Sorry it took so long guys, i've being moving house, doing exams, and helping my Bf through some stuff.../:
but here it is! Hope it's not too bad xx

Chapter 12 - Change

2 years it lasted, the nightmare went on for 2 long, painful, horrific years. Mary didn't write to me anymore, nor did my parents, they thought I was doing fine, and that I was happy being A wife.
All I could do was get used to the pain and find ways to numb it occasionally.
During the years, A routine began to develop, with very little changes.

I pretended to be asleep in the morning when Charles got up, he left to work, then I got out of bed and began doing all of the housework and preparing a meal for when he came home. Once a week I would walk to a village which was 2 miles away to buy supplies like food and toiletries.
Sometimes I would look in my box, and have a few minutes of self despair, and think 'Why me?' I liked remembering Carlisle, somewhere in my mind it gave me hope.

Charles arrived home and kicked off his shoes, whilst he sat down I would put away his coat and shoes, then quickly give him a beer before he could ask me to, this usually kept him calm.
I'd sit with him, eat a little myself and talk to him about his day. He'd finish dinner, and drink the rest of his beer while I washed up.
This is where the little changes occurred.

If he had come straight home, then he would normally take another beer into the living room, He wouldn't drink another, and we would do something together, such as talk about plans to do with the house, or we would play chess, maybe read together, and sometimes just talk until we were ready for bed.
But these things didn't always work out.
For instance, one night, I asked him if we could save some money and buy some flowers and seeds for the garden. Of course, he said no, insisting that we save our money and that I shouldn't be wasting my time on flowers when I had more important things to do, like being his wife.
When I argued, he took me to bed, and kept me there. But this didn't always happen, one night he offered if I'd like to do go out to places more often, it was nice offer, but unfortunately, not one he has kept to. Sometimes we would just go straight to bed.
If he had being to the pub, he would demand another beer, then another, and sometimes one or two more. I always tried to discourage him, but he always insisted that he knew best and that I should be a good wife and stay quiet.
If I started to sniff, or if I had tears in my eyes, he dragged me upstairs, not making an effort to keep me upright.

I'd wake up trying not to remember anything. But sometimes I could feel it.

If Charles hadn't being drinking too much, then it wouldn't be as painful, but it would last longer because he was more sober. But he didn't usually hit me if he'd only had 2 or 3 beers, so in some ways it was better, but in some it was worse.
If he'd being drinking a lot, sometimes 5 or more beers, it would be horrendous. I would instinctively try more to struggle, so he would pin me down where ever he pleased (usually the bed or floor but sometimes against a wall) and he would hit me, kick me, bite me, scratch me, pull my hair bang my head against cupboards, the bed, the wall or the door. He would rip my clothes, and then hurt me in the worst possible way.
Then he would go to sleep, leaving me crying on the floor.
Then the next day would start.

Today was different.

I woke up late for a start. Charles had already gone to work, and the sun was beaming through the open curtains. I'd had a very strange dream, I think it involved parrots and monkeys?
I was in the bed, which meant Last night wasn't too bad, just three bruises, that wasn't many. And I wasn't too sore. Bit I felt extremely tired, despite the fact that I'd obviously had a lot of sleep.

I sat up slowly, and realized that I felt extremely sick. That wasn't normal, I didn't usually feel nauseous.
My stomach suddenly did a flip, and I ran as fast as I could to the bathroom, and threw up violently in the toilet.
My throat burned, and there was sweat on my forehead, but apart from that I was fine. I had a glass of water to cool my throat down.
Now that the sick feeling had gone, I felt a bit hungry, so I ate a slice of bread and butter, and an apple.
I started my normal routine of cleaning the house, i enjoyed doing this, it was my little bit of time to myself. Charles started his holiday tomorrow, I'd have to put up with him 24/7 for 2 weeks, I was trying not to dawdle on this.
30 minutes into my routine, I had to run to the bathroom to be sick again. I was getting a little worried, but I had no fever, and I seemed to be able to keep down water, so I didn't fuss.

By lunchtime, I was starving, I ate 2 sandwiches, a bowl of apple pie, 2 custard tarts and whole carton of orange juice. I managed to keep it all down, but I felt like I needed to have a little nap. Huh. Weird.
I fell asleep on the sofa, and woke up with just one hour until Charles came home!

I jumped up and frantically started reheating some stew and dumplings from last night, whilst making a fresh loaf of bead to eat with it.
Just while I was serving it up, Charles came in the front door.

"Esme?" He called.
"I'm in the kitchen, I'm just serving dinner, leftovers from last night"

He walked round the door, he still had his shoes on.

"I'm going away for a 2 weeks with some people from work, are you capable of looking after the house on your own if I leave you some money?"

He was going away! I had a whole 2 weeks to myself! I didn't even care where he was going, and I knew he would prefer it if I didn't ask. So I didn't.

