Truce
Keeping her back pressed to stone, Rarí sat in the corner of the room and stared blankly at the space around her. Words kept echoing in her ears, but she couldn't focus on any of them. They were all a blur, the voices blending together until they were a throb of noise in her skull.
"While you were out, the king arrested our father!"
"She insulted you and our parents. That is unacceptable!"
"I promise you this will all work out in the end, Rarí."
"I wasn't supposed to be king."
Pressing her hands to her ears, she made a low noise and willed the voices to stop. But they wouldn't. Why would they when they were all key to where she was now? How could they when she had no control over her memories? All of them were crowding through her brain and she couldn't do anything but relive them.
A part of her knew that she shouldn't be alone right now, that someone should be with her in case this got to be too much. Bofur hadn't said anything, but she had never been alone while she was staying with his family. Bifur and Bombur were frequent guests in her forge. Neither of them said much, Bifur tinkering on his own projects and Bombur sometimes catching a nap. Every now and then, Arra would join her and the other female had filled the forge with pleasant chatter. But she had never been alone and the situation hadn't been nearly as bad as it was presently.
Now she was in a strange room, completely by herself. She knew Fíli had brought her here, had told her why he had to bring her here but it was too new of a memory to compete with all of the noise. How could it when there were so many old ones pushing it aside?
She did wish that Fíli had stayed with her though. Frowning, she tried to think about what had happened when he had come to her forge. All she could really remember was intense emotions. Surprise and joy at seeing him again. Embarrassment at something foolish then dread and finally sorrow. But that sadness was tinged with anger. There was so much rage and sorrow simmering under her skin, all of it wanting out. Yet she had no way of doing that, short of screaming, but she knew that would bring someone who wouldn't understand and who would make her stop.
Closing her eyes, Rarí wrapped her arms around herself. She needed to vent, she needed to let this out, she needed someone to understand what she was going through. But more than that she wanted all of it to go away. Everything that had happened since the moment her mother had said she was going to meet a friend and had never come back. She wanted it all gone.
No…not all of it. There was some good wrapped in all of the bad. Meeting Bofur and his family was a prime example. She didn't want to lose them, not when they had been nothing but kind to her since the first day she had met them. She couldn't lose them when they were the only thing keeping her grounded. If it wasn't for them, she would have been completely lost.
Her forge was a source of joy as well. Before Erebor, she had worked in her father's, but this one had been hers. She had made a name for herself by the quality of her work. She had loyal customers who were welcome company even if they were not truly friends.
And she had the king.
"He isn't yours, idiot," she muttered, burying her face in her knees as she brought them up.
But he was her friend and she was sorely in need of them. She had no family left so she needed all the friends she could get.
"I've known the lad for a long time, Rarí. I know when something matters to him."
"I know I don't have the right to ask it, but can you forgive me for lying?"
"The king's whore isn't welcome here!"
Her eyes flew open, her breath catching at Ríl's accusation. It rang in her ears, repeating over and over until her bones ached. "Stop it," she whispered. She didn't want to hear it anymore. She tried to surround herself with noise so she wouldn't hear his voice. Her hammer striking metal and anvil was usually enough and when it wasn't, Bofur was there with a story or three.
"Stop it," she repeated, the words banging around her skull.
It took her a moment to realise that the banging was actually someone knocking on the door.
Lifting her head, she stared at it. Other than the king and his brother, did anyone even know where she was? A wave of fear filled her as she realised that there were some who might be aware of her change in location.
"We don't think it was an accident."
"What do you mean?" she whispered.
Fíli sighed again and his arms tightened around her. "We won't know until the shaft is cleared, but there is evidence that suggests it was brought down for a reason."
She buried her face a little further into his shirt, wishing he could make this go away. He was the king wasn't he? Surely he could do something. "Why would you think that?"
His hands moved over her back, rubbing slowly. "Your brother…and mine."
