Chapter 13-

The Slough of Despond

I took a large deep breath of fresh air. It was going to be my last one for a while, for this was the worst part of the Forest Sauvage to have to had wandered into - a veritable swamp of despair that is infamous across the Witching World for destroying the most intrepid heroes throughout magical British history. But I, however, just continued to nonchalantly walk ahead towards the rotting stench, and uttered, "Absit Omen!"

"That should do the trick…" I said and pulled on the donkey's rope to lead him, but he just stood there, slack-jawed.

"Why the long face, Bottom? Come on... chop-chop!" I commanded the stubborn jackass to move, but it just stood there all insolent-like and I turned back around to face the slough. Stretched as far as I could see, the fervid swamp was filled with the remains of long-dead petrified trees and blackened branches that looked like burned and shriveled mangled limbs silhouetted against the last of the moonlight futilely clawing and scratching at distant stars for any bit of help before death took ahold of them. A thick grey-green mist hung over everything like a shroud and it had a nauseating sickeningly-sweet aroma, like rotten eggs mixed with spoiled candy leftover from an Easter Egg hunt that had been rained out. I tried yanking on the donkey to pull him along, but Bottom wouldn't budge.

"So help me Bottom, I'll curse you good!"

Finally, he started moving slowly, one hoof in front of the other. Each step resounded with a loud "glub" as I pulled Bottom along. But as I continued walking further I started to question myself once again, which is rather unusual for me. I wondered what was I even doing out here? Surely there must be some other way around? I looked around at Le Fay's Latern's watery glow, but unfortunately it was leading me right through the center of the Slough.

"For Azlan's Sake..." I trudged further and further into the mucky-muck, and I waded through where there was about a foot or two of blackish foul smelling-water, but fortunately there were dry patches and/or rotten logs that I to could step up onto. However a little further, the slough became deeper and there were fewer and fewer dry patches along which I could step, and after that point, I began walking into the slimiest, ickiest, stickiest mud. Oddly enough, the mud had an extremely high red clay content - it literally looked like, dare I say it – Blood mud? I tried to laugh at the coincidence and put the connection out of my head as the dark pools of blood mud would seep out from where my foot had been, and an awful stench would come bubbling up.

"By Jove, it's awful!" I said to Bottom, but strangely for having such a large nose, he didn't seem to mind. I lamented my ruined silk and velour orange bespoke suit, and we kept going further until the blood mud was up to our knees, and every time I took another step there was a loud "shlurping" sound. It was like each foot was a concrete block as I retched a little in my mouth, and I never thought I'd say it, but I missed the Flobberworm aftertaste.

"Fudgin' fiddle-sticks, this is hopeless!" I yelled out and Bottom just stood there.

We kept wading further and further while a dark cloud of huge vampire bats swirled overhead, piercing the night with their high-pitched shrieking. Each step I took, the muck got higher and higher till the swamp water was up to my waist then chest, and Bottom was up to his neck in it as well.

I started worried we weren't going to make it out of here, that it was all my fault, that I was going to fail. It felt like we were traveling forever in the darkness, and it now seemed pitch black out, which was weird because I would have thought we would have seen more stars out in the sky. I realized no moonlight was entering the Slough, and that the only light on my journey was being emitted from the blue lantern, and that it only illuminated a few feet in one direction at a time, with no real indication of what lies beyond my next couple of steps.

So, I continued. One slow lugubrious step after the other.

"Hello?" I called out, not really expecting an answer, but more just wanting to hear the sound of my own voice. It sounded… odd, flat, muffled-like, with none of its usual nuanced and sonorous overtones. I put my hand on the donkey, just to assure him I was close. We kept traveling through the mud and muck and it became very quiet.

That's right- too quiet! And as every schoolchild knows, quiet always means bad. I thought I felt something slither through the water. I yelled, "It's alright, Bottom! Nothing to be afraid of here, nothing at all!"

