A/N: Hello Lovelies! I'm happy to post this next chapter so soon after the last. It's another chapter from Christian's perspective and it will, hopefully, shed some light on why he was acting so strange in the last chapter.

I hope you like it!

Much Love,

Chelsea x

Bk – Thank you! I'm really glad you liked it. I hope you enjoy this chapter too! Much Love x

Susan – Thank you! This chapter explains why Christian behaved the way he did in the last one. I hope you like it! Much Love x

Ms MMS – Thank you! This chapter explains what happened to make Christian behave in the way he did. It neither excuses nor condones his behaviour, it simply provides context. Much Love x

SuzB – Thank you! I think this incident will change something in Ana, maybe force her to start actually healing instead of running between problems. We'll see soon! I hope you like this chapter! Much Love x

DoloresDeeHowe – Thank you! This chapter sheds some light on what's happened. I hope you like it! Much Love x

Iamdbomangmail – Thank you! I'm glad you liked the last chapter. I hope you enjoy this one too. Much Love x

CHRISTIAN

Christian didn't realise he had been holding his breath until he felt his chest demanding relief, his throat laced with a fire that had crept its way up from his stomach.

He dropped his phone onto his desk, having put it on silent just before this meeting. I will switch it back later, he had told himself, disgruntled at having to silence it in the first place. He didn't want to be distracted by yet another pointless email from HR that should have been sent to Ros instead of him. Right now, he needed to pour all of his focus into the matter at hand.

Although, it was hard to focus at all after what he had just heard.

He shook his head in disbelief.

"You're sure?"

Kate stood on the other side of his desk, clutching a manila file to her chest. She rocked on her heels, fidgeting, clearly uncomfortable in being the one to deliver this news to him.

She had spent most of the night before looking up information on Alexander Bradford, the former CEO of Affinity Industries and the first of Elena Lincoln's victims after Christian. In the days since Christian had received Elena's journal and he had confided in his allies, they had all struggled to locate Alexander. He had disappeared off the face of the Earth. He sold Affinity Industries less than a year after he inherited it from his late father. Since then he was missing-in-action. Even Welch had drawn a blank.

But last night Kate had stumbled across a breadcrumb that led her down a very dark path.

After a brainwave, she decided to narrow down her searches even further. She was overly tired and moments away from shutting down her computer for the night when she saw it. Bingo. A small notice that led her to an article and the missing piece of the puzzle.

"I didn't have any luck by searching for 'Alexander Bradford', so I started looking for 'A Bradford' instead," Kate nodded. Her voice taut and barely a whisper. "That's when I came across an announcement in The Province newspaper. It was printed over two years ago. It was a small notice that announced the wedding of A Bradford and E Reed."

"And?"

"Well, I thought it was a long shot but I turned to Facebook and started looking on there for an E Reed in the Vancouver area," Kate explained. "You see, the announcement stated that E Reed was the daughter of Michael and Sandra Reed. After some digging I managed to find her. Emily Reed. She married Alexander Bradford in Vancouver in January 2010."

"And you're sure it's him?" Christian asked, though something in his gut told him Kate had found their guy.

"Positive," she nodded. "I found his Facebook profile. It was set to private but there was an article he shared publicly a couple of years ago about his father's death. Timothy Bradford, the founder and CEO of Affinity Industries."

"Right," he hummed.

"His wife's profile isn't as private," Kate continued. "Recent stuff, yeah, but a couple of years ago she was sharing everything publicly. In one of her posts she mentions Alexander moving to Vancouver to be with her. He had sold the company and moved to be closer to her, apparently."

"Sounds feasible," Christian agreed. When you're in love, that's what you do. He would give all of this up in a heartbeat if he had to choose between GEH and Ana. There was no contest. "Doesn't explain why we found it hard to track him down, though."

