A/N: UGH!! I'm REALLY sorry about my not-updating lately. As the wonderful Voldy told you all yesterday, I was feeling down in the dumps because of some men problems. Well, I'm over that now. Who needs man whores anyways, right? Thanks a ton, Voldemort, for back-handing me enough times to clear my head. Hopefully it won't happen again. Eek.

Anyways, BACK TO THE STORY! So I also haven't updated in a while because I had my own personal dreaded day from hell, aka BACK TO SCHOOL DAY. Yes, that's right. I went back to school on September the 4th and since then, I have ALREADY been bogged down with tons of homework. But it's the weekend, so now I have time to right. Get ready for a nice long chapter and thanks for the reviews and co-operation.

I now present…

Torture

Bella POV

I happily dragged Edward out the front door and towards his doom. Today, we were going to hang out with his "homies," aka the real vampire gang called the Vampz. I had never actually seen any of these gang members before but Alice had given me a good idea of what they looked like. E-Dizzle would fit right in.

His ghetto blaster was still pounding out fresh beats (ha ha, I think I'm getting the hang of this gangster talk thing). The loud noise was slightly irritating and it didn't help that Edward only had ONE SONG on the stupid thing. I had been listening to "This is Why I'm Hot" continuously for the past twenty minutes and it was getting on my nerves. "Ugh, Edward, will you turn that stupid thing off? This is precisely why you're NOT right now!" I screamed at him, covering my ears. I could practically say all the words along with the song now.

"Wut's dat, blud?" Edward replied over the loud music. I froze in shock. Did Edward just say that? "You want me to turn down da beatz, innit? Sorry, bredren, but dis how it be if you want me to go along wid all dis gangsta shit, you know wh'm sayin'?" Well. Edward certainly got into character well.

"Umm, okay never mind," I murmured. As Edward made his way towards the driver's seat of his Volvo, I stopped him. "And where do you think you're going?" I asked him, raising an eyebrow.

"I be drivin da car, innit?"

"First of all, you don't even know where we're GOING. Second of all, who said we're taking your Volvo?"

"Ahh, nahh blud, dun tell me we is going in yuh truck?" He asked, looking horrified. I grinned at his expression.

"No, not my truck." A look of relief crossed his beautiful face. "We're going in that." I pointed towards the vehicle Rosalie, Alice and I had rented for today. Edward's jaw dropped in complete and utter horror. I tried to stifle a giggle. Edward let out a groan.

We stood facing a faded purple, broken down car. It had flashing blue lights on the dashboard as well as under the car. The top of the car was down and more loud music was pumping from it. I recognized the CD that was playing. It just happened to be the one Rosalie had burned for my use today. I grabbed Edward's hand again and led him towards the car.

"Let's get a closer look at it!"

Alice POV

I was driving Life Snatcher towards the poetry club where he would be able to mingle with some fellows. He sat clutching a notepad and pen, his brow furrowed. He was concentrating so hard on the last minute poems he was trying to scrawl out. I let out a small giggle and Jasper glared at me.

"This isn't funny, Alice," he said, giving me a dirty look. "I love you and everything, but this is just pushing it."

"NO LOVING!" I reminded him. "Oh, I forgot to give you one more accessory." I reached into my purse and began digging for what I wanted, one hand on the steering wheel. Jasper looked back down to his poetry, his face even more frustrated than before. Finally, I found what I wanted. I pulled out something small and silver and handed it to him.

"A RAZOR BLADE?!"

"The perfect accessory," I said, flashing him a grin. He looked like he could strangle me. Excellent.

Rosalie POV

Emmett and I had reached our destination in record time (no duh). I was now setting up his platform for where he would perform to the oh-so-blah Disney star, Hannah Montana. I laid out a large plastic sheet on which Emmett would be performing and set up his CD player. We were on the corner of Main Street, where EVERYTHING big always happened. It was also the busiest street in Port Angeles. People were staring with curiosity at the little scene that Emmett and I were creating. Well, mostly I was creating it. Emmett was just throwing a silent fit.

