Chapter 14:

EPOV-

"Where am I? Where's Charlie?" Bella asked, looking around. I couldn't make eye contact with her—tell her that she would probably never get to see Charlie again.

Can you tone down the guilt, Edward? I really need to concentrate. Jasper thought as I felt a wave of calm take over. I let it, knowing that Jasper needed to focus on Bella right now. Anything to make this easier for her.

Bella said Carlisle's name and I was drawn back into the conversation, though my eyes never left the ground.

She remembered us. That means that she remembered me, and probably what I'd done. It hadn't been pretty.

Edward…

I pushed those thoughts out of my head as Rosalie said, "This is taking forever."

I let out a soft hiss warning her to be quiet and instantly regretted it as Bella took a defensive crouch and looked at me.

"Stop it, the both of you." Jasper said, focus still intent on Bella's emotions.

"What's happened to me?" She asked.

"Bella, there's been an accident." Carlisle said.

I scoffed at his choice of words and he admonished me in his head: Not now, Edward. This is not the time or the place. before continuing, "I know this is going to be hard to understand right now but we're all vampires." He said, motioning back to us.

Bella was silent for a minute, processing I assume—I was still unable to read her thoughts.

"You're—what?" She finally said.

Hmm. She's taking this incredibly well. She's very calm. Jasper noted.

"Vampires. But we only drink animals. We fancy ourselves vegetarians, if you will." He finished.

"Too soon." I muttered. Telling the girl that I'd just killed that we only drank animals was probably not the smartest plan. Carlisle pointedly ignored my comment.

"When you say accident…what exactly do you mean?" she asked, mistrust in Carlisle's choice of words evident in her voice.

"It's difficult to explain," Carlisle back-peddled, "but through a long series of events…you're now a vampire too." He finished carefully with permission from Jasper.

Bella was silent and Jasper was getting uneasy. I glanced up to see her concentrating, eyes unfocused.

I saw it play out in Alice's mind mere fractions of a second before it happened.

"YOU DID THIS TO ME?!" she screamed, pointing at me. I nodded slowly at the ground as Bella lounged. I did nothing to stop her.

"NOW!" Jasper yelled and Emmett stepped in front me at the last second, taking the full force of Bella's attack and pinning her down. He moved her over to the table and held her there as Jasper worked to calm her down.

You would've just let her rip you to shreds if I hadn't stopped her, wouldn't you? Emmett thought, looking at me. I didn't meet his gaze. It would have been much less than I deserved, and if it would have made her feel better about what I'd done to her, I gladly would have taken it.

Edward! I don't know how much more of this I can take. You're pulling my focus. Jasper thought exasperatedly.

"What did I ever do to you?" Bella cried, trying to get a good look at me around Emmett's large frame. Nothing.I thought. Nothing at all. And I wished that Emmett would have let her attack me.

Edward, I need you to leave. It's for everybody's good. This isn't safe with you here anymore. Jasper thought. He was right.

"I have to go. I'm sorry—I can't—" I said, looking at Carlisle.

"We can talk later, Edward. This isn't over." Carlisle said out loud as I left. Go get her something to drink, we'll calm her down and get her prepared. Carlisle thought.

"Where—is—he—going?!" I could hear Bella say as the door was closing behind me.

"This isn't easy for him either, Bella." I heard Carlisle say as I took a deep breath.

"For him? For him?! WHO CARES ABOUT HIM?" she screamed as I ran into the woods.

Who cares about me? Who cares about me? I thought as I pushed deep into the woods 'cause I certainly don't.

How could I have done this to her? I thought, pulling up short and running into a tree. I crashed down on top of it and lay there for a while She doesn't deserve this. She was an innocent. How could I have let my control slip—how could I have not resisted? Why did I have to come back into town? Why did I have to follow her into the woods? Now I am just a constant reminder of how selfish I was to her.

I lay there for a few minutes longer and considered running and never coming back—of not being that reminder to her—but what's done was done. I knew that would break Esme's heart and I couldn't do that on top of everything else. Plus, it seemed too easy. I wanted Bella to hurt me. To torment me. I deserved it, and I hoped it would make her feel better about all that I'd taken from her. Stolen. Painfully.

I smelled a mountain lion off in the distance.

The least I can do is bring her something good. I thought, chasing down the lion.

A few minutes later Carlisle was calling me back down into the cellar.

Keep yourself in check… Jasper warned. I nodded once to show that I understood and dropped the lifeless mountain lion down at Bella's feet before retreating back to stand in a corner again. I glanced up at Bella as I walked by and our eyes locked. My heart broke and I hated myself all over again for making her this way. For murdering her and then bringing her back as a monster.

I couldn't imagine someone as small—as beautiful as her a murderer but knew that's exactly what I'd made her. I'd taken her soul.

Then I was washed with a deep sense of disgust for myself and shame at the fact that I could appreciate Bella's beauty—that I had the audacity to touch her pure human nature in the first place and that there was some part of me that was still attracted to her, even now—I sickened myself.

