Well look at that, we start the new year with an update. It would have been done before new years but, eh, I got PMD:Sky and I'm sure everyone knows that I'm a bit of a hopeless addict when it comes to those series of games. Can you blame me? I beat Dialga by biting him in the face, with elecrified fangs.
Because, damnit, if I'm going to be an elecric type, I'm going to be the lion that can eat people's faces.
I'm kinda glad they threw in new kinds of Outlaw missions too. Especially if you can figure out which kind is which from the mail thing you get when you accept the job. Monster houses you can predict are much move fun. As is chasing a Skitty through the entire floor, having your partner intercept it just before it could reach the stairs and escape; then beating the law into it.
Also, the extra scenarios are fun. Difficult, seeing as you don't get to be the overpowered Shinx that oneshots everything, but still entertaining. Especially Team Charm's one, if only because they seem to believe they're in a magical girl show. They make silly poses all the time and have a theme tune, all they're missing is shouting out their attack names. And the game does that for them.
But, of course, the real advantage to Sky is that it has all the Pokemon from both Time and Darkness. So I get to beat up both Celebi and Mewtwo!
And that's worth the price of the game on it's own.
I'd comment on the actual chapter that I've spent the last week trying to finish writing, and eventually managed... but, really, there are no words for it.
Not-Quite-Drunken-Silly: Part Fourteen - Breakfast & Heritage
"Arceus, why? What, what in your name did I do to deserve this?!" Grovyle growled as he and Sofia took shelter out in the hallway, eitherside of the kitchen doorway. "And why is it always the damn toaster that tries to kill me?"
"At least it's predictable," the Cubone piped up, glancing around the door frame for half a second before she dived backwards as a lump of charred bread fired through the air with enough force to embedd itself in the wall opposite. "I'd hate to think what the waffle iron would do if it went rogue."
"Level the house if the other appliances are any indication." As if rebuilding the place three times hadn't been enough already... "Karen sure picked a fine time to take a day off, we could use someone who can shoot around corners."
"...Now that brings to mind an interesting puzzle." Sofia mused, looking like she was having way too much fun combating murderous kitchen items. "Does this thing track us by movement or by heat?"
"How does that have any effect on anything at all?!"
"Simple. If it's movement, then even shooting around corners wouldn't work. It'd fire at everything. Although we could beat it by moving really, really slowly so we don't trip the sensor. But it sees using heat, then it's possible that an ice attack would slip through its defences, or we could blind it just by turning the heating up."
"So we need to know which is which before we can kill it?"
"Well, we kinda need to know so we can avoid getting shot at as we get close enough to kill it. Unless you've changed your mind and we let Dione handle it."
"What part of not turn my house into a giant smoking crater did you not understand?"
"The part where letting it get shot full of holes is a better alternative." Sofia nodded towards the many, many holes blasted in various walls and doors, "and it seems to be shooting the ceiling whenever it runs out of targets."
"How much bread has this thing got?!" Grovyle practically yelled, almost snapping his sword's hilt into pieces, "at least let me have some Arceus-damned coffee before trashing my house!"
Naturally, yelling at the top of his lungs managed to grab some attention. Unfortunately for Grovyle, it wasn't from a very friendly source.
"You're makin' quite the ruckus there, groundskeep," Celebi mused as he floated down the corridoor from where ever he'd taken to sleeping. The fairy had been avoiding bedrooms ever since Mew and Anti had decided to fill his room with fertilizer in what they called an attempt to get him to grow an afro. And if that hadn't been bad enough, Grovyle had disallowed Celebi from giving a suitable reply. Apparently the raptor believed that vaporising people with beams of focused solar energy was not a valid responce to pranks. And had proceeded to back up his position with that sword of his. Just because Celebi could survive being impaled to the wall through his torso, doesn't mean that he was particually fond of the experience.
In fact, as direct violence wasn't subtle enough for the fairy's tastes, Celebi had instead decided to enact revenge by simply being as annoying and smug as physically possible. At least until he found a point in the timeline where he could go back to erase Grovyle from history without causing too much damage to casualty; as causing a paradox that could destroy the multiverse for petty reasons was just bad taste. And unlike Mew, Celebi was nothing but tasteful. He was, however, well aquainted with bad taste; as he found a slice of burnt toast fired directly into his jaw the moment he leaned around Grovyle to see what the fuss was all about.
"Whaddya know, that thing isn't so bad after all." Sofia giggled as the fairy was blasted back, cracking plaster as he hit the wall, prevented from falling to the floor or being able to react by the never ending volley of breakfast being launched at him at terminal velocity.
Celebi, willing to let good taste slide in this one instance as he replied with a venomous, "sod off."
And then he got hit with what could only be called a rocket-propelled muffin, which packed enough force to blast him through the wall and into the dining hall on the other side. "ow..."
