A/N - ZOMG a new chapter! I've got a ton more written and had hoped to have it all done by now, but RL intervened with a death in my family. I've had this written fora bout 3 weeks now, but had delayed on posting it because I couldn't decide to post one MASSIVE chapter (with 20k+ words at the rate I'm going) or break it into two parts. Obviously two parts won out. Either way I hope this will tide you over until I get the loose ends all tied up and get the 2nd half of the last chapter (heh) posted. Thank you to Jest'tal, Mavwolv and AStrangeVictory for all the input and the beta helps.
Alice awoke to the warm feel of Joshua's body still pressed against her from behind, his hand rubbing up and down her side in a soothing caress. His gentle strokes slowed when she stretched in his arms, still feeling the languid satisfaction of their lovemaking though she could tell a few hours had passed. When she felt his tender kiss on her shoulder, she smiled and opened her eyes. The embers glowed in the fireplace, and even though it still felt too early for her to get up and start the day, the interior of the house seemed to be cast in the cool gray light of pre-dawn.
"Is it already morning?" she whispered with surprise.
His cheek rasped across her skin when he shook his head, murmuring, "Not for a few more hours." He kissed her again on the nape of her neck while his hand resumed its slow movement up and down her side, and she shivered in reaction. "Are you cold?" he asked and without waiting for her reply, eased away from her. Careful to keep the thick layer of blankets over her, he slipped out from beneath them and got up to add more wood to the fireplace.
The sudden absence of his warmth and presence had her shivering for entirely different reasons. "Well, I am now," she complained with a smile. He laughed at that as he threw a log onto the fire, completely unconcerned about his nakedness, though she imagined he had goose bumps rising all over his skin from the chill in the air.
Watching from beneath lowered lashes, she admired his well-muscled body, heat rising in her cheeks at the memory of how he had felt so close against her. He happened to glance over his shoulder and caught her ogling him. Of course, she immediately averted her eyes, which made him chuckle again. "Look all you want, I know I do my fair share of staring at you," he said with a wink.
That made her flush even darker with both embarrassment and pleasure. He stoked the hot cinders and the room was lit up even more when the wood caught fire. Alice craned her neck, trying to see out the dingy window enough to tell how much snow had fallen. That effort proved fruitless, so she rose to her feet, wrapping one of the quilts around her as a heavy floor length shawl, and made her way over to look out the window.
There was a good six inches of snow on the ground, and more piled up here and there in drifts where the wind had blown it. The storm seemed to have finally moved off to the west, taking the clouds with it. The waning moon's light reflected off the crystalline surface of the snow, explaining why it seemed lighter outside than usual despite the early hour. She could see the cattle over by the barn, huddled in groups to stay warm, some laying down in the snow to sleep. Their movements and occasional lowing indicated that they were no worse the wear for the unusual weather.
The quilt was nowhere near heavy enough to keep her warm so close to the drafty window, and her teeth began to chatter. Joshua came over to her bearing a second blanket, which he tossed over her shoulders before easing the edges of the fabric from her hands long enough to join her beneath it. The lingering heat from stoking the fire still warmed his body and she leaned into his embrace, hugging his arms closer as he wrapped them around her chest from behind.
They stood there for a few moments, staring out the window. "If it's like every other snowfall I've seen in this part of the territory, it'll melt before noon," he reassured her, his lips brushing against her ear.
She nodded, leaning her head back to rest against his shoulder with a sigh. In the ten years she had lived in Arizona, it was true that she couldn't remember the snow lasting even one day before melting, but she'd also never seen it snow so much in one storm-or so early in October, for that matter, so she couldn't quite suppress the tinge of worry. Her teeth had stopped chattering due to his warmth, but she was still shivering from the draft, and he gently pulled her away from the window.
