Not mine

Chapter 14

"You're home early," Marian said as Robin made his way inside their house later that afternoon, Roland riding piggyback behind him, still holding the half-eaten apple he'd gotten from Regina.

"The others stayed at the manor, discussing strategy," Robin replied, frowning still at how Regina had not wanted him to stay. Again, he knew she was right in her reasoning, but it didn't make it hurt any less.

"Is everything alright?" she asked. Robin put Roland down on the floor, sent him scampering off to his room and then told her about Elsa. Marian pretended not to know anything, not to have heard his conversation with Hook and Emma the night before, and acted convincingly astonished at what was happening, even making Robin think she was afraid, and he rushed to comfort her.

"It'll be alright, Regina will fix this."

"Of course she will," Marian said in a bitter tone.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"This is another one of her tricks, Robin. Don't you see?! She wants everyone to think she's good, that she's changed, because she knows she won't be able to keep you if you realize who she truly is," she tried to warn him. She felt horrible for crushing his hopes, because she knew how he felt about the queen, but she loved her husband, and she needed to protect him.

"Marian, please, not this again. I thought you letting Roland go see her meant you'd accepted her."

"I let him go because Princess Snow asked him if he wanted to join them, I couldn't well deny her request. Besides, I thought it would be good for Roland to have one final visit with the Evi— with her," she altered when she saw Robin's eyes flash in anger at the name, "it will give him closure."

"Closure from what?" Robin asked, and Marian realized how carried away she'd gotten in talking about this, so she backtracked to the first possible excuse she could think of.

"From now on, Roland will stay away from the queen. I will not have my son spending time with her."

"Marian—" he began, but she stopped his pleas before they even left his mouth.

"No, Robin. I've had enough. I understand that things changed for you, that you had a terrible time adjusting after I wasn't around anymore and that you found someone in her that made you happy, but I'm back now, we are a family, we can be happy again, you and me, with our beautiful boy. But that can't happen if she's around, it can't happen if she is closer to my son than I am. Roland will not be seeing the queen again."

The clatter of heavy plastic against the floor stopped Robin from replying, and they turned to see Roland standing in the hall, clutching his stuffed monkey in one hand, the other curved as if he were still holding the green sippy cup that he'd let fall from it.

"I can't see Regina?" he asked, lip quivering.

"Baby, please understand—" Marian began, but it was too late, he'd heard enough. Suddenly he was running to his room, slamming the door shut behind him as he cried and cried and cried. Robin ran after him, knocking on his door repeatedly, asking to let him in, promising it wouldn't be that way, that he'd see Regina again (Marian huffed at that promise) and that his mother hadn't meant for him to be sad, but Roland refused to open the door, yelling "liar!" as he continued to cry.

"Marian, you can't do this," Robin murmured, his exasperation barely hidden in his tone.

"I'm his mother, I know what's best for him, for all of us. We just need time."

"I had time, Marian, years of it. I mourned you, cried over you, became self-destructive thanks to my guilt, until Roland pulled me out of it. I realize that you're his mother, and I would never want to take away from that, but you don't know our son like I do. He's devastated, you can't forbid him to see Regina."

"She tortured and threatened to kill me, how can I not forbid him to be near her?!" she was frustrated now.

"She's changed."

"So you've said."

"Why can't you give her a chance?"

"Because she'll use it to take you both from me. I will not allow that," Marian snapped as she walked away from Roland's door. Hesitantly, Robin stepped away as well, leaving his son to his quiet cries for the time being.

"Marian, we need to talk," he said, walking over to her and putting a hand on her shoulder. She knew what he wanted to say, and she refused to hear it, so she shook her head at him.

"Can we… can it wait 'til morning? I'm too wound up tonight, and I have a sense that what you want to say to me won't be good news," she whispered, her eyes watering.

"Alright," he finally said, exhaling deeply and heading to the kitchen while she walked to their bedroom and locked the door behind her. She knew he'd be sleeping on the couch tonight, as he had been for the past three days, moving from their bed to the living room when he thought she wouldn't notice, and she let him, too tired to argue but extremely relieved that he'd agreed to put off their talk for another day. She could see her marriage falling apart, could see her family slipping from her grasp, but maybe if she stalled long enough for Elsa to heed her counsel and take down the queen, she wouldn't have to listen to Robin confess that he was in love with someone else. Maybe, if the Evil Queen fell to Elsa before Robin could tell her how he felt, he'd stay.

Robin sat on the couch with a cup of coffee in his hand. He hadn't known of the beverage when he arrived in this land, only discovering it when Regina had ordered it at breakfast one day, and he found he liked the strong, somewhat bitter taste of the drink, it helped him clear his head, which is what he was trying to do now as he pondered his situation for the millionth time.