We kept trekking across the bloody blood mud swamp and each step became much harder than the last, and each moment took longer and longer, and each foot weighed nearly a tonne, at least. After stopping to regain my strength, I eventually summoned up the courage to take a step again and then another one. But then to keep my balance in the wobbly blood mud, I would have to take one step back. This went on for hours- two steps forward, one step back.

The whole time I had to pull and prod Bottom along as well, dragging him every step of the way. "Stupid Bottom, you better not pull an Artax!"

"Just a little further now..." I would say, even though I had no idea how much longer it would actually take. I pulled Bottom along and eventually found my footing. I kept walking and finally stepped up on some dry land again. The moonlight seemed to come back a little and I began to hear chittering bugs again.

"Hip-hip hooray! We made it, Bottom!" I said and helped the donkey climb up onto a semi-dry patch of land, "That wasn't so bad, was it?"

"Nee-haw…" Bottom replied, and I almost thought I saw tiny tears of joy well up in his dumb donkey eyes. But it was dark, so who knows?

We were feeling pretty elated when we got to the end of the slough, but then I saw that there was another Dolmen that looked very similar to the one at the entrance, and beyond that there was another rickety wooden bridge like the one from before with an identical hand-painted sign that read-

Ye are now entering the

Slough of Despond.

Enjoy your stay...

"Blast-Ended Skwerts!" I exclaimed, "How can that be?!"

I looked back where we came from, and it looked just like where we had been, but when I turned back around to go forward, it was completely not the end at all.

"I don't understand." I said to Bottom.

I tried turning back around but Le Fay's lantern kept shining back towards the other direction, "This stupid thing is broken. Now I know it for sure!"

I threw the lantern down, and it rolled away into some muck.

"I don't need you, you... bloody boffing lantern! I'm sure I can find my way on my own." I said and turned around to walk back out of the slough, but then I realized there was no indication of which direction to go, for in the darkness both forwards and backwards appeared the same.

For a brief moment, I thought about Nudd and Sabrina counting on me, but I didn't care anymore and just wanted to go home. I took a step away from the Dolmen and back into the slough from which we had just emerged, but Bottom bit onto my jacket and held me firm.

"Let go of my coat, you dumb beast!" I insisted, but he wouldn't budge. I tried yanking on the rope but he still wouldn't move, "You really are rather stubborn, has anybody ever told you that?"

I kept yanking, but Bottom still wouldn't move from his spot.

"Oh, alright you little..." I turned back around to look for Le Fay's Lantern. However, even though I had only turned my back for a second, it had suddenly vanished. I looked around, but it was nowhere to be found, "What?" I said, and looked at Bottom, "Where did it go?"

Bottom looked confused, and let go of my coat, I yelled, "You were supposed to be watching it!"

Bottom looked around, and then back at me, "Hee-haw?"

Even though I knew he had kept me from quitting my quest and possibly kept me from getting lost in the filthy mire from which I had just left, I kept getting angrier and angrier, like the slough had some dark power over me. I was tired, frustrated, and exhausted, and now I was lost and scared as well. I'll also be the first to admit that it certainly wasn't my finest moment when I picked up a large stick and said, "This is all your fault! Now I'm going to beat some sense into you, you... you... you stupid jackass!"

I stepped forward to hit Bottom, "Come here!" but at the last moment Bottom turned around and kicked me right in the gut. I went flying backwards into some stinky mud with a shlurpy-shlop.

I was covered in gunk, and it felt like a rib may have been cracked. I slowly stood up in the muck, and yelled, "Ugh, you... are going... to pay for that!"

I tried lunging towards the donkey, but something caught my foot, because I tripped on the ground and landed face first into some more muckity-muck.

I stood up and was dripping with foul methane-smelling slime and goop, "This is definitely not all tickety-boo!"

I was about to beat Bottom with my stick, when I saw a light blue glow just a few feet away from where I had thrown the lantern down in frustration.

"Look, Bottom! There it is! The lantern-"

But when I got up and walked towards it, the glow disappeared.