"I went through all the trouble of stoking those coals, and you're not even making good use of it," he chided her and then led her back to the cushion of blankets spread out in front of the fireplace. Together, they laid back down in front of the blazing fire. She tried to settle comfortably on the blankets but the heat coming from the flames was enough that now, the quilts covering her were too much, especially with the added body heat coming from Joshua who was stroking his hand up and down her side again. When she reached a point where she felt like she was sweating, she'd had enough. She sat up, throwing the blankets off before she laid back flat, resting her head on her hand as a pillow and closed her eyes with a sigh of relief as the heat coming from the crackling fire was tempered by the draft's chill.
"Better now?" he asked, amused. Shifting to lay on his side, he propped his head up with one hand, pressing the length of his body against her side. His other hand continued its wandering, drifting from her shoulder down the inside of her arm and then just beneath her breasts to lazily encircle her navel.
Alice could feel her stomach tighten and her nipples perk up from his gentle yet sensual touch, and a flush warmed her body even more. "You're staring at me," she accused and opened her eyes to look up at him.
He smiled at that, his gaze following the path his hand was tracing over her flesh. "Turn about is fair play. Besides, I can't help it," he admitted, and leaned over to press a tender kiss to her lips. "You, Alice Evans...are a very... beautiful... woman." The pauses were punctuated by kisses, each one slower and deeper than the last, while his fingers wandered up to trace a lazy circle around one nipple.
Barely stifling a whimper of pleasure at his caress, she murmured, "Flattery will get you nowhere," against his lips and brought her hand up to run her fingers through his dark hair.
"That's all right, I've got something else in mind," he told her, his voice rough with desire and growing arousal hot against her hip, and began to kiss and nibble his way down her body, starting at the edge of her mouth and then going over the edge of her jaw and down the sensitive skin on her neck.
He made love to her again, his lips and hands exploring every inch of her body with such exquisite care that it bordered on reverence.
When she woke up, there was no doubting it was well past the time she usually started her days. The morning sun was already shining in through the windows, though judging from the angle of the light, it was only just after sunrise. Joshua was still asleep, one arm and leg still draped over her. A smile curved her lips as she remembered how wonderful the night had been, and she turned to face him, giving him a light kiss. He stirred but his eyes remained closed.
Alice brushed his lips again with her own, whispering, "Rise and shine."
This time he responded, his arms tightening around her. "Good morning."
The kiss grew deeper and after a few moments, she made herself draw back and smiled up at him. Shifting against his erection, she informed him with a raised eyebrow, "This is not what I meant by 'rise and shine'."
"Well, you should be more specific."
Giggling, she gave him one last peck on the lips and began to ease out of his embrace. "Come on, we can't lay around all day, as tempting as that is." And it was very tempting indeed, but there was just too much work to do on a given day that she was willing to put it off for long. His arms tightened briefly before he released her with a resigned sigh, laying back to watch as she located her chemise and pulled it over her head.
She considered putting her drawers on before deciding against it. They were due for cleaning anyway, as was her dress. Both were gathered up and tossed into the dirty clothes basket for Wash Day. She collected Joshua's clothes as well, doing her best to ignore the fact that he was still laying on the makeshift bed, watching as she moved around the chilly room. An impish grin was the only warning he had before she dropped them right onto his chest. He made an exaggerated 'oof' of sound, but laughed and began to get dressed as well.
The morning passed quickly, Alice settling into her normal morning routine of washing up and cooking breakfast, while Joshua added Mark and William's chores to his own. The air outside was cold and fresh, with the sun shining warm enough that the snow already seemed to be melting away little by little. That was a relief, because it meant that Mark and William's trip back from Bisbee would be an uneventful one, aside from the usual hazards traveling down a muddy road would bring. The blankets shared the night before were aired out on the line while she cooked breakfast. When he brought Pansy's milk pail inside, he set it on the table and gave her an affectionate hug from behind while she flipped the sausage. She enjoyed his embrace, unable to remember the last time when she'd felt such simple contentment and could not quite stifle the disappointment she felt when he released her so he could return to the barn.
