The Art of Rescue

by lmsnee

Jim Kirk has known McCoy's daughter since she was 5 years old, and has always felt a bond to her. But a chance meeting with the girl, now a woman, causes feelings that could endanger them both. Because Joanna has secrets of her own. Secrets that could kill. Expect action, intrigue, rescues, monsters, suicidal tendencies, red alerts, general madness, and the crew of the Enterprise.

14. The Forest

13. The Forest

A/N – Hi everyone. Here's a nice new chapter. It's a little darker in content than most of the other flashbacks, although the darkest is yet to come. I'm pretty sure the T rating is sufficient, but IM me if you disagree. Some of you might feel that Jim's response in this chapter to what happens is a little out of character. You'd be correct – and there's a reason for it that you'll find out later. Thank you so much for the reviews – they make me incredibly happy, especially when I see that you're all asking the correct questions. Thanks for all the music suggestions too – they've certainly helped me with a few more difficult chapters to come. And thank you, as always, for reading.

All I wanted just sped right past me,

While I was rooted fast to the earth,

I could be stuck here for a thousand years,

Without your arms to drag me out.

There you are standing right in front of me

There you are standing right in front of me

All this fear falls away to leave me naked,

Hold me close, cause I need you to guide me to safety.

Signal Fire – Snow Patrol

"All that time in space, getting on each other's nerves. And what do we do when shore leave comes along? We spend it together." - Leonard McCoy – Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

Stardate: 2262

Jim: Aged 29

Joanna: Aged 13

Dear Jim,

I was so happy to hear that the Supreme Court ruled in your favour. I knew they would. Professor Calros gave me a detention pointing out that the trial was stupid in assembly, but even he agreed when I spoke to him afterwards. No one believes anything they said – I read all the news in the city. I thought that Spock gave a rather touching account of your heroics (you can tell him that from me!), and Dad's wasn't bad, though he probably shouldn't have sworn so much on the stand.

I'm currently writing this in the darkness of the headmaster's office. He caught me sneaking out of school to see the visiting Oracles (which actually weren't the Oracles at all but just stupid actors pretending – I can't believe I got in trouble over fakes) and decided that the best way to 'school' my mind was removal of all distractions. He took all my electronics and has confined me to my room outside of lessons. Apparently I should spend more time meditating to 'counter-act such disruptive emotions'. He said Toral should be an example to me, which is ridiculous, because she prefers studying emotions and likes it when I do stuff to make the Vulcans react. Anyway, it's stupid anyway – they didn't even lock my window so I'm still able to get in and out. It was a bit difficult breaking into his office to get my PADD but say thanks to Scotty for showing me that override program (see – I did learn something from him). I think that Lotoc might have spotted me, but he owes me. Last time I mind-melded with him my ears bled and I didn't go and see the nurse. He told me that was normal, but I suppose I probably should get dad to have a look at me in case my brain's leaking or something – only I can't tell him what happened, and he might work it out. Can you imagine what he'd do if he found out I was melding with a Vulcan? He's still going on about when Spock did it to him.

Oh, did Dad tell you? – he's taking me out of school so we can go camping on shoreleave! Just me and him. I can't wait – if only so I can get out of here. Don't worry, I've forgiven him about Marty. I sort of think he's doing this because he feels guilty, but he'd never say that. Don't tell him, but I'm a bit worried too. What if I don't know how to talk to him, or I do something stupid and he's ashamed of me? I try to be good, but being good is so boring. I think Dad's annoyed about all the communications from school. I've decided that after tonight I'm going to be really good and not break any rules and be the model student. I'm sure Dad will like me more.

Anyhow, what are you doing for shoreleave? Dad says you've got a girl to see. I hope she's nice and not stupid. You always go for stupid women and I'm pretty sure you could do better. Make sure that someone feeds Khan while you're gone, and give him a big hug from me. Toral and me formulated a new type of catnip – I'll send it back with Dad. I'd better go – I can hear footsteps and can't get caught again.

Joanna

Several days after writing her letter to Jim, Joanna again eased her stylus across her PADD and attempted to capture the likeness of the men before her. Dawn was breaking and the rising sun was reflected in the lake close-by. The smouldering campfire from the night before still gave off a little heat in the early morning, but she kept her sleeping bag wrapped around her, chilly in Earth's temperatures. Behind her lay three neat tents, a barbecue, and the bottle of bourbon they'd been consuming last night (not her of course – her dad wouldn't even let her try it, despite her excellent argument that there was usually enough alcohol in his cooking that she'd probably be immune to it anyway).

This hadn't been the camping trip she'd expected. Her dad had met her off her shuttle with a worried frown and a tight hug. For some reason he always seemed to think the shuttle would crash. She thought that was peculiar for a man that spent most of his time on a starship that had, as yet, never crashed despite the numerous conflicts it got into, but she'd learnt to keep these thoughts to herself or face a lecture on the evils of technology. Out of his Starfleet uniform he looked like the man she remembered as a small child though more relaxed now than he ever had been under the tensions at home. He was dressed casually but carried a pack on his shoulder as always. She wondered what her dad thought would happen if he didn't carry a medipack everywhere.