"That's... strange." When I inspected where it was, the light was gone.

I said to Bottom, "Where'd it go?"

I looked down and searched where I thought it had been, but I couldn't find it. But then a few feet over to the left, I see another faint blue glow.

"Look! There it is now." I called but Bottom just stayed where he was and started rooting around in the muck.

I started walking towards the faint blue glow, but then it disappeared and reappeared further away. I aimed my wand and yelled out, "Accio lantern!" but nothing happened. I had heard stories of even powerful witches magic not working properly in the Slough of Despond, but I didn't realize it was true until this moment.

I tried another spell, "Aquarios!" but no water shot, out just a couple of drops.

I tried a different spell, then another and another, each time, the magic would slowly fade.

"No, sod it!" I yelled out, and I noticed that even the light from my wand was starting to go dim as the darkness closed in around me.

I looked around and saw the faint blue glow again. It was still nearby, but every time it disappeared, it would re-appear slightly further away, and the light would be dimmer and fainter. I chased after it as Bottom brayed out to me, but I kept going further and further away from Bottom and the stupid signpost, but no matter how fast I ran towards it, the blue light would always recede further and further away.

"Wait just a minute…" I stopped for a moment, looked around, and saw a rotted piece of wood. I picked it up and waited till I saw the faint blue glow again. I hurled the soggy branch towards the light and it hit it with a wet thud. I ran over to where the light had been and saw an odd-looking Wiz-tactular Creature all plonkered out.

"Blimey! Take a butchers, Bottom! It's a real Will O'Wisp, it is!"

I picked up the odd glowing blue tree fairy. It reminded me of a muggle's Troll toy I had a child, which, strangely enough, looked nothing like an actual troll.

I looked around for Bottom as my wand's light continued to dim ever fainter.

"Hello! Is anybody out there?" I called out.

But there was no reply this time.

Slowly the last of my wand's light faded and the wand was nearly no more than a useless stick. No light emitted from it, and no spells could be cast no matter how hard I tried. I called out for Bottom but there was still no answer. I stumbled around in the darkness and stomped further into the sploshy void.

Eventually, I saw something in the darkness and heard a voice. It sounded familiar yet different, like hearing a recording of yourself that you don't quite completely recognize. I walked closer to the sound and I could see a large grey stone block Dolmen. I stepped towards it and looked inside the small cave-like structure. Inside there was a faint light. but once I took a step inside, a tunnel filled with fog opened up.

"Hello?" I called out again.

I walked towards the light at the end of the foggy tunnel and I turned around a corner into a hallway of some sort. It now looked like an old-fashioned hospital. I walked down the hallway and there were words scrawled on the walls in what I hoped was red paint- NULLA DIES UMQUAM MEMORI VOS EXIMET AEVO.

I walked over to the waiting room and I began to recognize the layout from a field-trip. But where to, I couldn't remember. I slowly walked over a pair of double-doors, and on the wall, I could see a plaque commemorating the Janus Thickey Ward at St. Mungo's for all their hard work.

That's where I was- St. Mungo's!

"How, how did I wind up here?" I uncontrollably whispered to myself like they do in movies as I walked through the double-doors to the waiting room inside, but nobody reacted, and various old people just sat there staring into space or mulling about. I couldn't figure out if they were unable to see me, or if they could and they were just crazy.

It's then that I saw, at the end of the waiting room off in a corner, there was someone who looked so familiar, like they could have been my father with long grey hair and a long grey beard. Nearby, there were also a group of people walking up to see their loved ones during visiting hours. I saw a couple in the waiting area that looked like they could be Nudd and Ariel but they looked old and tired.

A skinny teenage boy, who looked like he could be Nudd and Ariel's son, was dressed in a Hogwarts uniform and wearing Griffyndor colors but was unusually awkward, even for a Griffyndor. He walked up to Nudd and Ariel and gave them a little cake, and although they smiled and thanked him, they didn't seem to recognize him. He smiled and hugged them anyway and walked away with someone that must have been his Grandmother, who looked like she was probably Ariel's mother.