"Ah, see, I worked that one out too," Kate said, quickly opening up the manila file and pulling out a piece of paper. She set it down on the desk and pushed it towards Christian. It was a screenshot of Alexander's Facebook profile. "After they got married he took on his wife's surname. He became Alexander Reed."

"Really?" Christian frowned. "Do you think he was trying to escape his old life? Start over as someone else?"

"It's possible," Kate shrugged.

Christian pondered this for a moment. He didn't know any guys who took on their wife's surname at marriage. He knew a few couples who joined the two names together, but no one who went the whole hog.

Would Ana want to take my surname if we got married? Or would she want to keep Steele in her name?

Steele-Grey sounds a bit weird…

Kate sucked in a shaky breath and stared down at the file. Her face contorted as she studied the remaining pieces of paper. After a second's deliberation, she placed them down on the desk and handed them over.

She had spent most of the morning wondering whether she should be the one to tell him. She thought about telling Taylor first. He was close to Christian, maybe he could break the news more gently, maybe he would know the right words to use. Kate knew that either way Christian was going to take this badly. This was the last thing anyone wanted to find out. After all, they had embarked on this mission to help these men…

"I found an article printed in The Province from a year ago," she began. She nervously rubbed her lips together. "Christian, I'm so sorry."

Christian lowered his eyes to the desk and the print-out staring up at him. His breath caught in his throat as he studied the large photograph of a young groom and his bride. The man looked no more than eighteen, still baby-faced and boyish. His hair was slightly darker than Christian's and his eyes were sky blue, but the similarities were definitely there.

The couple looked the picture of married bliss, but the headline above it soiled the image.

HEARTBREAK AS MISSING REED IS FOUND DEAD AT HOME

"Jesus Christ…"

"His wife had reported him missing three days earlier," Kate added, summarising the tragic details. She didn't think he would want to read the article for himself. "She had flown to Toronto to visit her family. Alexander remained in Vancouver. She hadn't heard from him in days. His friends hadn't heard from him. Their neighbours said they hadn't seen him arriving at or leaving the house since shortly after Emily left."

"Who found him?" Christian asked quietly.

"His wife," Kate grimaced. "She flew back to see if she could find him. She returned home and that's when she discovered his body. He had been dead for at least twenty-four hours, according to the coroner's report."

"Suicide?"

"He hung himself in their bedroom," Kate muttered, slowly nodding her head. Her stomach had clenched when she first read the article. It was a heartbreaking end to this part of their search. "It mentions that he had apparently struggled with his mental health for a while."

"I can't believe this," Christian grunted. He pushed a hand back through his hair and gulped down the bile flooding his mouth. "He's dead?"

"There's more…"

More? Are you fucking serious?

"Don't tell me his wife committed suicide too," he ordered.

Kate bowed her head and leaned forward. She removed the article about Alexander's death and revealed the second article she had printed off that morning.

"This is from six months ago," she said.

He didn't want to look at it. His mind raced through the hundred possible outcomes to this bitter tale. Grief-stricken wife commits suicide like husband… She couldn't live without him…

"Christian, look –" Kate urged him, tapping her fingers on the document. "She's alive. Emily Reed is alive."

He shot a look at Kate, reading her expression. He could tell by the way her eyes were fixed on his that she was telling the truth. This reassurance led him to turn his chin down to his desk and glance over the second article.

NEW HOPE FOR WIDOW: WIFE OF LATE ALEXANDER REED WELCOMES THE COUPLE'S CHILD

For fuck's sake.

"Is this for real?" Christian groaned. He slammed back into his chair, shaking his head. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

Kate pressed her lips together and locked her fingers in front of her.

"She was pregnant?" he asked. Kate nodded. "She was pregnant when he topped himself?"

"She found out a couple of weeks after his death," Kate explained, lifting the information from the article. She had already read it several times over, knowing Christian would have questions. "She told the reporter that it came as a complete shock. They hadn't been trying for a baby. She says that they never even spoke about having kids."