"I guess Arceus doesn't hate me after all." Grovyle chuckled, before what happened sunk in properly and he let out a cry of anquish, "my wall!"
"I'm fine, thanks for caring! Just a couple broken ribs. And my spine's bent in an s-shape." Somehow, even the telepathy sounded dazed, "am I missing an antenna?"
"No idea, you'd have to pop your head up to the hole for us to see," Sofia called through, bursting out laughing when the psychic actually did it and was promptly shot in the face, catapulted backwards and back out of sight, "Haha, they're still there Cel."
"Good to know..." Celebi sounded almost pleased.
"...And I thought Scarlet was evil." Grovyle rolled his eyes, "nice to know that all this property damage is amusing someone."
"Hey, I tricked him into doing that for science. There was a lot dust after he got knocked through the wall, it would have hid him from the motion sensor. It still saw him so-"
"It's using heat!" Grovyle grinned, remembering the Cubone's earlier words as he turned away and ran down the hallway, "I'll go crank up the temperature. You make sure fairy-boy doesn't do anything stupid."
"I'll try but the toaster seems to have that covered!" She winced as there was a vicious crunching noise, "that sounded painful."
"I meant to do that."
---
"Anti, I'm going to kill you for this!" Flame growled as he dived away from another lump of something that came shooting through the floor of the attic from the kitchen below.
"Look, it ain't my fault, the beta program was uploaded instead of the fixed one so it's a little out of control."
"How is it not your fault?!" The Charmander spat a fireball at the phantom, growling as a translucent tail effortlessly swatted the fire aside.
"The computer in the lab loaded the wrong file, I had nothing to do with that stage of the proce-" Anti's explaination was cut short by the sound of splintering wood coming from the other side of the doorway to Mewtwo's room.
"Mew!" Eve cried out as she darted for the door, ignoring the sounds of the floor around her being turned into splinters by toast, she could actually pick up the sound of panicked banging coming from behind the door before it fell silent as yet more of the floorboards were blasted apart. Suddenly, for some unknown reason, the doorhandle seemed to refuse to co-operate, Eve struggling with it for several moments.
It was odd, before the attack had only been mildly worrying, more an annoyance than anything else; but now she actually felt afraid. Under normal circumstances, Mew and Mewtwo would be able to look after themselves, this was nothing to them. But they were powerless and unable to defend themselves in their current forms, they needed someone to keep them safe and that someone was her and she was trapped outside because of a stupid door! Fine, as the handle refused to unjam itself, she decided to follow her brethren's way of thinking and prepared to blast it off of its hinges. As she gathered the psychic power needed, she suddenly became aware of a shot firing through the floorboards right behind her. There was no time to try a barrier, and she doubted one would hold up even if she could.
Eve heard the crack, the horrible crunch, right at her back. She felt something slam into her, knocking her almost to the ground, yet it only stung. It didn't hurt enough and was certainly much too large to have come from the toaster. Eve blinked in confusion, looking over her shoulder.
"Scyther?!" She gasped, spotting the bug pulling himself back up from where he'd been knocked into her, "you got hit!"
"Scyther noticed," he groaned, actually sounding winded. Eve couldn't see his front, but she spotted a small piece of green armour fall away as he moved, "Scyther will protect Miss Eve while-" a blade came up just in time to prevent a second shot hitting him, this one aiming for his head, "Miss Eve has to protect Mew and Mewtwo."
"How what now?"
Eve winced, tail flicking in her embarrassment, why did she always say that? Of all the things she could have said, she had to come out with that. Still, there was no time to try and come up with something smarter sounding, it was only a matter of time before someone else got hurt so she unleashed her shockwave, managing to control it enough so it didn't blast the bug standing right behind her. There was a loud bang as the psychic pulse hit the door, but it didn't open or fall down. Eve said something that wouldn't have sounded out of place in one of Flame and Scarlet's more heated discussions as she punched the door in frustration.
"Open damnit!"
It turns out that those were the magic words, as the hinges snapped apart and the barrier fell into the room. The psychic darted inside, looking around for her brothers. The room was, somehow, an even bigger mess than it had been before. What few spots in the ground weren't buried under a book of some sort were instead gaping holes in the ground. The walls were likewise damaged, one shot had even hit the lightbulb and showered the desk with broken glass. Luckily Mewtwo hadn't taken refuge there, the indignant temporary-Rattata was instead on the windowsill, backed up as far as he could against the window with his teeth bared and his fur puffed up as far as it could go. But he was still shaking, his unfamilar form forcing him to feel pure terror as books were send flying as deadly shrapnel by what was shooting through the floor.
Mew, however, didn't even have the pretence of bravery going on. The 'young Mewtwo' was curled into a ball on the bed in the corner of the room, Eve's quilt slung over his head as he whimpered and cried. The sight actually proved more worrying than what was still firing at them, Eve ran across the room, eyes flashing purple as she telekinetically swatted books out of the way as they were flung into the air. She almost vaulted onto the bed, tugging at the quilt in an attempt to reach the feline underneath.