EDWARD! Jasper calmed me yet again. That is the last time! I am not doing that again. We can talk about that later, right now I need to focus. I need to keep Bella calm so that Emmett can let go and she can feed.

I wanted to apologize for messing everything up, but I knew that more remorse and guilt on top of everything wouldn't help anyone right now and would probably end up making things worse.

Emmett released Bella and Carlisle showed her how to feed.

She's draining this pretty fast, Edward. Why don't you go get her something to supplement it with. Carlisle thought, also noting that it would give Jasper a break from my brooding.

I slipped out as silently as possible, not wanting to disturb Bella's meal.

I killed the first thing that I came to that was big enough to satisfy a newborn's craving for a while—a big buck. I brought it down into the cellar just as Bella was licking the last of the mountain lion off of her lips.

Carefully, I dropped the buck in front of her and grabbed the mountain lion carcass, all the while making sure to not make eye contact with her. I knew that if I saw her again right now, I wouldn't be able to control myself and I would have to leave again.

"Thank you." She said quietly as I was taking the lion carcass back out. I stopped for a fraction of a second, startled. Had she just thanked me?

I wanted to turn around and tell her that she had nothing to thank me for, but knew that I wouldn't be able to handle it. I took the carcass outside and buried it a few hundred yards into the forest so that it wouldn't be found by hikers before returning to the cellar again.

They were talking about the mountain lion when I came back down.

Get back behind Emmett, Edward. Carlisle thought. I knew that he was worried about both my safely as well as Bella's well being, but it was still annoying.

"Here are some clean clothes, dear." Esme said, cautiously stepping toward Bella.

She looked down to see why she needed to change before exclaiming "What the—"

"Yeah, one of the perks of being a vampire is the nice, new, nearly indestructible body." Emmett said.

She looked at me again, noticing that I was back but not saying anything to me. I avoided her gaze.

"You better let Alice and I change you though," Esme said, pulling her attention back. "We're really strong and it's really easy to rip clothing. It'll be a little bit and a lot of practice before you'll be able to dress yourself."

The change was instantaneous. I stared at Jasper for a moment, wondering if he was picking it up correctly.

Mortification? Embarrassment? In a newborn?! Jasper's thoughts echoed my own.

Carlisle was looking from me, to Jasper, to Bella and back again, only too acutely aware that he was missing something. He was about to ask what when Jasper cut in.

"Bella, are you…embarrassed?" He asked, disbelieving. Alice and Esme stopped in their tracks, mouths open in shock.

I turned my attention back to Bella while listening closely to Jaspers thoughts.

Indecision—more embarrassment…Edward, I've never seen anything like this in a newborn before.

Rosalie huffed and walked out the door—of course she's special, she's perfect little Edward's perfect little MISTAKE! She screamed at me in her head as she paced outside.

Carlisle was deep in thought, considering what this could mean.

Edward—I think we should leave. Jasper thought after a moment. She's really very uncomfortable with changing in front of us. It's almost as if she has her human urges under control already, at least when she's feeling something other than anger or annoyance. I think it would be detrimental to her ability to function within this family to force her to reveal herself to us in this way if she feels this strongly against it. Ask Carlisle and Emmett to follow you, I will be up in a minute, and always close enough should she need to be calmed down.

I couldn't look away from Bella the whole time that Jasper was giving me instructions. How? How could this be? How could she—…—how?!" Was all I could think. I was glad that someone had their wits about them because I was dumbfounded.

I nodded once and asked Carlisle and Emmett to follow me, tearing my eyes away from Bella as I went.

"Carlisle?" I asked, as soon as we made it out of the cellar. Rose was sulking some fifty feet away, still well within hearing range.

"It's strange." He said. "Have you ever seen anything like it?" He asked as Jasper came up out of the cellar.

"No." Jasper responded. "I was just telling Edward, it's almost as if she's mastered how to control herself if she's feeling any human emotion." He finished, turning back to the cellar.

Just then we heard Bella scream as she ripped her bloody shirt to shreds.

"Other than annoyance or anger." Jasper amended at the same time that Carlisle muttered "Well, maybe not fully under control."

Jasper backed down the stairs, already calming everyone down. It was then that I vowed that no matter how long it took and no matter what I had to do, I was going to make this up to her. Somehow.

~.~.~

Thoughts? Why can Bella control herself better than most newborns? 'Cause it's not that she was prepared for this life, obviously.

Next up—adjusting to life, passage of a little time, and figuring out what to do next.

I wanted to thank you for all the reviews, favorites, alerts, etc! I'm also throwing out there again that if anyone would be open to proofing my chapters for me so that the drugs don't mangle things up too bad, that would be great! Also, you'd get to read the next five chapters now. =) PM me if you're interested and enjoy the weekend. I don't know about you, but here it's hot hot hot!