"Hi Dad." She smiled up at him and tried to give her most angelic of expressions. Thankfully her father was easy to convince and smiled back.

"Hi Joanna. How was your flight?"
She shrugged. "Quiet. Most people got off on Mars. I spoke to a nice Andorian for some of the flight but he got arrested by security on Boradis." Unfairly, she thought. It looked like he was smuggling, but it was only a few plain and boring stones – nothing that she thought would be worth getting worried about.

Clearly her father didn't know how to respond and she kicked herself. She was meant to be a good girl, and she supposed good girls weren't supposed to talk to Andorian smugglers, even if they were the most interesting person on the ship. He cleared his throat and attempted a smile. "Right, well... There's a bit of a change of plan..."

He looked hesitant and she felt her heart sink. Were they not going? Maybe he wanted to spend more time with Christine and James. She did her best not to feel jealous of her half-brother, but sometimes she thought it was unfair that he got to spend all his time with her dad, and she only got a few times a year. Annoyingly he was cute, so she couldn't be angry at him. She supposed she didn't really blame her dad either. He had a nice family of his own and she was just an annoying reminder of his past – one that got into trouble every five minutes. She tried to put aside her disappointment. She'd always be second-best to her dad now. She was to everyone.

"It's okay Dad. I understand."

He looked surprised, and a bit relieved. "You do? Did he tell you? Dam-. That is, I told Jim not to."

Now she was confused. "Not to what?"

Her father sighed. "So you don't know? Well, Jim's going to be alone for shoreleave. Hell knows why – I thought the women were queuing up for him. He was so sad and pathetic I offered that he could camp with us."

Joanna suddenly felt a weight lift off her shoulders. That was the bad news? "That's great! That is, I don't mind." Her father still looked glum and she struggled to understand. "What's wrong?"

"Well, because Jim was coming, Spock decided to invite himself. Damn Vulcan! He's too scared to meet Uhura's parents, but of course the idiot won't admit it. He just cites something stupid like 'It would be inappropriate when time is limited to formulate new relationships'. He didn't have a problem formulating one with her though, did he? The man has to take the consequences – the good with the bad. Everyone's terrified about meeting the parents, nothing wrong with that." She listened to her dad rant as they left the spaceport and smiled to herself. She didn't really understand Spock and her dad's relationship. At first she'd thought they hated each other, but Jim had reassured her that their bickering was friendly deep down. She figured it must be pretty deep down.

And that was how she was here now, watching the three men sleeping around the campfire. They must have been up long after she'd gone to sleep if the empty bottle was any indication. She was tempted to wake them all up nosily to show them alcohol was wrong but her dad was a bear with a hangover. They'd done all the normal stuff yesterday, just to teach Spock what camping was all about. She wasn't sure he really understood the point, as Toral hadn't when she'd explained intricacies like singing around the campfire, but he'd at least done his homework, and was rather enthused about toasting 'marshmelons'. She liked Spock. He wasn't like most of the Vulcans she'd met. He wasn't here to learn about a primitive culture, or to study something (although he occasionally said he was to annoy her dad), but, she'd realised with some surprise, he actually enjoyed Jim's company, and tolerated her father's. He'd told her yesterday, when she was teaching him how to saddle a horse, that there were many advantages to being half-Human. She'd never heard one of her school-mates say anything like that. Most of them were ashamed of their mixed parentage.

Spock's likeness was easy to draw – she'd had much experience drawing Vulcans at school and her stylus easily mimicked his high cheekbones and angled eyebrows. Her father too was little challenge – she'd been drawing him since she was a small girl and knew every line of his face from memory, although perhaps there were a few more than there had been last time she'd drawn him. But Jim, Jim was hard to draw.

She'd been overjoyed to see him again. He seemed happy to see her too. He'd taught how to build the best campfires yesterday, and how to find directions in the woods, and the names of the stars in the sky. She'd been happy just to sit between him and her dad and listen to their banter. But she'd known from his letters what the trial had done to him, even if he hadn't said anything outright. He was still his normal smiling self on the outside, but she could sense the turmoil in him. It hurt her to see it. She studied his sleeping figure carefully and wondered if he'd be the same. She wasn't sure how to help him, and she wanted to help him so much. In her opinion the Federation had a lot to answer for. The more she read of them, the more she thought it.

The sun was growing higher in the sky, and no one showed any sign of waking any time soon. She was growing bored and itched to go and explore the woods some more. Her dad had told her that there were bears (Jim had told her to look for something on four legs as grouchy as her dad was), and deer that she might see if she was quiet and lucky. Right now Joanna felt that her luck might be in.

She got to her feet quietly and pulled on a sweater. She wouldn't go far, or for long. Her dad wouldn't like it if he woke and she was gone. But she wasn't going to while away the day doing nothing. She debated whether or not to take her horse. They'd borrowed them from a small stables nearby, and her brown mare was placidly chewing grass behind the tents. She wasn't sure if she much liked the horse – called Lover (ironically in her opinion). She'd tried to bite her on first meeting, and had unseated her twice yesterday. Worse, she was lovely and well-behaved for everyone else. Her dad, whilst stroking her nose as the horse nuzzled him, told her she was doing something wrong. She wasn't though – she'd seen the look in the horse's eye every time she approached. She had a definite grudge. She quickly decided against taking her – knowing her luck the horse would make so much noise she'd wake the camp, or go off at a flat gallop and break a leg. Instead she left the grassy shore of the lake and walked into the trees.

