Chapter 14

Elizabeth stood in the small bathroom in front of the mirror – staring at her own reflection. Carefully she touched her face where the scar had been; should have been. Carefully she traced the path of the should-have-been scar. She remembered the scar so vividly: it had been part of her life for years, after all.

And yet it had all been but an instant that was already fading. A lifetime had passed in the blink of an eye: literally.

Suddenly the memories swarmed and attacked and she felt a welling in her chest. It almost felt as if her heart would burst with emotion. And the emotion riding the crest of the wave was fear: stark, naked, burning fear that threatened to drive her to her knees.

She rested her head against the cold mirror and pressed her lips tightly together in an effort to stem the force of the flow of emotion. Fervently she hoped John would not find her like this. Had this happened in the future – or even perhaps two years ago – she would not have had any trouble facing him with her fears. But though they were now officially a couple (and strangely, everyone liked the idea, in fact some seemed relieved), there had been so much hurt between them these past two years and they were still working on trusting each other.

She closed her eyes and balled her fists, but it was not enough to stop the single sob of sorrow escaping.

How he had done it, she never knew, but somehow John had entered their shared room without her hearing him. As she stood at the mirror, wanting to cry but not allowing herself the luxury, a strong pair of arms gently turned her around until her head was resting against a strong chest. And finally the tears she had been repressing flowed: tears for two lifetimes of hurt.

All tears dry in time, and after a few minutes hers finally stopped. She pulled back in his grip and John let her escape his arms enough that he stil held her shoulders, but so she could look at him without going cross-eyed. She knew her face must be an awful mess.

She smiled wryly. "I don't usually cry like that," she assured him. John looked down at the blotch on his shirt and pulled a face.

"I really hope not," he said as he poked at the spot. And suddenly the tension was relieved and she could honestly smile. She touched the spot, their fingers momentarily brushing.

"I'm sure that will come out with the right kind of soap," she told him. Then she raised a single eyebrow. "Just too bad I have no idea what kind of soap that might be."

John smiled at her and then peeled off his shirt. A new emotion welled in her and this time it was not sorrow or fear. As if reading her thoughts he grinned at her, but then reached for another shirt and donned it.

"Not now," he said and winked. She scowled at him. Then he looked critically at her. "You might want to wash your face," he informed her. "We wouldn't want anyone else to see you had an emotional moment."

She flushed slightly, for she had indeed forgotten how mushy her face must look after that bout of crying. Quickly she did as he suggested. As she dried her face, she looked at him in the mirror over the towel. "Thank you," she quietly told him.

For a moment he looked at her with a serious expression, but then he smiled his old boyish grin and grabbed her hand. As their fingers interlaced – a tender gesture she adored – he kissed her lightly on the forehead.

"I'm hungry," he informed her.

She lifted her eyebrow, but a smile played around her lips. "Well, then I guess we need to feed you," she decided. Together they turned and left for the mess hall.

#####

The mess hall was curiously quiet. Yes, there was the murmur of voices, but the groups were small and subdued. Elizabeth supposed all the rest of them were silently trying to make sense of what had happened; the same as she had only minutes ago. But as leader of this colony among the stars, she did not have the luxury of emotional weakness like they did – at least not where anyone could see.

She looked up at John walking next to her. Well, at least not where anyone but him could see, she silently amended. Perhaps they did not have so much baggage to work through, after all.

They got their trays and went to sit at the table usually occupied by SGA-1. The only thing was that these days this table had grown significantly and was now more of a group of tables than a single one. Yet for now it was just the two of them.

But not for long: they had hardly sat down when a subdued Radek and Anne joined them. They nodded at one another, but remained quiet; waiting, continuously touching each other in search of comfort. And sure enough, within minutes the group had grown to include Sitnalta, Ronon, Teyla and the Becketts along with Laura and Jennifer. Rodney was the last to join them, his plate stacked.

