6x01 – Last Man Standing – The one where Gibbs and Vance try and figure out who the mole is, but they get it wrong. Lee fakes that Langer is the mole and trying to kill her, and she kills him.
14. To Laugh When You Feel Like Crying
If Lee had been McGee and gotten shot at by an agent on her team, DiNozzo would've taken her drinking. There would've been completely unbelievable, but still hilarious, stories, half-baked attempts at finding her someone to take home for the night (even though they both knew she never would, it would still be nice to have the option), and lots, and lots of alcohol. She'd drink until she couldn't remember her own name, let alone the fact that someone she was supposed to trust with her life had turned on her.
Eventually, Tony would say she was too drunk to spend the night alone and put her down in his bed while he took the couch. He'd drag her and her hangover out of bed way too early the next morning to go to his favorite greasy spoon for breakfast, before they both stumbled into work looking and feeling like they'd been hit by a bus. Gibbs wouldn't scold them because drinking is what you do for your baby sister when someone shoots at her. Whenever the nightmare of the shooting came back, it would be drowned out by the feeling of warmth and safety that came from knowing she could sleep in peace because DiNozzo had gone to sleep with his Sig and locked the door with a deadbolt and a barricade, just in case. Lee would feel looked after if she was McGee.
If she was Abby, she would've had a complete and total breakdown. There would be a dramatic panic attack, and refusal to leave the Navy Yard until Gibbs could guarantee she would be absolutely safe. Even then she'd stay in Gibbs's basement for the first night after, camping out with snacks and bourbon underneath the infamous boat. McGee would turn up with a DVD player and a big screen, which all conveniently fit in the space under the boat she would've have to get out. A tv that McGee would have to have Gibbs help him haul into the basement, while he sent McGee death glares all the way.
She'd love it though, if she was Abby, because it meant Timmy just wanted to do his absolute best for her. Gibbs would check on them occasionally, but for the most part it would be just her and McGee, curled up under the boat, watching something from the never-ending list of movies Tony insisted they watch to call themselves cultured. At some point she'd fall asleep on McGee's chest, and would wake up still on him, even though McGee wouldn't look like he got a wink of sleep. She wouldn't realize until she went home that night, but McGee would sneak out the moment she fell asleep and install a brand new security system in her apartment, with all the bells and whistles. She'd ask, but McGee would never admit to doing it, or to who paid for it. All of that subtle fussing would make her know that someone would miss her if she died. She'd feel wanted if she was Abby.
If she was Ziva, then she wouldn't have been scared about getting shot at. Abby would've been scared enough for the both of them, and insisted that she spend the night at Abby's place. Then Abby would make Southern Comfort Chocolate Chip Cookies. (Which would involve exactly the special ingredient you would expect from their name). But then Abby wouldn't have whisky, she'd have beer. And rather than affront her Louisiana roots by using something so Yankee as beer, she'd insist on going to her neighbor's to borrow whisky.
Somehow cookies and a movie would turn into a giant Rock Band competition with a dozen of Abby's friends. They'd be up until four a.m., and though she would lose in the semi-finals, she'd win a special award for her guitar skills. She'd eat more cookies in one sitting than she ever had in her life, and would be more than willing to blame her hangover on the cookies rather than the whisky bottle passed around the room. She wouldn't have been upset about getting shot at in the first place, because that was just a regular day. But it would still be nice to have someone treat you like you still had it in you be upset about it. To know that someone cared, no matter what you'd done. She'd feel human if she was Ziva.
If she was Tony, getting shot at would be something she'd adjusted to by now and she would make a big joke out of it. There would be 'remember that one time...' stories until everyone was satisfied that she wasn't bothered by the latest round of bullets. When she got home, it would be an half an hour to the moment before Ziva arrived, bearing a pizza and cheesy sticks. She would pick out a movie that had nothing to do with crime and everything to do with an orchestra soundtrack, and Ziva would pretend not to notice that the movie was meant to be calming. They would discuss symbolism and cinematography, but tying none of it back to their lives.
Ziva would cut her off after one beer, and make sure to take every bottle with her, even the emergency store of scotch tucked behind the flour. Ziva would break in at lunch in a few days and return all the alcohol to where it belonged, but not until near death got a little further away. If Lee were Tony, Ziva would refuse to let her out of sight for the next few days, coming up with thin rationales for the tail, but neither would really mind. Ziva would think she was something worth fighting for, if she was Tony.
But she wasn't them. She was Lee.
So today she'd shot her partner in cold blood, but everyone thought he'd gone after her. All the betrayal they should think she was going through, and still no one cared.
Tonight she sat alone in her apartment, drinking light beer in moderation, and eating a salad she made for herself. She would clean up her beige apartment afterwards, then scrub her hands until they were red and raw, trying to wash away some of the strain that murder brought. She'd killed before, and she was almost certain she'd kill again before this was over, but for all her scrubbing, she couldn't really seem to care. If no one else did, why should she?
She'd go back in on Monday, back to the Legal department, and walk past the bullpen every day where she would watch the family bond and tease now that they were back together. And she'd pretend she didn't want a place with them. Not to be a legend, but to have someone who gave a damn about what happened to her.