He loved Regina. Seeing her today had only served to cement that fact in his very soul. He loved her, he wanted her, forever. She'd pushed him away, of course, as was her nature, but oh she had looked so beautiful, strong and confident and ready to take down whatever posed a danger to her son… and his. Somehow, her inclusion of Roland when she had talked about protecting Henry from Elsa's powers had made Robin's feelings for her grow. He knew she loved his son, knew she had a special part of her reserved just for him and his smiles and his dimples. He'd known this since they'd met in the Enchanted Forest, when she saved him from the flying monkey, when she allowed him into her heart even as she pushed everyone else away. That had been what intrigued him about her in the first place, how she could be so open with this little boy and so callous to the rest of them, but then it had all made sense when she'd finally confessed to missing her son.

Robin had wanted to talk to Marian right away, wanted to clear things between them so that the farce could stop. It did them no good to be trapped in this mockery of a relationship when his heart belonged to another, and while he was glad that she was back and could enjoy their son as all mothers are supposed to do, he couldn't love her again, no matter how hard he tried. Because he had found his soul mate, and he would not make the mistake of letting her go ever again.

Draining what was left of his coffee, Robin went to the bathroom down the hall to splash some water on his face, seeking a reprieve from his worries, and Roland chose that very moment to slip out of his room, a coat and scarf wrapped tightly around him, his knit floppy hat bouncing as he carried his stuffed monkey and his boots with him. Quietly, so as not to alert his parents to what he was doing, the boy slipped out of the house, stopping to put on his shoes over his thick wooly socks when he was far enough that he was sure his parents wouldn't see him.

It was chilly, and the wind was beating hard against him, but he powered through, squinting against the bitter cold and slowly making his way down the street. He couldn't read the signs on the street, but he knew that the first thing he had to do was walk all the way down to the big, battered blue metal box that Prince David had once explained carried letters inside it, and then turn to the side that had the big green pine tree in the corner.

A few times he lost his way, but he had been raised by a band of noble thieves, and they'd taught him how to tread through the forest by picking out eye-catching details every few steps, things that he'd remember when he passed so that he could always find his way back, and he'd applied that same knowledge to his walks around Storybrooke. With his teeth chattering a little from the cold, he continued to walk, turning this way and that depending on where the broken lamppost was, or on which side of the road the clock tower loomed over him, on or how far he was from the big black bench in the park, and as he kept finding his little landmarks, he found himself in the correct path again, his desperate tears growing harder and harder to contain the closer he got to his destination.

When Regina told Henry that he would be safer at Emma's for the night, he'd frowned and refused to go, not wanting to leave her side, but even he could see that it was the better option. While Elsa probably had no idea how things in this land worked, nor did she know where any of them lived, she was still very powerful, and chances were that Regina would be her first target if she were to start looking for one, so in the end Henry had begrudgingly agreed to spend the night with his other mom and grandparents, mumbling about how baby Neal would be keeping him up half the night.

She had just said goodbye to her son less than an hour ago and was fixing herself a cup of tea when a timid knock on the front door startled her. She was sure that if Elsa were to come for her, she wouldn't knock on her door so politely, but they'd all agreed to meet here again the next morning, so she wasn't expecting anybody. Her survival instincts kicked in immediately.

As she grasped the heavy handle and pulled the door open with one hand, fireball at the ready on the other, it took Regina a fraction of a second longer than usual to realize who had knocked. At first, she didn't see anyone, but when she dropped her gaze lower and realized it was Roland who was standing there, looking distraught and very tired, the fire in her hand disappeared instantly.

"Regina, can I come live with you?" he asked by way of greeting, pouting as he looked up at her, and her eyes widened in response.

"Roland, what are you doing here? Where's your father?" she inquired in a worried tone. The boy merely continued to look at her, extending his arms in the universal sign of children wanting to be picked up, and she did, unable to resist him when she noticed the stream of tears.

"Shh, shh, it's okay, honey, you're safe, it's alright," she kept whispering into his hair, jostling him a little in her arms to soothe him until finally, his wails quieted to slow, weepy intakes of breath, and she took advantage of his new-found calm to try and get answers out of him. There was no sense of urgency in him, just sadness, so she knew that nothing awful could be happening to Robin, and that helped her retain her composure as she spoke.

"Roland, do your parents know that you're with me?" she asked, sensing where this was going, and he buried his face in her chest as he shook his head.

"How did you get here?" she asked next.

"I walked," his voice was muffled against the fabric of her shirt, but she heard him, gasping at the realization that he had come all the way from his house to hers by himself. It wasn't a long trek by any means, Storybrooke was a small town and everything was a short distance from everything, but for a five year old boy to walk seven blocks in the cold by himself when there was a mad ice queen on the loose was quite a dangerous feat.

"You remembered how to get here all by yourself?" she asked incredulously. He'd only been to her house a handful of times, after all.