"What?" he asked as they looked at the amount of food he had in front of him. "Hey, to me it seems like I have spent at least ten years on liquids," he defended himself. He took a bite of potato (better enjoy earth food while it lasted) and while eating continued: "You have no idea how great it is to be able to chew once more!"

Lovingly Sitnalta rested her head against his arm for a moment in sympathy, and the grumpy scientist melted at her touch. Still chewing he smiled down at her.

"So, really none of us ever made it to Atlantis?" Ronon asked. Elizabeth thought once more that one too easily forgot that the young man was as smart as he was intimidating. And that question was really at the heart of what had happened, wasn't it?

"I know none of us on earth did," Radek informed the table. He winced as he looked at Elizabeth. "We did find many more people after that dinner," he said. She merely nodded. In her world that had been the day she had died. But now she only nodded for the scientist to continue.

But it was Rodney – taking a time-out from consuming his food in a curiously comforting normal way – that continued the conversation. "Well, I can tell you: I've been working on the math for a lifetime and I still don't know what really happened."

John scowled. "We know that already," he informed his friend and Elizabeth wondered at their adventures. Perhaps one day they will tell her. And then one day she will tell them her story as well.

"Yes," Rodney said unperturbed, waving a drumstick at John. "But I do have a theory," he smugly added, biting into the drumstick.

All of them sat in silence for a moment, waiting for Rodney to speak. But the scientist was contently munching on his food. Finally Sitnalta lightly laid her long, slender fingers on his wrist and looked deep into his eyes. "Please, love, we really would like to know your theory."

Amazingly, this worked. Where anyone else would have gotten a snide remark from the man, he only smiled at his lover.

"Well," he began, now looking at all of them. "After Sam – you know she married Daniel Jackson?" he interrupted his story.

"No, we did not," John scowled. But it was in jest.

Rodney frowned. "Well, she did," he took up his story again. "Well, after the meeting," and Elizabeth wondered exactly what had happened there at the meeting – John had only told her the basics earlier, "and what Sam told the world, I realised that somehow, in that lifetime, Atlantis did not exist. It wasn't that only a few of us never made it there: nobody did!" He looked at Ronon. "As Chewy here pointed out earlier."

"But how could all of us have existed but not Atlantis?" Teyla asked in her calm, cool voice.

"Because Atlantis was destroyed," Rodney cryptically remarked. Elizabeth wondered who would be the first to hit the man. Fortunately for him Sitnalta was once more the one to tell him to behave.

"Okay," he continued. "I have no proof of this, but this is what I believe happened. I think when we passed through the black hole, all matter got destroyed for a fraction of a moment."

"But all of us went back in time," Elizabeth wondered out loud. Rodney rolled his eyes at her, cocking his head.

"Yes, well. As I was saying: all matter got destroyed. That includes our bodies and Atlantis. But somehow our consciousnesses were transferred to a point in time before the accident. In fact, to a point of time before any of our paths were set to bring us to Atlantis." He took another bite from something green on his plate. "Then, the moment our path took us beyond the point of impact with the black hole, all the matter that had been destroyed was recreated."

Ronon looked at Rodney, but instead of commenting the big man looked over at Teyla. Elizabeth wondered what their stories might be.

"After Atlantis was recreated, all of us returned to that point of time in our bodies," he finally ended.

The rest of them thought about that. "But the only way for us to return was at the moment of our deaths?" Anne asked. She was sitting very close to Radek; almost as if she was afraid of losing him.

Elizabeth supposed that all of them had lost much in that instant in time. She looked at the familiar faces of her friends and colleagues, and as she did she felt the past slip away. Suddenly she knew the future might not be easy, but they were meant to be here, like this, today. And she felt reassured in knowing that no matter what paths their lives might take, they would be able to face it together.

She picked up her mug and held it aloft. "A toast," she exclaimed and waited as the rest of them took their own mugs of assorted beverages. "To Atlantis and to the path that led all of us here," she proposed.

"To Atlantis!" they echoed as they brought their mugs together in salute.