i'm getting better. i mean, it wasn't over a month this time!

i know, i know. too many stories... i suppose i could just drop one. heh.

thanks to my girls for getting me through a rough week.

i dedicate this to TAB edward and his chucks.

and as always, to my old lady, jandco. she has a new story out- and you'd better be reading it!

oh, and tasha? REVIEW

disclaimer: i do not own the twilight.

Bella

I did it.

Rosalie was right. Time to move on.

I think I'm ready for this.

I've never been so overburdened with people who gave a crap about me before. I mean, when I moved to Seattle, I didn't know anyone at all. It was Bella's Great Experiment; can she live outside of Small Town, Washington and in the Great Wide Open? Renee always wanted that for me, to see the bigger picture. When we lived in Arizona, things were different. I was a kid. And then moving out to Forks with Charlie, I lived such a sheltered existence as the sheltered daughter of the chief of police; not exactly something that made the guys come a-callin'.

So when I came out here, it was with excitement and some serious hesitation. I had no doubt I could eke out an existence as a writer, but then I found myself editing other people's work and living in my own little hidey hole of coffee-shop-work-drive-to-Forks. Meeting Alice was one of the greatest happenings of my adult existence.

Then I met her cousin.

And life just seemed like it was finally happening.

Until….

Well. No use in dwelling, right?

Edward was… a blip. One tiny chapter in my life story.

And as I think this, I gulp. Big time. I didn't want him to be a blip.

But… time to move on.

Right.

"This is great," enthused Rose, sprinting about my apartment like a fire had been lit under her ass. I came out of my room, sort of dazed and grinning. She had looked over at me, asked what was up, and I blurted out, "Ijustaskedjacoboutonadate." She looked totally stunned for exactly one-and-a-half seconds before a huge grin lit up her already beautiful face.

"No friggin' way. Bells, that's fantastic!" Then she hopped over to her laptop and googled him. Googled him. I didn't even know you could do that.

The Jacob facts were these:

He was into sports. Played in his college. We saw the pictures.

His myspace and facebook revealed that he had a lot of friends. Like, a lot. Mostly girls. "Big shocker, Bella. You've seen him, right? I mean, I know you're still wearing your Edward Goggles, but baby. Take a gander. This is some choice meat you've got panting after you," she told me with that know-it-all sultry voice of hers. I hated that she was right. I know Jake's hot. I doubt I would've slept with him otherwise, tequila-be-damned.

Ugh. Tequila. Never. Again.

Alice came home in the middle of Rose's Bella Date Excitement, and her as-of-late hangdog expression turned a little sparkly when Rose enthusiastically relayed my bold maneuver.

"Aw, Bella. That's awesome," she said, but I still saw that worried-for-me look that she had been sporting. Poor Alice. Stuck with a best friend who was in love with her cousin.

Her cousin.

Stop thinking about him.

I tried all week to think about my date instead.

I tried to get excited, and I must say. The prospect of not spending another night on the couch moping and listening to bad 90s breakup tunes did get my blood boiling.

On the Big Day, everyone had gathered in our living room like I needed the moral support or something. I realized that there was a "don't say his name" rule in effect when Emmett got smacked for suggesting that "Edward the Fertile doesn't know what he's missing." I sort of loved him for that. Emmett was swiftly becoming one of my favorite indispensible humans on this planet.

Jacob had given me only one hint about our date: to wear something comfy. Alice insisted "comfy" included a skirt to which I of course replied with a "gimme a break" glare; Rose shushed her and told me that my standard jeans and a t-shirt combo was always a bonus. Love the Rose. Love the Emmett.

Love them all. I needed to pour my love out somewhere.

As seven approached, I actually started to sweat. Every date that I had been on in the last year had gone so badly that I think I might have been jinxed. Then he comes along and makes me hope again. Sigh. Will it ever become easier to think about him?

Maybe once the baby's born.

Jacob. Jacob Black.

