CHAPTER 14

The following few days at the Learning Academy had definitely taken some getting used to. Each of Amanda's lessons were now accompanied by a Vulcan from T'Amar's personal guard, rigidly keeping their post at the entrance to the teaching hall. All her lesson plans had to be pre-approved by a representative of the High Counsel a few days before each class. And, of course, any involvement in extracurricular activities on her behalf were strictly prohibited.

Her heart sank when she realized her class sizes had dwindled, and she could only assume that certain Vulcan families did not want their children having any association with this so-called scandal. Apparently, others within the community and the Learning Academy itself had caught wind of the High Counsel meeting she had attended a few days ago and jumped to their own conclusions. There was no sign of N'Veyan and she assumed he had been replaced by this new "system"; this was possibly the only bright spot Amanda could see in an otherwise bleak turn of events. She felt as if her every move were held under a microscope and she didn't like it. All of the aspects of her classes she had fought for and painstakingly wore down her superiors to allow her to perform, such as reciting passages from famous Earth literature, were now stricken from the lesson plan, and she was forced to simply answer questions and drone on about verbs and proper sentence structure.

Finally, the day came to an unceremonious end and she was back in the comfort of her home away from home. Tu'Pari was currently off-planet, and Amanda cursed her rotten luck. One of the few people that would make her feel better was out of reach. Of course, she could video-call her, but she didn't want to disturb her friend. Letting her heavy outer cloak slip off her shoulders onto the floor, she checked the timepiece in the kitchen and decided to curl up on one of the sitting room chairs with a novel while she waited for Sarek to arrive for one of their weekly evening walks. She hadn't spoken to him at all after the Counsel meeting and she desperately wanted to hear his view on things, such as if he really thought her project would be terminated or if it was just big talk and ceremonious posturing from T'Amar. She desperately hoped this was the case. She thought back to the meeting briefly, reminded of how tall he had stood in the face of the elder's criticism.

Standing before the modest bookshelf in the living space, she selected a popular Vulcan illustrative compilation of the various types of gems native to the world. She loved pouring over the glossy pages in her spare time, admiring the alien rocks and trying to remember their names. She curled up onto a chair facing towards the large central window of the sitting area, seeing the sun just beginning to set.

Amanda was so comfortable that she became totally engrossed in the book. She only stopped to look up when she noticed the sun had set so much that she was in need of a light to continue reading. Glancing at the time, she noticed that Sarek was two hours late for their usual walking hour. Her heart tumbled and she realized he must not be coming at all. It's just as well. The only thing I was looking forward to today won't be happening. She got up and flicked on a small lamp beside her chair. Deciding she needed a warm drink to perk up her spirits, she made her way into the kitchen and dug out a few ingredients. T'Rin had accompanied Tu'Pari on her travels off planet, so Amanda was alone to forage around the large cabinets to find what she needed.

She was in the middle of trying to locate her favorite mug on her tiptoes when she heard a knock at the door. Lowering herself back down to the floor, she hesitated. Who would be visiting at this hour? For the most part, she was not a paranoid person. If she heard a strange noise at night, she usually brushed it off and fell back to sleep. But recent events had her on edge more than she cared to admit. And the fact that she was completely alone in the house only served to strengthen that feeling. She heard another knock and her eyes darted toward the long steel knife sitting in the knife block on the kitchen counter. Just as quickly, the impulse vanished and she rolled her eyes. I doubt any attacker would knock on the door, idiot.

Amanda crossed the room to the entryway door and inspected the visitor through the peephole. Her suspicions were soon wiped away as she saw Sarek's face clearly on the other side, softly illuminated by the porch light. She breathed a small sigh of relief and pulled the door open. "Na'shaya, Ambassador," she had to work at keeping a smile of pleasant surprise off her face. She wondered what had detained him. Vulcans were never late.

"Greetings, Miss Grayson. I apologize for my absence. May I come in?" He had his hands behind his back, and his posture read as if he were half expecting her to deny him entry.