"Fuck," Christian huffed. "Two more lives have been fucked up because of that whore."

He pushed his chair back and jumped to his feet. Walking to the window behind his desk, Christian tugged on his hair and tried to keep a lid on his budding anger.

"I'm sorry," Kate repeated, her voice laden with genuine sympathy. "None of us thought about this outcome. But we don't know why he took his own life. There could have been other reasons why he –"

Christian silenced her with a flick of his hand. He shook his head and let out a heavy sigh.

"Can you leave my office now? Please?" he asked quietly, keeping his back to Kate. "I don't want to be rude but I need to be alone right now."

"Um…" Kate hesitated, unsure. "Do you think that's a good idea?"

"Yes," he replied curtly. "I need to think."

Kate remained where she was for a few moments, contemplating her next move. She had spent enough time with Christian to know that he was a temperamental character. She had seen him angry, she had seen him lose his temper with some of her colleagues, but she had never seen him like this. She could see the frustration bubbling under the surface, building like a pressure cooker. She didn't think it was a good idea to leave him on his own. Ana had told her how Christian doesn't cope well on his own, how he can fester on torment until he drives himself crazy.

But she was still his employee and he had given her an order.

Turning on her heel, Kate silently left Christian's office, closing the door behind her. She hovered at his door as she removed her cell phone from her pocket.

She sighed as she opened up the folder of text messages between her and Elliot. The last message she had sent was from months ago, before their brief affair came to an end. It was strange seeing it now, staring back at her, full of teasing and seduction.

Kate shook her head and typed out her message, hitting send before she could change her mind.

Hey, just thought you should know that Christian's had some bad news today. I found out AB is dead – he committed suicide a year ago. Christian said he wants to be alone but I think he needs support on this.

Elliot's reply came through far quicker than she anticipated.

SHIT. Thanks for the heads up. Fuck knows how he will handle this. I'll call him and check how he is. Can you ask Taylor to keep an eye on him for me? E x

Of course. I'll talk to him now.

Cheers. Thanks for everything you're doing for Christian. I know he appreciates your help. And I do too. You're a star! E x

Kate shut down her phone and made her way down the hall to find Taylor. She tried to ignore the rapid fluttering in her chest as she thought about the kisses at the end of Elliot's texts.

It doesn't mean anything. What happened is in the past. Move on, Kate told herself, her head telling her to get a grip.

But her heart was saying something else entirely…

FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.

I'm doing this to help these guys. I can't do that if they're already fucking dead!

Christian paced the length of his office, kicking everything in his path. He had already sent his chair flying across the room, along with the stack of paperwork he had been trying to plough through earlier that morning.

I hate you. I hope you suffered. I hope your death was long and painful.

"Fucking bitch!" he shouted.

He threw his head back and growled, the sound ripping through his chest and out of his mouth. He sucked in several hard breaths, desperately clinging onto his sanity. Losing his temper now wouldn't help anyone. Christian had spent most of his life angry and on the brink of despair. He didn't want to fall into the darkness again. Not now. He could feel himself shaking with his anger and this was starting to unnerve him. It had been a long time since he had felt this way. It was alien to him now.

Christian walked to the window on the south-side of his office and curled his fingers around the railing. He hung his head forward, closing his eyes on the world. His knuckles turned white as he gripped the rail, stopping himself from smashing the window with his fists.

Take some deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out.

Don't let the bitch win.

It took a long while for Christian to start cooling down. He slowly lifted his head and scanned the skies. His gaze fell to the streets below and the ant-like people scurrying around.

He squinted as he honed in on the small courtyard not far from his building. He studied the dark-haired woman sitting on a bench with her friend. Something tugged in his chest but he quickly shook his head, dismissing the thought.

Ana's at work, you fucking idiot. It's not her.

Was it his subconscious telling him to call her? Possibly. He often turned to Ana when he needed to cool down. He wasn't capable of being angry in her presence, not to this degree. She brought out the calmness in him. She brought out the best in him.