"But Ariel and Nudd don't have any children… right? Right?!" I said, but nobody answered.

All the rest of the patients had visitors who were family, friends, and loved ones. All except the old man left there alone. No one stopped by or even talked to him. He just sat there, scrawling unintelligible words on old yellowed sheets of parchment, mumbling to himself.

It looked like he was trying to write his name, but the autograph kept coming out all messed up. Some of the letters were switched, upside-down, and/or backwards. A nurse walked over, and checked on the grisly old man, and she said, "Hello, how are you today, Gilderoy?"

"Gilderoy?" That couldn't be right I thought, and the old man started shouting, "Cygnus inter anates! Cygnus inter anates! Cygnus inter anates!"

There was something familiar about the nurse as she tried to calm him down and started softly singing, "London bridge is falling down…" to calm the frantic old man.

I remembered my mother singing that lullaby and I realized that the head nurse reminded me of my mother, but when she was younger. I looked around the room and all the faces seemed familiar, somehow, in some way, but it was like they were all in disguise.

This can't be right, Something's... wrong!

"Get me out of here!" I yelled, and a group of three nurses whispered, "Mr. Lockhart. Please remain calm... Mr. Lockhart."

I'm was rather cheesed off, and I shouted out, "No, something's wrong! Something's very wrong, and I will not remain calm!"

The three nurses hushed, "It's alright... please, Mr. Lockhart... London bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down..."

I caught my reflection in a glass door and saw that I had somehow become the bearded grey-haired old man Gilderoy. Like some sort of dream, or more appropriately, a nightmare, I had gone from a detacted Third-Person perspective and become merged into the First-Person POV of the Old-Boy Gilderoy. At this point I had, of course, thought I was completely off my trolley.

"This... this isn't right! Is it?" I yelled at the smiling, singing nurses all powered starchy white.

The three kindly looking nurses walked closer to me, "It'll be alright, Lockhart. Everything's back to normal... you are here at St. Mungo's. We are your friends, promise."

I thought about it for a moment, then I yelled out, "No, kiss off!" and then I pulled out my wand-

"Ridiculous!" I yelled.

The nurse turned into the pink cow Ermitrude from my favorite British children's show the Magic Roundabout.

"Ridiculous! Ridiculous! Ridiculous!" I yelled as I blasted the walls, ceiling, and floor into more stuffed animals, for they were all Boggarts, like the infamous Old Boggle of Canterbury!

Which I should have known from the start, but I had heard they preferred small spaces in people's homes, not open fields or swamps. However, there were tales of old and giant wild boggarts from the days of yore that still roamed the wildernesses, but nobody had seen one in hundreds of years, so I didn't actually believe it.

As I cleared away the giant boggarts, I could immediately see more moon light, and my wand worked again. I wondered if Boggarts had the ability to nullify, counteract spells, and/or whatever else that the wizard is afraid of at that very moment.

I called out, "Bottom?! Are you there!"

"Hee-haw!" I heard off in the darkness and I stumbled over.

"There you are!" I said, while Bottom was busy eating some weeds or mushrooms or something. "I… missed you! I'm sorry for the way I acted." Bottom just stood there. "There's no need to apologize to me… mainly because you can't speak."

I gave him a nudge with my elbow. "Chivvy along, it's no time to be rooting about Bottom!" He bit into something in the muck with a loud clunk and pulled it up.

"What in Rowena's Diadem!" I said as a strange watery blue light glowed upon the donkey's face.

"Look Bottom, I found it!" I exclaimed as I walked over and picked it up.

"Fine… you helped a little." I searched around my coin purse and gave Bottom an apple. He ate it up, and we continued on our way till I saw another sign that read-

Ye are now entering the

Slough of Despond.

Enjoy your stay...

"Cor love a duck!"