Jacob's smiling face pulled me out of my temporary funk. Maybe this date wouldn't be too bad, after all.

I stepped out of my room wearing my lucky jeans and a cardigan with nothing beneath. Comfy Bella. and apparently, Hot Bella.

I heard two catcalls from the couch; both Jasper and Emmett were playing some game on our new Wii; a gift from Rose, who insisted she couldn't subsist anywhere that didn't have competitive gaming as a viable entertainment option.

"Damn, woman. You are lookin' goooooood," whistled Rose, circling and grabbing at me.

"God, Rose. Quit hitting on me. I've found a man; stop confusing my inner minx," I laughed. And it was good to laugh. Not enough laughter.

Alice clapped over from the bar where she was nursing her martini. "Bella, it's like I couldn't be prouder. You got all gussied up without a peep from me, and you done good, kid!" She was trying. She was trying hard. But still- I felt guilty. I know the failed Edward/Bella setup had really done a number on her matchmaking savvy. Poor Alice.

There was a knock at the door, and everyone froze.

"Showtime," I muttered, walking over and putting on a wide smile.

I opened the door, and for one moment, my breath actually left my body.

Wow.

"Hey, Jake."

"Bella, you look-" he gulped. His eyes widened briefly, and then the largest toothpaste commercial grin ever lit up his face.

He held his hand out and I clasped it; I couldn't help but notice how sweet my little white hand looked in his large, brown, calloused one. Smiling nervously at him, I glanced over my shoulder and said, "Hey, everyone. This is Jake. Jake- everyone. We'll see you later."

"Have fun, kids!"

"Don't stay out too late."

"Don't do anything we wouldn't do!"

"And what is that, exactly, Rose?"

Smack.

"Ow. Bye, FrankenBella!"

And so forth.

Jacob was chuckling as he led me down the driveway. He still hadn't let go of me, and I didn't really mind. He opened up the door to his old Malibu and kissed the back of my hand briefly before handing me down. That kind of move should have made me groan, but the joyous and genuine smile on his face really wouldn't allow for that. The kid meant it. And I kind of liked the treatment.

I sort of needed it.

"So, where to?" I asked, nervously straightening out my sweater as he got in. He looked over at me and smiled again; I think a girl could get used to a smile like that. It was warm and inviting; not smirky and full of secrets.

"Well, I really don't know how you'll like it, but Bella. Let me be honest. I could not have been more surprised that you called me, and well. I just… ah, shit. Oh fuck, I mean. Dammit! I'm trying to be a gentleman here, and I just keep fucking swearing…. I mean. Oh hell. Heck. I'll stop talking now."

And just like that, I was laughing. Like, for real. An honest-to-goodness, I'm-happy-to-be-here-laugh. He was just so endearing. And I needed that. I really did. A kid was flustered around me. It felt good to be wanted.

After my laughter died down, I looked up and saw that he was blushing. Blushing. Like I did. And his skin's pretty damned dark to show a blush like that. I put my hand over his on the stick shift and he sucked in a deep breath before turning his head slightly to meet my gaze.

"Jake? Tell me something about yourself. Tell me something true."

And that started our conversation.

It felt good. To talk. He told me about his home life; how he and his sisters were the only Blacks to go to college; how he had to get good grades to maintain his partial scholarship, and how he had to work full time to afford college and still take care of his dad back home. How he loved running. How he sketched in charcoal and pencil.

I filled him in on my dreams and hopes and desires… all but the one. And I think he knew. He knew that I was broken. He could tell. But I wasn't ready to tell him why yet.

He took me to a local pizzeria that I had always been meaning to try- he apologized for the lameness of the venue, but he assured me that I would die once I tried their calzones.

He was right. The goodness of the food and the humorous conversation more than made up for the greasy atmosphere. Jacob really was funny. And sweet. And just- not him.

