A/N: I don't own any of the Twilight universe **boo hoo** but you guys knew that already. I also own no part of any of the music referenced in this chapter.
**Jumping up and down while typing** We picked up a lot of new fans with the last two chapters. Thanks to everyone that has added me to their "Favorites" lists. Now, please tell me what I can do to get you guys to review. Naked Edward? Naked Emmett? What's it gonna cost me?
To all the loyal readers that have reviewed from the start, my heart felt thanks. It truly lights me up to see my inbox full of new reviews.
Playlist:
Going Under-Evanescence
Haunted-Evanescence
Imaginary-Evanescence
Taking Over Me-Evanescence
My Last Breath-Evanescence
Freak On a Leash-Korn featuring Amy Lee (unplugged version)
Quick note and then I'll get on with it. This entire story was inspired by my Evanescence playlist. The entire thing (almost) played out in my head on a very long car trip with the kids. It is truly important to know the music while you read this. Otherwise, you're going to miss a lot of the emotion and effect the music has on the story. And that will make all the difference in the world for what's to come. You don't have to buy anything on Itunes; every one of the songs is available for listening on YouTube. But please listen either while you read or after you read.
**Jumps down off my soap box**
On with the show.
Chapter 14-First Set
BPOV
The first set was going well. We always started with "Going Under." The dramatic entrance and all. The song was about pain and fear, but the rhythm was fast and hard. It was a good way to get the crowd going. And let's face it, which one of my songs wasn't about pain?
I walked back and forth along the front of the stage and kind of got my bearings. I still had the long coat on, so nothing to stress over yet.
I let my eyes wander over the crowd and took in the variety of the audience below. For the most part, it was the standard crowd. Lots of long hair, lots black and lots of tattoos. But there were a few exceptions that caught my attention. There was a creepy-looking group of guys in the front right section. Yeah, I'd need to stay away from them as much as possible once the coat came off. There was an older man with a young girl, maybe twelve, in the rear upper section, directly behind the center tower. He had his arm protectively wrapped around her waist. The fleeting glimpse of fatherly love both touched me and hurt at the same time. I would need to make sure to sing directly to the little girl at some point.
When the song finished, I had to talk to the crowd just a little. I had never been very comfortable with this part, so I generally tried to keep it to a brief introduction for the next song. In this case "Haunted." The intro to this one was simple.
"Hello Atlanta. We are EverClear and we are glad you came out to join us tonight. Let me ask you, have you ever been haunted by the memory of someone?" I yelled out into the crowd.
Their response was immediate. "Haunted" had been on the first album, so a lot of the crowd knew it and could sing it with me. I had to stay upstage for this one. The end came rather abruptly and the next song required me at the piano. I had performed this song so many times over the years; I didn't really have to think hard about it. The lyrics and the staging were almost like second nature.
As I closed "Haunted", I began to walk backwards toward the piano and a sense of calm began to wash over me. After the turmoil of the day, the site of my rather large and hard security blanket was welcomed.
I loved this particular piano. Aside from Chip, it was my most reliable source of comfort and joy. I knew every inch of it as well as I knew my own body. There was a tiny scratch on the top in the dead center, the victim of one of my clumsier attempts to walk on the lid. There was also a slight knick in the corner left side where it had been dropped while trying to set up in Houston. But none of the imperfections mattered to me. I actually loved it more because it was damaged. Kind of like me.
But my favorite part of the instrument was the release it offered without question every single time I sat before it. Every fucked up or painful or stressful thing in my head could be hammered out.
And tonight, there was extraordinary amount of shit I needed to get out.
"Has there ever been a time or a place or a person in your life that seemed too good to be true. Almost as if they were imaginary?" I asked the crowd as I took my place on the piano bench. I sang the first verse, and my mind immediately conjured a picture of my imaginary place.
"I linger in the doorway."
"An alarm clock screaming, monsters calling my name."
"So let me stay."
"Where the wind will whisper to me."
"And the raindrops as their falling tell a story."
"Imaginary" was about our meadow. Everything had always felt right and safe and good in our meadow. I could remember and recapture some of that peace when I played the song. I just wished I could dream about our meadow more often. The rare occasions I did, I woke up feeling alive and hopeful.
I had intentionally written a pretty forceful piano line into this song. Every time I thought about our meadow and the sparkling man who inhabited it, I was seized with the desire to either scream or cry or pound the shit out of the keys. On stage, the last choice was preferable.
"Imaginary" led into "Taking Over Me." This had always been one of my favorite songs. I had written the melody of the song in Chip's apartment in Seattle at his old upright and the lyrics had flowed of their own volition. So it was natural that this was the part of the show that I really started to settle into things and have fun with the crowd. It would also be the perfect song to try out the walkway the guys had built.
During the quiet intro on the piano, I spoke the same words to the crowd that I had every time we played it.
"Have you ever lost true love? What would you give up to find them?"
Then the song picked up a lot in tempo and the emotions behind the lyrics began to flow of their own accord. This was one of the more personal songs in the line-up. There were no metaphors or hidden meanings. This song was my way of speaking directly to Edward. This was an out-right declaration of my continued love for the man that now only inhabited my dreams.
I grabbed the mike off the center stand and began the song.
