"You know, we wouldn't be here if you'd just listened to me."

"Ugh, will you just shut up?!"

The female Lombax merely widened her smug, humorless grin, "I'm just saying..."

"Yeah," Her male counterpart snapped back, frustration in his voice, "and that's just what you need to stop doing."

"...well then."

Ratchet sighed, giving up on attempting to crack open the door between them and freedom. Instead he fell to the ground, sitting hunched over and giving the ground a thorough look over. His head pounded like all hell, his weapons were gone and, perhaps most disturbingly of all, Clank was out there, alone with that psychopath. The mere thought of it was almost enough to flare his instincts, but he forcibly calmed himself. The last thing he wanted to do was screw up in front of her again.

And to think that she was supposed to be him.

Against the wall laid the female him, some girl from an alternate universe where the males were females and females were males. Well, they at least had one thing in common; bad memories. This wouldn't have happened if she hadn't insisted on their help to find her Clank. He hadn't wanted to; he'd had his suspicions about her identity but one doe-eyed look from the robot and he'd caved like the sap he was. And now here they were, trapped in a cell together as their mutual best friend(s) were about to be sacrificed to some dimension-hopping god figure.

"Our lives suck, don't they?" Ratchet laughed; once reality caught up to you it really was a bitch, wasn't it?

The female him had been glaring at him, green eyes seemingly glowing in the darkness of their shared cell, but her look softened at the near hysteric tone. She knew what she was going through; she had to. She was him, "Yeah, they really do," She gave a little snort at the thought, "Between saving the universe and everyone's butts..."

"...dealing with Qwark..."

"...being disrespected by EVERYONE, shoved aside as soon as the job's done..."

"...having to be a target for every single villain in the galaxy..."

"...dealing with all that 'last Lombax' bull..."

"...and being the only one to deal with literally every major threat," Male Ratchet sighed, "It almost doesn't seem worth it sometimes."

She hummed in response, closing her eyes to let the words sink in, "No, it doesn't."

Their voices were quiet, almost inaudibly low. To the two of them, it was like whispering. To the word outside, it was almost like saying nothing, "Why do we do this?"

Her eyes opened into slits, narrowed in contemplation, ears lowering until they were stiff and straight behind her head; a telltale sign of dark thought that the both of them shared, "I could give you all kind of answers. Because nobody else can do it, because we're good people deep down, because we love the thrill of the fight... but I think we both know that's all excuses."

"Then what do we do this for?"

Her smile was humorless, "For our best friend."

The words ran through Ratchet's mind. For our best friend. For our best friend. For Clank. And the more he thought about it, the more the line stuck out as truth. Maybe those other things were true but it was Clank, Clank who was the deciding factor. If he'd wanted to Ratchet to give it up, then he'd try. If he'd wanted Ratchet to jump in headfirst, then the Lombax would. That robot had him wrapped around those cold, metal fingers. And he probably didn't even know, did he?

Across from him, the female Ratchet was smiling. Not bitter and humorless, like earlier, but small and genuine. Curious, the male Lombax asked, "What are you thinking about?"

"The time Clank went after her evil twin to clear my name when there was literally no evidence that I was innocent," Her head cocked to the side, resting on her shoulder and looking at nothing, lost in her memories, "Even... even I started to believe I was guilty after a while. But she proved me wrong," A wistful sigh interrupted her words, "She must love doing that, huh?"

Funny, how he'd often thought the exact same thing. Hearing his own speculations coming from another person's mouth should have been creepy, but instead it was oddly amusing.

"Yeah," Male Ratchet looked down, "He must."

Seconds passed in silence. Then, without warning, the female's eyes met his and narrowed dangerously. He'd never seen that expression, but he recognized it. He recognized it 'cause he'd made it before. That was the only warning he had before she tackled him, all teeth and claws and punches and kick. The surprise quickly faded into survival instinct, however, and he fought back with equal fervor. It only stopped being a blur of pain and harsh contact when they were roughly torn apart by the guards. He looked across the cell at her, their eyes meeting for a moment before they turned and tore apart their guards limb from limb.

"Nice plan," Male Ratchet huffed out the comment when they were done, locking the guards in the cell and taking their keys, "But if we're the same person... why didn't I think of that?"

The female Ratchet shot him a confident smirk, like the kind he'd give Clank, "Just more proof that females are the superior species."

"...so then why didn't you tell me your idea before you tried to kill me?"

"...shut up. Let's get moving."

Disclaimer: Ratchet and Clank and the OTP Challenge do not belong to me.

Authoress' Notes: In which I genderbend. Kind of. Hooray?

Honestly, I've done better and I've done worse. But this is okay, I guess. Also, f!Ratchet and m!Ratchet would fight like cats and dogs. Not because they're different, but because they're so similar. Clank would get along with him/herself fairly well.

What did I do good on?: Exasperated Ratchet is exasperated.

What did I fail on?: Um... coherent fight scenes, I guess. I just didn't feel like writing one. Also, f!Ratchet barely had any personality, but that's forgivable because she's a female version of the main character.

Random Question for Reviewers?: Can you feel the love tonight?