Fair warning guys, this chapter has scenes of panic attacks and self harm that can be triggering. Please be safe and don't read if you know it will trigger you. Love you guys- enjoy

Chapter 14- So Cold

Percy P.O.V

I heard Leo call me from the kitchen but something didn't sound right. He sounded as though he was crying. The shout was broken and strangled. I bolted up and kissed Annabeth on the cheek before rushing to the kitchen and that's when I saw him. His hands were gripped on the worktop, bent double as though he had been stabbed. I saw his body shaking and from his mouth came ragged breaths filled with tears. I approached him slowly like he was a wounded deer.

"Leo, are you okay?"

"He's gone." He sobbed. "I-I tried to make things right. I tried but-." I heard him swallow and another audible sob followed. He began walking towards the worktop so he could stabilise his balance and then wiped his nose and kept his hand there.

"But what Leo?"

He slammed his fist on the table making the food jump. He started violently shaking his head as if trying to shake away the memories. I heard a whisper come from him.

"He didn't fucking believe me. I love him so. Fucking. Much. And he didn't believe me."

His hands ignited in a fit of anger and his body began to shake again.

"Can you please get Piper to make the food? I have to…lie down. Don't tell the others." His voice rough and broken.

"Yeah okay." Was all I could say before he walked away- wounded.

Leo P.O.V

I stumbled through the twisting corridors of the ship to try and fins somewhere where I could be safe. It took a while before I finally found my room and my head was spinning when I did. I stood by the doorframe and tried to think about all those months ago when he stood there and tried to make me feel a little more human. The wood of the door frame felt rough beneath my fingertips as I remembered the whisper that came from here and from him.

"I think that you can do, um, stuff right" the voice echoed in my head.

A small smile ghosted my lips when I remembered the confusion that followed. I walked down the corridor where I had chased him. I stopped after not long and though of where I had kissed him- the first time and how a small blush blossomed on his cheeks. And I remembered the confidence I feigned. And a small smile ghosted my lips.

I remembered of the 'date we had later that night. My feet lead to the deck. It wasn't dark like it had been but it still excited me like it had before. I found the edge of the ship and gripped on. I leaned over feeling the wind in my hair and the pricks of cold on my cheeks and eyes where tears had fell. And I remembered how handsome he looked and I could feel a ghost of a smile turn into a frown as he told me his secret and I retreated back to my room.

I remember running as if I were being chased. My lungs burned for air and my breath stung my throat. The tears pricked my eyes again but I kept running. I finally reached my room and with that I locked the door. I turned and my body collapsed against the wood. The tears came fast and heavy. The elephant on my chest weighed down more than ever and I couldn't breathe. Every damn breath was loud and deep and quick making my head feel fuzzy. I wanted to find a dark corner and lock myself away for forever. And then I remembered him. And the rare times I would catch his smile. And the glow of his skin in the moonlight. And the way he held me and the way he slept and his voice and his hair and his eyes. His eyes. I crawled across the floor and found my way to my work table. I reached and grabbed for something- anything that would leave marks on my skin. I found a Stanley knife. My fingers shook as I raised the blade and dragged it across my arm.

"Just one more" I whispered- desperate to hang onto reality, to feel something.

But it wasn't one more, And I kept going until I couldn't think about him anymore, until I couldn't hear my mother's screams in the fire I started and until I had forgotten what it was like not to bleed.

And I remember the last mark I made that night before I fell asleep

It was his name, on my chest, above my heart.

If you didn't read and would like to know what happened , message me on tumblr at I-want-to-go-down-swinging or PM me :)

Thank you little nuggets - Amity1999