You know what I find amazing? I leave this dusty thing sitting there, on my imaginary fanfiction shelf, and always wonder if it will ever up and die… but then I get alerted that someone reviewed or followed or faved. I find it downright amazing that someone can stick with this mild monstrosity and maybe even understand or share some of my craziness as well as Lupine's weirdness.
Did you all know that this (so far) is fifty pages of LoZ nonsense without fancy spacing?
Did you know that coming up with random LoZ thoughts can sometimes be harder than it looks? (We like it when you guys help us out some :) )
And did you know that this little tidbit is FIVE years old o-o….. wow.
However, I feel that our humor has dwindled some. I haven't played LoZ for a while (been playing Devil May Cry and Far Cry 4 as of late) so please excuse our randomness ^^;
~Player's Corner (Inspired by Msfcatlover)~
(Hyrule Warriors) You haven't really played it, but you've seen it so that counts for something… right? Right. At first you're skeptical because well… wtf is with Link's get up? Is that a man scarf? Is Link trying to be fashionable? Perhaps he feels inferior when compared to Ghirahim or Yuga (should we call them Fabulous Debbie and Fabulous Bonnie?)? Or maybe he wanted to be as "hip" as Sonic the Hedgehog with his man scarf and bandaged shoes (I freaking love Sonic, but why have gauze on the shoes? WHY?)? Either way it's mildly distracting… like if he did a spin attack would he risk hacking that blue material in two? Okay, now back to staring at the cutscenes and the prettiness. The change in art is definitely distracting. Forget that man scarf… you can't help but continue to say "Ooh" and "Aah."
(Hyrule Warriors) When you see Dark Link… you squeal like a little school girl so much so that your cat who has found a comfortable place on your lap scratches you from surprise. Your squeal is now a string of curse words and your leg is now pale and bloody. But still… Dark Link.
(Hyrule Warriors) Let's not even get started with Midna. You've been wanting to see this naked imp again in a LoZ game ever since the TP storyline and for a while there you were expecting to never see her again… but then BAM, she returns with as much sass as she was allowed before and instead of squealing over the inverted hero (Dark Link) you instead find yourself breathing heavily and getting closer and closer to the screen. Forget Fi, you saw her shiny butt earlier and will probably see it as many times as the Master Sword is featured in LoZ… but Midna and that sexy a$$ wolf!? It's beautiful and heartwarming that it almost makes you want to cry.
(Link Between Worlds) Did anyone else see that coming? I mean with Ravio… I know I did.
(Legend of Zelda) Have you ever screamed and raged so much in your life to the point of breaking your gaming system? No? I guess it's just me then… because cuss word, I know I hit that Octorok before it K. me!
(Ocarina of Time) When you look into the meaning of the game, the development of Link, and just… so much feels. Like really, the kid is an outsider in his home. He's not even Kokiri. He doesn't even get a fairy and when he does his guardian, an old, magical tree, decides to die on him which makes the Kokiri think that because of Link Great Deku died… because of this assumption he is banished from the only place he could ever call home. Now not having a home, leaving his best and only friend behind, and having nothing but a sword and shield that he barely knows how to use he finds himself thrust into this epic journey. It's just freaking depressing. Let's not even get into the fact that he must feel a lot of guilt after finding out that Ganondorf followed him into the Temple of Time and let us not mention how Zelda must feel after discovering what happened (she probably blamed herself most of all and she was awake to see her Hyrule fall apart piece by piece). Oh and let us not even think about mentioning how the Gorons accept Link no matter his title, his deeds, his origin, his past, or his anything. They just accept him for him. I could go on and on…
(Any) Let's be realistic here… imagine if real time was in full effect in the Legend of Zelda universe. Now, in many (if not all) Legend of Zelda games we have the option to run, use Epona/a source of transportation, or in some cases warp (not in a lot of games but still you get the gist). Let's say that we just plain out run, flailing our arms about, and screaming out battle cries to the screen as we make ourselves appear bold or just plain stupid as we run through the fields/seas/whatever of wherever… imagine how many days it would literally take to go from say… Ordon to Lake Hylia. By that time the world would surely be in utter chaos and be beyond help. Thank the goddesses for that unrealistic time! If time was in full effect (excluding MM where it is needed) we would all be screwed.