I stumbled to my knees and sighed dejectedly, "This is impossible..." but Bottom just kept trodding along, and finally after wanting to give up nearly a hundred times, I just climbed up and sat on Bottom as he trudged his way through sludge. We traveled for what seemed like hours in the darkness, and we kept seeing the same sign over and over. It was like a loop, over and over again, a never-ending Ourboros of ennui.

But the strange thing is that after a few more appearances, the sign actually started to become sort of comforting, like a weird twisted landmark I could count on, and I no longer wanted to turn around when I saw it. It was the part traveling through the darkness that was the worst of it- that was when I started to doubt my mission, my quest, my job, my career, even my life.

Was I some sort of fraud? A charlatan? An imposter who has no idea what he is doing?

I decided none of it mattered even if it were true (which it's not) and that I would fail miserably (which I wouldn't, of course). That I shouldn't have even tried in the first place. That it's all hopeless anyway. But... we kept traveling regardless, silly stupid Bottom and I, stuck together, as it were, and we kept seeing and passing that same old familiar sign.

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here...

And you know what? The most unusual thing occured.

Faced with the absolute certainty that I would fail no matter what, I had a strange epiphany that if everything I did doesn't really matter in the end... then maybe it doesn't really matter what I do, just that I choose to do it.

If I am going to fail anyways, then what is it I really want to do? And how do I want to do it?

I thought about it in the relative silence of the Slough and decided if I am going to fail and ruin everything, then I might as well do what I love while doing it. I thought to myself, "You know what Gilderoy, old boy? When you stop worrying about what's going to happen, this journey... isn't so bad. I mean, it could always be worse, right?"

Bottom passed more wind.

"I mean, right now, there's people starving, bleeding, dying all over the world, aren't they? And I'm just a little dirty and lost, that's not so bad is it?" The idea of so many other people suffering much than me put a little hop in my step.

"Just think, I could be some sort of dumb American- the poor shlubs! Or even worse… a filthy fat Floridian!"

Bottom nodded and trotted, and I suddenly had a completely different outlook on life. I looked around at the fetid foggy swamp, with the dead tree branches like bony arms reaching up in futility to the moon and now felt some company. I looked up and heard the bats and crows and wolves howl, and thought about the little bat babies, crow babies, and wolf cubs. I looked down at Bottom, and I pat his scratchy, dirty head.

"Oh, come on you!" We continued in silence for a little while and I listened to the frogs, insects, and other creatures buzz in the night, and together they made a weird nocturnal chorus. We eventually arrived in some sort of area with lots of pale white petrified logs and large white stones broken and crumbled everywhere that I did not recognize.

Were we in a new part of the slough?

I tried not getting my hopes up too much and kept dragging Bottom till it felt like I couldn't pull any longer. It felt like days, weeks, or months. And not just some short month like February, but like a really long one like December... with an extra leap year Monday added to it. Finally, after what seemed like forever, I just gave up. I started thinking about how nice it was to swim at Lake Hogwart at the end of the school year just as summer was approaching. So, I laid down on my back in the mud to see what would happen if I did try to sink, and instead of sinking, strangely enough... I began to float.

I couldn't believe it!

It was practically like swimming, as long as I kept taking calm, deep breaths and just kept making Snow Angel (Slough Angel?) like movements, I would keep floating at the top of the water. I held onto Bottom's leash and as I pulled him along with me, I realized his legs hadn't been trudging along beneath the muck, but he had just been floating along the surface the whole time as well.

"Cor blimey!" I yelled, "I could have been doing this the whole time?!"

Bottom and I continued to float the rest of the way. At some point I almost forgot where I was and what I was actually doing, I looked up at the mangled and knobby empty branches in the misty moonlight and watched the clouds drift by. I thought this was a place of stagnation and death, but even here there were moments when I stopped worrying, that were actually kind of, dare I say, nice.

I took a deep breath and sighed into the night. "Oh well, once you get past the despair, this place... isn't so bad, I guess."