Joanna really liked the woods. There was so much to see and hear and touch everywhere. The birds of all varieties singing, the trees fighting for space in the canopy, insects over the floor and the foliage, fungi in a multitude of colours, small animals scurrying away at her steps. She spent some time watching a pika, memorising its every feature and mannerism so that she could draw it later. Moving on she studied the different genus of trees, trying to name them, admiring the variety of leaves. However, the elusive bear remained so. An hour into her walk a new sound broke the noise of the forest – a sound she was familiar with. It was the sound of a ship landing. It intrigued her because Joanna knew that ships were only allowed to land in designated landing points on Earth except in case of emergency. Was someone in trouble? Was the ship damaged? She knew she should go back to camp and tell her dad – after all she was camping with three of the most qualified people in the universe for any crisis – but she ran the risk of losing sight of the shuttle, and it might be too late by then. She decided to go and look herself first. She'd decide what to do afterwards.

She followed the trail in the sky deeper into the forest. It took her some time – the ship had travelled further in its descent than she'd thought, and with the trees becoming thicker she occasionally had to climb a tree to see the sky. Eventually however the trees thinned into a clearing and she saw the ship landed neatly on the ground. Well, it didn't look damaged.

"Hello?" She called out and waited for a response. Some instinct stopped her approaching the ship too closely. Maybe no one was here. Or maybe they were injured? "Hello?" She called again, more tentatively this time.

She moved closer to the ship and was just about to knock at the hatch when a man and woman emerged from the forest to her right. They both stopped immediately, and reached for phasers. Joanna froze instinctively. Then the man let out a sharp breath and lowered his weapon, touching the arm of his companion to lower hers.

"It's just a kid." He was middle-aged, perhaps in his forties, tall and very slim, with long grey hair and a large bald patch.

The woman frowned at her suspiciously. She too was older, bleach-blonde and squat as the man was thin. "She's an awfully long way from civilisation."

The man smiled at her kindly, in contrast to the woman and she felt herself relax slightly. "Where you from?"

"I'm camping here. I saw your ship come down and wanted to see that you were alright."

"Well, that's very nice, isn't it Flo?"

The woman tutted under her breath. "Yes, very nice."

"But we're fine, you see."

Joanna nodded. They looked fine. She felt an urge to leave, that something wasn't quite right, but felt she needed to complete her quest. "And your ship? Is it damaged? Only there's not much chance of meeting anyone else out here, and the nearest communicator is ages away."

"I know." The man's smile broadened. "That's the idea."

"Oh." She had a sudden revelation. "Are you smugglers?"

The man's eyes opened wider in surprise and the woman cursed. "How'd you know that?"

She shrugged. "I've met smugglers before."

The man looked curious. "Have you now? Where are your parents, little girl?"

She bristled slightly. She was hardly a little girl. "My dad's in camp." She was going to say he was sleeping, but kept it back.

"And you went for a walk on your own?"

She shrugged. "There's only bears out here."

The man smiled again. "And us."

"Come on Harry." The woman muttered under her breath. "There's no time for your appetites now."

"The girl's lost, Flo. It would be rude not to help her, when she came all this way to find us."

Joanna was about to point out that she wasn't lost at all, and didn't particularly need help, but the way the man was looking her in a way that made her uncomfortable and kept her silent.

Flo shook her head in resignation. She didn't look at Joanna. "Well do what you must and be quick. I'll power up – before border control are all over us." She moved into the ship and left them alone.

The man nodded slightly. "Come on, which way is your camp." He moved towards her, and she found herself taking a step back. The man unsettled her. She wasn't sure why. She'd met plenty of smugglers before, and men for that matter.

"It's alright." She reassured him quickly. "I know my way back."

"Well I wouldn't want anything happening to a pretty girl like you." He smiled and looked her up and down. "I've been in space a long time. You're a sight for sore eyes."

She changed the subject quickly. "What do you smuggle?"

He shrugged. "This and that. What's your name?" He wouldn't be abated.

"Joanna." She knew his name, and wished she didn't. "I should let you go, I don't want you to get caught."

"We've got plenty of time. I've never been caught yet." He gave her a reassuring smile. "You know, I'm not going to bite." She realised she was instinctively moving away from him, towards the tree line, as he moved closer. She suddenly wanted to run.

"Aren't you?" She blurted.

He shook his head, smiling indulgently. "You don't know much about men, do you? Or perhaps you do, perhaps this is all an act... Maybe you wanted to meet me. Maybe we are fated."

She frowned at him. "Fated for what?" Maybe he was crazy.

He reached out and touched her face with cold fingers. "You know, you have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen." It wasn't a response and she flinched.

"Don't." Never let a stranger touch you. Her grandmother's words echoed through her mind.

"I'm sorry. But I can't resist you. How old are you?"

"Thirteen."

"So young. But you know on some planets I've been to a girl who's thirteen is thought to be a grown woman."

