Quarrel

Booth held Bones' hand tightly as she lay face-down on the stretcher. "I swear I'm going to kill Hodgins this time."

"Calm down, Booth. I'll be all right, and it was an accident."

"What I'll do to him won't be an accident. He could have killed you!"

"But he didn't, and Cam is going to deal with him most strictly. And then once she's done disciplining him professionally, Angela will be dealing with him personally. I anticipate that the next time I see Dr. Hodgins, he will be extremely contrite and far, far more cautious in his experiments in the future. And I will be more cautious whenever he is conducting those experiments."

"Bones, he shot you."

"It was accidental."

"Bones, he shot you with a crossbow."

"It was a valid experiment, in attempting to recreate the cause of death in our case. He just didn't use a strong enough backstop, nor did he secure the weapon properly to keep it trained on target."

"Bones, he shot you in the ass with a crossbow."

"It's strictly a superficial wound. There was not penetrative trauma, just a surface laceration. A very uncomfortable and inconvenient one, as well as painful, but I anticipate a full recovery in short order, with minimal scarring."

Booth sighed. "Bones... you gotta understand. I now have a very personal and proprietary interest in your well-being. Especially when it comes to your... well, that area. And not only will I not be able to touch that... area... while you're recovering, I'll never be able to see that scar without thinking about Hodgins - and how he almost killed you."

Bones scoffed. "Please, Booth. This was nowhere near a life-threatening injury."

Booth's face got grim. "Bones, don't get superior on me here. I was in Afghanistan, remember? I saw several men get shot in the ass - and die from it. Depending on the angle of the shot, there are a lot of very important organs and blood vessels that can be hit. You got damned lucky. Admit it."

After a pause, she nodded. "You are correct. I've examined several remains where the cause of death was a wound to the buttocks. It's rare, but it's hardly unheard of."

"And that's why I'm going to shoot Hodgins in HIS ass."

"No, you're not, Booth. My wounding was an accident; his would be deliberate."

"And why does that matter?"

"Because I would greatly miss you while you were in jail. And even if you weren't jailed, it would cost you your job, and we would no longer work together. So stop all this talk of shooting Hodgins. All it achieves is to make me think of not having you in my life, and I do not like that thought."

Booth sighed. "All right. But under one condition - we don't tell Hodgins that he's physically safe any time soon."

Bones chuckled, then winced with the pain. "I think that's more than reasonable. Besides, from what Angela said, it would be more accurate to say 'physically safe from you.' In her own way, she's as protective of me as you are - and has far greater access to Hodgins." Then she had her own thought. "However, it might be entertaining to notify Hodgins that we are considering a lawsuit for damages. As I expect that our sexual activities will be constrained for at least the next few weeks, the phrase 'loss of consortium' ought to make him quite nervous. And having to be around us when we are suffering from a great deal of sexual frustration - and blaming him - should be most satisfactory - in a vindictive sense."

Booth found himself smiling. As satisfying as it would be to plug a hole in Hodgins' ass to match the one in Bones', the thought of making him sweat and squirm over several weeks - or longer - had even more appeal.

"Fine, Bones. We'll handle it your way. He then smiled seductively. "And about that frustration angle - I think I can hold up, but if there's anything I can do that might help take your mind off the pain and help you feel better..."

Bones smiled back. "I already have a few ideas involving certain activities and positions and options that should minimize stress on my wound, while still allowing a degree of mutual gratification..."

As Bones licked her lips, Booth realized that while he was still furious with Hodgins, the recovery period could prove to be quite an adventure...