"Um, of course, I'll be fine, you go and have a good time"
"Good, I just need to get some clothes"

He headed up the stairs wile I sat down and ate my dinner, I had a smile on my face the whole time.

Just as I was washing up, he came back downstairs with a suitcase.

"I'll be back in 2 weeks, here's some money, don't waste it"
"I won't, hope you enjoy yourself"

He walked out of the door, and I ran upstairs squealing. I had the house to my self for 2 weeks! I couldn't believe it! I jumped around the bedroom, I jumped on the bed and laughed into my pillow.
Strange, this was the happiest I'd being for 2 years, and it was because my husband was going away. Most wives would be this happy when their husband was returning.

I lay there thinking about how different my life would be if Carlisle hadn't taken me home. I would have married him, I would be cleaning his house everyday, we would read books together every night and play chess by the fire...
Eventually, when I could hear the owls outside, and the stars were out, I fell asleep.

The next day I woke up and smiled, remembering that I was alone. My dreams had being wonderful, dancing fairies visited me and I danced with them, smiling and laughing, feeling the best I had for two years.
But I couldn't lay there long, my stomach had other ideas. For the second morning in a row, I ran to the bathroom and threw up. This was weird.
I told myself that if it happens again then I'll go to the doctors. But I wasn't sick again all morning.

I decided not to clean today, or go to the nearby village.
I had a nice, long bubble bath, relaxing each of my muscles one by one. I gently let my bruises soak in the warm water.
I got out toweled myself dry. I decided to put on my dark read v-neck silk dress with 3/4 length sleeves and a corset. I stepped into my little sliver high heels. I brushed my hair into curls and put on some white powder to make my eyes stand out more, and added some red lipstick which matched my dress. I pulled the front of my hair back, and held it there with a band, and then slid in a flower jewel to finish the look.

I wasn't going out, I was going to look in my box properly for the first time in months.-I fetched it, I sat on my bed and gently took out everything individually. I didn't feel sad. In-fact, I felt brilliant. I help up my diary, i hadn't had time to write in it for ages. I opened it up, grabbed a pen and started writing;

I miss him. I'm desperate to see him again. I wish he'd saved me. I'm so alone and hurt, only he can make it better. I so badly want things to be different. But rather than ponder over what could could have been, I instead focused on what we did have, what we still have.
We were not only friends, but best friends. He looked after me when no-one else would, he understood me and I understood him. We were two very different people but also completely the same. And he'll come and save me again, I just don't need him enough yet, but when the time is right, he'll rescue me. He did it before, and he'll do it again. I believe in him. My angel Carlisle will come.

I closed my diary. Now that I had the time to think about Carlisle, I've decided that I don't want to think about him. I only want to remember him. All the good things we had.

I clutched the little always engraved heart. It was mine forever, something that no-one else has, only me. Always.
I cried a little, but that was good, everyone cries.

When the sun was setting, I wiped my eyes and locked away my box once more. I realized that I was extremely hungry. I went down to the kitchen and tried to find some food. I made myself some pie.
I ate the whole thing myself, and a few vegetables as well, washed down with a bottle of milk. This was weird. I didn't normally eat this much. And what was with the sudden mood change earlier?
I washed up everything and decided on an early night.

Before I could leave the kitchen, everything started spinning, my head hurt and then I was on the floor. then nothing.
I woke up and quickly checked my head for any signs of injury or concussion. I was fine. I drank a glass of water, went to the bathroom, and then got straight into bed.

I arrived home, my head still not understanding what the doctor told me.
It didn't seem possible, but at the same time made perfect sense.
I opened the front door and went up to my room and rummaged around for my diary. I started writing.

I was sick again this morning. I thought I'd better go to the doctors after I passed out last night.I got dressed and walked to the village. He wanted to do all these tests on me. I didn't know why.
I sat in the room by myself, waiting for him to return. Then he came in. Thats when he told me.
I walked out in a daze. I couldn't believe it. It didn't feel real. He said 5 words, and they change everything.

"Congratulations Mrs. Evenson, you're pregnant"
I can't tell Charles. There's no way I'd let him near a baby, it wouldn't live to see its first birthday.

There's only one person I can tell, but I have no idea where he is. But its not just about me anymore. It's about my little baby,
and things change when a baby's involved.

I can't wait any longer, this changes things, I'm packing a suitcase, and I'm going first thing in the morning.

He'll understand, he'll help me, he'll look after me. All I have to do is find him.
So, thats what I'm going to do, I'm going to find Carlisle Cullen. My angel Carlisle. I'll be with him again, and everything will be okay.

I put my pen down, and clutched my stomach.
"Don't worry" I told my baby " I won't let him hurt you, I'm taking us to Carlisle, he'll look after us, he'll keep us safe"

Please review! xx