Sorry for the delay everyone. I hope to have the next chapter up by Thursday.
Chapter 14: Ask Me Anything
James changed his bandages before breakfast, giving Remus a chance to look at the damage he'd done while his friend vanished the old dressing and began cutting new strips of gauze and medical tape from the materials Madam Pomfrey had given him. His top jaw had left a thick, red curve of ruined blood vessels on the underside of James' forearm, red and purple in colour. Two puncture marks showed where the wolf's canines had been embedded, dark against James' skin.
Remus ran a thumb over his teeth and shivered at the wet squeak of enamel. A hurried grab at his bedside table brought his wand to hand and he dashed into the bathroom, hastily locking the door as nausea resurfaced, thickening the walls of his throat. He sat down quickly, cradling his head in both hands in an attempt to steel himself against the familiar wash of guilt. Self-loathing rose and then settled; he stayed on the cool tiles of the bathroom floor until his breathing normalised and he felt composed enough to stand again. Borrowing support from the lip of the sink, he pulled himself up to find his reflection in the bathroom mirror. A grey, plastic sheen of sweat covered his face, whitening his cheeks and throwing the darker touches of skin under his eyes into sharp relief as a result.
By the time Remus made it out of the bathroom, having showered, brushed his teeth and spent an inordinate amount of time checking his hair for reasons that eluded him, James, Sirius and Peter had already gone down to breakfast. He considered going back to bed but decided against it – he didn't want undue attention from McGonagall for skipping lessons, and Sirius was bound to make a snide remark if he didn't make it to the Gryffindor table.
He managed half a bowl of cereal in the company of some tittering fourth year girls, and traipsed down to the Dungeons for potions. Throughout the lesson he had to contend with curious stares from Severus. His Slytherin counterpart usually hid himself in a corner huddled over his ingredients, but today held himself with an air of smugness, his shoulders thrown back as he watched Remus contemptuously. This unnerved the werewolf. Anything Severus was happy about didn't bode well for him or any Marauder.
Even if you discounted Severus, Remus didn't the best potions lesson. His concentration seemed determined to settle on the table in front of his, where Lily and Alice were working. Every so often his cauldron stirring would come to a standstill as he watched Lily, her lips pursed in concentration, as she cut and arranged her ingredients, tucking a stray strand of red behind her ear now and then. He added the knotgrass he'd chopped to their potion a whole minute late and he could tell his potions partner – a quiet Ravenclaw called Adrian Corrie – wasn't impressed, but the boy hadn't said anything to Remus. The Hiccoughing Solution they eventually produced was navy in colour, some way from the 'dove blue' specified in their textbooks. Slughorn deemed it just 'passable' and gave the boys a stern look. Remus muttered a hasty apology to Adrian before hurrying to Charms.
A voice in the back of his head inquired, innocently enough, why he was rushing to his next lesson. He ignored it.
His step into Flitwick's lesson became a skip when he saw his usual seat, besides an already present Lily, was vacant. She greeted him with a timid smile. As it had yesterday, shyness presided over the pair's first encounter of the day.
"Hey". She looked him up and down. Remus felt himself grow warm before realising she was checking on his wellbeing.
"Hi Lily".
"You feeling okay today?" She asked, looking even prettier when concerned, eyes big and unblinking, the red line of her mouth thinned slightly.
"Yeah", Remus said, trying a smile that slipped straight off and left him wondering why he was lying to Lily, who'd given him nothing but comfort and support. "No. God no. I can't stand it. I'm not sure it gets any easier." Guilt was insistent in his voice, scratching at every syllable. He stared at his inkpot glumly.
"I – oh Remus—"
Her hand found his arm just above the elbow, offering a consoling touch.
"I just – everyone's going on like nothing happened." Remus cast a furtive glance around the room, feeling horribly distanced from the casual conversation of his classmates.
Lily made as if to speak again, but Flitwick called for silence and moved to the front of the classroom. Both prefects turned to face their diminutive professor, effectively ending their conversation.
In Transfiguration that afternoon, James managed to seat himself between Lily and Marlene, in what was Alice's usual seat. She moved to sit next to Remus, understandably annoyed at being turfed out of her normal spot. Marlene, of course, laughed at everything James said during the lesson, funny or not. Lily laughed occasionally – it was an airy, tremulous note which had all the stirrings of summer behind it. Remus had loved it yesterday. Today it was a grating sound.