"Of course, please do." She led the way and closed the door softly behind him. He wore a heavy travel cloak over top of his usual dark robes and he seemed somewhat exuberated, as if he had travelled a great distance. His usually pristine dark hair was slightly mussed from the wind and she couldn't help but notice that he seemed a bit disheveled, almost rugged, and this realization made her pulse quicken slightly. She looked away and offered to take his cloak. He handed it over to her wordlessly, watching her hang it carefully beside the door on a sturdy wooden hook.

She turned back to face him and he gazed back at her. She realized he had never actually been in this house with her, completely alone, until now. After a few moments of awkward silence, Amanda looked away and ventured back into the kitchen. "It's probably too dark for our walk now," she began, resuming her search for the mug. "Would you like something to drink?" Sarek stood a few steps away from her and glanced out the small kitchen window into the darkness. "I am currently not in need of a beverage." He regarded her on her tip toes as she searched the cupboard. "Do you require assistance?"

She stretched as far as her toes would allow, then came back down in defeat. "Actually, yes. I can see my favorite mug, but it's just out of reach. If I could juusstt...graze it with my fingers slightlyyy..." She tried again but to no avail.

"I am four point five inches taller than you, Miss Grayson. Perhaps I would have more success." She stepped aside and he swiftly grabbed the mug for her, setting it gently on the countertop as he raised an eyebrow. "Human need to deem inanimate objects as their favorite is quite illogical."

She gave a scoff. "It's not illogical, it's called having a heart." She began to boil some water on the stovetop for her tea. "Certain things hold sentimental value to us Humans. Like this mug," she indicated the design on its front, "this design reminds me of swelled ocean waves, ready to crash onto the beach."

"Indeed." He eyed the mug more intently.

After the water began to slowly bubble, he spoke again. "I was delayed this evening because of a short meeting with the High Counsel. They communicated to me their decision to continue the linguistic program, with the condition of your class time being reduced to two classes per week with current security measures intact."

Her shoulders sagged in disbelief. "Two days?!" She didn't even try to keep the alarm out of her voice. "They might as well have cancelled the project all together. What can I possibly accomplish with only two days per week? Down from six?"

"I anticipated your disappointment. However, I am inclined to agree with this decision" Her eyes, widened with alarm, now turned to him in surprise. "You what?"

He kept their gaze intact. "While I fully support your mission here, I must concur with the Counsel's concern for your safety."

Amanda let out a humorless laugh. "Yes, my safety. That's what they really care about." She turned away. "They want to protect their own and that's it. They think my presence here is useless and couldn't give a damn about my mission."

Sarek allowed a small, weighted exhale to escape. "I believe you are misunderstanding the intentions of the Counsel. Their intention is not to alienate you from the program, it is to protect all individuals involved in it while still proceeding with your teachings. Recent events have shown the unfortunate danger involved in this area."

Amanda sighed bitterly. "I can't believe you're on their side. They're trying to muscle me out! They want me to be the one to back away. Don't you see?" She turned on her heel and faced him again. "If I leave, they can wash their hands of this entirely and receive absolutely no blame. They'll say "the Earth woman felt threatened, she couldn't stand the pressure, she decided to end it". I can't let them have control of -" The water on the stove had come to boil long ago, and now was frothing over the edges of the small pot.

"Damn!" Amanda exclaimed and stepped over to deal with the mess. She lifted the pot off the stove and into the sink, then turned the stove off completely, standing before it in pensive frustration.

Sarek let her stew in her thoughts patiently. Finally, a dejected exhale arose from her direction and her shoulders sagged. "I can't believe there is such hatred," she intoned, her voice fragile. "How a few bad apples are going to ruin it for everyone."

"I believe each civilization thinks they are the only ones to deal with animosity within its populace, but it is almost a guarantee with any species. The best that can be hoped for is one day, they will see the error in their ways and seek correction."

Amanda faced him again, and Sarek felt a deep part of himself startle at the look in her eyes. "Not everything is so calculated, Sarek! How about the person who tried to blow us up, and may damn well have taken a few kids with us? You think they were using logic?" She stopped when she realized her voice was reverberating off the walls. She was practically shouting.

Sarek said nothing, and stood still in place beside the counter, letting her emotion roil all around him. Amanda suddenly realized how uncomfortable he must be and felt moisture begin to collect in her eyes. "I'm so sorry." She tried to blink it away. "I thought I was going to really do some good here," she whispered bitterly, mostly to herself. She hated how her emotions were in full view, but she hadn't any will to shut them back up.