She was beginning to have a bad feeling where this was going. But surely not? Men like that weren't real. They were something her mom said to scare her. "Different species age differently." She suddenly wanted her dad very much. She never should her left his side. Would he be looking for her now?

"You seem mature to me." Or Jim. Jim would look for her. "Do you know what mature people do when they like each other?"

"No." She lied. "I've got to go." She turned away quickly, planning on running, but he caught her arm with deceptive strength. He towered her and she felt a sick dread in the pit of her stomach.

"Wait now. We're only talking."

"I really have to go. My dad will be worried."

"We won't be long." He ran a hand down her face again. "You know, I've been very sad. Do you want to know why?" Terror made her nod mutely. "I haven't met anyone like you in a long time. But you are clearly the most talented girl I've ever met. You managed to find me, when I'd given up hope. And I just know that you'll be able to make me very happy. Do you know how to make a man happy?"

She had to get away. Right now. She pulled on her arm but he held it firmer. Mutely she shook her head.

"Let me show you." He undid his buckle with one hand, his other hand loosened slightly, and in desperation she pulled it free as hard as possible. He reached out to grab her, but she kneed him in the groin – maximum pain earliest, as Lotoc had taught her – then her courage failed and she turned and ran.

Panic made her lose her orientation and she ran blindly. She heard him on her heels, breathing heavily. He grabbed her arm and she fell to the ground, pulling him down with her. Disturbingly he was smiling, like he was enjoying the chase. She pulled herself up, but he grabbed her ankle and she lost her footing. She kicked him in the face as hard as she could and ran again. And then ground fell away suddenly, and she rolled and bounced down the incline. She held her arms out, trying to grab something, trying to slow her descent, but everything slipped though her hands. Then she hit her head and remembered nothing else.

She opened her eyes to sickening pain and disorientation. It took her a moment to realise what had happened, and she panicked again and tried to sit up. Pain screamed down her left arm, and she glanced down through swimming eyes to see bone sticking out of the skin, bloody and splintered. She vomited into the ground next to her. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. In the stories she'd read you fell unconscious and then woke up in a nice warm bed and everything was alright. Instead she was at the bottom of some ditch with near vertical sides that ended the steep incline she'd fallen down. Her head hurt, and her arm hurt, and she didn't know where she was, and that man... that man might still be around. She was silent, terrified again, but heard nothing. Maybe he was gone. He wouldn't want to be caught smuggling whatever he was smuggling. She felt tears prick her eyes again, and tried to swallow them. She needed to be brave. She needed to get out of here.

She pulled herself slowly to her feet. Her ankle screamed in protestation too, but she didn't think it was broken. She surveyed her surroundings. There was no way she was going to be able to pull herself up with her injuries. She could shout for help, but she doubted anyone would hear her. Except the man. She wasn't sure she dared risk it. Her head was making her dizzy so she sat down again. What was she going to do? What if no one found her? The forest was a big place. Her dad might hunt for days and never find her. Maybe no one would care. Maybe they'd forget about her. But no, she was being silly. She needed to think straight. Of course her dad would come. He always did. And he had his tricorder. He'd find her eventually. She just needed to sit tight.

But it wasn't easy. She hurt really badly. And she couldn't stop her thoughts switching to that man until she had to retch again. Nothing came up though this time – she'd lost everything the first time. Time ticked by and she had to shut her eyes to ease the pain in her head. She drifted in and out of wakefulness.

She heard the man return but for some reason she couldn't move. She felt his eyes on her, peering down with that look that made her skin crawl. Immobilised, she heard him climb down into the ditch. Her heart began to pump with panic. He reached out to touch her, speaking her name and she screamed. Then she woke up with a start. She put her head between her knees, gasping for breath as pain shot down her broken bones, unsettled as she'd sat up.

"Joanna?" A familiar voice was breaking through her disjointed thoughts. "Joanna, are you here? Joanna?"

His voice steadied her, and she attempted to pull herself to her feet. "I'm down here." Her voice wobbled.

"Joanna?" Jim appeared at the top of the hill. She looked up at him, blinking in the sunlight. She couldn't see his face, but he could hear the relief in his voice. "You know, if you were planning on having an adventure you could have woken me. What are you doing down there?"

"I fell." Her voice was small.

"Are you hurt?"

She felt a flare of annoyance. "Do you think I'd still be down here if I wasn't?" Frustrated tears pricked her eyes again.

"Alright Sassy. Sit tight."

He made his way down to her as she retook her seat on the muddy floor and shut her eyes to stop her head pounding. He dropped neatly onto the ground next to her, then crouched down at her side.

"Hi kid." She was too upset to reply to him. "That's a nasty break." She felt him touch her hand gently, clearly surveying her for injuries. Even that caused her to inhale sharply. "Sorry. Anywhere else damaged?"

"I sprained my ankle I think. And I hit my head hard. I think I was knocked out."

She opened her eyes and watched him look up the hill thoughtfully. "You must have fallen down here at some speed."

"I was running."

His eyes fixed on hers. "From what?"

"A man." Her voice broke and her eyes filled with tears. She struggled to control herself. Jim didn't speak for a moment. Then he opened his communicator.

