A Difficult Discussion

The next day Anders dropped by and checked in on his patients. Both seemed well and back to normal. Wisteria apologized profusely to him for her behavior. He laughed it off and teased Wisteria, trying to convince her she did things she didn't.

Anders was taking a keen interest in Zevran's experiment. He had experience with herbalism so he and Zevran put their heads together, sharing ideas for a new formula. They argued over how strong it should be. Zevran argued that all it should do is give a gentle push to existing inclinations while Anders thought it should be a more aggressive formulation.

"Perhaps not so aggressive as to turn a woman into what Wisteria became last night," Anders said, "but...".

Wisteria glared at Anders, "Go on, tell me what I became last night, Anders."

Zevran shook his head at Anders, warning him to tread carefully.

"I personally thought you were glorious. A paragon of womankind. The perfect woman."

Wisteria looked dubious. "Right. I think the Dalish were right to keep this formula a secret. I dread to think what will happen if this falls into the wrong hands. Like, for instance, Anders' hands! This might be far worse than the Urn of Andraste's ashes becoming public. Promise me, you two, you won't let anyone else in on this formula."

They both swore a solemn oath that Wisteria didn't believe for a minute.

Anders had knowledge about how to increase the rate at which it is eliminated from the body so the effects wouldn't last so long. Zevran wondered if it could be delivered in other ways. What about an inhaled version, perhaps released by a candle? Or one that can be ingested?

They made a list of supplies they would need for their experiments and Wisteria objected to turning their room into a laboratory. "Look, we're getting spied on here, I don't think this is a good idea." So they agreed that they would turn the Grey Warden room, hidden in a warehouse, into their laboratory. Then they could experiment on rats all they wanted and Wisteria wouldn't object.

They went off to set up their laboratory and Wisteria spent the day getting fitted for dresses.

That evening Fergus collected his little sister after supper time as he had promised the prior day and they went to the Gnawed Noble together to drink and talk. He was going to get her to talk about Zevran if he had to torture the information out of her. He knew she couldn't stand the sight of brandy so he ordered a very old bottle of whiskey.

"Oh Maker, this is horrible." Wisteria choked down a sip.

"Just sip it very slowly, Wy. You'll grow to like it."

Wisteria told him about Zevran's discovery of secret passages and that he thought they were being spied on. Fergus didn't look surprised. She also told him about the attack on them on the way to Amaranthine, but they believed it was unrelated to Queen Anora. She did admit that her suspicions about Anora were much less now. She had seemed to accept Wisteria's apology. Either that or she was just very patient and subtle.

Fergus thought deeply. "Well, I'd like to believe the best about my future wife but I'm not entirely convinced yet. Just continue to be cautious. I really don't trust her adviser, Dulan. I suspect he feeds her desire for revenge. That gives him power over her."

Wisteria agreed, glad to see her brother was not entirely blind to possible dangers in this royal match.

"Now, Wy. Tell me. What the hell happened yesterday? I thought you were going to throw yourself across the table at Teagan. I had some fancy explaining to do with Arl Eamon. I suspect Zevran has a rival for your attentions now. Is this stuff you gave me for my wedding night... safe?"

Wisteria looked down, finding the table top intriguing. "Well, the Dalish elf who made this stuff wouldn't give Zevran the recipe. So he secretly watched her make it and stole some of her supplies to find out what they were. So when he recreated it he tested it out on some rats. It looked like it was working so I decided to try just a tiny bit of it, thinking there would be no harm. In fact, I didn't think it was working. But then it did and it was much stronger than I remember."

"So what happened, Wy?" Fergus wasn't sure he should ask.

"Well, the rats ended up dying, actually fornicating until their little hearts gave out."

"But you survived?"

"Fortunately Zevran didn't use any of it," Wisteria swallowed, trying to cover her embarrassment, "otherwise we probably would have been in pretty poor shape today. I'll just say that Anders was able to put me to sleep and heal the damage done."

Fergus gave her a disapproving look. They chatted about inconsequential things for awhile until Fergus could see she was getting pretty tipsy.

"How do you like that whiskey now?" He asked.

"It's not bad. Tastes pretty good now." She took a big swallow to demonstrate how easy it was going down.

"So Wy, tell me why you have such a hard time talking about Zevran?"

She squinted at him, he was getting blurry. "Because I have a hard time even thinking about him."

"Why?"

She was going to take another big gulp of whiskey but Fergus took away her glass, judging she might be trying to escape his questions through getting too drunk. "Slow down on that, missy."