Sarek stood directly in front of her now, and she looked up at him. She could feel his very presence with every nerve ending in her body. Her breath hitched in her throat and she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, still trying to blink away angry tears. "This planet has done nothing but harm you," he murmured, mere inches away now. "And you are still here. It will take more than this to eradicate your dream, Amanda."

She stopped breathing entirely. Hearing her name uttered by his voice sent shivers up her spine. She hadn't any idea the power of this simple act, of him saying her name, until now.

Suddenly she felt a strong, primal need arise from within her, a need for him to be as close to her as possible. Her emotions had ricocheted in five million directions over the last ten minutes, and she knew she wasn't in the most stable state of mind at the moment, but she didn't care. She knew Vulcan's didn't kiss and she was unsure if he would know what she was doing if she went for it. But as she looked up at him now, she knew she had to try; her emotions were too powerful to ignore.

Amanda closed the remaining distance between them and covered his mouth with hers in a light, tentative kiss. Immediately, a rush of feelings made themselves known to her; lust, pleasure, and overwhelming amounts of affection she assumed were all coming from her. Sarek stood rooted in place, and she felt no response from him as her resolve quickly faded and she started to pull away. But he soon got over his surprise and responded just as quickly as he stepped closer to deepen the kiss. His arms encircled her lower back, pressing her to him as she laid her hands flat against his chest. She felt as if she were in a cartoon, half expecting fireworks to explode over their heads from the intensity she was feeling.

Finally, they both pulled away for the necessity of breathing but stayed in their embrace. Amanda stared into his eyes and felt as if she could entrust her entire being in his hands. He stared back and she wondered what he was thinking. As if reading her mind, he responded. "This...this is something I have given thought to several times before." He shocked her with his frankness. She didn't have much time to let his words sink in as he bowed his head and kissed her again. This kiss was much different, urgent and hungry. She put both her hands behind his neck and poured all the passion she had stored within herself ever since she landed on Vulcan into the kiss. She felt him groan into her lips and he kissed her back even harder.

Abruptly, the kiss ended as Sarek pulled away. Amanda sighed in objection and tried to regain her bearings as she opened her eyes, heavy-lidded with desire.

"I apologize. I...cannot continue." Sarek stood a fair distance away from her now, almost as if he thought any closer would be dangerous. His breath was ragged and Amanda placed a hand to her lips, already starting to swell. "I'm sorry," she offered. "I pushed this on you, this is all my-"

"No," he interrupted her. "There is a logical reason standing in the way of continuing. I regret that I must go." He looked down at the counter that now stood between them. "I will bid you a good evening." His voice was quiet but in control.

Amanda exhaled in frustration, feeling hurt and confused. "Alright." She quickly stepped passed him into the entranceway, and he followed behind her. She grabbed his cloak off the hanger hastily and handed it to him, avoiding eye contact.

He accepted it without a word and opened the door. Before he stepped through, he turned back and regarded her again. She stared back, confused and yearning to be in his embrace again, her eyes openly asking why he had to leave. Without another word, he turned and closed the door behind him.

OOOOO

Moonlight cascaded down the windowpanes of the den and lightly grazed the wood panels of the floor beneath, illuminating the workspace on the desk he had cleared in front of him. Sarek always regarded the moonlight as an adequate light source on nights like this, when he was unable to sleep and in search of mental distraction, usually found in one of the many books held in his impressive library. On this night however, he found the light exposed him in a way he did not care for. He rose from the desk and pulled the drapes closed, allowing only a sliver of moonlight to peek through the parting of the heavy material. Almost complete darkness. Much improved.

Sarek was fighting an internal battle, one he feared he may lose. His incident with Amanda earlier that evening had provoked many thoughts he knew had already existed, but now were getting increasingly harder to ignore or reason away with any tried and true Vulcan logic. This human woman continued to push at the boundaries of his emotional and physical control, stretching them taught. His mental barrier was only so strong, and unexplainably, it held a weak spot, only for her.

A rustling sound met his ears and he pried the drapes back open, letting the light flood back into the den. As he turned, his eyes caught sight of the elder Vulcan woman standing in the doorway that framed her silhouette. T'Amar.