No. She doesn't need to see me like this. She'll start asking questions.

Christian didn't want to keep any of this a secret from Ana. He wished more than anything he could confide in her, share this burden, get her opinion on what he should or shouldn't do. But she wasn't ready to hear this. Not yet. If she couldn't stand to hear Elena's name being mentioned, she sure as hell wasn't ready to find out what the bitch had done to other young boys.

I'll tell her when she's stronger. I want my Ana back first. I want my strong, feisty Ana back.

I just want my baby to be free of this bullshit, once and for all.

Arriving home from work, Christian had locked himself in his office with Taylor. He had spent all afternoon thinking about Alexander Bradford, his grieving wife and their baby. He couldn't get them off his mind. He couldn't concentrate during the rest of his meetings and he had continually snapped at people for no reason at all.

He needed to do something. He couldn't accept that this line of inquiry was over. Alexander was dead but that didn't bring an end to Elena's legacy of torture and abuse. Suicide just moved the pain from the victim to their family.

Sitting at his desk, Christian made a promise to find out all he could about Emily Reed and her daughter. He had glanced over the article at some point during the afternoon and learned that Emily had given birth to a girl.

When Christian closed his office door, he expected to be working for just an hour or two. He and Taylor would track down Emily Reed and come up with a plan of action. What they would do next. How Christian would contact her and offer a helping hand with whatever she needed.

But time ran away from him. He ignored the rumble in his stomach telling him to eat. He pushed aside the fatigue taking over his body.

"Looks like Emily is still living in the house she shared with Alexander," Taylor piped up, clearing his throat. "But the house is currently listed for sale. She's asking for a ridiculously low price for it, less than half of what it's worth. Maybe she wants a quick sale? Cut and run?"

"Wouldn't you want to leave?" Christian sighed. "Her husband killed himself in that house. She can't be expected to live there after that, let alone raise a child there."

Taylor nodded in agreement. He pressed his fingers to his lips.

"What?" Christian asked, sensing something was up.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Taylor wondered. "His wife has been through a lot. I don't know if you crashing into her life, out of the blue, is what she needs. She's grieving."

"And that's exactly why I want to offer her some help," Christian shot back in a huff. "I'm not planning on telling his wife about Elena. I don't know how much she knows, if anything. But I'll be damned if I'm going to let an innocent woman and her baby suffer because I didn't find Alexander sooner!"

Taylor narrowed his eyes. "You had no idea about him before you got that diary," he reminded his boss. "How were you supposed to find him if you didn't know he even existed?"

"I should have done something," Christian shook his head. "I should have known I wasn't the only one. I should have forced it out of her, made her tell me exactly who she was using."

"You weren't responsible for anything that Elena Lincoln did," Taylor told him in a hard voice, his tone gruff and terse. "Stop thinking that you should have done this or that. You were a kid when all that shit with her happened."

"But I kept her in my life long after all that ended," Christian muttered. "If I had said something to my parents, if I had realised what she was doing was wrong –"

"You need to stop torturing yourself over this," Taylor urged him. "It's not helping anyone and it isn't going to change anything. I understand why you're doing this, why you're set on helping her other victims. I know it's because you feel like you're as guilty as her, but you're not. You are a good man. You are nothing like her."

Christian slumped forward with a sigh. He knew what Taylor was saying was true. Deep down he knew he was nothing like Elena.

But he still wanted to help the people who had suffered at her hands. He had made it out of this alive, unlike Alexander. Christian had a plethora of support and services at his disposable. What about the people who don't? Why should they be forced to trudge through life trapped in the abusive bubble Elena had encased them in?

"I need to at least offer help to the people who need it," Christian said under his breath. "I know this could all backfire in my face. I know I have to tread carefully. I know all of this. But I –"

"I understand," Taylor interrupted, nodding his head. "And I will support you no matter what. You know I have your back."