"Kirk to McCoy."

"Jim! Please tell me you've found her." Her father's anxiety added to her distress. She was the worst daughter in the universe. Her dad was going to be so angry.

"I've found her."

"Is she alright?"

"She's a bit banged up but I don't think it's anything life-threatening."

"Is she talking?"

"Yep."

"Joanna, can you hear me?"

Jim gave her an amused look, and aimed the communicator towards her. "Hi dad. I'm really sorry."

"Are you alright?"

She attempted to sound cheerful but felt anything but. "I'm okay. I broke my arm."

"Your arm? What the hell were you doing to break your arm?" She shook her head wordlessly. She felt near to tears again.

"She decided to run down a hill and met a ditch." Jim said on her behalf.

"Well just sit tight. I'll be there soon. Jim, do you remember how to reduce a fracture?"

"Vaguely." Jim glanced at her arm, looking clinical, which did not reassure her one bit.

"What the hell do you mean 'vaguely'? I've done it for you about thirty times."

"It's an open wound. I probably shouldn't."

"Well stabilise it. It'll help with the pain."

"I know. Is Spock there?"

"Yes captain."

"Have you locked onto my signal?"

"Indeed."

"Good. How far away are you?"

"With our current mode of transport, approximately forty minutes."

"Fine. We'll see you soon. Kirk out."

Jim paused, then looked down at her. "Your dad's right – we need to do something with your arm."

"Like what?" She asked dubiously. She'd seen Jim's medicine before, and it didn't fill her with much confidence.

He smiled that his winning smile. "I have a few tricks up my sleeve. But I'll need some bits and pieces. Sit tight."

He turned away and she was filled with a sudden panic. "Jim, don't leave me." She stood up, as if to follow, then her ankle screamed, and she had to lean on the muddy wall to support her.

She must have sounded scared, because he turned back quickly. "It's alright kid."

"Don't call me kid." She gasped.

He took her good arm and sat her back down gently, eyes serious. "Alright Sassy." She wasn't usually so clingy, but she couldn't help it. She'd never felt like this before, on the verge of tears and trying to hold herself together. "You're shaking!" Jim glanced at her in surprise and she hung her head in shame. She was. She couldn't stop, which wasn't good because it was making sharp splinters of pain run down her arm.

He knelt down next to her, and stroked her hair from her face with gentle hands. His blue eyes were surprisingly understanding. Strange, since Jim was never scared of anything. "I know you're shaken up Joanna. But I bet that arm hurts like hell. I'll only be gone for a minute. You'll be able to hear me. Alright?"

She tried to be brave, but the thought of him being gone, and being left alone when he might come back made her feel ill. "Alright." She watched him climb out of her prison and disappear over the hill. She felt the first stab of sickening fear but another sound quickly eased her suffering. Jim was singing the chorus to The Yellow Submarine at the top of his voice. She found a slow smile come to her lips. His singing had not improved, but he let her know his location with every breath. As he'd promised it was mere minutes when he descended back down to her.

He dropped onto the ground and gave her a smile. "You okay?"

She tried to return his smile. "That song makes no sense."

"Sure it does. Trust me, if you're ever on a deep space mission with the Enterprise it makes perfect sense."

"If you say so."

"I do. Now let's have a look at your arm." He knelt beside her again and took her wrist in his hands. She had to look away. She wasn't usually squeamish, but the bone sticking out was more than she could deal with right now. However, when he started to arrange long leaves on either side of the wound she couldn't help but glance down.

"I'm just stabilising it." He told her conversationally as he threaded them into a lattice. "The less it moves, the less pain you'll be in. Your dad will sort it later."

She tried to agree, but spots were dancing in front of her eyes as even his light handling caused excruciating pain. She was trying desperately hard not to vomit. He placed sticks either side of her wound, threading them into the leaves to hold them in place.

"Did you meet someone while you were out here?" Jim asked conversationally as he worked.

His composure calmed her. "They landed near here. I thought they might be injured or something, but they were smugglers."

"They chased you when they saw you?" Jim surmised.

She shook her head, then rested it on her knees when it spun. "No, the woman left. Then the man..." She tried to find the words but the memory was too fresh and she was too close to crying. "He..." She swallowed. She was being pathetic. "Sorry." Her voice shook.

"Don't apologise." He smiled at her kindly but she still had to force the words out.

"I think he wanted to rape me." Her voice came out in a whisper but Jim froze as if she'd shouted it. She raised her head to look at him, scared of the expression on his face. But it was blank. He was starting at her arm. "Jim?" She eventually found her voice, and he glanced up at her. His eyes were dark and stormy seas, but cleared before she could read his thoughts in them.

His continued his work wordlessly and she was too tired to say anything else. His reaction unsettled her. Maybe she'd shocked him? Maybe he was disgusted with her now? She felt dirty herself, and horrible, like she'd never be clean again. And the man had barely touched her. She wondered what would have happened if she hadn't got away, but her mind shut down at the thought.

Finally Jim surveyed his work and nodded. He tucked her arm into her jumper.

"How does it feel?" His voice was normal and relaxed.