We had one of those chick flick moments where I had sauce on my lips and Jake hesitated before swiping it away with his thumb. This is ridiculous. I mean, I have slept with the guy, and we were having this awkward date. I kind of hated how I was acting at the moment- I mean, what the hell is wrong with me? Why had I been avoiding him all this time?

Is it because he's so much younger than me?

Only a few years, Bella.

I know, I know. I guess the idea of dating a younger guy just sort of weirds me out.

Well, stop it, already.

Right. As he pulled his hand back, I quickly grabbed it and kissed his palm.

The sharp intake of air through his nose almost surprised me with its intensity. My thoughtless gesture was probably going to be taken wrong, and for once- I didn't care. I mean, I had gotten to Edward this way, hadn't I? Maybe I could snag me a college boy, too. Score.

Sigh.

I chanced a glance at him, and the intensity, the desire I saw there made me pause. What am I doing? The last thing I need is to rebound on this kid who's had a crush on me since the day I spilled coffee all over his workplace.

Grinning awkwardly with my lips pressed in a thin line, I shifted my gaze toward the door, wondering just what my next move would be. God, what if he thinks he's getting some tonight?

Am I prepared for that?

Why not, right?

Ugh.

He stood up and held his hand out to me; I took it.

"Come on. Time for phase two of the date," he said, forcing a cheeky grin. I smiled back; I couldn't help it. His amusement, even when an affectation, was completely infectious. Except for my mini-freak-out just then, I was actually enjoying myself. On a date. A first date. With Not Edward.

Stop obsessing. He was never yours.

I followed Jacob outside to his car and silently got inside.

"So," I said, to break up the weird silence that had settled in the car. I focused on anything- the dashboard. The blue-green light of the radio channel. The stick shift. The interplay of veins and muscles on his arm as he drove and shifted. The soft, smooth, nearly hairless brown skin that rippled as he moved. Anything but that burning intensity that I knew was focused on me.

He waited a minute before a deep rumble poured from his chest. Furrowing my brow in confusion, I asked, "What? What's so funny?"

"Honestly, Bella. It's like you've never been on a date before. You look so nervous," he said with an open smile. If you only knew.

"Hey," he said, gently now, all laughter set aside. He wrapped his big hand around my slightly shaky one and gave it a brief squeeze before letting go.

"Look. I know there was someone else. Recently," he added, this time not cracking a smile or looking to me for a response. I gulped. Rose must've-

"I can just tell. You were all sparkly for awhile. I mean, a few weeks ago. And then one day you came in and the light in your eyes had dimmed. And Bella, look. I think you know that I like you. I mean, a lot. You coming into the shop every morning? Highlight of my day. Of my week. You're like, the highlight of my life. And I know that sounds stupid because I don't know you and we had a- we had something. And my friends keep telling me that I'm an idiot with all these chicks… I mean, girls. All of these- ah! Why can I not express myself around you?" he said, frustrated and cute and laughing at his own words. I had to smile in response; I just had to. He was adorable when he was flustered.

It took me exactly three seconds to realize that for one tiny moment, my thoughts were focused on someone other than him.

And while that hurt, it didn't bother me anymore.

Calling Jake had been a good idea.

Even if I didn't feel it for him, it had definitely been a good idea.

"Jake," I interrupted, needing to be clear with him. I felt like some sort of declaration was coming from him, and I while I wasn't opposed to going out and having a grand old time with a handsome boy who clearly wanted to show me the world… I simply wasn't ready.

Would I be? Would I ever be ready?

I sure hope so.

With Jake?

Possibly.

He had put both hands on his steering wheel, obviously trying to focus on driving and not putting his foot in his mouth. The Jacob I had always seen at the coffee shop was so laid back and carefree that this almost disturbed me. But it hit me at that moment, while I was reflecting on whether opening up was a good idea-

This guy liked me. Like, really liked me.

I'd better not hurt him. That wouldn't be fair. Just because I was having a diseased love month, didn't mean that I needed to spread my infected emotions all over the place.

