A/N: I have a kick ass beta who keeps my story straight and not letting me insert crazy shit that just doesn't make any sense. Thanks aecarlso. You rock my socks chica!

So here's the newest addition to the little chaos I like to call my story.

I don't even have to say it. You already know it.

In fields where nothing grew but weeds,

I found a flower at my feet,

Bending there in my direction,

I wrapped a hand around its stem,

I pulled until the roots gave in,

Finding there what I'd been missing,

But I know…

So I tell myself, I tell myself it's wrong.

There's a point we pass from which we can't return.

I felt the cold rain of the coming storm.

All because of you,

I haven't slept in so long.

When I do I dream of drowning in the ocean,

Longing for the shore where I can lay my head down,

I'll follow your voice,

All you have to do is shout it out.

BPOV

I felt weak. Not the kind of weak where you've just ran a marathon and collapse due to loss of energy. No, I felt like my body had been completely drained of all life. It hurt to breathe, and my throat felt as if someone had taken sandpaper to it. My head felt heavy and my heart was pounding in my chest. I was too weak to lift my eyelids to find out where I was at and why it felt like something was attached to my finger.

I heard a shuffling noise to my side and suddenly had a burst of energy that was just enough to get my eyelids open. If Charlie was in my room, I was in deep shit. He never came in my room and when he did, there was hell to pay. I couldn't remember why there'd be hell to pay until the previous events flooded through my head.

Charlie awake, shuffling around beneath my feet.

Panicing and swallowing two Oxycontins.

Driving to school.

Wobbling to the back of my truck.

Falling off my truck.

I vauely remember crawling to some bushes, but other than that, nothing.

My eyes suddenly snapped open, and I wearily took in the form next me.

I momentarily paniced before I realized it was only Edward.

He was looking out the window beside my bed and it was then that I realized I was in a fucking hospital! How the hell did I get here! Where's Charlie? Oh, shit! Charlie! He's been boiling under the surface and silent for two months and now I'm in the hospital from taking pills. This was not going to go well. I'd be lucky to make it out alive.

My heart monitor registered the change in tempo and started beeping faster, alerting Edward and causing his head to whip in my direction.

"Bella! Are you okay? Do you need anything? Water? A nurse? You need a nurse, don't you? Just don't move, love. I'll get one for you, okay?" he rambled, obviously concerned.

"Edward, stop," I said, my voice sounded hoarse and scratchy. It hurt to talk but I pushed on, determined to get some answers. "What the hell is going on?"

He blew out a breath before asking what I remembered.

I told him the vague story I recalled and asked him to fill in the peices. I wasn't even sure when or what day it was. Day, night, today, tomorrow?

Before he could answer, the door opened and a nurse walked in to check my vitals. I sat there silently, confused and wanting to get some answers while she prodded around like Mary fucking Sunshine.

Bitch.

She smiled at me and told me my doctor would be in to speak with me and Edward would need to leave in fifteen minutes.

We both nodded and she finally fled the scene.

I turned back to Edward and raised an expectant brow.

"You fucking overdosed Bella. I found you with your head buried in some bushes, your body trying to get rid of those fucking pills. I put you in my car and drove to the hospital. I don't know too much, but from what my father told me, they pumped your stomache just in time. Bella, you could've died! What the fuck were you thinking?!" he was yelling by the end of his statement.

I was fuming.

Who the fuck does he thinks he is? Sure, he was Edward Cullen, my best friend and all around rock, but seriously dude. What. The. Fuck.

My energy was back full force from the adrenaline of my anger. He was my best friend but he didn't know shit about the real life I led. He was friends with Bella Swan, stoner with a great sense of humor, mediocre grades that are forced to be no higher than a 'B' and always smiles in the presence of others. He had no idea of the mask I wore. He didn't fucking know me. No one did.

"Who the fuck do you think you are, Edward? Don't you dare sit there and question my actions and don't you dare look at me with judgement in your eyes. You have no fucking right. You don't even know me." My voice was still scratchy and hoarse but that did not deter me in the slightest. I had so much pent up bullshit on my shoulders that needed to be out in the open once and for-fucking-all.

Edward narrowed his eyes and pressed his lips into a thin line. His eyes roared with anger that could've given mine a run for its money.

When pigs could fucking fly.

