Chapter Fourteen – Dish out and reveal
Adrien sat staring at the piece of paper before him. A piece of paper with his own handwriting scrawled across it. A piece of paper he thought was lost to the wind and yet here it sat in his hand given to him by his girlfriend. It was the poem he'd written for Ladybug, the one he'd read to her after the Jagged Stone concert, the one he'd thrown away when his heart had been shattered. Why did Marinette have it and why had she given it to him? He stared at it hard and tried to ignore the pain shooting through his chest. The poem shouldn't matter anymore and yet it did. He loved Marinette and as much as he tried to deny it a part of him still loved Ladybug too. He ran an agitated hand through his hair and looked to the ceiling. He closed his eyes and slowed down his breathing.
"There's another note," Plagg pointed out.
Adrien opened his eyes and glared at the envelope. He wasn't sure if he wanted the rest of the contents or not. His hand trembled slightly as reached for the second piece of paper. I need to tell you something. Meet me for patrol tonight. LB. He lowered the paper with heavy hands. "She knows," he whispered hoarsely.
Plagg eyed him sceptically, "Knows what?"
"That it's Marinette that I've been seeing."
"Why do you think that?"
"She knew she could get this message to Cat Noir via Marinette."
Plagg shrugged, "Guess you'll have to see her to find out."
Ladybug was standing at the edge of the flat rooftop and her back was turned to Cat Noir as he landed gracefully. He tried to ignore the nervous butterflies in his stomach and as she turned to face him he froze, she looked so uncertain he wondered what on earth could be wrong. "You wanted to see me," he said quietly.
Her arms were crossed tightly and her fingers were digging into her own upper arms. "I know who you are," she said as her eyes flit between him and her toes. He opened his mouth to respond but she lifted her hand to silence him. "You also know who I am."
His brow furrowed, "No milady, you're mistaken I don't know your identity."
Her eyes lifted to his, "We spent the day together."
Confusion knit his brow and slowly it released as he looked at her, "Marinette?" At her nod, there was a faint shimmer and his throat tightened. He couldn't explain what was different but suddenly Ladybug seemed to be in sharp focus, he could clearly see it was Marinette behind the mask and he wondered why his brain was only making the connection now. He took a deep breath and caught her scent and his nostrils flared as he discovered even that had changed. Ladybug's elusive fragrance that had tantalised him for so long was now easily distinguishable as Marinette's scent. His lady was his girlfriend and he couldn't be more confused. He was so addled that it took him a moment to realise she was talking to him.
"I wanted to tell you today but I…" she wrung her hands as she searched for the right words.
Cat Noir's mind was racing as he put the pieces together. It explained her minimal reaction to his kwami. She wasn't freaked out because she had one of her own. He realised that she'd never really answered him that afternoon when he'd asked how she'd discovered his identity. His voice was flat as he spoke and his tail twitched, "When did you know?"
"As in who you really are?"
He gave a sharp nod as his frown deepened.
She swallowed, "When you came to me saying you wanted to reveal your identity to Marinette…me."
His jaw clenched and his fist balled, "Why didn't you say something? Why wait until now? We spent the whole day together alone. I told you. I even transformed in front of you and you said nothing. You didn't transform." Hurt filled his eyes as he stormed towards her and she heard his voice crack, "Is this all a game to you?"
Her body stiffened, "No it's not a game. I hurt you badly before and I didn't want to do it again. I wanted to tell you but I was scared that I'd just hurt you even more."
"And you thought this would be better? You've never wanted us to reveal our identities but I did it anyway." He glared at her, "I hated that I was deceiving the person that I love and it turns out you were doing the exact same thing to me. I thought you hated liars."
"I do hate liars, I never wanted to be one. Being a miraculous holder seems to entail some deception in order to protect our own identities. I didn't know what to do when I discovered yours."
"You should have told me there and then. In all honesty things would have been a lot easier from the beginning if we'd known. Man, I should have opened that door after Lady Wifi."
She looked away from him, "I'm sorry but we know now."
"Yeah and you held that over me," he turned away from her sucking in his lip as he ran both his hands through his hair.
"I never meant to I was in shock when I first realised. Your glamour vanished and it was so painfully obvious who was under the mask I didn't know what to think."
He let out a heavy breath, "Your glamour has disappeared for me too. I think I can understand your confusion but that doesn't make up for holding out on me." He straightened up and eyed her sideways, "I bet you were disappointed."
"How could you think that? I love you."
"No, you love Adrien."
"But you are Adrien."
His lips pursed, "Adrien is a puppet. My strings are pulled by my father. I need to conform, I need to succeed or I'm nothing. I can't be myself. When I'm Cat Noir there are no strings. I can be me and you don't want that part of me."
"You're wrong. You have every right to be angry. I know I felt angry and betrayed when you inadvertently told me who you were and what you'd been doing."
"Why did you give me the poem, did you want to rub it in?"
"No. I wanted to tell you, to let you know that I feel the same for you. That I was an idiot for pushing you away when you gave that to me."
"You told me your heart belonged to someone else. Was that a lie too or is there someone else?"
"I was in love with your alter ego and I didn't know it."
He gave a bitter laugh, "Rejected for myself. Wow that's rich."
"I thought I was being faithful."