The day just seemed to get better and better when he told her that two more calves had been born during the night as they sat down to eat.
"How long before you reckon the boys will get back?" he asked while spreading butter on top of a biscuit.
She smiled, answering, "If they stayed with the Turners, and I'll be very surprised if Ethel didn't insist on that, she'll make sure they get a good breakfast before letting them get on their way. The road's liable to be nothing but slush and mud, but I imagine they'll be back here around nine or so."
Nodding, he said, "Yeah that's about what I figure as well." Spearing a bit of sausage with his fork, he asked, "You gonna tell them about us?"
A flush rose in her cheeks at the thought of her sons knowing what had transpired the previous night. "No, I didn't plan on it."
He studied her face, chewing his food more slowly. A slight smile quirked his lips, and he reminded her, "I thought you said you didn't keep secrets from them."
"Well, I did say that, but this is different," she insisted while stirring some egg into her grits. Certainly there was a huge difference between admitting to her children that she'd taken Joshua on as a lover and telling them she'd been forced to buy the deed to their homestead.
He sighed. "Alice, I'm not saying they need an entire rundown of everything we did last night, but don't you think we're both getting a little too old to be stealin' kisses together behind the woodshed?"
She couldn't deny that it was rather ridiculous, the way that they'd been sneaking about, but at the same time she couldn't imagine how to even begin to tell William and Mark about her relationship with Joshua-if it could even be called that. She was almost certain Will knew something was afoot anyway, but coming right out and telling them was another thing entirely. "It is, and I do think we should let them know about our, well, about us, sooner or later. I'm just saying that we need to pick the right time to do so, is all. We'll just," she gestured with one hand, "play it by ear."
"Play it by ear," he repeated thoughtfully. She could tell he wasn't satisfied with her answer, but she breathed a sigh of relief when he nodded. "All right. We'll do that."
Alice had just pulled the blankets off the clothes line and carried them back inside to store away when Will and Mark returned just before nine, as she had predicted. The wagon they were riding in was heavily laden with the much-needed supplies. Mark hopped from the wagon and ran up the steps to the porch to give his mother an enthusiastic hug. His brother, older and more reserved, was no less glad to be home, but just smiled and tipped his hat.
The coffee, sugar, flour, and other foodstuffs were carried inside and stored away in the pantry and root cellar, and then Joshua and the boys went out to the barn to unload the feed grain. Will had the good fortune to encounter a family traveling through Bisbee on their way from New Mexico to California, who sold him a basket of pecans. They still needed a week or so more to dry out, but they were a rare treat. As well, a pecan pie would make an excellent gift for Ethel and Jacob Turner, who had indeed put up the boys for the night.
Dinner was on the table by the time they had finished putting all of the grain away and caught up on their chores. A quick prayer was said over the ham, sliced cheese and boiled cabbage before they ate. Alice ate, listening to Will and Mark trade off talking about their trip, the library and the surprising snow storm. Bisbee, despite being only ten miles away as the crow flies, had only received four inches of snow instead of the six they'd gotten at the ranch. Even so, it'd been enough to turn the roads downtown into an icy mess. The two brothers seemed to have had a grand time staying overnight with the Turners though, staying up reading the books they'd borrowed from the Copper Queen Library and eating Ethel's fresh-baked cookies.
"What'd you two do last night?" Mark asked curiously.
Alice almost choked on her food and Joshua, the wretch, gave her a broad grin from the opposite end of the table before stuffing a large piece of ham into his mouth. She'd be getting no help there. After wiping her mouth with her cloth napkin, she answered, "The same things we do when you're home. Chores, ate supper, cleaned up, and then relaxed with a book by the fire. Joshua drew for a bit-a picture of me, in fact. Isn't that right?" She could only hope her face wasn't as red as it felt and lifted her cup to take a sip of water.
The boy accepted her answer, turning to Joshua, "Really? Can I see the picture too?"