"Says you!" A voice called from the darkness and then a split-second later a large broken bone flew through the air, and I dodged it at the very last moment.

I picked up and inspected the two-foot long bone, and it seemed oddly proportioned, like it was too thick. "Excuse me? Is... somebody there? I demand that you reveal yourself!" I called out into the darkness,

"Oh yeah, well who died and made you king?!" The Irish voice called back out.

I turned around and in the faintest of moonlight I walked up to some sort of Dolmen, and when I got closer, I saw that the stones were getting bigger now, larger than me. The smooth white stones looked chipped and cracked, some had pieces missing and odd holes carved away. One looked like it was carved to look like a large skull, which took me a moment to recognize it, because it had three hollowed out eye sockets.

That's when I realized, and looked around, and saw I was literally in a giant bone yard. No, not like a really big boneyard. Literally- a Giant's bone yard! There were also lots of knights' armor, Druid warlocks, and Roman soldiers rotting there as well in the muck and mud.

"What's your hurry? You got someplace to be?" Someone with an Italian accent called out, then the ghost of a British knight in rusted armor came gliding across the slough.

"Don't you pay him any mind!" A large voice boomed out and I looked around and then realized there was a pair of enormous ghost feet standing next to me. I looked up and saw a Scottish giant complete with a kilt, brandishing the largest sword I've ever seen.

"Ahh, put it away!" I yelled out.

"Yeah! Go back North where you belong, you dirty Frost-Licker!" A British knight yelled, then a whole haunt of ghosts came rising up from the slough.

A different knight with a French accent stood up from the muck, "Oh, you shut up! I'm tired of hearing all your same old boring stories!"

The rusted British knight yelled back, "Better than your one story of how you almost beheaded Sir Nicholas!" and all the other ghosts laughed at the gaunt Gaul ghost as he sunk back beneath the muck.

The rest of the ghosts continued yelling and arguing, and I looked around and saw they were all some sort of sorcerer, warlock, wizard, knight, or giant (both large and extra-large), and they all disagreed about who won which war. Until they finally agreed on who won, then they argued about what would have happened had somebody done something differently, and what should have happened, and then on and on they argued again.

The funny thing was, even soldiers who fought on the same side of the same war would have different memories of how things happened, different versions of the same story. They all argued on about the Vikings and the Druids, the Romans and Britons, Giants and the Britons, the Anglo and the Saxons, the Anglo-Saxons against Visigoths, Vortigern versus Ulther Pendragon, and on and on and on, and around again.

They'd argue about who'd fault each war was, about why this war and that war should or shouldn't have happened, and then they would start arguing even more until fighting broke out, but they were ghosts, so they couldn't actually do any harm to each other. Eventually, they would tire themselves out and agree that the fighting was pointless and would settle down for a while.

But inevitably they would start arguing about who was to really blame and then the whole cycle would begin again. It was like they were cursed to only live in the past, even though it had already destroyed them long ago. Now they were no more than ghosts fighting a pointless war with each other for eternity, locked in combat with no end, for no reason. Who knows? Maybe there was a point to all their fighting in the beginning, however, if there was, it was forgotten along with all the pertinent details of each and every battle that once took place long ago, along with any lesson or moral gleamed.

I tried asking about Nudd and the cauldron, but there was no real leads and the arguments would just all start up again. Eventually, Bottom and I slowly crawled away from the fighting Giant and Knight ghost-yard.

However, about halfway, a voice called out, "Wait!"

The ghost of a knight in black armor floated over to us and told us, "Long ago, I was a knight of the Round Table, and I was sent on a mission to find the Cauldron too… but I failed after I sought revenge on the giant who killed my father. However, it's good luck that you are here now, because, you see, in the midst of despair, hope can still be found."

I looked around at all the rotting, moaning decay, "Oh yeah, good luck here for sure. I can definitely see it."

The knight floated closer and whispered in my ear, "There is special key that can unlock the door where Cauldron is kept. I don't know where the Cauldron is however, just that my key can help enter the secret chamber where it is held, for it was entrusted to the Round Table to protect it."