"Look, you're right. I mean, I just needed… a night. A night where Alice didn't look at me like she expected me to tell her my dog just died while someone shit in my Cocoa Pebbles. A night where Rose didn't try to cheer me up with stories of…. Well. Yeah. I just-"

"Hey, Bella? I don't care why you called me. I'm just glad you're here. You don't need to talk about it. Let's just make this about you and about me. And how much ass we're about to kick," he said, finally glancing at me out of the corner of his eye as he pulled to a jerky stop in front of… an ice rink.

Oh, Lord.

Was he taking me ice skating?

Bella + Slick Surfaces ER Trips Reminders of Doctors Thinking about-

"Don't look so freaked out," he chided, stretching as he got out. I waited while he jogged over to my side of the car, and he pulled the creaky door open and stuck his hand down, like he was challenging me to get out. I tentatively placed my hand in his palm again, choking down my misgivings about participating in an activity where I could injure myself and those within a ten-foot-radius, including my date.

"Look, I know. You're clumsy. So the hell what? I'm medically trained," he said, having to practically drag me across the parking lot.

Wait, medically trained?

"Medically trained?"

"Yeah. I'm training to be an EMT during school; who knows? Maybe I'll be a fireman when I grow up. Anyway, the EMT thing will help pay the bills," he said over his shoulder, bringing me to the door and leading me inside.

I don't know anything about this guy at all.

We entered the building and were hit by a blast of cold. Panic started to set in.

"Bella, seriously. Relax. This is broomball; no skates. No skates, I promise. And I won't let you fall."

Can you really promise a thing like that?

"Broomball?"

"Yeah. Like hockey on ice. Only in your shoes. That's why you're dressed comfortably?" He was looking at me like a mental patient; I must've had a majorly crazed look on my face. I relaxed a bit; still on ice, but as long as I got to wear my Chucks, I supposed I'd be okay.

And I really did believe he wouldn't let me fall.

Jacob was enthusiastically greeted by a group of boys- they looked to be fifteen or so- and there was a round of laughter, high fives, and grins in my direction as they not-so-obviously checked me out, ribbing each other and congratulating Jacob. I blushed, of course, and moved in closer to his side as he put his arm around my shoulders.

"Guys, don't be such poozers. And get out on the ice," he said, and the way that they all scrambled, I knew that Jacob was a person of importance to them. Asking for confirmation with raised eyebrows, he told me, "I coach a hockey league here once a week. Those're my boys. Come on; let's play." And he grabbed my hand and led me out to the rink.

It was crazy out there; I could see a big trash can with broom handles sticking out of it, and the rowdy group of boys and some other older guys were out there, whooping it up and having a grand ole time. There were a bunch of girls out in the bleachers, ogling. But I was the only one who was going to be out on the ice, it would seem. No.

"Jake, I think I'm just going to watch," I said, nervously shoving my hands in my pockets. No way am I making a fool of myself in front of all of those people…

"Aw, come on, Bells. Don't you trust me?" He was gazing at me, a look of yearning on his face. Oh, alright. Yeesh.

I took a step out on the ice, testing Bella's Balance. So far, so good.

We started to play. Kinda like hockey, only not.

And I had a great time.

Unbelievable. Usually, physical activity gets me into trouble.

But Jake was amazing.

We had a crazy time; running, skidding. Whacking the ball. I had no idea what I was doing, but that didn't seem to matter. Jake was keeping the guys away from me, making sure I didn't get hurt. Making sure I didn't fall.

And it would have been perfect… except for one thing. Instead of hurting myself, as per usual-

I whacked Jake right in the gut. With the butt of my broom handle. I don't even know how it happened.

I turned too fast and felt a jolt as I made contact. With horror, I turned around and saw Jacob sort of stand there with a stunned look on his face. He was hunched over and clutching his belly, and I swear. He looked like he was going to vomit.