Link: Theories
Narrator: *clears throat, looks at professional clipboard* "So MM Link, did you know that some fans believe that you died in Majora's Mask? That your journey was all about grief and whatnot?"
MM Link: "Well yeah, of course I die on occasion. It's because some of my fans like me to run into battle unprepared or jump off cliffs or make me move slow or—"
Narrator: "No, no, exclude the crazy people."
MM Link: "But I didn't die. I can't die. How stupid are these people nowadays? Like really, without me where else would the legend of Zelda's be?! I mean there's a freaking "Retry" option for crying out loud. And of course my journey is all grief-y, I just lost my best friend who followed me everywhere and made me feel included and relatively normal, I just lost my pretty friend, Zelda, I had to relive seven years of my childhood that I would rather not have, and let's not get to me having to go through puberty twice now. Also how would Twilight Princess happen without me? That Ordon guy wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for me procreating."
Narrator: "Okay then, what about the fourth shard?"
MM Link: "Do you have a death wish? The fourth shard must never be thought, never be looked at, never be spoken of, and therefore… doesn't exist."
WW Link: "It's the Illuminati."
LoZ Company: React to Fire
Gorons: Rock, rock, rock, rock, rocks
Zoras: Not our problem, fire can't touch water
Hylians and perhaps Kokiri: *chaos ensues, buildings collapse, soldiers tremble in a corner, and the streets are caked in blood*
Sidekicks to Link (excluding Fi): Link, there's a fire! You should do something helpful!
Fi: Master, there is a 99% probability that one and all we know and love will burn to expiry. By the time I finish with my statistics everything will be burned down to the ground. Conversely, I propose that we look for a source of water.
Coro: Let's just all chill. Be cool. It'll go away soon. In the meantime we should get some popcorn going and some smores and maybe some— *burns to death*
Kikwis: *bodies start bursting from fire… bursting sounds like popcorn*
—inspired by username miano53's FF, The Best Link—
Links and all their glory
WW Link: Um, I'm the best because well… I sailed the seas, got hitched with a hot pirate princess, got a house with redeads in the basement, actually have relatives, and I'm the Toon Link.
LA Link: I sailed a bit too… and I was the first in color!
LttP Link: Nu-uh! I was. You're DX came out in '98 and I came out in '91.
TP Link: So what, that's nothing! I'm the darkest looking Link, I got turned into a wolf, I—
MM Link: Whoa, whoa, hold up. I am the darkest looking Link I mean have you seen my gameplay? I get possessed by freaking masks, chase an evil mask around, and get thrown into this parallel—
OoT Link: Nope, nope. Me, I'm the coolest. I made you all popular. Without me you'd be nowhere and besides my sob story is the best. I was an outsider in my own home, lost all my friends, lost my childhood and then was forced to have it back, let Ganondorf take over the world because my dumb butt forgot to shut the Temple of Time door, and I got forced down by a Redead.
SS Link: Oh yeah? But I was the original. Technically without me you all wouldn't be here period. That and my sub-boss was way cooler than your little villains. He threatened to actually maim me, was a sadistic creep, and is believed to have wanted to rape me as well as murder me.
LttP Link: Well I actually know what happened to my parents.
LbW Link: So did I… sort of… but I—
OoS OoA Link: I got two games, I got to control time for a bit, and I got to control seasons be—
OoT Link: Uh, hello, Ocarina of Time. I could do that all in my sleep!
ST Link: I'm certified to ride a train, beat that!
