Disclaimer: Battlestar Galactica belongs to Ronald D. Moore and the Sci-Fi channel. Evelyn is mine. Spoilers are from "Maelstrom." The song "Become" is from the Goo Goo Dolls and roslin14's montage.
Chapter 14: Come back to me
The fleet had been busy acquiring fuel from a nearby planet. /It had turned out to be a tense day with Kara's possible Cylon sightings. Since no one else had seen anything, Cottle had given her a checkup and Lee's anxieties had brought him to speak to his father. The admiral had let his son decide whether Kara would stay on flight rotation or not. Roslin came aboard later and after dropping Evie off was in the middle of discussing the fuel situation with Adama when Kara ran into them./
/Adama turned and asked her, "What do you hear, Starbuck?"/
/At hearing their old banter, she grinned. "Nothing but the rain, sir."/
/"Then grab your gun and bring in the cat," he finished./
/"How is it out there?" Rosin inquired./
/"It's a great view," Kara replied./ "Ma'am, I'm sorry, for what I said before."
Roslin knew that she was referring to. "It's fine," she replied.
/As she and Adama began to leave, Adama's hand almost found its way to the small of her back when Kara stopped them again and handed him the figure of Aurora that the oracle had given her./
/Later in CIC Lee and Kara were flying for fuel again when the supposed Cylon raider appeared again. She went after it, though Lee tried to convince her otherwise. Adama listened as his son burst into hysterics at seeing Kara's ship explode, knowing that they could not even try to find a body./
Adama met his son on the deck to confirm what had happened. He was too numb at that point to grieve as he made the long walk to his quarters. Knowing that he had a memorial service to plan, he decided to make a phone call, remembering that Roslin had said something about a meeting.
Roslin was discussing a few civilian issues with the Quorum when Tory approached her, informing her of a phone call from the admiral. "Excuse me," she told them as she rose. She put the phone to her ear. "Admiral, I'm in the middle of a meeting. What's this about?"
"Laura," he began. She thought that his voice sounded hollow. "There's… there's been an accident.
"What's wrong?" she questioned.
"Kara's gone," he told her flatly.
"What do you mean 'gone?' Is she missing again?" the president inquired.
"No," was all he said.
Realization occurred to her and she gasped. "She's dead?"
"Yes," he answered. "I have to plan a service."
"I'm on my way," she told him before hanging up.
Tory had heard most of Roslin's end as the other woman headed for the door. "Ma'am, you can't just leave a meeting like this."
"Tell them that we will continue all of this in the morning. I have a personal emergency to tend to," with that she left before the aide could say anything more.
Roslin knocked on Adama's as he was leaving. "Bill, I'm so sorry," she told him, knowing in her stomach how empty 'sorry' sounded.
He faced her and she reached for his arm. The silent acknowledgment that she was coming with him was sufficient for the moment to keep him on his feet. "I hardly know what to say. When it was for Kat, I knew what to do," he admitted.
"Would it be out of place if I said a few words?" she offered.
A half-smile crept onto his face. "I think she would've appreciated something from you. Lee's probably going to speak too."
They entered the deck and she let him go as he stepped up to the stage in front of the pilots. The murmur of talking immediately stopped when they noticed him. Removing his glasses, he addressed them. "Today we remember Captain Kara Starbuck Thrace. She was one of the best pilots I've ever had the pleasure of serving with, despite her knack for finding her way to the brig," he paused as some laughed. He continued with his eulogy of her tenacity and how she beat the adversity she faced.
There's so much more about you that you never let them see
Lee spoke after him, unable to prevent the tears from falling. Even Roslin, when she prepared to speak, wiped her eyes a few times. "Captain Thrace was an unforgettable person, and a tribute to humanity's strength, as well as humanity's perseverance. She was as proud as she was loyal, and we will all miss her."
At the end of the service, Roslin caught up with Adama again. "What happens now?"
You turn away
He sighed heavily, watching the pilots trickle out of the room. "Now I assess the fueling situation and anything else vital to our survival that can't wait 'till morning."
She hesitated to leave him, but knew that he needed his space at the moment. "Is there anything I can do to help?" she offered, acutely aware of her own pile of work waiting for her.