"Holy shit! Jacob, oh my God oh my God," I breathed, dashing over to him. Too bad I was standing on ice.

As I rushed to check on him, I sort of took him down. Hard. He landed on his ass, and I landed on my knees right next to him. But I'm used to that kind of pain. I was worried about his belly. He just laid there, curled a little, so I started unbuttoning his shirt, sure I'd see an ugly and spreading purple bruise on his abdomen.

But no.

He has to go and have a tiny little purple area and eight-pack abs. Eight. Good God.

"Are you okay?" I breathed, running my fingertips over the "bruise". And his muscles. Lord Almighty.

"Bella? I'm fine," he grinned, and I had to grin back when I realized that I had been caressing him a bit too long. Catcalls started floating around and I snapped back; I could feel the burning in my cheeks as I realized that the game had stopped, and everyone was watching me give Jake a rubdown in the middle of an ice rink.

Jacob winced slightly, grabbing my hand.

"Your hands are cold," he whispered, encasing them with his. He started to rub vigorously, grinning the entire time. He has such dark eyes; it's almost unreal.

"Let's get the hell out of here," he said, sitting up and braving the pain. I couldn't meet anyone's eyes as he led me off the ice, and I must admit. I was staring at his damned abs rather than braving the smirky looks on the kid's faces out there.

He looks as good as Edward. Just as tall. Darker, though.

"Hey, you're limping!" he said as soon as we made it to dry ground.

"Yeah, well. I'm used to it, trust me," I said with a sheepish shrug.

"I know. What's that about?" he teased, still not bothering to button his shirt up. I'm pretty sure he noticed my ogling, and of course, he didn't do a damned thing about it. I mean, why not? If I had a body that good, I'd show it off, too.

"Come on, let's get you home so you can get off that leg," he said, and it wasn't even suggestive. He was simply concerned for me. It was nice.

We were mostly silent as he drove me back to the house; I started to wonder where the night was headed. I couldn't just… I couldn't. Not again. Not ready yet.

And he knew that.

Pulling to a stop in front of the driveway, he turned the car off and turned my way.

"Jake, I had a great time-"

"Me, too. Look, let me get this out before I lose my nerve. I don't know what kind of guy makes you sad, but he's definitely an idiot. But it's obvious you're not a hundred percent, Bella, and let me tell you something. I'm worth a hundred percent. Or at least ninety-five," he grinned, chuckling before he continued.

"The thing is- I know you're worth it. So I'm cool. With, you know. Helping fix you. If you want me to. Not that you're broken! Dammit. What I mean is- I'm here. When you're ready. Because I know you had a good time tonight, and there's no way you can say you didn't. How many guys take a shot to the stomach and come back for more? So yeah. When you're ready to call me, you let me know. And if you just wanna talk, that's cool, too. I'm just- I'm here. For you. Cool?" He was holding my hand now, and he looked so sweet and earnest and young that I couldn't help but smile at him in return. He stopped smiling and looked at me all intense and for one second, I thought he was going to kiss me, but I realized something. Jacob was a gentleman. And he wouldn't be so intrusive. Despite our drunken hook-up history, despite his obvious… enthusiasm for me- he would never do something so uninvited.

So I did it instead.

"Thanks, Jake," I said, leaning forward. He held his breath as I leaned in and kissed the corner of his mouth. He still (purposefully, I'm sure) hadn't buttoned up his shirt, so I brushed my fingers lightly over the injured site and whispered into his ear, "you really should cover that bad boy up. Unfair to the girls to flash that all over the place."

And with that, I grinned at his stunned expression and let myself out of the car.

I could hear him chuckling as he drove off, and he honked once as he drove away. What a dork.

I almost couldn't believe it. For the first time in over a month, I hadn't dwelled.

And it felt fucking amazing.

Whipping out my phone, I sent one text message out.

So, what are we doing tomorrow? Please, no sports.

aww. i like jake. and eight packs.