"Yep, that's right. Sure, I'll show you after lunch," he said agreeably, his blue-green eyes brimming with mirth. "A regular ol' Friday night. Chores, food, a bit of drawing and an evening spent relaxing in front of the fire."
She coughed, valiantly struggling to maintain her composure, and set her drink back down before leveling a dirty look toward the opposite end of the table.
Will, who had been focusing on eating his food, glanced up at his mother and his fork stilled. He regarded her with suspicion for a moment and shifted his gaze to Joshua, who was not even trying to hide his amusement at the innuendo. Then he sat straight up in his chair with sudden awareness. Moving the cabbage on his plate around, he said, "I bet it was pretty cold, sleeping in the barn last night," as he darted a look between the two adults.
Alice didn't trust herself enough to address that comment, and concentrated on eating more of her lunch.
The smile remained on Joshua's face, but he assessed Will's expression for a moment before replying, "Actually your ma was gracious enough to let me sleep here in the house last night." That, of course, earned him another quelling glare from her.
"Really? So you slept in Will's bed?" Mark inquired, nibbling on the last bit of cheese on his plate. Even though William had recovered from his bullet wound, he was still sleeping in the bed he'd recuperated in, while his mother and brother continued to share the other bed in the house.
"No, I slept on the floor, in front of the fireplace. It was right comfortable, with the extra quilts and, well, everything else," he said cheerfully.
She refused to even look at him and picked up the knife to cut the ham on her plate into bite-sized pieces.
Sulking at that, Mark gave his mother a frown of accusation as he said, "You've never let me sleep on the floor in front of the fire."
Will just blinked.
His shoulders shaking with barely restrained laughter, Joshua's eyes met hers from the other end of the table, and his grin was so infectious it was almost impossible to hold on to her anger with the utterly ridiculous turn the conversation had taken. She shook her head with exasperation as he shoveled in the last couple bites of his food and got to his feet. Tossing his plate into the wash bin, he grabbed his hat from the back of the chair said to the two brothers, "If we want to get the herd some range time before lunch, we need to get a move on."
Relieved at the notion that she might be able to eat the rest of her lunch in relative peace, she watched in silence as Mark and Will ate the remainder of food on their plate. The twelve-year-old was still chewing when he got to his feet, and picked up his cup to take a last swallow of water.
Joshua paused by her chair, holding his hat in one hand and running his hand around the wide brim with the other. "Alice."
"Yes?" she responded warily, tilting her head to look up him.
He leaned down, capturing her lips in a searing kiss that took her breath away. The sound of Mark's plate clattering to the floor dimly registered, and when the former outlaw finally broke the kiss and withdrew, his eyes were bright with mischief. "Just playing it by ear." He straightened back up, put his hat on, and sauntered outside, calling, "Come on, you two, them beeves ain't gonna wait all day."
Utter silence reigned in the house for a long moment, and Alice's face felt on fire with embarrassment as her sons stared at her, and then each other. She finally found her voice and demanded, "Well? Are you two going to stand there all day lollygagging?"
"No ma'am," Mark said in a rush of words, a broad grin on his face. He picked up his plate off the floor and dropped it into the dishwater before grabbing his hat and coat and hurrying out the door.
William remained seated to her right and after a moment, reached out and took her hand. Giving it a gentle squeeze, he asked worriedly, "Ma? Ma, you ok?"
Her fingers tightened around his when she saw the concern in his eyes, and she gave him a genuine smile, assuring him, "Yes, William, I'm ok. In fact, I'm... I'm better than ok. I'm good. I'm fine."
He studied her face, looking for any hint of prevarication. Finding none, he nodded once, giving her a lopsided smile that almost brought tears to her eyes. Then he stood without haste, carried his plate around the table to the wash bin and eased it in before heading outside to join the others.