"It hasn't ever seemed like something that could become permanent. It is always in the back of my mind that he'll get bored and leave eventually. So I am afraid to fall in love. I think we actually might be similar in that regard."

Fergus looked puzzled, "What do you mean?"

"I think we're both afraid to fall in love. I'm afraid because everyone I have loved is dead and it always seems like I was responsible."

"What about him? Why doesn't he fall in love?"

"I think because he was never allowed to love anything. His mother died when he was born. Items he cherished were taken away. Friendships discouraged. His cynicism was fed, he rarely had the sort of attachments we take fore granted." Wisteria sighed.

"So what do you see in him?"

"Outside of his extreme good looks, he has been a true and loyal friend. He has risked his life for me more times than I can count. He has been there every time I was broken by events in life and needed rescuing from despair. He gave up everything in Antiva to save me. He's incredible in bed."

"I didn't need to know that last part." Fergus complained. "So, those sound like great things to me why would you have reservations about him?"

"Well that last bit actually. He is a self-admitted seducer and I can't help but suspect one day he'll get bored and want to make other conquests."

"How long have you two been together now? Has he been philandering?"

"Six months, or so and no, I don't think so. He's actually been getting a little more romantic, which confuses me even more. And he hasn't ever said he loves me like that, but in round-about ways he has sort of, I'm not sure."

"Would you marry him?" Fergus handed her back her glass, judging she needed a little more.

"Maker, you never stop with the questions!" Wisteria protested.

"Don't evade. I'm trying to help you figure this out."

"See, that's what I don't want to think about. Every time I start to plan for some kind of permanence in my life, someone dies."

"Wy, that's just life. I mean eventually everyone we love dies. You've had a dangerous career and some extraordinary events in life and people you loved died. It's been unfortunate but it has happened to me too. But would you go back and not love those people just because they died and left you alone?"

Wisteria's eyes crowded with tears as she thought about everyone, her parents, her brother's wife and son, Alistair and Varel. She shook her head. "No. Not now. But when it happened and all I could see was their death and not everything else before that. Then I would have undone it."

"And take away the joy those people experienced in your love, just so you didn't suffer?"

Wisteria sobbed. Sniffing noisily. "No, I wouldn't do that." Fergus got up from his side of the table and joined his sister. He hugged her and she cried into his shoulder.

"Let the past be the past. Don't live like you're doomed to repeat it all."

Wisteria nodded.

"So sis, do you love him?"

She nodded, for the first time acknowledging it. It made her feel awful.

"But you're afraid this isn't permanent?"

She nodded.

"So I'm just putting this out there but maybe you need to find out? Maybe he just needs a little push himself to figure it out. You shouldn't have to keep wondering if every time you wake up will he be there or be gone, right? You just need to be brave enough to risk finding out the answer isn't the one you really want."

"What are you suggesting? That I corner him and ask him?"

"Maybe a little more subtle than that. If he thinks he might lose you, perhaps he would take steps to ensure he doesn't. Either that or he would leave. Either way, you have your answer, right?"

"I suppose I would." She wondered if she really wanted to know. No, of course not. But that was the cowards way out.

"OK, let me ask another question. You seemed rather fond of Bann Teagan last night. Was there anything to that or was it all due to that herbal stuff?"

"He's nice. I rather fancied him when I first met him. Why?"

"I think he's a good guy too. Maybe you should get to know him a little better. I think he goes for a ride every morning after breakfast. Maybe you should too. Be subtle though. It might just be the sort of thing to wake up Zevran and make him fight to win you. If not, then who knows, maybe there could be some chemistry between you and Teagan that might make a good match if things don't work out with Zevran, right?"

Wisteria frowned and thought. "I hate playing games like that with people. I like being more direct."

Fergus agreed. "Yes, I agree but think, your Zevran might not be ready for that conversation. He may never be until he has to face the possibility of losing you to someone else. If you tackle it before he has had to make those decisions for himself, it might not go well."

She pondered some more and had to agree. Look at what it took to drag the truth out of her, some real gut wrenching introspection and that didn't come easily to her, it certainly wouldn't to Zev.

"Thanks Fergus," Wisteria kissed her brother on the cheek, "I had no idea you were so savvy in matters of the heart."

"Thank Oriana, little sister, I had to be subtle and devious to win her." Fergus ruffled his sister's black hair.

"Maybe it's an Antivan thing," Wisteria suggested.