want my mom here. I don't. Why can't she just stay away? That's when I hear knocking. I know who it is before I even up the door. Once I do, I'm greeted by the sight of my mother. She's a short women with dyed, thinning blonde hair. She has green eyes with bags under them. Her skin is older than she is after what she's put it through. She has a long nose and freckles that spread across her cheeks and nose. Big sunglasses cover her face, so I can't read her emotion. Her nose is stuck in her phone too. All I know is that I see the same women I left. Someone trying to hold onto their youth and willing to sacrifice anything for it. Even a healthy relationship with her family. She looks up noticing the open door and her first daughter behind it. I see her eyes go beyond me, scanning my room.
"I've never liked your sense in style. This room is too bright. Too happy."
She walks past me moving around my room like she owns it. She plops herself down on my couch and spreads herself out.
"You will not believe what happened. Ever since you left the house has been better! Who would've thought. Just kidding. No one's there to do my laundry anymore. I didn't notice you were gone until laundry day."
I stare at her stone faced. She doesn't care. Why is she here?
"I can't believe you."
My mom took to the defense immediately. We'd be fighting in no time.
"What! Don't talk to your mother like that. I came out here for you."
"You've never acted like a mother to me before. You weren't there for me when I was younger, and you aren't here now."
"I've done nothing but support you through all this."
I literally laugh out loud.
"Support? Do you even know what's happened here. I was almost raped here. I almost died here. Don't you get it?"
Her expression softens and she starts to back off. She ponders for a minute but returns to her normal self.
"You've never appreciated anything I've done."
"I never will. You abandoned me, I won't let it happen again."
"Your dad left you, I left you, everyone will leave you. That's what you do to people! This is your fault!"
"Get out!"
I stand and point to the door. She sits for a minute, confused by my sudden anger.
"GET OUT NOW!" I yell.
She storms out of my room complaining the whole way.
"I'll be back!" She yells over her shoulder.
I slam the door and I fall to the floor in a heap. My eyes stay dry but I lay on the floor wondering why I had this life.
(Time Skip)
I'm laying on my bed staring into blank space when she comes back. She slams through my door with such great force it's scary. She's obviously drunk.
"I was looking for you." She slurs.
"Mom go home." I try to lead her towards the door.
She yanks away from my grasp.
"No, I want some air."
"Okay, lets go out the front."
"No!"
She takes off sprinting towards the stairs running up them. I know she's trying to head towards the roof. I can't let her go alone so I follow trying to keep up.
"Mom stop!" I yell.
I grab her arm and she spins around to face me. She laughs in my face and her breath reeks of alcohol.
"I want some air." She repeats.
She slips away and bursts through the roof doors. I follow and see them. She's not the only one up there.
"Hey everybody!" She spits out.
"Mom please..." I beg.
"I'm Livia's mom!" She screams out.
Leo, Dash, Jordi, Emma, Kara, and even Hunter all stare at her. Their eyes dart from me to her, almost like they can't believe it.
"Hello Mrs...?" Emma tries to ask.
"Oh don't bother. I'm not important. I don't really care about Livia anyway. Isn't that right Livia."
She puts a hand on my shoulder almost falling down.
"Mom please, please, please..."
"Oh stop! Your friends must know I'm a drunk by now! Don't they? Or did you lie and tell them I'm a good mom?"
She stops staring at everyone. She lets her mouth hang down, not caring.
"Guess not. Oh well. You won't be seeing much more of me anyway. Livia doesn't like me. Never has, never will. Isn't that right dear?"
"Mom please, go." I whisper.
She stares at me and she turns angry. She starts heading towards me with a finger pointed at my face.
"I hate you Livia. You're everything I was suppose to be!"
She pushes past me making me almost fall over. She's out the door before I can even regain my balance. I'm so ashamed. Everyone stares at me.
"Okay, that's my mom. My life isn't picture perfect!" I yell, anger coming from no where.
"Livia..." Jordi starts.
"Stop, I'm not doing this tonight." I state.
I look at all the sad eyes everyone is giving me and I hate it.
"She's a drunk! Who cares! She hates me! Who cares!" I yell, with teary eyes.
"Livia lets talk.." Emma begs.
"No, just leave me alone." I push past everyone and head back to my room. I see my mom sprawled out over my bed. I stare at her for a moment before heading over to sit on the edge of the bed. I push the hair out of her face and look down at her. I've always been more of a mother to her.
"What are we gonna do mom." I say stroking her hair.
I sit for a minute letting the silence take us over. My moms eyes are sealed closed, but I can see tears escaping them.
"I don't know..." She answers.
"We need to figure this out, before it's too late mom."
"We don't have time."
She gets up and leaves me alone in my room. I never felt so alone. Abandoned, yet again by my mother. I hated time.