Rarí frowned but didn't pull away from him. "How do our brothers have anything in common?" He smelt like the mines and normally that was a comfort, but it felt wrong on him. Fíli had never smelt of the mines before. She wasn't sure she liked it. Everyone in Erebor had the scent of the stone around them, but he had always been a little more. Almost like the mountain had affected him differently.
"Rarí, we think someone is targeting your family," he said after a long moment. "More specifically, you."
"Me?"
"Yes, to use you to get to me."
She tipped her head back to look at him and frowned. "I don't understand. We barely know each other, only saw each other once a week."
"I know," he said, "but I can't risk your life on so little. I won't let you die because someone is trying to get to me."
Rarí stared at him, confusion filling her. "What are you saying?"
His hands moved to cup her face and he held her gaze, his blue eyes fierce. "I won't let you die, Rarí, daughter of Nidin," he said firmly. "I swear I will keep you safe."
"Rarí?" a voice called through the door.
She blinked. The voice was female and sounded warm and concerned. It still wasn't one she recognized. "Go away," she called back hoarsely. Remembering where she was, she added, "Please."
When silence came in answer, she sighed and let her forehead rest on her knees. Mahal, would any of this stop? It felt like every time she turned around, something else happened to knock her down.
"Have you been sitting there since Fíli brought you here?"
Rarí's head snapped up and she stared at the female closing the door. "That was locked," she squeaked, pressing back further against the wall.
"Yes, it was, but I have keys for every room on this floor, Rarí. I allowed you your privacy for a while but I couldn't wait any longer."
She swallowed hard, trying to scoot back further. "Are you here to kill me?"
The female froze at the question. "Kill you? No, love, I'm here to see how you're holding up," she said, shaking her head. "And it obviously isn't well."
Of course it wasn't. Her family was gone. Mother and brother dead and father going to die because she couldn't prove his innocence. What kind of daughter was she that her entire family was going to be taken from her and she couldn't stop any of it?
"Rarí, what is it? What's wrong?"
It took her a moment to realise that fat tears were rolling down her cheeks. "I'm all alone," she whispered, her voice breaking.
The female crossed the room quickly, kneeling in front of her. "You aren't alone, love. There are many who care about you."
Rarí sniffed loudly, trying to not to sob. She studied the other dwarf to distract herself. Dark hair was twisted into braids and intricate clasps that created an elaborate display. But despite the ornate style, she wore little to no jewellery. Her clothes were of a fine weave and screamed her nobility, but it was her eyes that caught Rarí's attention. They were a deep blue, like the finest sapphires, and they shone with compassion and wisdom. They were also familiar. She knew she had seen them before but the thing lighting them had been different. She remembered stubbornness and strength. "Oh," she whispered. "You're his mum."
"I assume you mean Fíli," she said quietly.
Rarí nodded, unable to do more.
"Aye, I am Dís, daughter of Thráin, and mother of both Fíli and Kíli."
She swallowed again, uncertain. "Why are you here?"
"Two reasons. One I've already said, but I'll say it again. I wanted to check up on you."
"I'm okay," Rarí mumbled. This was the king's mother. What was the king's mother doing checking up on her? Was any of this supposed to make sense?
Dís studied her. "No, Rarí, you aren't. You're not supposed to be after all of this."
A bit of temper flared to life inside her and she growled, "How would you understand what I'm feeling? Or how I'm supposed to be?"
"Because I've had nearly all of my family torn away from me," Dís said quietly, but firmly. "My grandfather was murdered by an orc residing in the ancient halls of my forefathers. One of my brothers was killed in the battle to avenge our grandfather. I watched my father go mad before he disappeared from my life and surely is dead. My husband died without seeing either of his sons grown. And then my sons nearly died in a foolish attempt to reclaim a kingdom they'd never even seen, following their uncle in a fool's quest that almost robbed me of everyone I had left."