Christian stared at Taylor, unsure of what title he even has anymore. Security detail? Advisor? Friend?

The latter seemed to fit more closely than the others.

"When Kate told me about his wife and baby, I could have ripped Elena's corpse from limb to limb," Christian confessed. "I want to claw at her remains until there is nothing left of her."

"I think most people would feel that way towards her."

"He has a baby that he's never going to meet," Christian grimaced. He closed his eyes, feeling them sting and ache. "She took that away from him. I know he killed himself because of her. I just know it. I can feel it in my gut… His daughter shouldn't suffer at Elena's hands. She's innocent. She's just a baby."

Taylor didn't say anything. He knew well enough that when Christian was like this, it's best to let him talk and get things off his chest.

"I couldn't help but think about Ana when I heard," Christian continued. "Ana's father died when she was just a baby. She never met him… What if this little girl isn't as lucky as Ana, to end up with a stepfather as kind as Ray?"

Ana.

Christian lifted his gaze to the corner of his computer screen. Fuck. It was almost 10pm.

She had been on her own all night.

He hoped to God that Mrs Jones had understood his request. Months ago, he had asked everyone in his life to be mindful of Ana's condition. He knew that, on occasion, he would need to devote his time to other things, but he wanted to make sure that during those moments Ana was looked after. Knowing that he needed to make a start on tracking down Emily Reed, he had hoped Mrs Jones would keep Ana company until he was done.

He just didn't anticipate he would have been away from Ana for so long.

Christian was about to switch off his computer when his phone flashed on the desk. Ana's name appeared on the screen and he quickly seized the phone, opening up the message she had just sent him.

His heart sank as he read it.

I'm sorry for being such a nuisance. I know you are busy and don't need me pestering you every five minutes. I'm sorry if I was the reason you couldn't concentrate at work. I sent you a lot of messages today and I don't blame you for ignoring them. I'd probably ignore me too! Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I've gone to bed. I hope you can catch up on whatever you couldn't finish at work. I hope you'll come to bed soon. I really am sorry. I love you. Night xxx

Oh Ana…

Christian pressed his fingers into his eyes.

What have I done?

When he had arrived home, he had been eager to get stuck into his search because he didn't want it playing on his mind all evening. He thought that getting it out of the way early, he could then spend the rest of the night with Ana.

She thinks she's pestering me? For fuck's sake… FUCK.

He had been cold with her when he got home, still pumped with frustration from finding out about Alexander earlier in the day.

She wanted to talk to me. She needed me. Why didn't I fucking see it?

He gulped hard.

She sent me messages and I ignored her.

His gut was tearing into two as he scrolled back through the other messages Ana had sent him. The ones he had failed to read.

I shouldn't have put my fucking phone on silent! Fuck HR. Fuck SPAM emails. Ana could have been dying somewhere in a ditch and I wouldn't have known about it.

You fucking prick! Stupid bastard!

He found her first message and clenched his fist as he studied her words.

13:45 – I hope your morning meetings went well? I've just had lunch. Ray called while I was on my break. It was nice talking to him x

13:49 – My call with Ray wasn't exactly an easy one, I have to admit. He told me something that upset me, but I'm fine now. Back at my desk and working hard x

13:58 – I'm missing you. Can't wait to see you later. I'm in the mood for a long soak in the bath with you wrapped around me x

14:06 – I cried earlier after Ray's call. I hate myself for crying all the time. It seems like all I do lately is cry. But it's good to get it out of your system, right? x

14:31 – I know you must be super busy but I really can't wait to see you tonight. I think I just need to see your face and hug you. I'll feel a lot better then x

14:59 – I love you. I'm bombarding you with messages and I'm sorry for that, but I just want you to know I love you and that I'm okay x

His chest tightened.

She needed me and I wasn't there.

And now she thinks I'm mad at her.