Beside him, Alice had noticed his wanderings and leant towards him a fraction, lowering her voice as she did so, mannerisms suggesting she was parting with a particularly juicy piece of gossip.
"I guess it's good they're getting along at last. I think Lily's going to say yes next time he asks her out."
Remus spared her an irritable glance, and returned back to his work without saying anything. Alice seemed to take offence at his reaction and turned away with a frown. There was no further conversation from their bench for the rest of the lesson.
A corner was rounded. Another ordinary Hogwarts corridor, replete with souring air and packed with portraits which stretched from eye level to the ceiling. It was approaching ten thirty and they hadn't seen a soul – student, teacher or ghost – for over an hour now.
"You seemed to be getting on really well with James", Remus said limply.
Lily gave him an odd look.
"He really likes you, you know", Remus continued.
Lily stopped and turned to her patrol partner. Remus came up a step later and swivelled to meet her stare, diagonal to the floorboards which ran the length of the corridor. In a characteristic motion Lily folded her arms across her stomach and hugged herself, each hand snug between its opposite elbow and her waist. Her thumbs were hidden but Remus could see her fingers, four miniature ribs above her waist.
"Why are you telling me this?" she asked, hurt marring her features.
She felt a lot closer when they were standing still.
"He's a really great guy", Remus continued, a deadpan advert for his roommate. "I know he acts up around you, but once you get to know him better, you'll see he's a really sensitive, compassionate bloke. The cockiness is just a front".
Lily's expression went slack with upset for a few seconds. Anger began to take hold. Her eyes narrowed and sharpened as she stepped towards Remus. They were separated by less than a foot now.
"What do you want me to do Remus? Get friendly with him? Go out with him? Fuck him?"
Lily's eyes were green flint, her voice growing louder with each question. The penultimate word was a caustic jab; it hung in the air, harsh and goading, between the prefects.
They had a captive painted audience now.
Remus' eyes betrayed him; a feral shadow, something dark flitted across his face before he could school his features indifferent.
"Why are you getting worked up about it, anyway?" he shot back, suddenly furious as well.
She gave him a suffering stare that suggested he was missing something obvious and exhaled once, a hot, heavy breath, before turning to stomp off down the hallway.
Remus stalked off in the opposite direction, cursing under his breath.
Many of the portraits and painted subjects began to chatter amongst themselves, enlivened by what they considered to be their entertainment for the evening. In one such painting a poet, advanced in years, turned to his tutee. He sat on a flight of stone steps, plush with ivy, which led up to an abbey. The building was situated in a valley spotted with knots of trees and other smudges of darker green. Specks of white drifted lazily above him.
"Well, I must say", he intoned, in a lyrical, sonorous voice, at a loss to explain the scene he'd just witnessed. "That was a rather rude display", he added, compelled to rhyme. His tutee, a younger man with bronze curls, nodded sagely and began to tune his lyre, the stringed instrument painted into his possession to provide a musical accompaniment to the poet's verses.
Plucking began to sound from the portrait, soft notes flirting with the departing footsteps of two irate Gryffindors.
Remus stalked across the Common Room, having received a scolding from the Fat Lady for his impoliteness. He took the stairs to the dormitory two at a time and came to the sixth year landing, deciding to take his frustration out on the door, lashing out at it with an open palm. It swung back into the wall with a loud bang, and he had to skip through it before it bounced back and closed in his face. James, Sirius and Peter were playing exploding snap on Peter's bed. They all looked up, startled by the noise. Sirius looked irritated, as he often did, by Remus' presence.
"Remus. We didn't see you there." he said dryly. James laughed, missing the enmity in his friend's voice. Remus, on the other hand, had no problem catching Sirius' sarcasm. His retort was hardly eloquent:
"Fuck off Black."
Peter looked resolutely at nothing. Attempted pacifism came from James.
"You alright Moony? You're back from patrol early", he said, feigning deafness at Remus and Sirius' exchange. James had been unusually quiet in the face of Sirius and Remus' recent antagonism, well aware that his being bitten had caused it.
Remus jerked his head towards them in some semblance of a nod. He stalked to his four-poster bed and fell heavily into it, tearing the hangings closed with enough force to rib the fabric.
Huge thank you to ForeverLily for including me in her wonderful C2. I know I'm not writing for many of you, so each and every review is appreciated!