Rarí stared at Dís, her heart pounding as she focused on only one thing. She knew the story of Erebor, how it was lost and then reclaimed. Every soul living here did, but she hadn't connected the pieces. She knew Fíli was king, knew the king had fought and nearly died in the Battle of Five Armies. Yet Fíli was still Bírli in her mind. She hadn't completely accepted the fact that he wasn't, but the pain in Dís' voice was making it brutally clear.
Her breath hitched. He had nearly died. She had seen the scars, had figured they were from a fierce battle and they were. Any one of them could have ended his life and she never would have known him.
"Rarí?" Dís asked in concern. "Breathe for me, love."
"I'm sorry," she rasped, panic trying to rise in her again. No, he was fine. He was alive. But someone might be trying to kill him again and they wanted to use her to accomplish it.
"I didn't say that to make you think my pain is greater than yours. The loss of family is a raw wound that never fully heals and we all deal with it differently. But the pain is no less intense no matter who or how many you lose. I just wanted to show you that I understand."
And Rarí had snapped back like a spoiled tot. "Thank you," she whispered.
Dís smiled and held out her hands. "Come. The floor is cold. Let's sit on a couch for a while," she coaxed gently.
Hesitating, she stared at the outstretched hands. "Why are you being nice to me?" she asked in confusion.
"The second reason. I want to know the female who made my level headed, sensible son run through the halls of Erebor foolishly, desperate to find her."
Rarí blinked. He had what?
"He abandoned his common sense and everything he'd been taught to find you, Rarí. Tell me what mother wouldn't be curious about the female who made her son act like that?"
"I'm nothing special," she protested. She was the daughter of a miner. She worked a forge. It had been pure chance she had even met Fíli. Why he seemed to care so much was beyond her.
"I don't believe that," Dís said, pulling her up. "I've never seen my son like this before and he wouldn't have lied to all of us if he didn't think you were special."
"He lied to me too," Rarí said as she was led to and pushed onto a couch.
"Oh?"
"He called himself-" She stopped. Fíli had used his father's name. Rarí could still hear the raw pain in Dís' voice when she had spoken of her husband. Could she say his name when she knew it was going to hurt the other?
"What is it?"
"Bírli. He called himself Bírli," she whispered.
Dís' face froze, tears immediately welling in her eyes.
"I'm sorry!" Rarí cried. "I shouldn't have said anything!"
"No, no," she murmured, wiping her eyes. "Bírli is and will always be an open wound on my heart and it's no fault of yours that hearing his name hurts me." She let out a deep breath before smiling faintly. "My lions, Bírli and Fíli."
"Lions?"
"Mm, childhood nicknames for them both. They'd have ridiculous roaring contests when Fíli was a tot to see who could bring the mountain down around us."
Rarí's lips twitched. It was an amusing picture, mostly because she couldn't see Fíli as a child and it was the adult version of him roaring with his father.
Dís smiled as well. "It's hard to see it now, but you have to hold onto the good memories. It is the only way to survive the pain of losing them."
Looking at her, Rarí felt her emotions surge again. Dís understood. She knew that all Rarí wanted to do was scream her rage and curl up in a ball at the same time. She knew how to ride the ebb and flow of the emotions of losing a family member. She knew exactly what Rarí was feeling and more importantly, what she wanted. "D-Dís," she whispered, her eyes going blurry as they filled with tears.
The older female pulled her into a warm hug and it made the dam inside Rarí break. It felt like her mother was hugging her and that only made her cry harder because she knew it wasn't true. "Shh, love," Dís soothed, rocking her gently. "Shh."
Soaking in the comfort Dís was giving her and appreciating it more because she didn't have to do this, Rarí surrendered to the pain and sorrow filling her. She knew she was safe in Dís' embrace. She wasn't her mother, but Rarí knew that right now it didn't matter to either of them.
Staring at the closed door, Kíli felt more than a little ill. He knew what was waiting for him on the other side and he wasn't sure he wanted to face it. Or rather who. This wasn't something he could put off, but at the same time he was uncertain how to proceed. Every other time hadn't ended well.
He frowned. No. He had only actually met her once and seen her twice. It felt like more, but it wasn't. Was it because she had been part of Fíli's life for longer so he had just adopted the same time line?