It felt like he was being punched in the centre of his chest.

I promised her I would always be there for her. I've let her down.

He closed Ana's messages and found others waiting for him. He had a couple from Elliot, asking how he was, but it was a single message from Ray Steele that surprised Christian more.

It was sent before any of Ana's messages.

Hi Christian. I think I've messed up. I called Ana and talked to her about José. He isn't doing well, I saw him at the weekend. Last night he had a fit at the rehab place and starting cutting himself, trying to get rid of the tattoo. Ana begged me to tell her and now I think it was the wrong thing. She sounded upset. Can you make sure she's OK? She's not doing as well as she's telling me, is she? Thanks, Ray.

It just keeps getting worse.

Christian slammed his fist down onto his thigh, every inch of his skin burning as he thought of how he had screwed up.

If I'd seen Ray's message none of this would have happened!

Why do I always fuck things up?

BECAUSE YOU ARE A USELESS PIECE OF SHIT, THAT'S WHY.

The voice in the back of his head crept to the forefront, screaming in his ears. It had been a while since he'd listened to that voice, but now it was louder than ever before.

YOU ARE THE WORST BOYFRIEND IN THE WORLD.

FUCKING USELESS.

YOU CLAIM YOU LOVE HER AND THEN YOU TREAT HER LIKE THIS?

PATHETIC.

YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A SELFISH BASTARD.

NOTHING HAS CHANGED.

SHE DESERVES BETTER THAN YOU.

IT WOULD SERVE YOU RIGHT IF SHE LEFT.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU DON'T DESERVE HER LOVE.

YOU'RE A WASTE OF SPACE.

Christian wasn't sure if the voice in his mind belonged to his birth mother, her pimp, or if it was a mixture of the two. It didn't sound like his own voice. Didn't make the words hurt any less, though.

With a heavy sigh, Christian told Taylor to call it a night and return to his apartment.

"Are you going to be okay?" Taylor asked as he gathered up his things and rose to his feet.

"Yes," Christian nodded. "But can you do something for me?"

"Anything."

"Tell Sawyer and Grande that I want to see them first thing in the morning."

"Any reason why?"

"I need to remind them of their duties," Christian shot back. Taylor frowned, confused. "Ana had a setback today and neither of them bothered to tell me or you."

"Oh," Taylor mouthed. His brows pinched together. "Is Ana okay?"

"I don't think so," Christian shook his head. "Especially not after the way I've behaved tonight…"

"Gail will have looked after her for you," Taylor assured him. He knew Gail would happily take Ana under her wing.

"That's not the point though, is it?" Christian grunted. "I want both of them here in the morning. No excuses."

Taylor reluctantly agreed to the request. He felt sorry for the young recruits. Christian's tongue could be lethal when he was angry, and Taylor didn't want to be there when Sawyer and Jaz were on the receiving end of his wrath.

Taylor excused himself, leaving Christian alone in his office.

I promised to look after her and I've failed, he repeated to himself. I've told her over and over to come to me when she needs help. She does just that and I ignore her? No wonder she's confused…

Christian hauled himself to his feet and exited his office. He was nervous to head into their bedroom, unsure of what he would find.

Would Ana ignore him like he had done to her?

Would she be angry and shout at him for being such a terrible boyfriend?

Would she be in the middle of packing her bags, ready to leave him?

He hoped it wasn't the latter. He didn't want to think about the possibility of losing Ana. He wouldn't cope without her. He would rather throw himself off the balcony than live a single day without her in his life.

Christian moved as quietly as he could, carefully opening the bedroom door and finding the room in complete darkness. He hesitated, letting his eyes adjust, listening for clues as to where Ana was.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he realised she was tucked up in bed, sleeping peacefully. At least she wasn't about to do a moonlight flit.

Stripping to his underwear, Christian padded over to the bed and lifted the covers, sliding down between them. Ana was curled into a ball on the far side – his side of the bed. She was facing the middle, laying in a way that prevented him from holding her from behind like he usually did while they slept.