"It's alright, Laura. I'll call you later," he commented as he squeezed her hand and left. She knew in her heart that everything was far from 'alright,' but she let him go.
But not to me
Roslin paced her office, still waiting for Adama's call after giving Evie dinner. Her daughter looked up from the picture book on farm animals and followed her mother. "Mommy, why didn't we eat dinner with Bill?"
The older woman stopped pacing and the two sat on the couch. "Sweetie, a friend of Bill's died today and he's upset. He said he would call me later."
And I know how they tried to take you
"Dying means they don't come back, right?" Evie inquired.
"Right. I just wish he'd call," Roslin remarked.
Evie's eyes widened and she faced her mother. "Can we cheer him up? We could bring him dinner, or a book, or a picture!"
Roslin smiled warmly. "You're very thoughtful, sweetie, but I don't think he's up for visitors. The woman who died was like a family member to him."
"Then you go. Mommy, you said he's upset. Go see him," the girl insisted.
Held you up and meant to break you down
Her mother marveled at the insight into people that the girl had. She pulled her daughter into a hug. "You're right, sweetie. He needs me, so I'll go see him."
But you can't be
Roslin tucked Evie for the night on the couch before she left Tory in charge and took a Raptor over to Galactica. She reached the admiral's quarters to find a marine outside the door. "Excuse me, but I need to see the admiral," she requested.
"Sorry ma'am, but he doesn't want to be disturbed," the marine stated.
She folded her hands for a moment and glanced down at her shoes while formulating a plan. "I will deal with his wrath. Now let me through." Remembering her policy for Cylons and other insurgents, he stepped aside.
Taking a deep breath, she knocked. "I said I didn't want to be disturbed," a voice on the other side of the door growled.
"Then you should have called me back, Bill," she responded.
A moment later she heard the wheels turn as the hatch opened. A haggard man looked out at her, eyes almost bloodshot from grief, and maybe alcohol. "Might as well come in," he grumbled.
She stepped in and closed the door behind her. Then her eyes took in the scene. In a pile next to the table was the model ship he had been working on. In its place was a bottle of something clear that she assessed to be moonshine of sorts. What she did not see was a glass. He seated himself on the couch and took a swig from the bottle, two thirds full now. As she walked over to join him, something crunched beneath her foot. The question of the drinking glass was soon answered as she noticed a few stray pieces. She carefully picked them up and added them to the pile of the ship.
"Evie's going to be mad at you for the hurricane you've inflicted on that poor ship," Roslin commented, sitting down next to him.
His mouth curled into a smirk. "Wish I'd remembered that half an hour ago."
She rested a hand on his knee. "Why didn't you call me?"
For so long I tried to reach you
"I thought about it, but every time I picked up the phone, I'd talk myself out of it. I was going to handle it myself. Drink?" he handed her the bottle.
"Might as well," she responded. The clear liquid burned as it went down, causing her to sputter for a moment. She glared at him when she saw the amused grin on his face. "How can you drink that stuff? It's worse than whatever they had in the mess hall the time I was drunk."
"Private stash of Picon ethanol," he replied.
"On second thought, I'd rather not know any more," she stated. He shrugged and put the bottle back on the table. Watching him, she was determined to find a way to reach him. She decided that the straightforward approach was best. "Bill, about Starbuck, I'm so sorry."
I know I'm almost there
Her words had their desired affect as he spoke, not facing her. "It shouldn't have been like this."
"Try as we might, there are some things that are out of our control," she attempted to reassure him.
"I should've paid more attention. Lee was worried about her, but I left it up to him to let her keep flying. I should've listened to my gut and pulled her out of the flight rotation. If I had, she'd still be alive. She was a fighter, and she deserved to go down fighting. Instead she was chasing some phantom ship," he expressed bitterly.
I'm close enough for you to see
"Bill," Roslin said softly, "you can't blame yourself for this."
He rubbed the bridge of his nose and faced the wall again. "I want to blame something, but all I can come up with is me. She shouldn't have died. When I lost Zack, it was the most painful experience of my life up to that point, but I met Kara and gained a daughter. Now she's gone too and I feel like everything's slipping away," his voice was cracking by the end of his comment and tears had reappeared on his face.