"A little. I got lost for a while, but then I saw the big red lights and found my way again," he told her with a small but very proud smile, and for once Regina was glad that her neighbor from down the street -one of Snow's insufferable dwarf friends- hadn't listened to her when she'd asked him repeatedly to take down the annoyingly red bulbs from the lamps by his door. The disturbing but unique color of his lights had guided Roland to her.

"We need to tell your papa that you're here, he's probably scared right now looking for you," she said, moving inside and shutting the door behind her with her foot, both arms still balancing the boy on her hip. Roland bolted at the mention of his father, though, slipping from her grasp and hiding behind her couch, his crying picking up again.

"Please don't tell him, Regina, he'll take me away!"

"Away? Roland, he's probably beside himself with worry, wondering what happened to you, we have to let him know you're safe."

"No, no, no, don't tell him, please! He'll take me back and I won't see you again," he sobbed, running back to her and barreling himself against her legs, her hands instantly going to his hair as she took one step back to kneel in front of him.

"Sweetheart, you're not making any sense, you need to calm down," she tried, but he was shaking his head frantically, still begging her not to reveal his whereabouts.

"How about this, you tell me what happened, and then we can figure out what to do, is that okay?" she offered, and finally, he nodded, a pouty bottom lip caught between his teeth.

Sitting cross-legged on the plush carpet, Regina coaxed Roland into her lap, his back against her torso, her chin resting on the top of his head, fingers running through the curls behind his ears, waiting for him to talk when he was ready.

"Mm-ma-mama and p-p-papa were fighting again, and I wanted t-t-to make them happy so I was g-g-guh-going to let mama have m-my monkey so she wouldn't c-cry, she always c-c-cries after she and p-papa fight," he began, hiccuping the words as he tried to calm his sobs.

"You brought your monkey with you, I take it you didn't give it to your mama in the end?" she asked with a knowing smile that he couldn't see, and he shook his head, turning on his side so he could rest his head against her chest, heaving a deep sigh and quieting down for a few minutes while she rocked their bodies back and forth. When he finally spoke again, he was calm, but his voice sounded gloomy and broken now.

"I was going to, but when I was there s-sh-she told papa she wasn't going to let me see you anymore," and that was it, that was the reason he'd ran from home, she realized, had walked in the cold all on his own to get here. He did not want to be kept away from her.

"Roland, sweetheart, you can't run away like that, your mama and your papa love you very much and they would be heartbroken if something happened to you."

"Mama doesn't love me, if she did she would let me see you."

"Honey, it's not that simple. Your mother does love you, it's just that she and I have a… a complicated history."

"Why?" he asked, curiosity shining in his teary eyes.

"Well, your mama traveled to this land just like we did, but she also traveled in time. She was in the Enchanted Forest, but in a time where you were just a baby, years before we lived together in the castle. Do you understand?"

"I think so," he answered, scrunching up his nose, and she smiled a little before she continued.

"Well, the thing is, in the time that she lived, it was the time where I was…"

"The bad queen," he finished for her, "papa told me," he acknowledged like it wasn't important, like it shouldn't have any bearing on his mother's actions.

"I… I hurt your mother back then, Roland, and I'm so sorry," Regina told him, not realizing that she was crying until the boy raised his hand to wipe the tears away, smiling at her.

"'S okay," he said, and she was reminded of when he had said those very same words back at the castle. She had confessed to him all of her sins without even meaning to, had finally opened up and let out the pain that was consuming her, all to this little boy who hadn't even batted an eye in fear or disgust, merely smiled at her and said 'it's okay' just like he was doing now, his tiny hands patting one of hers where it rested on his knee.

"No, it's not okay. I made your papa sad, and I made you grow up without your mama. I did a horrible, horrible thing to you and to your father, and I don't deserve to be forgiven for that."

"Yes you do," he said simply, his tears now dry, too busy consoling her to even think about his own pain at this point.

"You're young, you forgive easily, but not everyone does. And it's alright, I understand why your mother doesn't like me, I understand why she wouldn't want you to be near me."

"But you're not bad anymore! And you saved me and Henry! You're our hero! And papa always says we all deserve a second chance," he nodded solemnly, like that settled it.

"I'm going to call your papa and tell him that you're here," she said, changing the subject, "he can come pick you up after dinner."

"But if he takes me home, mama won't let me come back!"

"Maybe it's better that way, Roland, you deserve better than me."

"But I love you," he said, his voice breaking as he hugged her tight, and it made tears spring to her eyes faster than anything ever had before, her hand running up and down his back.

"I love you, too" she whispered brokenly.

"Then don't let papa take me away, please!" he begged, and she sighed, nodding against his hair.

"I will talk to your father and if he wishes it, we'll figure out a way to convince your mama to let you visit me, alright?" she appeased, and Roland took a while to consider her proposition, pouting up at her as he finally nodded and agreed to let her call.

I talked about posting an extra chapter last weekend and didn't deliver, so to apologize, I have a second update coming up right after this one so don't go away just yet!

Read and leave a review, pretty please?

Have a great weekend

-B