After being forced to spend the previous day penned up in the corral instead of roaming around, the cattle seemed restless and more than eager to spend the remainder of that day out grazing. It was almost high noon, and with winter approaching and the days getting shorter, they'd only be able to get in about six hours of good grazing time before they had to head back to the ranch. Even so, that was better than nothing.
There was no room for idle chatter as they started out, Joshua and Will working as outriders to guide the herd in a general westward direction, and Mark, the trailing rider, kept them moving along at a steady pace. The sun had been shining all day but it wasn't quite warm enough to melt all of the snow, and as the cattle and horses passed over it, their hooves churned it into a slushy muck.
When they reached a flat, open stretch of land, Joshua steered Dawson away from the herd, watching the two brothers do the same. The livestock immediately slowed and began to graze, the older and wiser cows pawing at the snow-covered ground with their hooves to get at the grass beneath.
Joshua loosened his reins and stretched out his fingers. He had gloves on but his fingers were still pretty cold. Neither of the boys had said anything about the kiss he'd given Alice before they left, but it wasn't like they'd had much opportunity to do so, spread out as they were while driving the cattle. Will had said his piece on the matter a few months back, but Joshua had no doubt he'd lingered in the house a while longer to make sure his ma was happy with the turn their relationship had taken. Whatever she told him must have met with his acceptance, because when the seventeen-year-old had come outside, he'd done nothing more than give a slight nod of acknowledgement before tacking up his bay horse.
Shaking his head, he squinted up at the sky for a moment, and commented to Will and Mark when they drew near, "Sun's about as high as it's gonna get and it's still daggum cold."
"It ain't too bad here out in the open," Will remarked, scratching his shoulder.
Mark didn't say anything, and that alone was enough to make Joshua take a closer look at boy, who under normal circumstances could near about talk the ears off of a billy goat. He'd been all grins after lunch but had grown increasingly thoughtful the longer they were out on the range. Despite the chill, the air was cold and dry, so there didn't seem to be much cause to worry about his tuberculosis. Still, it didn't hurt to be on the safe side, and so he asked, "Mark? You all right?"
Instead of answering, the boy studied him for a long moment and then had a question of his own. "Are you and Ma gonna get married?"
Joshua found himself at a loss for words. Dawson shifted beneath him and he took the opportunity to recollect the reins and his ability to speak. A slight smile touched the corner of his lips and he answered lightly, "No, we haven't talked about it." In all honesty, he and Alice hadn't done a lot of talking at all. They'd been too occupied with other things-or too short of breath to speak.
Will's expression was thoughtful as he looked between the other two.
"But you're courting her now, right? Since you kissed her?"
Sighing, Joshua told the youngster, "Just because a man kisses a woman, it doesn't mean he's courting her. Hell, I've kissed plenty of women, and ain't never courted a one of 'em." That was the wrong thing to say and he knew it the instant the words left his mouth.
Mark scowled, his small hands balling up into fists. "My Ma ain't one of your...one of your… whores!" he spat out the word like it left a sour taste in his mouth just to say it aloud. Will's brows were drawn together in a dark frown as well.
Joshua kept his face neutral while he studied the boy, trying to salvage his poorly chosen words. As his interest in Alice had grown, he'd always had it in the back of his mind that Will would be the more protective of the two brothers when it came to their mother. He'd completely neglected to take into account Mark's very clear cut sense of right and wrong. In the boy's mind, kissing led to courting and courting led to marriage, and there were no exceptions. The problem was Joshua had never seen himself as a marrying man. In fact, he'd never, in all his years, even once considered getting hitched. Not that the notion of marrying Alice was particularly unpleasant, but still, him and marriage? At least he had the sense enough to keep his mouth shut this time, though he had a hunch that he was on the verge of digging a deeper hole for himself if he didn't explain his actions soon.