Sarek grappled to erase all traces of his inner turmoil and inclined his head towards her. "T'Amar. I was not expectant of your arrival."

"You have decided to ignore my request," she began, dispensing with all pleasantries. "I must insist you decide on a future bride." She advanced into the middle of the room. "You have been provided with data tapes on the most suitable matches for you within an adequate age category. Have you not narrowed down the candidates?" The moonlight now shone through to touch the angular planes of her face, making her look even more severe.

Sarek met her stare. "I have not."

"Are you aware of the severity of the danger that is waiting for you in the near future? Are you not taking steps to ensure your health and safety? Your time approaches."

"I am indeed aware of the danger. I have simply not found an adequate match on the tapes you have provided me."

One graying eyebrow shot upwards in disbelief. "No suitable candidate? Not one? I am not able to understand the logic behind this indecision. Perhaps if you were to meet one of the women in person, you would have a different opinion..."

"No." He tried to strangle the protest as soon as it formed, but failed. Piercing eyes bore through his now, clearly provoked. "No?"

He stood as tall and stoic as he ever had, but he felt her appraising him and knew that she could see every flaw, every crack in the foundation. She stood and regarded him for a full minute, silent. Then, she spoke.

"You have already begun the bonding process." It was not a question; it was a statement of fact. She stepped closer. "You have already chosen an intended one." Sarek did not affirm nor deny her statement. He willed his mind to calm, willed the rippling water of his thoughts to smooth back out into stillness and equilibrium.

T'Amar stepped directly in front of him and placed her fingertips at his temples. "Allow me to see your thoughts." This was not a request.

Vulcan mind-joining, or mind melding, was an ancient art practiced for centuries. As touch telepaths, this method allowed the participants to reach an entirely new level of thought awareness, to actually envision the other's thoughts or memories. One must be highly skilled and practiced in the art in order to leave the things they explore as they had found them, however. Vulcan's did not partake in a mind meld unless absolutely necessary. And Sarek knew he would not be able to leave this room without allowing this one to continue.

"Very well." He conceded.

T'Amar gently affixed her fingertips onto the proper areas of his temples, applying light pressure. Eyes closing, she began to lower her mental shields and enter a deep level of concentration. If the entire room were to be set ablaze at that instant, neither of them would have noticed. Their minds joined briefly, and when she had gained the information she sought, her hands dropped and the connection was severed. Her eyes snapped open and she stepped back.

"The human woman?" Her eyes were slightly wide with shock.

"I did not intend for this to be the outcome." Sarek wanted to explain that he had not intentionally formed a connection with her, but he also couldn't quite silence the annoyance that flashed though him at the elder's tone towards Amanda.

"This cannot go on. We must put a stop to this." She gave him a hard look, her expression incased in severe finality. "You must go into hiding until this bond is broken."

"There is no bond-"

"There is. I saw it. It is weak, but it is there. Given a few more weeks, it would almost be as strong as a marital bond. These ties, once solidified, are not easily broken. Much harm would come to the both of you if this continues." She regarded him severely. "You remember the turmoil that was caused when your first bond was severed."

Sarek was caught off-guard. "I was unaware that Humans were able to reciprocate a bond in this way." He couldn't deny the that a part of himself was deeply intrigued by this revelation.

T'Amar turned away and gazed out the window. "There is rare mention of this in the sacred texts. But it was thought theoretically possible. Now it is a certainty."

"I cannot leave at this time. I have many duties I must give attention to."

"Sarek." Her voice was one of an admiral leading a fleet into battle. "You will go into hiding, and you will not bring shame upon your house. You will uphold the sanctity of the Vulcan internal bond and not defile it with a human who holds no capacity to understand the danger to you if you do not find a Vulcan wife, someone who can withstand you during pon farr."

She slowly turned back to face him as she stated her words, her eyes never leaving his face. "You could crush her limbs with one hand. You could throw her against a wall and disable her. She does not have the strength to endure you at your worst, during your fever."

He envisioned himself in the throes of a biological mind-altering madness that only gripped male Vulcans every six to seven years, and knew what had to be done. For her safety.