Didn't matter either way. For everyone's piece of mind, he had to do this. No matter how much he didn't want to.
Tapping on the door, he held his breath as he waited for an answer.
"Go away!"
Kíli sighed. He hadn't expected it to be easy, but he had hoped otherwise. "Rarí, I-"
"No! Unless you have ale I am not opening this door!"
He stared. What? "You want ale?" he asked hesitantly.
"Yes!"
"Why?"
"Bring me ale or leave me alone!"
His head tipped to the side as he thought about this turn of events. He could get her not wanting to see anyone, but why the ale? Understanding came suddenly. She wanted to drown her pain in alcohol, wanted to use the ale to forget what had happened. But should he really get it for her? He knew that drinking made one do stupid things, loosened your judgement and brought trouble to your door. At least it did when you were dealing with this kind of pain.
But she wouldn't be alone and it would give him the chance to talk to her. The only problem was getting the ale for her. He had a feeling she was going to want a decent amount and getting that to her unseen wasn't going to be easy.
His shoulders slumped slightly as he realised this was the only way he was going to talk to her and there was just one option available to him. He hurried down the hall to his room and sighed deeply. A few weeks ago, he had smuggled a fair sized cask of ale into his room and hidden it. He had been planning on sharing it with Fíli after his birthday celebration, but it wasn't to be.
Pulling it out, he looped his fingers through two mugs before hefting it. He muttered curses under his breath as he left his room. Why did it feel heavier? Or was it just the fear of getting caught weighing on him?
He moved as fast as he could to her door, not wanting anyone to see him. There was no way he could explain this without getting into trouble. Kicking her door, he hissed, "Let me in!"
"No! Not-"
"I have your ale!" he snapped. Was that footsteps on the stairs?
The door cracked open and dark eyes stared at him. "Why would you-"
"Move," Kíli said, pushing into the room before someone saw him, "and close that!"
Rarí slammed it shut even as he set the cask down on a table. She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. "I don't know what game you're playing at, but it won't work."
He blew out a breath and reminded himself he had tried to attack her the first time he'd seen her. "No games. I just want to talk to you."
She didn't look convinced. "Your mum already talked to me and reduced me to a blubbering tot. I'm not sure I want to talk with anymore of the line of Durin."
"I'm not here to make you cry." Mahal, he hoped he wasn't. He never had any idea what to do when anyone cried around him. "I just want to talk."
"And I want to drink."
"We can do both."
Something flared in her eyes and Kíli's stomach clenched in response, waiting for her insult to come. "I'm not sure I can do both," she muttered finally.
Blinking, Kíli fumbled for an answer. "Well, we could drink first or talk or whatever you want. We should probably talk first since drinking will make it hard to do, but if you really want to drink we can do that first instead."
One corner of her mouth twitched. "So you're both ramblers?"
Kíli felt his cheeks heat slightly. "When we're nervous or uncertain, yes," he muttered, knowing she was talking about his brother and him.
"Are you nervous now?"
"More uncertain."
She made a low noise and sank to the floor near the ale. "Because of me?"
Mahal, yes. He had never doubted Fíli until Rarí had come into his brother's life. Even now it wasn't so much that he doubted, but more didn't understand. He didn't understand her or Fíli's attachment to her. Opening the keg, he filled a mug to hand to her to save himself from answering.
"Thank you," she said, taking it and drinking deeply.
Kíli filled his own but didn't taste it. This shouldn't be hard, just a simple conversation between two dwarves. But it wasn't going to be that at all. He didn't know her and had a bad habit of speaking without thinking.
He watched as she drank, wondering how to start. How did he even go about this without seeming like he pitied her? What little he did know about her told him she wouldn't take kindly to that and it would destroy what he was trying to do.
"This is really good," she said, staring into her mug. "How did you get it so fast?"
"Had it in my room. It was supposed to be part of my present for Fíli."
Her gaze jerked up. "W-What?"