"No, your Ma ain't a whore. And she certainly ain't the kind of woman who'd believe in wild promises, or who'd take a notion to run off to Mexico with me and think it some grand adventure. She's a lady, hellbent on doin' the best she can for her family, no matter what it costs her." Joshua tightened his grip around the reins and directed his black gelding closer to Mark's horse, looking the boy dead in the eyes he continued harshly, "Now you tell me, Mark-is that the kind of woman, the kind of lady, who'd marry a thievin' murderer who'd rob a company blind for nothing more'n the challenge of it, or who'd kill a man in cold blood for disobeying an order, or hell, just being stupid." Even though he hadn't planned out exactly what he was going to say, the words still rang true. He shifted his gaze from Mark to Will and his voice was quieter when he demanded, "What kind of self-respectin' lady is gonna marry a man like that? What kind of lady would marry a man like me?"
The sudden tension in the air made the horses restless, and Mark worried his bottom lip, turning his chestnut in a circle to settle the animal down. "That's in the past though, right? You ain't that kind of man no more. A man can change. Ain't that right?" he asked, directing his question toward his brother.
Will's answer was slow in coming, but he concurred none the less. "Yeah. A man can change...and you have changed, from what you were when I met you," he told Joshua, lifting his chin.
"You really believe that?" Joshua returned, with something approaching disbelief, looking between the pair.
Mark nodded wordlessly, and Will straightened in his saddle, saying, "Yes. Mark's right. You ain't that kind of man no more."
Their simple faith in him was nothing short of astonishing. "And you think your mother believes it too?"
Shrugging, Will pointed out, "If she didn't, she wouldn't have anything to do with you. She'd treat you just like she does Silas Brody and Mr. McGregor and all them other damn fools."
After considering the young man's words for a moment, he had to take them for truth. She trusted him enough to let her guard down around him, instead of keeping him at a polite and formal distance the way she did so many others. He sighed, "Look, even if I have changed, what I am ain't much better. A ranch hand or cowboy ain't exactly what most people consider to be a respectable way of living."
Mark gave him an incredulous look. "So you're not going to court her because you don't think she respects you on account of you being a cowboy?"
"Well…." There was more to it than that, but again, explaining to the boy that he just wasn't the marrying type was a bad idea all around.
The boy glared at him and with a jerk of his reins, gave his chestnut horse a kick and rode away.
Joshua took off his hat, running his fingers through his hair with a frustrated sigh. "He's not gonna let this be, is he?"
Will shrugged, watching his brother ride to the far side of the herd before answering. "It was a pretty sorry excuse, you have to admit."
Pulling his hat back on, Joshua said, "Shit, Will, what was I supposed to say to him? 'Mark, I'm mighty fond of your Ma, but gettin' hitched ain't exactly ever been on my 'to-do' list'."
The young man grinned at that. "Yeah, it's a good thing you didn't say that. You'd a never hear the end of it." Sobering a little, he made a minute adjustment to his gloves and then asked quietly, "Is the notion of getting married to her that bad? You do make her happy, there ain't a doubt in my mind about that, but..." It seemed like he wanted to say more, but he just shook his head, "I don't know. She does respect you, you know. If she said no, it wouldn't be because she didn't respect you. I'm just sayin'." He drew his coat tighter around himself before clicking his tongue to get his horse moving again.
Joshua watched Will ride over to join his brother, and when the two began to talk back and forth, even though he was too far away to hear what was being said, it was pretty clear they were talking about him.
He reached into his coat and pulled out his leather bound sketch book, flipping through the pages until he came to last one, the one he'd drawn last night of Alice reading by the fire. A smile touched his lips and he traced the curved line of her shoulder with one fingertip. Touching the real thing had been a damn sight better. He'd never felt this way about anyone or anything, never known that putting someone else's happiness before his own could be so satisfying. His feelings for Alice went so far beyond fondness, affection, and even desire, that if it wasn't love, he didn't know how the hell else to describe it.
Tucking the journal away again, he forced himself to consider what it might be like to be married to Alice. He still couldn't quite wrap his head around it, so he tried to imagine what it'd be like seeing her married to someone else. The mere thought of anyone else putting their hands on her made him mad enough to swallow a horn toad backwards.