"You think I don't know you? That's bullshit. I know you way better than you know yourself." I scoffed at that statement and it ached my throat a bit more. Edward continued his declaration to know me. "You may have everyone fooled into believing the pot head Bella at school is the real you, but I see through that shit. It's all smoke and mirrors. The Bella at school with the big smiles and crude jokes, the B+ on her paper and linking arms with Alice while skipping off to the parking lot to get high? Everyone else sees that girl, but not me. I know the real you. I've seen her. And she's fucking scared shitless. The real you is a scared little girl who cowars around every corner just fucking waiting for someone to grab her from behind. I see the pain in your eyes Bella. You smoke because it takes you somewhere else and you snort lines to take it even further. You think just because you're fucking high you won't be able to feel him beat the shit out of you? That's bullshit. You'll feel it and it will be a million times worse because the drugs in your system won't take away the pain, they will just take away the memory. The pain will be there and it will never go the fuck away. I see how scared and hurt you are, Bella. I know the real you. So don't fucking sit there and act like I only know the girl that goes to Forks High School because we both know that's bullshit."

I was speecheless. What just happened? Was Edward sitting here calling me out on my shit? Was he sitting here telling me that he knew what happened behing closed doors, even though I hadn't said anything about it? I thought I'd been so good at keeping up a front. I thought I'd had it down to a T. Apparently not. Apparently my mask was as fucking transparent as the wind.

Something else inside that rant made my chest ache. It made my eyes well up with tears and my chest constrict painfully. Because he was right. He was so fucking right. I was weak. I was scared and hid behind the drugs I inserted into my system on a day to day basis. Charlie had taken my life on the outside and I was only helping him by doing it on the inside. I was taking away the remembrance of his blows and kicks with the pills I took, but the memories were fucking etched into my brain. I relived them in my nightmares and felt the scars on my skin. That shit wouldn't go away.

But there was one thing he didn't understand. I fucking needed those drugs. I couldn't survive without them. They kept me alive, as contradictive as that sounds. If I didn't have those little moments, those lapses in reality, I would've fucking offed myself years ago. If I had to live through my life without escaping it in the smallest increments, I'm not sure how long my time on this shit hole would've been or be. I couldn't handle life if I couldn't get away from it. He had no fucking idea what I'd been through. He could sit there and guess what it would be like to have a lighter held under your hand, feeling the heat burn your skin, as a way to teach you not to play with matches, but he'd never feel the fire.

"Fuck you, Edward." He looked taken aback by my outburst but he was about to understand what it was for. I felt something tickle my cheek and reached for it, feeling wetness. I was fucking crying for the first time in ten years. That only added fuel to the fire.

"You have no fucking clue what my life is like. You don't know the shit I've been put through. Do you know what it's like to look up to your father growing up, follow him around like a second shadow, only to get old enough to comprehend the fact that the man you honored, the man you looked up to and aspired to be was a monter? An abuser and a drunk? Do you know the shit it does to you, finding out that your hero beats his family for kicks? That shit fucks with your mind, Edward. It fucks with your head and fucks you up in general. You can't recover from that shit. Either you live your life carrying the burdens of your past, letting your demons haunt you and continue to rule your life and fuck you up, or you grow to be just like them. There's no avoiding it. The shit embeds itself into your brain at such a young age, watcing your role model transorm into a demon, your fucked from then on out. You're doomed from the beginning. Seeing your protector and guidence show you where your life is headed? There's no way out. You're trapped and you always will be." I took a breath to try and soothe my soar throat but to no avail. I was a blubbering mess. Ten years of dry eyes and silence all came pouring out of me in front of the wild eyes of my best friend.

"That's why I take those pills. I fucking have to, Edward. I need that escape. I need to get away from my life and be able to breathe for once. To feel free and feel like nothing is holding me down. I get that from those drugs. Yeah, I fucked up and I can admit that. But don't fucking talk to me like a child. I know what those pills do to me and I thrive for that feeling. I live for the escape. So don't even fucking try to take that away from me."

Edward sat there, his sparkling green eyes boring into my own. He looked shocked into silence before looking angry. No, not angry, he looked fucking furious. Like a lion ready to rip off another lions head for taking his food. Only this situation was much, much different.

"You don't know shit, Bella. You know nothing about my past or what the fuck I've been through, so before you know the facts, don't sit there and lecture me about how I don't know what you're going through. I've watched my father beat my mother into a bloody pulp until she was unrecognizable. I know what it feels like to get socked by your own father and hear the crunching of bones in your ears as your jaw breaks. I know a fucking shitload more than you think I do. So don't sit there and pretend you're all alone in that fucked up world you live in, because you aren't."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I understand trying to tell someone you understand and you're there for them, but fucking lying about shit just to make me feel better? Oh hell to the no.