Roslin rested a hand on his chest to get his attention. He faced her with a raised eyebrow as she spoke. "Then you need to open your eyes and look around more. Saul is still here. You have Lee, and you have Dee. And I-"
She faltered as their eyes met. "What made you come by tonight?" he probed.
"Evie. She asked me why we weren't visiting you. I explained briefly that you had lost someone important to you. Then she reminded me that instead of waiting for you to call, I should be here with you," Roslin answered.
You've been hiding in the shadows
He gave her a small genuine smile and cupped her cheek with his hand, stroking it with his thumb. "I've been foolish tonight. I lost Kara, but I have you and Evie. I'm sorry I wasn't paying more attention."
Have you forgotten how we used to dream
They kissed gently. "I understand. It's not fair when the young die and leave us behind. It's not the natural order of things," she told him.
"I guess that's just something we all have to live with," he stated bleakly as they parted and she stood.
Reaching a hand out, she helped him to his feet and he looked at her quizzically. "Come with me," she persuaded.
Let me remind you
He stood on his own. "Why?" he asked simply.
"Admiral, you need to get out of here for a while. Now grab whatever it is that you sleep in and come with me," she ordered, sounding presidential.
She kept expecting him to say something as he watched her for a while. But something inside him was too worn out to argue much and he disappeared into his bedroom for a moment, emerging with a night bag.
"You gonna tell me where we're going?" he questioned.
The light doesn't blind you at all
"Back to my place," she told him with a smirk.
It just helps you see
She walked ahead of him and he followed her quietly down the silent corridors. No one was out or around at the hour and when they reached the hanger there were not even any pilots out. It was almost eerily quiet and Roslin found it understandable, but disconcerting.
Can you see
Wordlessly they flew back to Colonial One and docked. Tory greeted them as they entered, concerned. "Madame President, why is the Admiral here?"
Roslin sighed and glanced back at him. "He lost Captain Thrace today."
"But Ma'am he can't just stay here. What about the gossip?" Tory inquired.
"Put it down as a meeting for fleet morale," she responded. "How's Evie?"
"She's asleep," the aide answered.
"Thank you. Goodnight Tory," Roslin added.
"Madame President, Admiral," Tory stated before leaving. "Press'll have a field day with this one," the president heard her mutter.
Roslin ushered Adama back to her sleeping area and then almost shoved him into her bathroom. "Go change," she ordered.
As he closed the door she was unsure as to which bothered her more; his silence, or his compliance. Come on, Bill. You need to pull yourself together again, she thought to herself.
While he changed into the sweats he had brought in the bathroom, she quickly changed into her blue nightgown. She was pulling back the covers and adjusting the pillows when he emerged. "Laura, what's this about?"
Yeah you have become
She turned toward him and touched his forearm. "You are spending the night. On Galactica you were probably going to drink yourself into a stupor and crash on the couch. At least here, away from the military pull and the constant reminder of your pilots, you might actually get some sleep."
Yeah you have become beautiful
"But I can't just-"
She cut him off, walking over to the bed. And then she pointed at it. "Get in."
And I can't be the stranger
Even in her silky blue nightgown, which he had just at that moment realized she was wearing, she looked very presidential. "This is not a good idea," he tried to tell her.
That's been sleeping in your bed
"Get in," she repeated.
Seeing that arguing was getting him absolutely no where, he sighed resolutely and did as she had instructed, lying on his side. She crawled in behind him and wrapped her arms around his chest. "Now go to sleep," she suggested.
Turn around and come to me
The sheer absurdity of the situation struck him and he began laughing. After seeing him break down emotionally, she was worried as he sat up, still laughing. "What's so funny? Are you alright, Bill?"
I feel all the pain inside
He put a hand up and took a deep breath to compose himself. "I'm sitting here in bed with you and I suddenly realized how crazy this idea of yours is. Why don't I just take the couch?"
She shook her head. "Evie's on the couch, remember? Anyway, I wanted you to know that you're not alone."
And everything you been denied you feel
He studied her for a while and then laid back down and she resumed her earlier position with her arms wrapped around his chest. "I could even sleep on the floor if I just-"
She cut him off again. "No."