So supposing he did break down and ask her, then she'd either say yes or no. And the number of reasons why she'd say no, regardless of whether or not she respected him, were more than he could shake a stick at.
"Goddammit."
Very little was said during supper. Joshua spent most of the meal pushing the food around on his plate instead of eating, though he gave her a reassuring smile when his eyes met hers from the opposite end of the table. Will didn't say much of anything, but that wasn't unusual. Mark alternated between glaring at Joshua and taking out his ire on a defenseless cut of flank steak with his knife and fork. His foul mood was confusing, given the broad grin he'd had on his face after Joshua had kissed Alice after lunch.
She had no idea what had come to pass during their hours spent on the range, but whatever it was, it must have been pretty significant. Nothing appeared to be resolved by the time they'd finished feeding and bedding down the animals for the night and returned to the house.
Mark went to shut himself in the bedroom for the evening instead of reading in front of the fire like he usually did, but William barred him from closing the door with his boot. "Wait, let me get my stuff out of the other room." Alice, who had just settled down in the rocking chair to read more of the Jules Verne book, looked up with surprise. "I've been fine for weeks now, Ma. I don't need to be babied no more."
"No, of course you don't," she murmured, rising to her feet to retrieve a couple of clothing articles left in the room she'd shared with Mark since June. Joshua watched from his chair at the kitchen table as the two swapped rooms.
"You need any more blankets? It's already quite chilly outside, and liable to be worse by morning," Alice said from the doorway, watching Will tuck the box of books and magazines he'd collected during his recuperation under the bed.
He assessed the number of blankets already piled on the bed, plus the throw hanging over the back of the bed. "Nah, we'll be plenty warm. Goodnight, Ma. Goodnight, Joshua," he said, and started to close the door behind him.
"Goodnight Ma," Mark added. His brother hesitated to give the boy a chance to say the same to Joshua, but after a couple of moments, it became apparent that no such nicety was forthcoming. Will grimaced and pulled the door shut.
Alice turned toward Joshua with one eyebrow raised, then walked over to sit at the table with him. "So..."
"So..." he echoed with wry amusement.
"Rough day?"
"It started out right. In fact, I couldn't have imagined a more perfect start to my day," Joshua told her softly, so the boys would not be able to hear their words through the thin walls. He gave her a look conveying so much intimacy and remembered desire it made her feel warm all over. "Things kinda went downhill after that, though," he revealed with a crooked smile.
Alice frowned. "Why? What happened after that? I mean, Mark seemed fine after you kissed me at lunch." Her cheeks pinkened at that memory. "It didn't seem to bother him at all then, and yet when you returned this afternoon, well, I'm sure it hasn't escaped your notice that he's been staring daggers at you all night."
"It was hard to miss." He sighed and leaned forward in his chair, resting his arms on the table. When he started drumming his fingers on the table, the gesture seemed very odd coming from him. It took a few moments to realize why it seemed so strange. He's nervous, she realized with a start. Even when he'd been on the verge of pulling a bullet out of Will's chest, he'd never shown a hint of the restless anxiety he was exuding now.
"Joshua? What is it?"
His fingers stopped their movement, and he answered, "You've got it half right. Mark isn't against us kissing." The surprise on her face made him grin, and he continued, "What's got his dander up is the notion of us kissin', without courtin'." Joshua ran his fingers through his hair and dropped his elbow back down to the table, and he said plainly, "Alice, he's mad at me because I'm not courtin' you for marriage."
"Oh." She blinked, her thoughts turning into such a sluggish, disorganized mess that she felt as though her head was full of molasses. It took her a moment to find her tongue, and even then she could only formulate the words, "I see." It really should not have been so surprising. While Mark was a bit young to be described as narrow-minded, he was as obstinate as he was opinionated. Joshua was still staring at her, an inscrutable expression on his face, and she finally said, "Mark's always been one to see things as either black or white, with no gray in between," giving him a tiny shrug.