He stood against the wall, looking menacingly towards me as he watched me set up. When I was finished I stood up and dusted my hands off.

"Ready, sweetie? I hope you have a dance routine ready," I said, smiling at him sweetly. The look I got in return was frightening. It made me laugh. As Emmett slowly walked towards his plastic sheet, I remembered something. "Oh yeah! Here, Emmett, you'll need this."

Emmett stared at my hands in horror. For in them I was holding a microphone and a blonde wig.

"You can't be Hanna Montana without the proper accessories, can you?"

I pounced onto Emmett's back, desperately trying to wrestle the wig onto him.

"NO WAY! I'M NOT WEARING THAT!" Even more people looked around at us in alarm. We must look kind of funny…

"Emmett, don't make a scene!" I hissed into his ear. "You can do this the hard way or the easy way! Stop struggling now, before I disown you!" Emmett instantly went limp and allowed me to perch the wig onto his curls. I adjusted it and Emmett gritted his teeth together.

"Why don't you just let me borrow YOUR hair, Rosalie?" He growled through his teeth. I looked at him in shock. How rude! I handed him the microphone without another word, and he snatched it from my hand and stepped forward. He took a deep breath as I started the music. More curious humans began to gather around.

"Come and see the amazing, singing, dancing street performer!" I bellowed out to the crowd, as they all roared with laughter while staring at Emmett. He looked RIDICULOUS. "Yes, this strapping young lad needs your donations! Please donate money to him, because he's got talent! And now, performing "I've Got Nerve" I introduce, HANNAH MONTANA SENIOR!"

Emmett looked enraged. I was dying with laughter along with the crowd as he put the microphone up to his lips and began to sing.

We haven't met,
and that's okay.
'Cause you will be askin' for me one day.
Don't wanna wait in line,
the moment is mine believe me.
Don't close your eyes,
'cause it's a chance were takin,
and i think that I can shake it.
I know where I stand.
I know who I am.
I would never run away when life gets better.
Everything you see,
Every part of me,
gonna get what I deserve.
I've got nerve.
Everything you see,
Every part of me,
gonna get what I deserve.
(I've got)
I've got nerve.

Meanwhile…

Jasper POV

I gulped as I stared up at a dank looking building. In faded lettering, I could make out "Leo's Pub" which had been replaced with a sign that now read "Life SUCKS! A poetry club." Alice seized my hand and dragged me into the gloomy building. Once I stepped inside, no one looked at me or Alice. The inside was all black, with black tables and red chairs. Large groups of Emo people sat staring up at a stage where an Emo girl stood setting up a microphone. The microphone didn't seem to work. She gave up without really trying, saying "Whatever," and walking away. Alice flounced over to a table and pushed me down into a chair. She then took her own.

"Who's first?" An Emo guy that was dressed like me stood on the stage, looking bored. Alice squealed with excitement and seized my arm.

"HE IS! HE IS!" She shrieked at the guy on stage. Some of the human's heads flickered to where we sat, and they gave us immensely dirty looks. "GO LIFE SNATCHER GO! YOU CAN DO IT, SWEETIE!" She screamed as I walked nervously towards the stage. Everyone was staring at either Alice or me in disgust. Uh-oh, this was NOT going to be pretty.

I climbed up the steps and got to the center of the stage. I cleared my throat and looked around. I gazed over at Alice who was now standing on her chair and cheering for me. I slapped my hand to my forehead.

Alice just had to ruin things for me, didn't she?

A/N: OKAY! So that's the beginning of the torture. I actually liked this chapter, and I hope you all did, too. Thanks for the person who suggested the little line about Edward being "not." :P And thanks to Voldy, who provided me with some ideas.

And I'm REALLY sorry if anyone found ANY of this offensive. But it's a parody, remember?