"Stones that I carry around, every stone's a story. It weighs me down. But there is gold hidden by rock and sand. I have to search a little harder now."
-"Stones", Barbarossa

….

Chapter Fourteen:

By the time he rose from my bed, I had already been up for two hours. My gaze traced over the bright red numbers of my alarm clock as the first sixty minutes ticked by, but my vision became blurry and the back of head started to pound until I was forced to close them and stare at the back of my lids instead.

My bedroom was very quiet, almost unnaturally so. Usually the radiator would rattle, the rain would hit against the window, or at the very least the pitter of the twin toddlers upstairs would fill the small space with just enough noise to lull me to sleep. But it was as if nothing else existed outside of this room, no rain, no toddlers. So I listen to the only noise that I could hear, the sound of Mike's long and steady breaths.

Our bodies weren't touching, a foot of space kept his warm chest from my back. The small distance between us might as well have been miles. He had climbed into bed only after he was certain that I had fallen asleep. He had remained hunched over in the secondhand armchair that once was in my Grandma Swan's sitting room, but now had a place in the corner of my bedroom next to an equally as ancient floor lamp. His gaze was glued to my form, his elbows resting on his knees, his head in his hands. I was painfully aware of every breath he took and every small sigh that escaped from his mouth. I had just started to drift off to sleep when he finally rose from his spot, pulled his clothes off and carefully submerged himself in the warm covers of my bed.

I had never felt so uncomfortable in my own bed as I did in the early hours of that morning when he slept next to me, so close, yet so far away. The distance between us was killing me, but the thought of turning over and pushing my body up against his made my skin crawl. The conflicting feelings had a million different thoughts running through my head, a million underdeveloped theories, conspiracies, and ideas that would pop up dozens at a time only to burn out before they could reach their full maturity. It left me feeling both exhausted and wide-awake left only to stare at that stupid clock.

At exactly 7:02 AM, my fiancé let out a soft groan, his body stretching out underneath the covers. I let my eyes flutter open, my head only feeling slightly better although my vision was back to it's normal capacity of clarity. He stretched his long legs out for another moment, and I could distinctly picture his toes peeking out from the bottom of the comforter, my small mattress no match for his 6'3 height. He remained still for five more long, drawn out minutes before letting out another one of those sighs, like the ones he let escape freely last night when he thought I was asleep, before flipping back the cotton covers of my bed and sitting upright on the edge of the mattress.

What do I say to him?

The question rang out in my exhausted and overcrowded head.

We hadn't exactly stopped to talk about what had happened yesterday. I knew that between what Carlisle, Charlie, Leah, and my Doctor had told him he had been able to put together a vague idea in his head of what all had transpired. But the specifics…the things that only I could fill in the blanks with…? Let's just say that as I drank my cup of tea and he watched me like he was my keeper, I wasn't exactly keen on brining up the details, and he wasn't exactly ready to ask for them.

I could hear the sound of skin on skin, and I could picture him in my head rubbing his large hands up and down his tired face before dragging his fingers up and through is bedhead, trying to put his perfect tresses back into place.

Eventually he got up, walked to the bathroom, finally bring him into my line of vision, and closed the door behind him. I kept my eyes on the doorknob. When it finally did begin to twist and turn after only a few minutes, my eyes traveled further up the door, where my gaze landed on Michael's face as he step out of the bathroom. His normally bright and wide, blue eyes looked sunken and clouded with that same overwhelmed emotions I had seen last night. His skin looked chalkier than I'd ever seen, while a cluster of worry lines had gathered in every crevices of his usually carefree face.

He didn't seem surprised to see me awake when he caught me staring at him as he exited the bathroom. His torso was bare, leaving his defined pecks and abs for my eyes to travel over, but he had put on a pair of dark wash jeans he kept in a spare drawer in my room.

"How are you feeling?" His voice sounded the same as always, but those lines crinkled into deeper creases on the usually smooth planes of his face.

I could feel my eyebrows creasing deeply at his question. I had expected something a little more invasive.

"I'm-" I couldn't quite find the words at first. "I'm feeling…overwhelmed." I wasn't sure if that was the right word to describe the thousand different thoughts and feelings that were waging war within me, but it was the only thing that I could think of to describe what was brewing beneath my chest.