He pointed down into the muck, "Reach down and you will find my skeleton, and beneath my armor, around my neck is a key from King Arthur himself- take it."

"You want me to dig down in there?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes, your quest depends on it." The glowing transparent black knight said.

I took a deep breath and reached down into the muck. I stuck my head under the goop and dug beneath the retched gunk, and a disgusting gushing geyser of rancid blood mud rushed up and made me retch in my mouth. I held my breath and dug further, and under about a foot of blood mud I felt something hard. I grabbed ahold and pulled up the rotting decaying arm of the black knight's corpse. I yanked up the rest of the skeleton still in its rusted armor, and the top half of the body came up with a shlurp. I cracked open the chest-plate armor like a broiled globster shell.

"There..." The ghost said and pointed down.

I saw a silver necklace with a key at the end. I tried lifting the necklace but it was hung up on something, so I jerked on it and the black knight's skull broke off and fell into the muck.

"Oh, um... sorry." I replied.

He smiled, "Doesn't matter to me... I'm already dead."

"...fair enough," I said, and inspected a golden key. The shape was a profile of a dragon's head, and the fire of the dragon's mouth was the teeth of the key.

I said, "Thank you for your help."

He started to glow fainter and I wondered if the morning star might be rising, and he told me, "I hope you find your friend, and please learn from my mistakes. I was consumed by vengeance and I died for it, when all along I really should have continued on my quest."

I had a look at all the phantoms' futile fighting, "I understand... but Nudd's not really my friend-"

I turned back around to say goodbye to the black knight, but he was already gone.

"Black knight? Hello? Where'd he go?" Bottom looked around as well, but there was no trace of the ghost.

I placed the dragon's head key into my magical coin purse and continued on my way. We crawled through a giant's empty ribcage as a phantasmagorical battle picked up and rained all around us.

We swam away, however, and after a while the voices faded away. Truthfully, I no longer cared if I saw another Slough of Despond sign again, because I figured it was better than staying in that boneyard listening to ghosts drone on-and-on like they were being interviewed by Melvin Bragg himself. Eventually the bloody-muddy water became more and more scarce, and we were finally able to stand up again. We walked onto solid ground, and after stomping in mud all night, each step felt easy and light like I was walking on air. I tested out my wand and it was working fine. Sparks shot out everywhere. "Look Bottom, Magic!"

It was then I saw the dolmen, bridge, and wooden sign again, and at first my heart sank, but then I realized it didn't bother me as much anymore.

However, as I got ever closer, I saw that this time the words read-

Ye are now leaving the

Slough of Despond.

Come back soon!

It was only then I wondered, "Had it been the same stupid sign over and over the whole time because the trail kept circling back? Or was it really different signs at different stations, to discourage those who were truly unworthy?"

Or both? Or neither? Or was it really a clue to keep going all along... who knows? Magic sure is crazy! Anyway, as I wondered these disturbing thoughts, Bottom and I stepped out of that primordial sludge and headed back into the forest to join the main trail again. We had finally made it out of that wretched and horrible place and it felt so good, wonderful, actually, magical even. Who knew returning to the "real world" could feel so great? I felt as if I was floating inches off the ground.

"We did it Bottom, or well, more correctly... I did it, Bottom!" I informed the Donkey.

We scrambled up the path back onto the Kingsroad and continued along the Forest Sauvage. Despite my ordeal, I was feeling pretty well chuffed to have made it out. However, sometimes even now, I still turn a corner and half-expect to see that stupid entrance sign again. But you know what? I'd actually be all right with it, because I would at least know I hadn't given up yet, and wasn't sitting around complaining, arguing, and criticizing everything like those old forgotten ghosts still trapped in Slough of Despond, instead of, you know, actually doing something about it.

It had been a long hard slog, but I was at least traveling along on my own journey, whether it seemed like I was making any progress whatsoever…

...or not.