"Mew, it's me, let go!" She almost growled, nearly tumbling backwards as Mew did as he was told, more out of shock than him actually listening to her. The sight of what was essentially Mewtwo's face with tears running down its cheeks nearly caused Eve's brain to shut down, it was only when another blast sent various tomes flying through the air that she was able to recover her wits, grabbing the panicked Mew by the hand; snatching Mewtwo with the other.
"Come on, it's not safe here," she tried to reassure Mew as he tried to retreat back into the corner and hide again, "I'll protect you, so let's go."
"I... but..." Indecision, mixed with a healthy dose of fear, shone across his face, which winced as another blast hit the floors, each getting closer and closer. Before he reached up with his free arm, wiped his eyes and managed a tiny smile, "okay... big sister!"
There was really only one thing left to do. "Never call me that again." And with that stern comment made, they ran for the doors.
---
Back in the main part of the attic, however, things weren't going so well. It was becoming harder and harder for Flame to avoid being hit, mainly because he was slowly running out of floor that hadn't been turned into splinters by some sort of unholy toast-based artillery. But that was reletively easy to handle, nothing new. The real problem was that, as the holes in the floor got bigger, he was forced further and further away from Kit. The tiny Charmander was practically coated in dust by this point, having taken shelter by a pile of boxes that towered over her. A stack that was looking more and more unstable by the second. And Flame knew for a fact that, whatever was in those boxes, it was going to be fairly heavy, much more than a newborn kit could deal with.
"Kit-" He yelled, being cut off as the ground right in front of him exploded in a shower of splinters, forcing him to recoil and shield his eyes. But he recovered fast enough to notice that one of the larger chunks of wood had hit the stack of boxes, causing them to sway and start to collapse.
Flame had no idea how he managed it but somehow he vaulted several holes, a few wider than he was tall, landing on footholds that were within seconds of giving way; a couple so small they were actually smaller than his feet. He even managed to bat a shot from the deadly kitchen applience out of the air as he darted under the collapsing heap, picked up his daughter as gently as he could as she ran towards him, before flinging himself backwards out of danger with mere millimeters to spare as the stack of boxes, filled with various tools, crockery and decorations fell with an enormous crash.
His spine ached, he'd hit his head on the floor, he'd landed with his full weight on his tail. But none of that mattered. At that moment, all he cared about was the owner of the tiny blue eyes staring up at him. Eyes that had, mere moments before, been filled with tears of sheer terror, now almost completely calm as she was safe in her father's arms.
"Looks like you take after me," Flame groaned as he got to his feet, "don't tell your mother how close that was, okay?" He would like to survive to see another day. But before he could even think about how Scarlet was going to react, he had more pressing issues on his mind. Taking off at full sprint, he darted around the edge of the damaged floor, keeping his back to the holes just incase a shot got lucky, the hell he was letting Kit get hurt. Something whizzed by his shoulder, he didn't react, didn't slow down, focused slowly on the attic stairs; safety. Eve and Scyther were somewhere behind him, aiming for the same place.
The Charmander leapt down the first few wooden steps which, having been designed for humans, put him below the attics floor and well out of sight of the killer toaster. He set Kit down, looking into her puzzled gaze as he knelt beside her, before he smiled. A toothy smile.
"Stay here," he spoke, softly, as he got up, cracking his tail back into place, "I'm going to go make sure this toaster dies." He gave her a reassuring pat on the head, watching the tiny lizard smile back at him, before he vaulted back up the stairs. Passing Eve, Scyther and their various charges, he aimed straight for the biggest hole in the ground. One straight over the kitchen.
He didn't stop to look down, he didn't need to, he'd caught glances of the damned device during the last five minutes. So it had no warning as he jumped straight down the hole. For half a second, he could see it clearly. A metal box mounted on a tripod, a small red diode flashing as the toaster prepared to shoot him in midair. A blast of black fire incinerated its first volley. And it didn't have time for a second as Flame landed on it with a roar, tripod snapping as the Charmander pulled back a fist, metalic claws tearing into the casing and ripping it apart. Before it even hit the floor, a stream of fire ingulfed its inner workings, melting the demonic device from the inside out before Flame was thrown off by the landing.
The only sound was the hissing and crackling of destroyed electronics as Sofia peered around the kitchen door, even Celebi looking shocked as the Charmander picked himself up from the floor. No one said a thing, just watched as Flame dusted himself off before limping over to the half-melted toaster and kicked it for good measure.
"I turned up the heating!" Grovyle called as he ran back down the hallway, "that thing should be nice and blind about-" he skidded to a halt as he reached the door, momenterially lost for words as he stared at the scene. Until, eventually, some degree of sense returned to him. "My ceiling!"