He edged closer to her, bringing his face inches from hers. He studied her face for a moment, taking solace in the relaxed expression she was wearing. Her lips were puckered, inviting him to kiss her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "Ana, I am so sorry for behaving like a dick today… I swear it had nothing to do with you."

She didn't move or make a sound. She was deep in slumber, unable to grasp what he was saying, but Christian couldn't resist talking to her.

"I wasn't annoyed with you. I promise," he breathed. "It was me. I was a fucking idiot. I should have been there for you, not chasing ghosts…"

He sucked in a shaky breath and wriggled as close to her as he could. He dipped his hand under the sheets and gently lifted her left hand. He brought it to his chest, laying her fingers against his heart.

"I wanted to tell you this. I've wanted to tell you since I found out," he began, his lips curling into a grimace. "I wasn't the only one… She did this to other boys… I can't sit back and do nothing, so I've been trying to find them."

Her fingers twitched. Her index finger rubbed against one of his scars.

"The last thing I want is for there to be a legacy of pain because of that whore," he added. "I wish I could flip a switch and make all of it go away. For everyone… Especially you, baby. I would do anything to fix you."

Ana let out a small huff and nuzzled her head into her pillow. Christian paused, waiting to see if she was going to wake up. A part of him wanted her to. He wanted to tell her how sorry he was, plead for her forgiveness, make her see that none of this was her fault.

"I should have been there for you today," he muttered. "You needed me and I wasn't there, and I could beat myself up for letting you down… You're the last person I ever want to hurt."

He cradled her hand between his.

"I'm scared to tell you about her diary," he confessed. "I'm scared of hurting you. I'm scared that it'll set you back a hundred paces… I can't be the one to cause you any more pain. I just can't."

Ana let out a soft sigh and raised her knees, bringing them higher into her chest.

"I love you so much," he mumbled, hoping that at least some of his words would get through to her. "I would do anything for you… and I know that sounds pathetic after what I've done today, but I'll make this right. I'll make it up to you, I promise."

Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to hers.

"I'm trying to be a better man. I want to be a good person," he whispered.

A hard lump was forming in his throat. His chin began to tremble.

"You make me want to be the best version of myself I can be… I've been a bastard to people. I've been cruel. But I don't want to be that man anymore. That's why I have to do this. Why I need to help those other boys in any way I can… I need to make up for all the shitty things I've done…"

For all of the times I behaved like Elena…

"You're my everything, Ana," he gulped. "You're the love of my life."

The corners of her mouth rose into a barely-there smile. The sight made Christian's throat tighten. A small tear slipped from his eye and trickled down his cheek.

"Please don't leave me," he begged. "I know I fucked up. Just please, don't leave me… I can't lose you…"

A light moan escaped Ana's lips and to Christian's relief, it was a sound that was laced with fondness, not anguish or upset.

"I love you more than anything," Christian promised her. His tears started to come thick and fast, but he didn't have the urge to wipe them away. "I need you to know that I would never intentionally hurt you. I can't promise that I won't fuck up again because I probably will, but I would never hurt you on purpose…"

"Love you…"

Her voice was barely audible, but the words made Christian's heart twist deep inside his chest. He had heard Ana talk in her sleep a lot – she would often mutter things to herself, usually nonsensical things. But her words tonight were exactly what he needed to hear.

"I will make this up to you," he promised again. "Whatever it takes. I won't let you down again. I won't let anyone down… I'll find a way to put everything right. I'll do it for you, my sweet Ana."

He kissed her lips again before laying his head down on his pillow.

Ana was a just blur through his tears but Christian could have laid there all night, watching her sleep.

Sleep, food, money – it meant nothing to him anymore. Ana was the start and end of his world, and the thought of losing her through his own stupid behaviour was like taking a knife straight to his heart.