"Faithful," he spat as he rounded on her, "How could you be faithful? We weren't in a relationship. Hell, you could barely speak to me out of the mask and I certainly wasn't interested in you that way then."
She shrank back from him, "I-I…"
"I pursued both sides of you and you only wanted one side of me," his eyes searched her face. "The worst thing is you wanted the false side of me. The guy standing in front of you now with the mask on is the free side, the side who can be himself and you chose the side that's fake."
"B-but I fell in love with all of you."
His jaw clenched and his cat ears flattened back against his head, "Do you really think so? You were so fixated on the Adrien side of me that I wonder if you've really looked at this side of me. Your love was always directed at the side of me that was a perfect shell. You couldn't even speak to me because you were so flabbergasted by my pretty face. You claimed to love me for what was on the inside, if that was the case why were your walls covered in pictures of me? I think you really only wanted the outside. Which side of me did you really connect with? Which side were you comfortable with? I know it's the side you banter with, the one that got you beyond your stammering. When I started acting like Cat Noir when I was out of the mask you were able to speak to me. Doesn't that tell you something? Hell, the first time I kissed you I was Cat Noir and you responded to me, the real me but I backed off because you wanted me to." He paused as he looked at her and some of his anger left him, "That leaves another question, do I even know the real you?"
Ladybug's hands were shaking and a tear rolled from her lashes, "Yes you do. I was just terrified that you wouldn't like all of me. You held Ladybug on a high pedestal for so long that I never wanted to consider Cat Noir as anything but a friend. I wanted to deny how attracted I was to you because I thought I wanted Adrien but you were constantly in my thoughts too."
He pressed the palm of his hand to the bridge of his nose and he closed his eyes, "I don't know what to think anymore."
She moved toward him and cautiously laid a hand on his forearm, "You don't have to know what to do right now. I needed time to think. It's why I held back. I didn't want to ruin our day together. I knew telling you would."
"Why would you think that? I would have been shocked but at least I would have felt like you really cared. That you were being as open with me as I was with you. Today was the first time you let me kiss you as Cat Noir and you didn't pull away. I kissed you twice as Cat Noir before you knew and you couldn't get away from me fast enough."
"I was confused," she said trailing after him.
His face dipped and his profile was obscured by his hair, "Maybe you were but it's pretty clear that you don't really love me. You love an illusion." His thumb shifted on his baton and it extended. "Maybe it's best if we go back to being friends." He didn't miss her gasp and he frowned as he saw the hurt in her eyes. "Maybe you were never really meant to be my lady."
Ladybug was rooted to the spot. Her breathing was shallow and fast as she watched the affection drain from Cat Noir's eyes. Her chest ached so badly she didn't want to breathe anymore. Her hand lifted and her fingers splayed as she reached for him, "That's not true, I am your lady."
He shook his head and backed away, "You never wanted me the way I wanted you. You've always pushed me away."
"That's because I thought you were just a big flirt."
He snorted, "I see."
"You flirt with everyone."
He leant on the end of his staff, "That's where you're wrong. I flirt with you and I show off for you, basically I've done everything I could think of to get your attention. If I flirted with anyone else it was unintentional or because I thought I'd get some reaction from you. But it didn't work so I moved on."
Her shoulders sagged, "Oh."
He sighed and walked over to her. He lifted his free hand to stroke her cheek, "I fell in love with you from the beginning but it wasn't enough." He dropped his head and pressed his forehead to hers, "I wish it was though."
Her hands reached up to capture his face, "It is enough. I was just too blind to see it."
His face dipped towards hers then he backed off as he shook his head, "I don't know what to think."
"I felt that way too when I found out who you really are. I needed time to process everything. You probably need that too."
He nodded as he stepped back, "Maybe you're right." He paused to look at the paw print on his staff, "Why did you keep the poem?"
"Because it was from you."
He looked up at her and his tail thrashed, "So you kept it out of pity."
She shook her head, "No I-"
"Stop telling me what you think I want to hear. I'm not a fool. You made it very clear that day that you were not interested in me." Dawning spread across his features and mingled with pain in his eyes, "Wait you came after me and found me as Marinette. You took me in but you knew. You did pity me. Hell, you even questioned me why I was upset and you knew," he backed away from her with a look of utter disgust. "You have been toying with me. You didn't know who I really was but you strung me along. I thought you cared. I don't know you Ladybug. I don't know you at all."
She didn't know what to say. The hurt and betrayal in his eyes was killing her. She opened her mouth but there were no words. He continued to stare at her as if he wanted her to protest but she didn't know how to fix this. 'I'm sorry' just didn't seem enough. "You wouldn't talk to me," she eventually croaked.
"No, I wouldn't nor do I want to now. I think enough has been said Ladybug. You're late for patrol and I need to go home because I fly out tomorrow."
"We can't leave things like this."
He turned away from her but looked at her over his shoulder, "It's not fun having your heart broken is it LB."
Her chin quivered as her tears broke free from her lashes and streamed down her face, "Cat Noir don't go."
"We can't always have what we want," he said as he extended his baton and left her behind.
Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter up. I seriously lost enthusiasm after receiving a very negative guest review/essay on this story. Pretty much killed my motivation. But all is not lost. I got to pour some of my negative emotions into this chapter. On the positive side I was very stoked to get 100 favourites, thank you so much for the support. This isn't the last recipe step, it ain't over yet!