"Carlisle would never fucking hi-" I never got that far though. Edward cut me off and what he said changed everything I thought I knew.

"Carlisle isn't my real Dad, Bella. I'm adopted."

That shut me up real quick.

"I was born in Chicago. My last name was Masen, I changed it to Cullen when I got adopted not wanting any attatchments to the family I once had. My father is Edward Senior and my mother was Elizabeth," he paused to take a breath and I had to interrupt because in that statement, something stood out prominitaly.

"Wait. Is Edward Senior, and was Elizabeth?"

He nodded, but as soon as he was about to speak, the door to my room flew open and Dr. Carlisle Cullen walked in. He looked at my distressed state and then to Edward.

"Son, I think you need to head home. I need to speak with Miss Swan in private and visiting hours are over."

Edward nodded and stood to leave. I didn't want him to leave. I still had so many questions that needed answers. What happened in Chicago? Where was his father? What happened to his Mom? Did everyone know he was adopted?

I wouldn't get those answers tonight though. Edward leaned over my bed and whispered a goodbye before pressing a soft kiss to my forehead. My skin tingled where his lips touched and I yearned for them to stay there forever. I don't know where the feeling came from but I welcomed it with open arms. As he pulled away and started walking to the door, I realized that after Dr. Cullen was done talking to me, I'd be alone. I'd be all by myself and I had no drugs to keep me sane. There was no way they'd give me drugs here because I wasn't in here for something akin to pain. I was thoroughly fucked.

"Bella, how are you feeling?" Dr. Cullen asked after the door clicked shut with Edwards exit.

I've met Dr. Cullen a few times at Edward's house and he was a pretty cool dude that was easy on the eyes. He always insisted I call him Carlisle but that just didn't seem right. I didn't feel comfortable calling a grown man I barely knew by his first name.

"I feel fine. My throat hurts and I'm thirsty, but other than that I feel fine," I answered. He nodded and jotted something down in the file he was holding. I asked the more important question, "When am I being sent home?"

Dr. Cullen stopped writting and looked at me with what looked like pity, concern and sadness. All such negative things I started getting concerned myself. He walked to the edge of my bed to the chair where Edward was previously sitting and sat down.

"Bella, I'm here to talk to you about your condition and what's to follow this hospital visit, okay?" I nodded, so he continued. "You were brought here yesterday due to an overdose of Oxycontin. The Baker Act was inforced and we pumped your stomach just in time to get the pills out of your system before it was entirely too late. Your body was already shutting down, attempting to protect itself from the toxins, which is why you were unconsious at arrival."

I didn't know what the fuck the Baker Act was but I didn't ask either. I'm sure whatever it pretained to was medical and wouldn't make a difference to me whether I knew the definition or not. I wasn't here for a fucking history lesson.

"You will have to be kept over night so you can be watched and we can make sure you're stable and can make it through without any difficulties."

I nodded. I could make it a night. It would probably be welcomed. Not having to stay at home and worry about Charlie for a night? Right on. Shit was going to be brutal when we finally came face to face. I needed to prolong it as long as possible.

I looked at Dr. Cullen then and noticed he looked incredibly nervous. I couldn't help but wonder why he would be nervous telling me an update about my OD fiasco but when he spoke again, it was plain as day as to why he was on edge.

"Bella, due to your position with the overdose, you will have to be taken to Fairfax Hospital located in Kirkland just outside of Seattle. They have a new program that works with detoxing and addictions. ARS works with people of all ages and they have services that include Alcohol and Drug Information School and a Relapse Prevention Program. You will attend both while you are there and also attend their alternative school, since you will be missing classes while you're staying there. This is not optional and you will be heading there tomorrow after you leave here. Due to the Baker Act, we are permitted to attend to you medically and involuntarily take you to Fairfax for recovery on from drug addictions. You need help, Bella. And you're going to get it."

I laughed. I fucking looked right in his steel blue eyes, threw my head back and laughed my ass off.

Who the fuck was this guy? He honestly thought I would willingly attend some psyche ward to 'heal me' and 'get rid of my inner demons'? Ha! I've read all about hospitals like this. Renee wanted to find one for Charlie way back when and I helped check out the phamplets to find the best one. Charlie never went of course. But seriously? Dude thought I was going to commit myself? That was laughable. That's what I did, too. I laughed in his fucking pretty little face.

"Fuck, doc. That's funny." I calmed myself down and looked at him with as much seriousness as a heart attack. "I'm not going to a fucking mental hospital. I'm not going anywhere." I crossed my arms defiantly like a petulant child. I didn't care. I needed him to see that this shit was final. I wasn't budging.