PH Link: Anyone can beat me. They didn't have to drag around a lazy, spoiled princess around…
FS Link: I don't know why I am anymore because of having three personalities ripped out of me and then forced back so…
HW Link: No one cares. No one cares about any of you because… *flaps blue scarf around* you don't have a sexy man scarf.
LoZ Link: *off to the side* No one loves me.
Light Spirits Chatter
Lanayru: Have you ever wondered if Ordona is the "red-headed-step-child?"
Eldin: What do you mean?
Lanayru: Well, I represent Nayru. You represent Din. Faron represents Farore.
Faron: And what's so special about him? We all could represent the Triforce shards, but Ordona is just… there.
Eldin: True and we can't forget that we all look freaking awesome and… then there's the magical goat thing.
Ordona: I am right here. Right here.
Faron: Oh, really? *looks down* Sorry, we didn't see you there. If you could fly or just simply levitate like us then maybe we would've noticed your insignificant self.
Ordona: Least I don't get mistaken for a squirrel!
Faron: That was one time! One time.
Lanayru: Any another thing, why is my name so difficult to say and are we males or females…
Eldin: I assume we are of the male population, but why does it matter? We can't copulate… trust me… I've tried.
Ordona: Don't change the subject you stupid snake!
—I actually thought Faron was a squirrel when I first encountered it and then Lupine told me XD—
Wind Waker: Save the Falling Princess
Link: I need to rescue a girl that just fell from the mouth of a freaky looking bird. I need your help! There's tall grass block—
Old Man with Sword: Let me teach you the ways of the sword.
Link: Can't that wait till later? There's a girl in danger! Just come with me!
Old Man with Sword: Let me teach you the ways of the sword.
Link: But someone could be in a near death situation. Come on—
Old Man with Sword: Let me teach—
Link: You've got to be kidding me! We don't have time for—
Old Man with Sword: you the ways of the—
Link: For the love of Nayru why doesn't the "No" option ever work?
Old Man with Sword: sword.
Twilight Princess: Kids
Kids: Buy us the slingshot!
Link: No!
-Game does not progress… slingshot is bought-
Kids: Teach us how to be violent with a sword!
Link: No!
-Game does not progress… teach children how to maim dummies-
Kids: There's a monkey, let's go chop its head off!
-Congrats, you just made innocent, spoiled children into murderers. You're a fantastic hero.-
-Inspired by Melkor'sOnlyLieutenant's Review-
Sorry, but I don't see the Link is Dead Theory happening. I do believe that the fourth shard could mean something because it does appear here and there (Ocarina of Time, I think?)… and the light spirits… four spirits and three goddesses? Keep in mind that I think theories are cool. They're fascinating to me, but I won't fight over if my opinion can kick your opinions butt. Some people are like that and it's just plain weird e-e
Let's Wonder~~
-What does Midna really sound like to Link?
-Why is Link given parents and other relatives in some, but not all games? Why is his grandmother never given a background? Why does she never mention his parents?
-What does Fi sound like in person? Why is it that she and Midna are given a voice?
-We already wondered if Midna gets embarrassed or feels awkward about her nakedness so what about Fi and her shininess? Does she ever get jealous of Ghirahim and his fashionable sense of attire? Perhaps even the fact that he had more freedom than she in the beginning (BD… Before Demise).
-Does the timeline of LoZ ever hurt your head like it does mine?
-Did you know that they say that whenever Ganon/Ganondorf get a hold of the Triforce he turns into Demise? I never thought of that… never connected that bit until a few days ago… makes sense o-o
-Link is not mute. Characters react to him and he does speak (when he attacks or lunges or whatever) AND he is given options of dialogue. Of course, the text that we allow him to use is limited and not a mouthful. If he was allowed to talk like Midna or just like a random NPC with text then we would not be able to relate to him well. It wouldn't irritate me in the slightest if he was given the ability to talk through text (voice is a different story)… would it irritate you?
-Did anyone notice that I dropped the apostrophes randomly? Nope? Good.