Those two words echoed through her on her way up to the castle. She refused to argue further with Ethan until she thought of his terms. They had departed with no affection between them; both were as cold as the night air around them. Bellatrix felt empty, hollow. A raging war blazed within her and she could reason with both sides but for now Bella had lost everything. Cissy, Ethan… everything that mattered was gone. Shattered by the core of her. It seemed like by revealing who she really was and how she truly felt inside seemed to ruin everything. Maybe she was destined for a life of destruction and this was fate's cruel way of leading her to it.
With lead feet she walked back to the eerie silence of Hogwarts. All the students were still sleeping and nothing moved. It was as if time itself had frozen. The common room in the dungeons didn't appeal to her. Nothing did. But she found herself being drawn to the closest paved courtyard, seeking a bench where she could sit and think.
Bella threw her head into her hands. Telling everyone about her and Ethan together didn't seem like such a hard thing in truth. She wouldn't have to tell anyone at first. All she had to do was ease people into it with being more public in their dalliances. But no one really understands.
Her secrets were her power. In a world where growing up was what life was about and becoming someone she wasn't and being plunged head first into a future where all her decisions were made for her, it was her secrets that kept her who she was! It was her secrets that made her sane! And now that had to be ripped from her to make everyone else happy.
"Why must he be so stubborn?" she whispered to herself.
A cold breeze blew over her and Bella shivered. In the corner of her mind she thought she heard a horrid moan…
Glancing up, suddenly alert, Bellatrix realised that she technically wasn't alone. The first light of dawn peeked over the horizon, enough to give the Bloody Baron enough luminescence to make him all the more terrifying. Bella was not afraid.
"What do you want?" she said, bored.
He floated over to her. His ghostly clothes were coated in faded blood that Bellatrix recognised as Helena Ravenclaw's from her grisly murder and he wore an expression of pure grief and remorse. Soundlessly, he nodded to acknowledge her and then attempted to sit down on the bench beside her.
"You are in distress, child?" the ghost's gaunt face peered at her and she leaned away from him.
"It's nothing that concerns you," said Bellatrix tartly "Don't you have something better to do?"
"I'm always around to hear a sad tale for those are the ones most interesting to tell. Yours is a sad tale I trust?"
Bella had to think about that. Was her whole life a sob story?
"I'm just kind of in a moral crisis at the moment" she looked over at the Baron to see if he would react to that but he continued to stare as a sign that she should not stop. "The guy I love I threatening to end it if I don't tell everyone my secret. Our secret"
The ghost contemplated for a moment and nodded to himself. The remorse would not leave his face but this time his expression had slightly shifted to one of contemplation and Bella found herself almost grateful for company. Even if it was of the dead.
"Young love is always a struggle. Short-lived, short-loved. A bright flower amidst a bitter winter" At his words Bella snorted.
"I had no idea that you were such a poet"
The Baron cocked his head to the side and peered at her sympathetically.
"One must always have time for poetry. Especially in such vehement heart-ache" he lifted a ghostly hand and went to stroke her cheek. Bella's heart twinged. After all that had happened, the sympathy from someone as unlikely as the Bloody Baron made her want to weep.
The chilliness of his attempted gesture was unnerving but it made her feel better all the same, even if his advice didn't.
"So that's it? Read some poetry and then I'll have the answer?" she said sarcastically.
He was silent for a moment and then;
"Maybe it isn't the answer to your problems that you're looking for. You're trying to decide which side of yourself you should follow, which is going to lead you to the best outcome. If I had to give you any advice it is this, my child, remember that when secrets vanish they are not lost but rather they give the opportunity to create new ones. Though they bear an unforgiving price there is comfort there, I think. However, when the world tried to change you, secrets are the anchors that keep you whole"
Bellatrix let out the breath that she was holding and the Baron vanished. In a quick inspection of the courtyard she could see that a dim fog had fallen and daylight had fully arrived. Bella smiled at the austere cold it had brought with it. Finally she knew the answer.