"But what if-"
"Ah- no. Go. to. sleep," she ordered.
"Yes, Madame President," he muttered with a smirk.
It's all you feel
He finally drifted off to the steady sound of her breathing. In the morning he was aware that he was not in his quarters, but what woke him up were small footsteps on the carpet. He sat up quickly and nudged Roslin. "Laura, Laura wake up. I think Evie's looking for you."
You've been hiding in the shadows
"Tell her I want five more minutes," Roslin mumbled into his shoulder.
"Don't you think she'll find it odd of I tell her, sitting here in your bed?" he questioned.
Have you forgotten how we used to dream
Roslin sat up quickly and grabbed her glasses. "Right, right."
Let me remind you
Evie entered the room before he could leave though. "Mommy, I had a bad dream again."
The older woman pulled the girl onto her lap, glancing at the clock momentarily to see that it was 0530. "It's okay, sweetie. Everything's fine."
The light doesn't blind you at all
"But Mommy, the shiny people came in five big ships! Mommy, I'm scared," the girl explained.
It helps you see
Roslin pulled her closer in an effort to soothe her. "Shh, shh, nobody's after us today," she promised, mentally praying to the deities that she was right for once.
It was then that Evie noticed Adama in his sweats behind Roslin. "Hi Bill!" she said brightly.
Can you see
"Hello Evie," he stated, one hand behind his neck. Roslin smirked, knowing that he was trying hard not to look as sheepish as he felt at being caught in a compromising place.
Evie being herself was oblivious to such things and only smiled at him. "I'm glad you're here. If you stay, you can save us from the shiny people."
Yeah you have become
His embarrassment faded away and he smiled back at her as if she was his own daughter. He scooted over by the edge of the bed and took one of her tiny hands in his. "I promise you that I will do my very best to keep you and your mother safe. Nobody's going to hurt you," he conveyed.
Yeah you have become beautiful
"Okay," Evie said with a smile.
Roslin glanced back at Adama before facing Evie. "Sweetie, could you give us a minute? Bill and I need to get ready for work."
The girl nodded. "I'm gonna find Tory. Maybe I can help make breakfast."
Her mother kissed her on the head and set her down. "Go ahead."
Yeah you have become
Adama and Roslin left the bed after Evie had exited the room. "You probably don't take as long as I do to start your day, so why don't you take the first shower?" Roslin offered.
"Thank you, but this is your ship and I don't want you to be late for any meetings," he mentioned, trying to be a gentleman.
Yeah you have become beautiful
She smirked and shook her head at his chivalry. "Bill, it's 0600 and you're going to have people at your door in the next hour. I don't think Saul would appreciate you going MIA, only to be found in the president's shower."
He chuckled. "You're right. In that case, I'll be out in a few minutes."
While he showered, she dressed quickly and headed out to see how breakfast was progressing. Tory had figured out how to make cereal from the algae. Evie handed a bowl to Roslin as the president sat down at her desk. Tory stepped over to her. "Ma'am, where's the admiral?"
"He's taking a shower. Would you see that he has breakfast before he leaves? I'll be switching places with him as soon as he comes out," Roslin mentioned rationally.
Brush back your hair and look around you
Tory's brow furrowed. "Madame President, how are you going to cover his leaving?"
Feeling like the truth has found you here
Her aide's acute fear of scandal amused her from time to time. She smiled serenely before replying, "As long as he leaves before seven, most people who would gossip won't be up and about yet."
You're here with me
She left no room for argument and Tory handed the admiral a bowl of cereal before he left. The morning went by without a hitch or a nosy reporter passing by. Roslin was on her lunch break when her phone rang. "Roslin."
Let love become the mirror
"It's Bill and this is a secure line. Laura, I wanted to thank you for last night. You and Evie helped me get my head on straight," he remarked.
With no fear where you're from
She smiled on her end. "Glad we could help."
"One more thing: I'm going to rebuild the model, but I'm thinking about asking Evie to help me," he suggested.
You have become beautiful
"I think she'd like that," Roslin answered.
(My thanks to anastasia1583, csiAngel, miss mcGonagle, and hadizha for reviewing :D)