"Mmmm," he made a noncommittal sound and looked down at the table, one fingernail tracing a grove in the woodwork. "So what do you think?"
That was a loaded question that somehow managed to be deliberately vague at the same time, and she responded with an obscure response of her own. "What do I think of what?"
Joshua gave her a knowing look, that tiny smile appearing at the corner of his mouth. "Mark's being madder than an ol' wet hen. Courting." A slight pause later, he added, "Marriage," while eyeing her closely.
Drawing on every ounce of will she possessed in order to maintain a serene countenance, she considered her response. What did he expect her to say? Throwing caution to the wind, she tilted her head at him and asked, "Are you asking me in a round-about way how I'd take to being courted by you? For marrying?"
He went still at the challenge and after a moment, replied with a sidelong grin that seemed forced at best. "That is what courting usually leads to, ain't it?" Now it was her turn to stare down at the table while he went on, "It ain't that bad of an idea, is it? I mean, the boys like me, the ranch is doing fine and dandy, and we get along all right..."
Alice barely managed to swallow down a jittery giggle as the sudden image of them 'getting along' the previous night flashed through her head. Grasping at the fraying threads of her composure, she looked up at him, and from his words and expression, she wasn't sure who he was trying harder to convince, her or himself.
Leaning toward her, he spoke softly, "Plus, I know it was just one night, but you never know-you could already be in the family way."
She stiffened, not quite able to stifle the sting of pain that particular subject caused, and he fell silent, sensing he'd blundered into some sort of forbidden territory. "There's no point in worrying yourself with that," she said, knitting her fingers so tightly together in her lap that it hurt. "When Mark was born, it was... a difficult birth. For both of us, actually, we barely survived." She drew in a slow, deep breath, met his eyes and said, "I've been blessed enough to have two wonderful sons, and that is enough."
The compassion and sorrow his face showed on her behalf brought tears to her eyes. "I'm sorry," he said, and reached out to take one of her hands beneath the table.
She shrugged, giving him a watery smile while she wrapped her fingers around his. "Nothing to be sorry for. It's not like you knew." They stared at each other for a long moment, and she finally said, "May I ask you a question?"
A flicker of a smile touched his lips, and he returned with one raised eyebrow, "You mean besides the one you just asked?" She gave him a Look and he almost laughed. "Yes, Alice. You can ask me anything you want."
"What's the longest you've ever stayed in one place?"
The question was unexpected, but his reaction was no less telling. He sobered and his gaze slid away from hers before he replied, "Four months, two days, and nine hours." That faint smile reappeared, his shoulder lifting in a shrug. "Give or take."
Alice didn't need a calendar to know that length of time directly coincided with his current sojourn in Bisbee. "Mmm. And how long do you plan on staying here?"
His fingers tightened around her own. "As long as you need me to," he stated, meeting her eyes again.
She couldn't help the wistful smile that appeared on her face at his response. Lifting her free hand to cup his jaw, her thumb traced a path over his cheek. "And how long do you suppose we need you to stay, Joshua? How long do you think I'd need you to stay? Or I'd want you to stay?" His eyes were troubled, but he seemed on the verge of answering when she covered his lips with her hand to keep him silent as she went on, "Because if you can't answer that question, or you don't know how long that might be, then you'd best leave off asking certain questions in a round-about manner and get used to having a twelve-year-old boy mad at you. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
Joshua nodded and she slowly uncovered his mouth, letting her hand drop down to the table. Then she rose to her feet, leaning over to give him a soft kiss on the lips. "I haven't said no," Alice told him, "but you better be damn sure you realize what I'll be expecting from you if-or when-I say yes." She brushed his mouth again with her own and whispered, "Good night," giving his hand a final squeeze before she disentangled her fingers and went to her bedroom, gently closing the door behind her.