"Better..." She attempted to wriggle her fingers as she'd watch her father instruct his patients. It actually did feel better. It still hurt like hell though. "Thanks."

"No problem."

She felt his eyes on her face and found she couldn't meet them. She hated herself right then. "I'm so sorry." Her voice broke into a sob.

For a long moment Jim remained motionless. Then, in a sudden resolute movement he sat down in the mud beside her and placed an arm around her in comfort, pulling her close. She buried her head into his chest, trying to shut out her thoughts, drawing on his strength and doing her best not to go to pieces. Jim didn't like it when she cried.

"Joanna, this is not your fault." He sounded so sure that it was pointless arguing.

"I don't understand any of it." She confided in him. Why her? Had she brought it on herself? Had she said something to him? Looked at him in the wrong way? And why hadn't she run sooner?

"Some people have darkness in them, Joanna." Jim told her softly. "And some people don't try to fight it."

"Why?"

"Because they like the feeling too much." He stroked her hair and she felt herself calm at his touch.

She tried to make sense of things in her reeling mind. "You don't have any darkness in you." She pointed out quietly. Jim had never made her feel like that, and she'd been close to him often. He'd never hurt her. She didn't believe he was capable of it.

"I have plenty of darkness in me Joanna. But I fight it."

"I don't believe you."

She felt him sigh. "I'm not a hero, Joanna." He always said that. She'd never believe him.

"Well you rescued me."

He looked down at her, blue eyes flashing with amusement. "You're still in the ditch."

"But I'm not alone in it anymore." No, he'd dragged her out of the dark place she'd been in.

He smiled at her, and she realised, for the first time, two important things. Just how much she liked his smile. And that he was handsome. Of course, she'd always known that since everyone told her all the time – but for the first time, she actually understood it. The thought made her blush. She distracted herself from her confusing thoughts quickly. How could she think that, after what had just happened?

"Dad's going to be so mad." There was a truth. He got angry at strange things, but her walking off and then getting hurt would make him furious. Maybe he wouldn't want her anymore. She'd already caused him so much trouble.

"Not at you, don't worry." Jim read her mind.

"He's already had a communication from the school this week." She sighed. "I'm in trouble when I go back. I try to be good..."

"But being good is boring?" Jim chuckled, quoting her letter.

She nodded seriously. "It's like they're trying to sap... myself from me." She shut her eyes resignedly. After today maybe she should let them.

"Joanna, you remember what I said to you when you started that school?"

She thought back, the memory fresh and perfectly preserved in her mind. Often she hated her eidetic memory, but Jim always liked it, and used it like it was perfectly normal for her to recall a conversation they'd had five years ago. She didn't fail to notice that he remembered it too.

"You told me to remember that I was Human, not Vulcan."

"Exactly. And what do Humans have that Vulcans don't want?"

"Emotions."

"Correct. Vulcans think that emotions are a weakness, that they cause more trouble than they're worth. And sometimes that's true. But emotions are also what make us Human. When we learn to control them they're a powerful tool."

She didn't see where he was going. "I don't understand."

"You're not a Vulcan – you're Human Joanna. Your emotions make you you. You shouldn't let anyone change that."

"But they get me in to trouble." She pointed out.

"Then use them to get yourself out of trouble."

"I can't."

"Of course you can. I know you, Sassy. You can make anyone believe anything you say. I've seen you do it. You have the ability to lead people, to make them believe in you."

She raised an eyebrow at him. She couldn't remember convincing anyone of anything, let alone leading them. "So you believe you're a hero?"

He chuckled. "I do when I'm around you." She shook her head sceptically and he looked thoughtful. "Have I told you the story of the girl with the red balloon and the dancing?"

"No." The anticipation of a story helped ease the pain that was increasing in her head.

"Alright then." He stroked her hair absently and she relaxed against him. "One day the girl with the red balloon went to her dancing class."

"She dances?" She interrupted. Her opinion of the character went down slightly.

"Sure she does. She's a good dancer." Joanna snorted and Jim raised his eyebrows at her. "As you might be, if you decided to ever try it." She doubted it. "Now as I was saying, she went to her dancing class, and the teacher informed them that they were entering a competition. They were each going to be assigned a partner, and were to dance to a set piece of music. Now the girl watched as each of her friends were assigned to others with a sinking feeling. Soon she was left with just one other student, a boy. She knew the boy well and was not happy with the assignment. Several of her friends had tried to dance with him in the past with disastrous results. Everyone knew that he had two left feet. Worse, the boy was mean, and often made his partner cry. However, the girl was made of stern stuff. She knew there was no point getting upset, although she really wanted to win the competition. She approached the boy with resignation but when she tried to talk to him he just turned his back on her and walked away."

"Why?"

"Well, the girl realised that perhaps he'd seen on her face that she hadn't wanted to be his partner. She noticed how the others laughed at him because he couldn't dance. She thought that perhaps she'd gone about things the wrong way, and that she should try and get to know him, to be kind to him."

"Sounds sensible."

Jim chuckled. "She was sensible. So she approached him again, this time with a smile. The boy responded better to the kindness. Together they began to dance. Each evening they practised. The girl saw how much the boy wanted to dance, and how hard he worked. She admired him for it, and they became friends. But it was no good – the boy got no better. He'd trip over his own feet, or her feet, and get himself so flustered that he couldn't dance anymore.