"You don't remember me, but I remember you."
I started walking across the stage and up the stairs that led to the first tower.
"I lie awake at night, and try so hard not to think of you."
Onto the first platform and then I faced the crowd.
"But who can decide what they dream, and dream I do."
Down the platform and on the second level walkway.
"I believe in you. I'll give up everything just to find you. I have to be with you."
I looked out over the crowd.
" To live." I brought my right hand to the side of my head.
"To breath." I brought the same hand to my chest.
"You're taking over me." I wrapped my arm around my waist.
I had moved about 1/3 of the way around the room by the end of the first chorus.
I continued around the walkway toward the center of the room.
"Have you forgotten all our love and all we had?"
Up the small ramp that connected the back center walkway to the tower in the middle of the room.
"You saw me mourning my own for you, and touched my hand."
I stood perfectly still on top of the tower and took a couple of deep breaths.
My hand touched the silver oval of my choker and I closed my eyes as I sang the next line.
"I knew you loved me then." That was always the hardest line of the song to sing.
I continued back down one of the connecting ramps and made my way around the rest of the second story walk way until I was on the left side tower. I noticed movement in the box directly beside the tower out of the corner of my eye and I it irritated me. That box was supposed to be empty. It was too close to the stage. It would feel awkward to look at whoever was in there while I sang. Much too personal, particularly during this song.
So I just ignored them. I kept my back to them as I whisper sang the final chorus of the song. I was almost through the chorus when it happened again.
God damn it. I smelled him again. Stronger. More potent than ever.
But there was more to it than the smell. Just like earlier tonight, I felt as if I had been struck by some electrical shock. The hairs on my neck and arms stood on end and I could feel the pulse of energy inside my chest.
It couldn't be. It wasn't possible, was it?
I flew down the stairs and back onto the stage like a devil was chasing me. I wanted so badly to look up into that box and convince myself that he wasn't there. But if I did and I looked up into the face of a stranger, I would know he wasn't there. And part of me wanted to hold onto my delusions a little longer.
I closed my eyes and touched my pendant again in an effort to calm myself as the song came to a close.
Hold it together Bella. Don't fall apart here.
Next up on the song list was "My Last Breath."
My sex dream song. The lyrics were nothing more than thinly veiled metaphors for what I dreamt about on the good nights. But I hated this part of the show. It was time to dispense with the coat and parade my almost naked ass around the stage. That would do wonders for my current mental health issues.
"It's getting hot in here Atlanta. How about a song about sex dreams to keep the temperature up?" I had used the same intro since the horrid decision to make me strip had been made by the band. The only support I had gotten in favor of not embarrassing myself on a nightly basis had been from Jane. Unfortunately, the horn toad guys in our group out numbered us. Hence, the burlesque shows.
As the music began, I unhooked the first and then the second closures on the long coat Chip had given me. Then I had to untie the belt. Chip had designed this part of the show, so Marcus would step onto the stage briefly to pull the coat from my shoulders. The lights would always go completely dark for two seconds and when they came back up, I was supposed to walk, or saunter as Chip had called it, to the front of the stage toward the mike. I detested this whole exhibitionist show. But the crowd loved it, and I was summarily overruled in my opposition to keeping the peep show in the line up every time I plead for its removal.
I grabbed the mike and cringed when I saw the creepy group at the front of the stage making very rude gestures. If I could get through this one, the rest would be easier.
As always, I touched the pendant in an effort to center myself.
It worked.
Mercifully, this was not a long song. As I was nearing the finish, I had made my way back around the room and was now atop the right tower on the stage. The lights were so bright that it was hard to see anything except what is directly in front of me, but I caught just a flash of something in the VIP box directly across from me.
Snow White. And an un-nameable bronze colored mass.
"Your skin is pale white and ice cold." My own words from so long ago reverberated in my head as I walked down toward the wings of the stage. My hands shook with every step I took and by the time I made it off stage, my legs felt as if they would give out on me at any moment.
I had about 45 seconds to pull myself together and grab a sip of water while JP introduced "Freak on a Leash".
"Anybody feel like getting their freak on?" I heard him call to the crowd. He had placed a stool near one of the up stage mikes and had his acoustic guitar balancing on his lap. The lights had been dimmed on the stage so that as he began only he was visible in the spotlight.
I took several deep breaths and fingered my choker several times.
This song was more back up for me. I used it to kind of warm up for the coming songs. I didn't really sing much except the chorus with him and then I had a run of notes at the ¾ mark of the song. By the time I stepped back onto the stage, I was at least not in danger of falling completely to pieces.
"Freak" is largely acoustical and JP always has a ball with it, but tonight he seemed to be more into it than usual. Just as we neared the runs I heard him call out to the crowd:
"You guys ready to hear her scream?"
Lovely. Just fucking lovely. I was wearing next to nothing, apparently delusional, truly starting to fear for my mental health, there was still the situation to discuss with Chip after the show and now he's talking about making me scream. Me. The 23 year old virgin. I was going to have to kill him during intermission.
Chapter Notes: So? Are we happy with the first real glimpse into the concert? Let me hear it guys.
Wasn't there certain someone's reaction to the loss of the coat you guys were anxious for? You know what to do to get it. Leave me some feedback.