For a second those creases on his face disappeared and a small smile curved over his teeth and I was left even more confused.

"Well that would make two of us Bella." The smile quickly faded as he made his way towards the bed. He sat down on the edge, in the same hunched over, elbows on knees position he had last night.

I turned over onto my back so I could stare at the ceiling, not wanting to see the bright red digital numbers that kept clicking by on my nightstand.

The silence seemed to surround us, and I began to count the number of water spots that had stained the ceiling above me. After I had counted all 15 stains twice, I opened my mouth to break the silence.

"I have to go to work."

"No." It came only a second after I had finished speaking and although it was said in a calm and simple nature, his one syllable had me seeing red.

I sat up abruptly from my place in bed so I could stare directly at his back, which was still turn towards me. He didn't move and didn't say another words as I huffed and puffed behind him, my breaths coming in short pants that made my chest rise and fall rapidly.

"Calm down Bella." He spoke to the wall in front of him. "I've already called Charlotte and told her that you would be starting your vacation time early." His voice remained that same calm and natural tone that I was so used to hearing him speak with, but his words were like acid being pour down my ear canal.

I only briefly wondered when he had found the time to call my boss, but the thought was quickly overshadowed by the words that were hastily falling out of my mouth.

"Why would you tell her that? You had no right!"

In what felt like a blink of an eye, Mike was off the bed, his body now facing towards me, his eyes were back to being bright and fiery, his hands were clutched into fists at his sides.

"I had no right? I'm starting to feel like I have no rights to anything in your life." He unclenched one of his fists and brought it up to his hair, pulling on it harshly. It reminded me instantly of Edward. "I'm your fucking fiancé Bella. We've been together for five goddamn years and just when I think that I know everything there is to know about the women I'm about to marry I find out that I actually know nothing!" His words reverberated of the walls of my small bedroom and I flinched as they bounced back and slammed into my feeble body.

I didn't break my eye contact with him as he sheathed directly in front of me, just feet apart again.

"You know everything Mike." It sounded about as convincing as it felt coming out of my mouth.

He shook his head from side to side, like he couldn't believe what had just come out of my mouth. He grabbed his button up from its place over the back of the armchair before walking towards the door of my bedroom.

"Get dressed, we have a lot to talk about."

I felt defeated before he even left the room.

~ ooOoo ~

When I walked into my living room Mike was already seated on the couch, a cup of steaming coffee in his hand and a copy of today's Seattle Times on his lap.

The curtains had all been pushed back to reveal a dark and cloudy Seattle day, but from where I stood it didn't look like it had started to rain yet, the quiet before the storm. How fitting.

I spotted a matching mug on the coffee table in front of him. I walked over, and looked down at it, discovering quickly that it wasn't the coffee I was craving, but a cup of green tea instead.

I let out a sigh and sat down on the opposite end of the couch, pulling my feet up to my chest as I reclined against the armrest, watching my silent fiancé read my work.

"Anything good in there?" I asked half-heartedly.

His eyes rose from his lap were the paper was placed and glanced at me with a serious look before returning back to the black and white news in front of him.

"There's an article about the electoral college that I found rather stimulating." Although his comment would have sounded rather serious to any outsider, it brought just the smallest sense of normality to the morning.

We had sat on this couch countless times, in the same positions we were now. I would be flipping through the New York Times as he read over my publication, a cup of something in each of our hands. I would ask him the same thing that I did just now and he responds in much the same manner as he had moments before. Because it was my article in which he was speaking of. He would say something ridiculously serious about my work before we both broke out into a fit of laughter.

There was no laughter today, but his comment was enough to calm me down from the preverbal ledge.

"Drink your tea." A command, not a suggestion.

I leaned over from my spot on the couch and grabbed my cup of tea, but paused when I saw my daily pill container sitting right next to it. I stared at it for only a second before I grabbed the plastic container of misery, popped open the Thursday tab and emptied the contents into my palm. I counted the six pills three times before I shoved them all in my mouth and downed them with a gulp of scalding hot tea that left my taste buds feeling numb.