"Did you not here me, Miss Swan? This isn't optional. Either you go calmly or you can put up a fight, but no matter which path you choose, tomorrow night, you will be checking into Fairfax Hospital. If you decide to put up a fight, a police escort will be assigned to you." He stood and made his way to the door. "Get a good nights rest, Bella. I'm sure you're going to need it."

With that, he shut the door calmly and quietly.

Now this is where you expected me to scream and throw things and try to escape the hospital, right? Wrong. I surprised myself with my reaction.

I cried.

I curled into a little ball and bawled my eyes out like Niagra Falls.

I couldn't go to that hospital. I just couldn't. They would take away my freedom, my escape. My drugs. They would get rid of the only thing that kept me alive. I would stay there for however long and they'd push me back into the world and throw me into Charlie's arms. I wouldn't have pills to take away the pain or the memory. I wouldn't have an escape from reality. I couldn't do this. I wouldn't survive without my shit. That's like taking the only life jacket from someone in the middle of the ocean, taking away the only thing that kept them afloat. The only thing causing them to push on and search for dry land.

I was going to drown.

I wouldn't be able to make it through the days without a small escape from my life. How could they do this to me? I make one mistake and they take away my only semblance of sanity? They can't do this to me! I could fix myself! I wouldn't take two Oxy's anymore! I would take other pills that weren't as strong. I could do so many things. They just couldn't take away my escape. They just couldn't.

I didn't know what to do. Dr. Cullen had told me it wasn't optional. That even if I put up a fight I would be going, with or without a police escort. I hated cops. They ignored what was right in front of their faces. I'd called the cops on Charlie a few times when Renee got too battered but they always said they couldn't do anything unless Renee got a restraining order and she was too afraid to do that. I hadn't trusted cops in years.

I couldn't go to Fairfax.

I started thinking about how I got here and couldn't help but be morbidly pissed at Edward. It was his fault I was here! He found me and took me straight to the one place I never wanted to be! He knew bringing me here would make things worse! If he knew how Charlie was, he knew what would come of this but he did it anyways! He practically fucking threw me to the wolves! This was all his fucking fault!

I sighed diligintly and wiped another tear from my cheek. Maybe I did need to go to Fairfax because I was obviously losing my damn mind. It wasn't Edwards fault and it wasn't Dr. Cullens fault. It was mine. I could blame and point fingers until I was blue in the face but that didn't change things. I took the pills. I overdosed. I was the irresponsible user. Edward didn't shove the pills down my throat and he didn't tell me to take so many. He always told me to stop taking pills and hitting lines but I never listened. He tried to help me and I pushed him away every time. I felt shitty. He knew what was going on at home and he knew what I was doing. He tried to help me escape in a different way; by talking about it with someone whos been there. But I wouldn't listen. I plugged my ears and turned my head, shoveling more toxins into my system.

I needed this. The first step is always admitting you have a problem, right? Well looks like I'm already ahead of the game.

I lied in the hospital bed crying all my saved up tears until my eyes ran dry and my cheeks were still with stains. I fell asleep curled into myself and knowing that tomorrow, my entire life as I knew it was about to change.

I told myself it was for the better.

But when I walked in the door after coming home from the hospital to pack clothes for Fairfax, I knew it was for the worse.

For there, in the living room, Southern Comfort in one hand, a handgun in the other, was my father. And he looked entirely too calm.

I may not have to go to the hospital after all.

Inside my hands these petals browned,

Dried up, fallen to the ground

But it was already too late now.

I pushed my fingers through the earth,

Returned this flower to the dirt,

So it could live. I walked away now.

But I know…

Not a day goes by that I don't feel this burn.

There's a point we pass from which we can't return.

I felt the cold rain of the coming storm.

All because of you,

I haven't slept in so long,

When I do I dream of drowning in the ocean,

Longing for the shore where I can lay my head down,

I'll follow your voice,

All you have to do is shout it out.

Rise Against - The Good Left Undone

A/N: So I researched The Baker Act and the Fairfax Hospital, both are real, I didn't make them up.

I did my best with the research and writing everything I could and explain it to the best of my ability but I know I came up short. I hope everyone got the gist of things though.

Next chapter up soon, I hope.

I don't think there will be many more chapters in this story left. I'll let you know when I get closer to knowing how many chapters will remain.

Last chapter only got a handful of reviews. I'm disappointed ):

Hopefully you readers can redeem yourselves this time?

Go ahead, click the button, type a few words and you're done!

Humor me.