'One evening as they practiced he fell to the floor, bringing her with him. She saw tears of hurt and frustration in his eyes, and realised that because he cared so much he wasn't succeeding. They were doing something wrong. She touched his face with compassion and said 'Don't worry, we'll learn together.' The boy was sceptical, but the girl was clever. She decided that instead of dancing the dance they'd wanted to, where the boy couldn't do well, they'd come up with something that played to his strengths. She realised that whilst he was no good at complicated footwork, he was strong and an excellent gymnast. She came up with a new routine that used these features. But the boy kept doing badly."

"Why? Surely he would be better?"

"You'd think. But the boy had no confidence in his dancing. Even with the new routine he didn't believe they'd do well. And belief can make or break someone. The girl realised this but their performance was the next day. She had run out of time. On the day of the show the boy met the girl with the red balloon behind the curtain. He had cold feet, and didn't think he could perform. The truth was that he cared for the girl, and he didn't want to publically embarrass her by doing badly. The girl knew she had to convince him that he was a good dancer – so she did just that."

"How?" She was curious.

"She told him all the good things that he could do – all the things that she admired about him – his strength and athleticism. She convinced him that the things that she admired others would to. And she told him him that no matter what happened, he could never let her down, because they were friends, and friendship was more important to her than any dance. And the boy started to believe."

"What happened? Did they win?"

"Well, the boy danced the best he ever had, and the girl kept up with him like they were made to be partners. Everyone was entirely stunned to see him dance so well. The other students began to admire him for things he could do that no one else could, and many of them wished they'd been paired with him."

"Yes, but did they win?"

Jim shrugged. "Does it matter, when they learnt so much?"

Joanna frowned at him. "Of course. Else what's the point of a competition?"

Jim smiled. "Well, Spock would say that learning defeat and how to accept is as important as winning."

Joanna rolled her eyes. "That's stupid. No one would try and win if it wasn't more important. And no one remembers the loser."

"I wish Spock was here – I think he'd enjoy your form of logic." Jim chuckled and she scowled. "But I think Spock's trying to say that everyone loses some time."

"You don't."

"Well, you never know when my luck is going to run out Sassy."

"No time soon."

"Hopefully not."

"So did they win?" She persisted.

Jim grinned at her. "Of course."

"Good." About time too. "What happened?"

"Well, they both got what they wanted in the end. The boy was admired for his dancing. The girl had won her competition. But they realised that they now had each other. From then on neither danced with anyone else. The end." He fell silent abruptly, in his usual way, eyes preoccupied, and she again wondered if that was indeed the correct end of the story. However, she enjoyed the silence companionably, and the comfort his warm presence brought. She wondered whether he was right – whether she really did have the ability to convince people of things like the girl with the red balloon. It would certainly help her to talk her way out of some of the situations she found herself in. Like this one.

Her head was pounding again, and she shut her eyes and let herself drift again as her ankle and arm throbbed. Jim's voice brought her back from the darkness that was beginning to penetrate her thoughts.

"You dad's here."

She stirred slowly, opening her eyes in the dimness of the ditch and wondered how he knew. Then she heard the sound of horses nearby.

"Joanna?" Her father was calling her before the horse had stopped moving.

"We're down her, Bones." Jim called, gently removing himself from her side and standing. Her father appeared at the top of the cliff.

"Damn it. Let me get down closer." He made his way down the valley, stopping at the edge of the ditch.

"I'll hand her up to you." Jim offered calmly. "Do you have you medikit?"

She watched her father scowl, and realised it was for reasons like this one that the pack was attached to him constantly. "Of course I do. Be careful with her, Jim."

Jim made a face at her, but made no reply. Instead he went down on one knee and lifted her into his arms. The jolt of movement, as smooth as it might have been, made her cry out before she was able to bite her tongue.

"Damn it Jim, I said careful."

"Sorry Sassy." Jim murmured. She would have told him that it was alright, but he quickly was handing her up to her father's waiting arms.

Her father was more careful than Jim had been, his doctor's instincts making him more aware of her pain. He'd catalogued her injuries before they'd reached the top of the hill. Joanna was expecting a rebuke, some sort of anger from him, but when he placed her on the blanket Spock had laid out for her, he wrapped his arms around her and she felt nothing but love and relief. It was probably that which made the dam burst after holding it in for so long, the knowledge he wasn't angry coupled with the reality of what had happened. She hid her face in her father's shirt, trying to stop Jim seeing her tears. Her father stroked her hair silently, waiting with surprising patience, and, in fits and starts, she managed to get the whole story out.

When she pulled away she could see her dad was angry, but he took away her pain and healed her wounds with gentle hands. Spock watched the proceedings motionless, occasionally reaching to hand her dad a tool. Jim paced.

Eventually she was able to get herself to her feet. Her dad was the best doctor in the universe. Jim often said he could cure a rainy day. But she felt drained despite the medication.

"Alright, I need to get Joanna back to camp." Her father told his friends.

Jim nodded, exchanging a look with him. "I'll deal with it." His blue eyes were blank. He appeared totally calm.