"What happened yesterday Bella?"

I stared at my fiancé, who had put down his paper and was watching my actions intently, feeling like we both had aged ten years in one night. When did he grow out of being the college boy that I fell in love with and turned into the charming lawyer who asked me to marry him?

I took another sip of my tea, wishing once again it were coffee, still feeling the clump of pills stuck at the base of my throat.

"It was just supposed to be a stupid 'last hurrah' baseball game with Emmett and Jasper. But for some reason Edward was there. I was just so fed up with him being…everywhere… that I…I…" I couldn't find the words for what had happened next.

"You what? You got into some kind of altercation with him that made you have a psychotic break down?" His word sounded more like an accusation than anything else.

"No…well…yes…no. Stop twisting everything around." I barked at him.

"I'm just trying to understand what is going in with my fiancée! I mean I knew that you had a past Bella. We all do. Do I need to remind you about the fucked up relationship that I have with my father?" He was back to running his hands through his hair and I momentarily had the thought that he had been spending too much time around Edward.

"But what Michael? You didn't realize that the girl you decided to marry was such a mess? Did you finally realize that I'm not worth all the trouble? That there's too much baggage that comes with me to outweigh it all?" I had my arms crossed protectively over my chest now, my eyes piercing into his.

"Now who's twisting everything around Bella?" He threw my words back in my face. "I never said anything like that. I love you, but ever since that asshole strolled into town you're not the same person, and it's only been five fucking days since he got here." He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. "At first I thought it was just shock because it's been so long since you'd seen him. Naturally there would be some kind of trepidation there…I mean god, he did almost rape you."

I flinched at that word.

"But, then you seemed like you'd gotten over it. After you told me everything I could have slaughtered the guy with my bare hands, but you were so calm. So naturally I figured that you had worked through everything years ago, I knew all about the therapy. But Christ Bella, we went to dinner with the man."

"I know!" I yelled, cutting him off from saying anything else. The anxiety was starting to rise in my chest; I could feel it sitting there like a tumor at the top of my chest bone just waiting to explode. My whole body tingled and that all too familiar feeling that I was going to pass out barreled over me. I took a deep breath…in through the nose and out through the mouth.

"What the hell is going on Bella?" His voice was calm and he reached over to pull one of my arms from its place wrapped around my stomach. "No more holding yourself together sweetheart." I hated that he was quoting Leah, but I didn't reject his embrace as he scooted closer to me and pulled me into his arms.

He stroked my head for a few minutes and I wrapped myself around him, needing him to keep me together if he wouldn't let me do it myself. But there was something about his hold that didn't feel as natural as it used to. It wasn't unpleasant, but I didn't feel the same protective feeling radiating from my head to my toes like it used to. I tightened my arms and buried my head deeper into his warm neck, banishing the feeling that we were two puzzle pieces that just wouldn't fit together.

"Tell me." He finally urged, pulling away from my grasp, but our faces remained just a foot apart, our hands still intertwined with each other's.

I took a shaky breath, "I don't know what to say." It was the truth.

"What happened yesterday with you and…Edward?"

"I…I confronted him."

"About what?"

I began to shake my head back and forth, keeping my eyes downcast to our interlocked fingers. My wrist was pounding around the bandages that wrapped around the bruised muscles and flesh. How could I even tell him what was going on in my head? That I probably still had feelings for another man? Even if I couldn't quite place what those feelings were, I couldn't just say that.

"I need to understand Bella." He sounded just as pathetic and needy as I felt at the moment. He held the lock, but I was the key and I'm not sure that I was ready to deal with the aftermath of what would come out of the box if I were to put the two together.

"When he showed up at my bridal shower I thought it was some kind of sick joke. That was the exact place that I had left him with his stupid ring and a promise to never see him again. So yeah, you're right, I was scared and surprised but I thought that I had grown up, gotten over what had happened. The scars were healed, the memories faded and I thought that we could just get through this week with minimal interaction with each other.

"But I kept seeing him, running into him in coffee shops, at work…"

"You saw him at work?" Michael's hands gripped mine just a little tighter and I winced as a sharp pain radiated from my sprained wrist. Although, he didn't seem to notice.

