Chapter 14 Walking the Same Line

Ritsu should have been celebrating. Maeda Sensei's book had not only received critical acclaim from most reviewers, but it had been in the top five on the bestseller list for weeks now. Everyone loved her, and now she was being nominated for the Naoki Prize. His dreams were coming true. Isaka San had even called him in for a meeting and hadn't referred to him as nanahikari once. His old colleagues at Emerald had sent him congratulations mails and his father had called and they'd had another shockingly wonderful conversation to the point where he wondered why they couldn't have been like this years ago. Everything was finally coming together with his career. So he should be celebrating.

Instead he was waiting anxiously for Suzuki San to come over. He hadn't even had the time to tell him about the prize nomination when he'd gotten the mail:

Hi. Can we meet tonight? It's kind of important.

Well that was vague enough, and the one thing Ritsu hated was vague. He'd learned his lesson though with Takano San? Never jump to conclusions. It could mean so many things. It didn't have to mean Suzuki had found something else and that he wanted to focus on this new person, so bye bye. No. It could mean something else he wanted an opinion on.

Except the only reason that made sense was he found somebody. That had to be it. They could be friends still, but considering his schedule, they'd probably barely see each other. And it was all his own fault. He had been the one to tell Suzuki he was still waiting for Takano San to change. It had been almost a given. Takano San would be coming back to his life, and Suzuki San would fade in to the background.

Only he hadn't counted on becoming so emotionally invested in Suzuki. It was odd how Takano San hadn't contacted him yet, but the frightening part was he had no clue how he would even respond if he would contact him, because so much had changed in just five months.

He got out a piece of paper and drew a vertical line down the middle.

Then he drew a pair of glasses to represent Takano on the top of the right side and a tennis racquet on the other for Suzuki. He was too embarrassed to write the true heading: Why I should choose Takano or Suzuki. No. That wasn't accurate either. He wouldn't get to make a choice. Suzuki San was undoubtedly out of the running. He'd do it nicely. He'd probably have a sad look on his face, too, although inwardly smiling because he was excited about the new relationship. With some guy. Or some girl. Would that be worse somehow? It shouldn't make a difference.

He needed to focus.

He started writing his reasons for going back to Takano:

He's my first love.

There must be a reason for us meeting again. What were the chances? Being neighbors and working together?

Don't I owe him a chance?

Was that it? That was really it? There had to be more, right? He frowned as he wrote one more line:

I want to love him don't I?

He figured he could add more later and moved to the other side of the paper and looked at the tennis racquet. It looked more like a lollipop. He imagined his smiling face and started grinning.

He is so much fun to be with

We have a lot in common -actually Takano had more. He added it to Takano's column. Fair is fair and went back to the Suzuki column.

It's fun to teach other about things we don't have in common.

He brings out the best in me.

I feel so comfortable with him.

The sex is great he thought and then figured there was no way he could write it. No. He was going to write it:

Sex is amazing.

He kept writing the first thing he thought of:

I just like being with him.

I miss him when we're not together

I don't want him to be with anybody else.

I think I love him.

Oh shit. I'm in trouble now.

The intercom went off. He buzzed Suzuki into the building. Everything was fine. The could still remain friends couldn't they? But it would be different now that Suzuki San was dating someone seriously. He folded up the paper and put it in his pocket and let him in.

"Hey. Everything okay, Onodera San?" Suzuki San had his usual casual relaxed mannerism but at the same time he had this air of nervousness about him.

"Yeah. You want something to drink?"

"A beer would be nice if you have."

"I do." Why were they acting so weird and formal? It was horrible.

"You seem nervous." They were sitting across from each other at Ritsu's little table. That was also unlike them. They'd normally go to the couch. Or the bedroom.

"Well so do you."

"Yeah. You're right. Onodera San. I realized something this week and I need to tell you about it."

"No. It's okay. I think I know what you want to say and it's alright. I'm happy for you."

"What are you talking about?"

"You found someone you want to have a serious relationship with, haven't you It's okay. I won't be hurt. We said we were keeping everything as friends."

"Well, yeah. I guess you could say that's true." Oh shit oh shit oh shit no no please. I need to calm down.

"So is it a guy or a girl?"

"A guy. You know him."

"I- I do?" Oh great. So I might have to see them together?

"Really?" Ritsu was purposely focussing on Suzuki's fingers as they held of the can of Usagi Beer. "What's he like?"

"He's about your height. He has beautiful green eyes, and light brown hair and he just discovered the next big author in Japan." Wait. What was he saying? "Can you look at me?" Ritsu's head snapped up in shock. "It's you. I know you said you wanted to get back with your ex, but-" He stopped as Ritsu pushed him away and jumped up from the chair.

"You bastard! Do you know how scared I was just now? I thought you met somebody else!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I just didn't know how to tell you. I can't pretend I'm just a friend anymore when I want more. At first I didn't want to ruin what we already have but I need to be honest with you."

Ritsu dug into his pocket and handed his paper to Suzuki.

"What's this?"

"Just read it."

"Okay. I don't get it. What's the glasses and lollipop?"

"It's a tennis racquet, Suzuki San. The glass is Takano San and the racquet is you."

"Okay. Got it. Hmm. I hear you that first love is very powerful, and I think there was a reason you both had to meet again. Hmm. Still. I kind of like the other side of the page better."

"Yeah, you would."

"I like it. I like it a lot. Especially this line about sex. No this is better. 'I think I love him." I don't like this 'shit I'm in trouble' part though."

"It's just that what am I going to say to Takano San?"

"Goodbye?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure you can do it?"

"Yes. I want to be with you."

Suzuki led them to the couch and he faced him. "I don't want this to make you feel pressured. Take your time. I just needed to be open with you."

"No. it's fine. I think I chose you even before I wrote this. It's just going to be rough telling him. I'm ready to do it though. I'll send him mail now saying I need to meet with him tomorrow after work." He reached for his phone and sent the message. " I hope it isn't hell week. I have no clue what their schedule is. Wait. I know last week was hell week, because Kisa San wasn't available to go for drinks when i called him. I'm safe."

"Hell week?"

"The last week of the monthly cycle when you're rushing to get the magazine to the printers and the authors are horrifyingly behind."

"Oh yeah. You did tell me about that. Can I call you Ritsu now?"

"Uh, yeah. A-Akira." He felt himself blush.

"I'm sorry for upsetting you earlier. I'm so happy right now.."

"Me too." His phone beeped. Takano was available and mentioned a izikaya the Emerald staff frequented for company related events. "Ah. I'm seeing Takano San tomorrow at 7pm."

"Want me to come?"

"How would that even work? What am I supposed to say? 'Takano San we're history. Here. Meet my new boyfriend?'"

"Yeah. That's kind of harsh. I could meet you after you're done though."

"That sounds wonderful. I still can't believe you made me think you met somebody else."

"Ah, am I in trouble?"

Ritsu grabbed Akira by the collar and brought him close.

"Yes. Big time."

"Then I guess I'll have to come up with a way to make it up to you."

This man is perfect, Ritsu thought before letting his body take over.

Title from Everything but the Girl – We Walk the Same Line

It's interesting how it's a lot more difficult to find songs about relationships going well, and a lot easier for breakups and other unhappy experiences.