"Jim I do not think it is wise..." Spock began, but Jim silenced him with a look.

"Stay here and keep an eye on things." He was in captain-mode, she knew it well enough - giving out orders and expecting obedience. "Let me know if you see any sign they're back.

"Yes captain."

She suddenly felt scared. Where was he going? What was he going to do? What if something happened to him? She couldn't bear that. And that man had been bad – really bad. However, before she could protest her father was swinging her up onto the horse in front of him and Jim had disappeared into the forest.

She didn't remember much after that. She fell asleep against her father as the rocking of the horse soothed her. When she suddenly awoke she was in the tent she shared with her dad, and it was near dark outside. She was gasping, and had the feeling she'd had nightmares, but couldn't remember the content. For once her memory had let her down, and she was grateful.

She pushed the sleep from her face and crept out of the tent. Her father was sitting in front of the fire, face dark and preoccupied. Spock sat next to him, strumming his lyrette in disharmonious chords that suggested he was thinking.

"Hi dad." She sat down next to him.

"Hi Joanna." He nodded at her, face clearing, and put an arm around her."Feeling better?"

She nodded slowly. "I'm sorry about... everything dad." Her voice was smaller than she would have liked.

Her father's arm tightened around her. "It wasn't your fault. And if I get my hands on him I will kill him." She didn't doubt who he was referring to. The idea that her father was angry enough to contemplate murder, a man who usually did everything to save lives, was terrifying. She was suddenly understood why Jim had offered to go. "But please don't walk off without telling me in the future, Joanna." She nodded her agreement as she sensed the end of the conversation.

"Is Jim back?" She asked him, changing the subject to both their relief.

Her father shook his head as Spock answered. "He approaches."

The doctor scowled but looked anxious. As Spock had said, Jim appeared a few minutes later from the trees. He was well controlled but she had memorised every feature of him and knew he was limping slightly. Her first instinct was to go to him, but her dad held her back.

"Stay here Joanna." She knew he'd seen it too, that they'd have things to discuss that they wouldn't want her to know, but for the first time she felt a wave of irritation, of jealousy of her father. Nevertheless, she obediently remained seated as both he and Spock went to talk with him. She stared into the fire. And waited.

Her dad returned after a few minutes and began to cook dinner. He looked better, like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. A glance told her that Spock and Jim remained in quiet conference. Then Spock too returned to the fire. She saw Jim head towards the clearing close to the lake and went to follow. And then remembered what she'd promised her father.

"I'm going to see the horses Dad." She called. She heard an acknowledgement from him, but was already well away.

She stopped at the tree line when she saw that Jim was indeed with the horses. Lover, the brown mare who hated her, clearly didn't feel the same way about him, and was nuzzling him affectionately. She watched Jim as the sun set. She knew that he was troubled, she could see it as others couldn't in every movement, in each expression. In the way he allowed the horse to comfort him. She wondered what he'd done. Had he found the man? She wasn't sure if she wanted to know either way. She watched his hands smooth the mare's coat, murmuring words that she couldn't hear, and felt something for the first time. And the feelings scared her. Not because of what they were – somehow being attracted to Jim felt only natural - even when she'd been little she'd thought she might be with him one day. No, she was scared because if he found out about her newly developing feelings, if he even got a taste, he wouldn't be her friend. Because Jim wasn't like the man she'd met in the forest. Jim had light, not darkness. And Jim would never want her. Because no one did.

"Was your time away productive?" Lotoc watched her with dark impenetrable eyes a week later as they sat in the classroom and prepared for her teaching session. She was beginning to show signs of improvement, both in the way she used her mind to 'process memory', and in her fighting skills. She knew that the only reason she'd got away in the forest was because of the things he had taught her, and she had resolved to work even harder to improve them. It had still been too close.

"Not really." She replied absently. She'd been worrying about what to do about Jim for the last few days. Already she'd seen how her behaviour had changed around him, how every touch now caused her heart to beat hard, how his words made her blush. She knew what she had to do now, but was reluctant to do it.

"You seem preoccupied. Was it not as you anticipated?" Lotoc read her emotions clearly, much to her frustration.

She shook her head. "Not really."

"I see. I believe that Humans often find that life is unpredictable." Joanna stopped herself biting back a remark that plenty of Vulcans also found life less predictable than they wanted to believe. "I have another request to ask of you, Lotoc."

"I see." The man waited patiently for her.

"I need you to teach me how to control my emotions."

He raised an eyebrow. "Your emotions are indeed your greatest weakness Joanna McCoy. However, I am unsure if you are ready to walk the Vulcan path."

She shook her head. "I don't want to remove my emotions, Lotoc. Emotions make me Human. But I need to hide them better..." She looked at him hopefully.

The man nodded. "Very well. I will teach you, but you must put your mind to it as never before. Such methods are not easy to one such as you." She wondered what he meant but the man was already lighting candles and dimming the lights. "We will begin with meditation. Please be seated."

Obediently she took her place on the floor, even as a memory of her grandmother's voice reminded her that nothing in life was for free.

A/N – The song for the next chapter will be The Resolution by Jack's Mannequin. Thanks again for reading.