"Yeah, it was stupid. I ran into him when I was picking up coffee for Alice and I forgot my wallet in the store. He was returning it to me. It was just the most ridiculous thing and I couldn't believe how different he was from all those years ago." I stopped to think back to the way he spoke to me, the way he was dressed, the way the touch of his hands felt on mine.

"He is so different and I don't think I know how to process that."

"Why?"

"Because I…" I didn't want to say it out loud. I didn't want to hear the truth.

"Because why Bella? Please." I closed my eyes not wanted to look into the pools of blue that sucked me in, making me feel so guilty. I longed to pull my hand back from his grip, which all of a sudden felt too warm, and too restricting.

One more deep breath.

"Because since the day I left Forks to this very moment I've needed to blame what happened to me on someone. Edward was the easiest suspect. I piled it all on him. It was his fault that I had to go to therapy, it was his fault that I had anxiety attacks, it was his fault that I couldn't sleep at night, and it was his fault that I had trouble letting other people love me." I was panting in and out with heavy breaths, the anxiety welling up inside of me faster with every second.

"And when you saw that he had grown up, gotten help, and became someone other than the boy who hurt you…"

"I didn't have anyone else to blame…but myself." A hot tear slipped from the corner of my eye. It took its time dragging slowly down my face before Mike caught it with his thumb on my jawline, brushing it away.

"Leah, Dr. Clearwater, tried to get me to admit that for six weeks before I gave up and walked way from our sessions." My body slumped forward back into his embrace, needing someone to keep me from falling apart.

"Why didn't you tell me Bella?" Mike finally asked, but didn't let go of me, his hand still rubbing smoothing patterns up and down my back. "I've been here all week and you've been breaking down by yourself."

I sniffled, my stuffed nose sounding just as unattractive as I felt at the moment.

"What would you have done? I just told you on Sunday that he was basically a monster who tried to sexually assault me after attacking me in my own bedroom when I was eighteen, and you obviously didn't want anything to do with him. So what would you have said?"

The question hung in the air for a long time. He had as little answers to that conundrum as I did. I still didn't know what to do about all of this. I had so many contradicting emotions boiling within me that I didn't know how to act, how to speak, or even how to think properly.

My tea had grown cold next to me, my medication was finally repressing everything into a neat ball of numbness by the time Mike pulled me off of his shoulder and put some distance between the two of us.

"Do you want to postpone the wedding?"

His eyes were two clear pools of winter water, staring at me.

"What?" I didn't understand what he was asking me.

"Isabella, you're not handling this, that much I can see from just looking at you. I love you. I want to marry you, but it needs to be at the right time and I think we have some things to work through before we do anything."

What?

I stared at him blankly, his words not registering in my mind, but rather a long list of nonrefundable payments that we had made toward our wedding cake, the reception venue, my dress, the dance lessons we took last week, not to mention the honeymoon that had already been schedule, booked, and planned for.

"What are you saying?" No amount of pills could have kept the hysteria from rumbling up my body like an avalanche.

"Bella, stay calm, I was only suggesting…"

"No, what are you saying to me right now? Do you want to cancel this wedding?" The panic was evident in my voice as I leaned in closer, my eyes wide and waiting to hear his answer.

He gripped my shoulder suddenly and pulled my body towards his, his mouth mashing with mine taking me completely off guard. My eyes remained opened and my mouth still as he wrapped his arms around my back, pressing our chests together. His tongue ran over my closed lips and I finally melted into his passionate embrace. I opened my mouth for him and finally closed my eyes, letting the sensation take over and drown out the panic. I folded my arms around his neck and just let myself be kissed like this was my first. The whole scene played out more like one of those black and white movies where the leading man grabs his girl and tilts her slightly underneath him so he can passionately place every ounce of love he has for her in one fiery kiss.

Somehow my back ended up pressed back down onto the couch, while Mike hovered over me, his body formed perfectly to mine. His warm, smooth hand pushed underneath my oversized t-shirt, making its way up my bare back, sending a pleasant chill through my entire body. I was left gasping for air as he moved his mouth lower, kissing every inch of my neck. I found my leg wrapped up around his waist, bring him closer to me. Our hips pressed together in the most delightful way and a spontaneous moan left my lips. Every kiss, touch, and breathy gasp into my ear had fire licking me below my thin layers.

He brought his mouth back to mine and our tongues fought for dominance as he ground himself against my thin yoga pants, causing me to arch my back off the couch.

When he moved his lips from mine again and began peppering kisses up my face I pulled on his hair, which I had in my grasps since I ran my fingers into his tresses when he first attacked me with his surprise kiss. His face was mere inches from my own and we panted into each other's open mouths, breathing each other's air.

"Marry me, Michael, marry me this Saturday. Please." I gasped out the words like they were my last.

His gaze held mine in the most transfixing way, like he could see into my soul for the first time.

"Yes," he whispered against my lips before consuming them once again.

~ ooOoo ~

"It's good to see that you can indeed follow instruction Ms. Swan." Leah Clearwater's voice was truly the last one I wanted to hear after yesterday's debacle, but I really couldn't afford another physiological evaluation mandated by Carlisle, so here I was biting the bullet.

I was feeling as light as a cloud, something that was rare for me, especially in the last week. But as I sat in my old hand-me-down armchair, wrapped in one of the silk robes my mother always bought me for my birthday but that never actually got put to use, and staring at my fiancé who was laying naked in my bed, only a thin sheet covering his waist, it was hard not to feel like you could float away.

"Yes, well it is possible." I was being short, but I didn't care. Even though I knew Leah Clearwater was probably right about every theory and observation that she had about my mental state, I still didn't like her.

"I know this is hard Bella. I understand why you left your sessions in the first place and why you decided to stop taking your medication. You're not my first patient and you won't be my last. I've seen all of this before and I know how you're feeling right now."

"And how am I feeling Doctor?" I asked in a mocking tone, not liking that she thought that she had me figured out.

"You're confused, overwhelmed, scared, sad, and frustrated all at the same time and you don't know how to process all those emotions separately, let alone all at once. You're conflicted about your relationship with your fiancé, who you feel like you should be able to say anything to, but you look at him sometimes and you wish he were someone else, maybe not one specific person, but anyone else.

You feel like all of a sudden you're not the same young kids who met and fell in love. And when you see Edward you think that maybe there is still some sort of feelings there, but it's too difficult to process because he's still the nineteen-year-old kid who broke you. But he's not Bella…is he?"

The breath I took in was more of a gasp and a gulp for air. Some time during her over-the-phone soliloquy the tears had started to pour down my face, her statements so true that even I hadn't put words to some of them yet.

"Fuck you," it came out before I could stop the words and I didn't care to apologize once they were out.

"I can help you Bella. I know what you're feeling right now might seem impossible, but I can help. So I'll take that for now, but only because you are going to let me help you."

"Why?"

"Because Bella, if you don't I'm afraid you'll be lost before you even get the chance to try and be a good wife…let alone a mother one day."

I wiped the tears roughly from my face with the sleeve of my robe. I watched Mike shift in his sleep and quickly made my way into the bathroom, shutting the door softly behind me. I didn't need him seeing me break down like this just when we were getting things back to where they should be.

"What do you want from me?" I asked plainly.

"Three things Bella and then I'll be out of your hair until you get back from your honeymoon, something I think you could actually use."

I stood in front of my mirror above the bathroom sink, staring at my puffy, red, tear-stained eyes as I listened to her talk.

"Tell me."

"Take your medication, no skimping, no skipping, no "executive decisions" that don't involve a doctor's consent. Call me as soon as you get back from your honeymoon and set up an appointment with my office to come in for your first session. If you don't call me I will track you down."

"Fine, yeah I get it. What's number three?"

"You need to sit down and have an honest conversation with Edward before you marry Michael."

Her words hung in the air in front of me, I could see them and understand them but if I tried to reach out and grasp them they disappeared into smoke before my eyes. When they were gone I was left with nothing in front of me but my own reflection.

A/N: I love hearing for you all, it makes the writing so much more enjoyable. So let me know what you think and leave a REVIEW.

F.