Kíli shrugged. "I had a feeling he was going to want to get drunk after the fiasco Mum has planned for him. But right now you need it more."
"Why are you all being so nice to me?" she whispered. "None of you know me or owe me anything. I don't have anything to give you for this."
"People don't always help out because they want something in return," Kíli said, frowning. "You just lost your brother and you shouldn't be alone."
"Other miners were lost in the collapse as well."
"And Fíli's working with Thorin and Bofur to compensate their families and figure out what happened."
"But they aren't here. Fíli said my family was being targeted, that that was why he brought me here."
"It's just a theory, but Fíli doesn't like taking chances." And the king hadn't left room for any argument where Rarí and her safety were concerned.
As soon as his brother had taken off, Kíli had been hot on his heels. He had already decided to stick to Fíli and this was no different. No, this reacting on instinct was exactly why Kíli had made the decision in the first place. So he had followed Fíli to Bofur's home, hanging back when he'd spoken to the dwarfling and his mother. The lad had been ecstatic when Kíli had rounded the corner, meeting both king and crown prince in one day. His mother had looked ready to pass out. After spending a quick minute with them, he had gone to the forge and been stunned at what he saw.
He had always known his brother to care more than he showed, but he had taken it further than Kíli would have imagined. He had hung back, feeling like he shouldn't be there as his brother had comforted Rarí. It had felt too private, but it was the first time he had really seen them together. A part of him, a big part, hadn't liked it and only Bofur's appearance had stopped him from interrupting.
"This doesn't concern you, lad," Bofur said quietly. "And you'd best not interfere."
Kíli frowned. "What's going on?"
"Don't know, but whatever it is, it's between Rarí and Fíli."
"I know you don't like me, Kíli," Rarí said softly, "and you aren't drinking. Did you poison me?"
"What? No!" he cried, staring at her in horror. "I wouldn't do that!"
"But you don't like me."
He blew out another breath and took a pull from his ale. "I don't know you. I shouldn't judge you by the actions of others."
"Your mum tell you that?"
"How did you know?" he asked, frowning.
"Told me the same thing about you," she said wryly, "but that with you I have to figure out the difference between Kíli, brother of Fíli and Kíli, captain of the King's Guard."
He almost told her good luck because even he couldn't always tell the difference.
She passed him her mug to refill it. "Why are you here, Kíli?" she asked softly.
"You already have enough to deal with. I don't want to add to it."
Black eyes looked at him and she lifted a brow. "Deal with," she repeated. "Do you understand what I'm dealing with?"
"How can I?" he said in surprise. "The only family member I ever lost was my father and I was so small when it happened, I didn't understand what was going on. All I know is you're taking it better than I would."
She just stared at him like she couldn't believe what he had just said.
"You are," Kíli said softly. "The closest I've come to losing someone was at the Battle of Five Armies and even then, Fíli woke up before I did so I didn't go through the thought process of him possibly dying. But when my uncle wouldn't wake up, I could barely function. How Fíli managed to get the mountain together and keep it going I'll never understand. But I know this much. If I were to lose Fíli? I…I think I'd rather die myself than go through that."
"I can understand that. Felt it when my mum died," she whispered.
Kíli sighed deeply. There was so much between them and most of it shouldn't have been there. Granted, some things had nothing to do with her family and were probably all in his head, but…. "I'm still not sure about you," he said quietly, "but you matter to Fíli and he matters to me."
She took a long pull from her mug. "Truce?" she suggested.
He reached out to tap his tankard against hers as she held it out. "Truce," he agreed.
A/N: This chapter was ridiculously hard to write and the entire time I didn't think it was going to be long enough. And it panned out as another long one. I will never understand writing. This is another scene that has been planned for quite some time and even though they've declared truce, I'm pretty sure things are still going to be rocky between Kíli and Rarí for a little while yet. But for now, it is time to get drunk and try to forget all that has happened. And I think getting drunk with Kíli would be fun, yeah? Thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed!