Author's Note. Kinda. I guess it is.
Leia: Hi guys! Sorry I've been gone for so long. Wait…*Leans closer* Did you do something to your name ACZelda?
ACShiek: Yeah, I changed it for a chapter-
Leia: *Tackles her*
ACSheik: What the-
Leia: TELL THAT TO DARCY, HYPOCRITE! YOU'RE ACZELDA AND YOU'RE STAYING THAT WAY!
ACZelda: Okay, okay, calm down…
Leia: I AM CALM, ARE YOU BLIND?
ACZelda: *Rubs eyes* I don't think so… And I was going to change my name back anyway.
Mimi: Uhhh… What about the dares?
Leia: Oh yah! I've been gone for a while, so I'll be happy to cause misery- *cough* bring joy… to… the readers...
ACZelda: By the way, we kinda brought in a stunt double with your personality for a couple chapters.
Leia: *pulls off sunglasses that definitely weren't there before* Holy sh-
ACZelda: LANGUAGE!
Leia: -it's the order of LoCo's, they've come for me! Hide me!
(Suddenly, a hooded figure breaks down the door)
?: LEIA YOU DIRTY TRAITOR!
Leia: *Squeaks* IT'S LOCO HIDE ME!
ACZelda: *Freezes the figure with author powers* What just happened? Who are you? AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
?: *Pulls off her hood. She looks exactly like Leia, except there are scars above her eye*
ACZelda: You have some explaining to do, Leia. And I froze you, random stranger!
?: I'm a LoCo. You can't keep me frozen
ACZelda: Yeah, yeah. *Shoves her into the void* Leia?
Leia: *Sigh* The story is way too long. Basically, I got cloned, there was candy, a demon, a french girl-
ACZelda: Okay, I get it. DARES! You were the one who dragged me off my brand new Switch for this!
Leia: *Shrugs* I'm ready when you are.
ACZelda: Okay, first dare! Zelda needs to give a nickname for everyone-
Leia: This is an author's note, she's not here...
ACzelda: *Looks around* Oh, it is.
*Fourth wall cracks*
ACZelda: BUT THIS IS THE AUTHOR'S NOTE! ...Why is it so long?
Leia: Hey readers! Welcome back to the dare sho-
ACZelda: HEY! I'm supposed to say that!
Leia: *Ignoring her* Our first dare goes out to Zelda, who will be-
ACZelda: *Interrupts* GIVING US ALL NICKNAMES! Zelda? Just do the major characters or this will take years.
Leia: OOH! OOH! DO THE AUTHORS TOO!
Zelda: Okay… Link is…
ACZelda: Leia, you can be the host for today. BREATH OF THE WIIIIIIIIILD! *Runs off* I'LL BE BACK!
Leia: Wait… *Recalls chapter 5* Oh yeah, we're gonna have soo much fun...
Everyone: *Praying to goddess*
Goddesses: *Praying to each other*
ACZelda: *Shouting from the game room* YOU COPIED THAT FROM CHAPTER 1!
Leia: *Ignoring her* Don't worry, this one should be harmless. Zelda, Your dare is to give me, ACZelda, Mimi, Grimm, IALink and all the major LoZ characters nicknames. GO!
Zelda: Okay… Link is… *Looks at Link* Uh, Greenie.
Irene: HEY! Only I can call him that!
Leia: I'll allow it! *slams gavel*
Zelda: Nice gavel. Okay, next up is Ganondorf… You can be Evil... Firehead…
Evil Firehead: ...
Leia: *Snorts* Done. Next!
Zelda: Shadow Link. You are-
Leia: Emo. Next!
Emo: Wow. Just... Wow
Zelda: Alright… Leia, how about you?
Leia: Try me, Princess.
Zelda: *Squints*
*The color in Leia's skin fades to white and her pupils become slits, she bares jagged teeth and a long pointed tongue. She has oversized bat wings made of some kind of black, almost sandy or dusty substance*
Zelda: *falls back* DEMON!
*Leia's features return to normal*
Demon: Alright. Next, ACZelda, what about her?
Zelda: *still shocked* ACZelda is… Not sure…
Demon: Works for me. How about Mimi?
Zelda: Are you sure the dare said Zelda and not ACZelda? Why am I doing this? Anyway, she can be the Ninja Queen-
Ninja Queen: *Breaks down door* THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Demon: Hey Ninja Queen, Wanna help?
Ninja Queen: Sure!
Not sure: *Walks through door* I lied. I had homework. Surprisingly, this is the only thing that isn't intact. *Points at a door* What did I miss? Wait a sec… What happened to my name?
Demon: Just a few nicknames.
Not sure: Why am I called THIS?!
Demon: The world may never know.
Not sure: AND WHY ARE YOU CALLED DEMON?
*Demon undergoes the same transformation as before*
Demon: No clue.
Not sure: ...You have a lot of explaining to do. A LOT of explaining. Ever since you moved, there is so much I don't know about you.
Demon: It was a long couple of weeks. Apparently, I sold my soul for a chocolate bar awhile back and now I'm being possessed soo...
Not sure: You're not as smart as you look. *Snaps fingers, returning her soul* Problem solved. And I hate this name! I need to fix this.
Not sure AC: Better. And, uh, Demon? Are you ok?
*The same funny black substances escapes from Demon's mouth and eye sockets before materializing into a figure in front of her. The figure dispurses suddenly*
Demon: Oh, I feel much better. Does anyone have some candy they could offer a recovering host? No? Okay, I get it...
AC: There's candy in the kitchen. AND NO ONE POSSESSES MY FRIEND! *Teleports after the demon with her enchanted sword*
Demon: *Summons candy with author powers* Hahaha… Illusions are the best-
AC: Done. *Sword is covered in a strange black liquid* What were you saying?
Demon: Nothing! Next nickname!
Zelda: Vaati... How about Creep?
Creep: Running out of ideas?
Demon: No, actually, that's quite fitting for you.
Creep: Come on, all I did was turn into a giant monster and kidnap her to be my bride!
Demon: Yah, Zelda, that was one time! Move on already! *Bursts out laughing*
Zelda: PICK A SIDE ALREADY!
AC: I think it's a perfect nickname! Anyway, some companions haven't been getting dares! Zelda, nickname them.
Zelda: Okay, Linebeck is-
AC: Captain Edward Smith!
Captain Edward Smith: Who's that?
AC: The captain of the Titanic. It sank.
Captain Edward Smith: Oh... At least MY ship came back!
Zelda: Navi is Annoying Glitter, Ciela is-
Captain Edward Smith: SPARKLES!
Zelda: Fi is Sword-
Sword: I calculate a 100% probability that you are running out of ideas.
Demon: No way! Sword.. It's so original. Wonder where she got it... It CAN'T be that you are a talking sword!
Sword: I detect an excessive amount of sarcasm. *Jumps back into the Master Sword on Greenie's back*
Demon: You detect correctly, Pocket Knife.
Zelda: I like that!
Pocket Knife: I highly despise this new name.
Demon: Bla bla bla bla, all you do is complain. You didn't wanna be Sword, so I fixed it. You're welcome.
Pocket knife: Your statement is inaccurate. I calculate that only 0.01% of the words I say are complaints.
Demon: Bla bla bla bla… Judge and complain and judge-
Pocket knife: I experience a feeling I am unable to identify. I lack sufficient data to be sure of my conclusion, but I believe this feeling correlates closest to what your people call... anger.
Demon: Nope. We call it "Love." Get your facts straight.
Pocket knife: Though I was dormant for centuries, I have an extensive amount of knowledge. I'm not as idiotic as you.
Demon: First, I sold my soul for a candy bar. That says something. However, my idiocy level is nothing to do with this and is hence unquestionable.
AC: HEY! We still have some nicknaming to do! And besides selling your soul for a candy bar, you're usually pretty smart.
Demon: I was hungry and tired and that bar had special packaging-
AC: YOU HAVE AUTHOR POWERS! *Buries her in candy bars with special packaging*
Demon: Yay! Wait, you're not here for my soul too, are you?
AC: *Sneaks away* I just wanted to distract you so I could play BotW!
Demon: *Brushes off her shoulder and makes candy vanish. A puff of black dust appears next to her and forms a pale hand. They high five* Alright, little friend. I think we tricked her. *Laughs*
Everyone: Whaaat…
Demon: I didn't sell my soul for a candy bar, and I know when to play dumb to get what I want. The show is mine again! *Evil Laugh*
Demon: Now then, Zelda, anyone else to nickname?
Zelda: No, I think that's everyone.
Demon: Good! Now, as an author, I'm changing my name back to Leia.
Ninja Queen: Great, I like that better anyways.
Leia: Thank you! And don't tell AC about him. *points at puff of black stuff*
Ninja Queen: I don't need to. *Points at an open door with AC standing there*
AC: I saw him. I'm an author. Explanation. Now.
Leia: Why are you back so soon?! Plus I'm an author too. Your threat is pointless.
AC: One, I remembered what happened the last time you were in charge. Two, I felt guilty about neglecting my readers, even for this amazing game. I was being selfish. Three, My threat is totally valid! NOW START EXPLAINING.
Leia: Ok fine, my little friend and I were busy taking over the world when the government found us out. They shut me down, but they couldn't get us in prison.
AC: Who was your clone, then?
Leia: Oh, that was him. *Points at puff of smoke/sand*
AC: Okay, get out. Get out now.
*Puff disappears*
Leia: Hey-
AC: You too. Finish what you started and take over the world. I'd love to join you, but I have readers to entertain. *Shoves Leia out*
Grimm: *Comes in, pushing glasses into place and cradling a book* Hello, guys! So, what I miss?
AC: Oh, hi Grimm! Well, Leia is back and there was some nicknaming. Speaking of which, Zelda! What should Grimm be?
Zelda: Hmm, after that apple incident and that book of fairy tales Grimm gave me to read, how about Snow White?
Snow White: *Face turns red, looking up at them* Oh haha, very funny... *Hides face behind book, feeling a little shy*
AC: Alright, next dare! Greenie, you have to trim the Great Deku Tree.
Deku Tree: I was needing a haircut anyway.
Snow White: *Smiles* You heard the lady, Goldilocks, get to trimming.
AC: *Hands Greenie a giant pair of gardening shears* Good luck.
Greenie: *Trying to hold the giant shears* How am I supposed to hold this thing, much less climb a huge tree?!
AC: Figure it out.
Snow White: *Glances up at him* Seriously, if you can kill the king of evil, you can get shears up to the top of a tree. Now get to stepping, Greenie!
Greenie: Fine... Can I at least get a goron to help me lift these?
AC: Nope. It's YOUR dare!
Snow White: Dude, they're just shears...*Sighs and gets an idea before sneaking out* *Comes back in with a large wooden hammer* Since you need a lift so bad...Maybe I can give you a hand with that...
Snow White: Mhm... That's what I thought. Thank the holy Goddesses that Little Boy Blue carries a hammer everywhere... *Smiles and sits down before cuddling something close to her chest*
Blue: Can I have my hammer back now? And stop calling me that!
Snow White: Of course, Little Boy Blue... *Smiles and walks over, hammer in hand before kneeling down and kissed his cheek*
Blue: *Blushing* Hey! Do you want me to use this on you? *Holds up hammer*
Vio: I saw you smile, Blue.
Snow White: *Looks up, giving the puppy dog eyes*
AC: You look jealous, Vaati.
Vaati: What? No!
Snow White: *Looks at Blue softly* Just saying... Snow White did that with the dwarves because she saw them as family... *Smiles and hugs something close to her chest, walking to the others*
AC: Anyway, we still have dares to do! *Breaths in to say the next sentence in one breath* Greenie has to braid Evil Firehead's hair while Evil Firehead is braiding Zelda's () hair while Zelda is braiding Midna's hair while Midna is doing Greenie's dry cleaning.
AC: Huh, looks like we forgot about Zelda's and Midna's nicknames, but we don't have time!
Firehead: I was enjoying that long vacation from dares...
AC: Shut up and do your dare. *Greenie falls off the Deku Tree, Midna's hair tie disappears, and Firehead has his Hyrule Warriors hairstyle*
*and an empty basket appears in front of Midna*
Midna: *Looks into the basket* How am I supposed to do Greenie's dry cleaning if he wears the same outfit all the time? He has nothing for me to clean!
AC: Good point. Dry clean the basket. Now get started!
Victim- I mean, PERFORMERS of the dare: Fine…
*Later…*
Midna: *Holds up a sparkling clean basket* Done!
Firehead: I hate this hairstyle.
AC: Ok. I'll get rid of it for you. *Sets fire to his hair*
Firehead: AAAAAAAAH! *Running in circles*
Leia: *Laughs*
Everyone: *Stares*
Leia: Oh yeah, I'm back, by the way. *Unwraps candy and takes a big bite of chocolate*
AC: I don't have the patience or energy to kick you out again, so here we go. Next dare. Cast, meet the internet. *Drops a computer in front of them*
Greenie: What is this?
*A brief lesson on how to use a computer later*
Leia: And that's how a mouse works!
Zant: *Scrolling* I enjoy this strange object. *Reads something* ...WHAAAAAAAAAT?! *Tackles a shadow beast*
AC: What did he read?
Leia: How to tackle a shadow beast... Without dying?
AC: Let me check... *Reads a very inappropriate comic shipping Zant and a shadow beast* ...Oh.
Leia: *reading it over her shoulder* *Whistles* That's some tough stuff, Zant
Greenie: *On the floor* ...Why do they ship me with everyone... I am not in love him... *Points at Vaati* Or him... *Points at Shadow* Or her... *Points at Impa* Or any of them... *Points at all the monsters* Or the dirt... *Points at the ground*
ACZelda: Hey, it's not my fault your boots were covered in mud when you came in!
Greenie: Not my fault that you never cleaned it since chapter 1.
Leia: *Giggles* Hehe, I'm sorry but this is actually really funny
AC: Have a heart, Leia!
Leia: I sold that, too.
AC: *Audible internal struggle* Nevermind, then.
Firehead: *Sees a meme saying "Screw Trump and Hillary, vote for Ganondorf!"* I like this.
Leia: Hey, we can't present political opinions here! *fourth wall cracks*
Firehead: I'm not fixing that.
AC: *Hands him a brick* Yes, you are
Firehead: *Prints a bunch of "Ganondorf for President" posters and runs towards the door* NO WAY! MY DAYS OF FIXING THE 4TH WALL ARE OVER! VOTE FOR ME! I WILL RUL- I mean, GOVERN YOU BETTER THAN THIS TRUMP GUY AND HILLARY PERSON!
AC: Let's keep politics out of this. Ganondorf, we're not on Earth, much less America. Give up.
Firehead: *Trying to break down the door* NEVER! I MAY HAVE FAILED TO RULE HYRULE, BUT PEOPLE ACTUALLY WANT ME TO RULE HERE! *Runs away*
Leia: Wow, that guy doesn't even know what a meme is, LOL *Pulls out tablet and starts looking for LoZ memes*
AC: Oh, Greenie, Zelda, I have a piece of fanart to show you! *Searches something on the computer*
Zelda: *Blushes and backs away slowly*
Greenie: ...Nope. *Runs off*
AC: I was traumatized by that image when I first saw it.
AC: *Turns around to see a bunch of characters attacking each other* GUYS! STOP! THAT SHIPPING ISN'T CANON!
*A while later*
AC: *Throws the computer out of a window* This thing is a deadly weapon.
Greenie: I'm not THAT obsessed with breaking pots and cutting grass!
Pocket Knife: 90% of your usage of me involves destroying pottery and slicing plants.
Greenie: Oh... But thank Hylia that evil device is gone!
Hylia: Why are you thanking me for? I didn't do anything.
Greenie: ...It's an expression.
Leia: And a meme apparently (Turns tablet around).
Everyone: KILL IT! (Tackles her and tries to steal the tablet)
Leia: NO! (Vanishes into thin air and re-materialises somewhere else) My precious…
Ninja Queen: *takes out Nintendo Switch* hehe
Leia: Ooh that thing is coooool….
NQ: Yeah! AC and I got them after waiting outside early in the morning for two hours! :P
Leia: Well that's a bit excessive but okay, AC, back to the dares!
AC: They let us in early because of the huge line. And ok! Let's see… *Shuffles through dare cards*
Leia: *Drumroll*
Mimi: *Drumroll*
AC: And the next dare goes to…
*Drumroll*
AC: More suspense...
*Drumroll intensifies*
AC: LINK! I mean, Greenie. You know what? Screw the nicknames, I'm getting confused. That was fun, though!
Link: At least my name is back… *sigh* What's my dare?
ACZelda: So, remember Lynels? Ever heard of bullfighting?
Link: No.
ACZelda: *Sigh* I have a lot to teach you before the next chapter…
*A quick lesson later*
Link: *Pales*
ACZelda: Here ya go! *Hands him a green cloth*
Link: But… Shouldn't it be red?
ACZelda: Red for bulls. Actually, it's a myth that the color makes bulls angry, it's the fluttering motion, but anyway, green for lynels because they'll think it's you and try to maul it.
Mimi and Leia: *waiting for popcorn to pop in microwave*
ACZelda: *Shoves Link into the arena* HAVE FUN!
Mimi: Wait! But the popcorn isn't ready!
ACZelda: Author powers, Mimi. Author powers.
Leia: On it! *Circus style popcorn bags appear in everyone's hands*
Mimi: YAY!
Lynels: *Having a discussion in some kind of monster language*
Link: I've got a bad feeling about this…
Lynels: *Push the silver lynel towards Link*
Silver lynel: *Menacing glare, evil grin, and flex*
Link: ...Eep. *Hides behind the green cloth*
ACZelda: I would not do that if I was you.
Silver lynel: *Charges*
Link: AAAH! *Steps away just in time*
Silver lynel: *Runs through the cloth, skids to a stop, and turns around angrily*
Link: Hey, this is kinda fun!
Silver lynel: *Dashes through the cloth again*
ACZelda: *Chomping popcorn* GO LINK!
Leia: GO LYNEL!
Link: *Epicly flips and lands on the lynel's back* HA! GIDDYUP, LITTLE LION MAN HORSEY!
Lynel: *Roars furiously and tries to toss Link off*
Other lynels: *Slowly back out of the arena*
Link: *Holding on to the lynel's mane and somehow staying on with one hand and patting the lynel with the other* Hey, it's alright! Want this? *Tosses some meat on the ground*
Silver lynel: *Stops trying to get Link off and starts eating* *The happy effect thing that you see when you befriend or tame an animal in BotW appears*
Link: Good little lynel! *Pets it*
ACZelda: *Staring in shock* Did you- did you just-
Link: Tame a silver lynel? Yep. I'll name him… Fluffy. Or Teensie? Which do you prefer? Fluffy?
Lynel: *Shakes head and growls*
Link: Teensie?
Lynel: *Nods*
Link: Teensie it is!
Teensie: *Roars happily*
ACZelda: ...I wonder if Teensie knows that that's a cute way to say "really small." Anyway, let's end this here. I'm too shocked to write. So see ya next chapter!