Grade 7/Year 1
I had worked hard for this day. Getting accepted into Miator was like a dream for me. A few of my friends had laughed at me for having that kind of ambition. I was a little hurt, but I honestly couldn't blame them for it. Astraea Hill is one of the most difficult schools to get into and Miator's academic requirements are certainly the toughest to meet. At times, it just seemed ridiculous.
Another reason that they laughed was that even if I managed to meet those requirements, the tuition rate for this school was…unbelievably high. It really did seem like one of those rich people schools, after all. My family wasn't poor, but we certainly didn't have the kind of wealthy background that most of the students in this school had. I wasn't selfish enough to force that kind of financial burden on my parents.
Thanks to a certain incentive, I became even more motivated to achieve my goal. Students who earn and maintain exceptional marks are given free board and tuition while their marks remained high. It was the perfect opportunity for someone like me, who could never afford such a staggering tuition fee, to enroll.
I gave it everything I had and I eventually achieved my goal. I know it's an odd goal for a sixth grader to have, but I had been looking into this school for a while and I loved everything about it. The teachers and classes were excellent, the uniforms were so cute, but most of all, I was really looking forward to having a roommate and this was the only school around that had dorms.
It's a very strange reason to work so hard to get into such a school just because of the dorms, but that was what initially motivated me to try. My parents were always working, and the house was always empty whenever I returned. I know they were working hard so we could have the best life possible, but it was lonely. I wanted to have a close friend. I wanted to be able to go back to my room and know that there was someone else there. Having something like that would make all of the effort worth it.
On the first day, everything just seemed to be wonderful. The pretty uniform I received fit perfectly and everyone I met seemed so friendly. I could tell that I was going to enjoy my time here. All the excitement was building up and it made me look forward to meeting my roommate even more.
When I reached my room, I was definitely nervous. I bet my hand was shaking when I reached for the knob and opened the door. I had planned to greet my roommate with a cheerful smile, but to my disappointment, no one was inside. I sighed after having built up so much anxiety over nothing. I figured she was just late and decided to unpack my things while I waited.
I was about halfway done when realization finally dawned on me. I glanced over at the unoccupied side of the room. Most of my luggage was gathered on my side, but there wasn't a single suitcase on the other side. Every piece of luggage in this room belongs to me. It took me a minute to process the thought. Why wasn't there any other luggage here? Why had my roommate not shown up by now?
A knock on the door pulled me out of my thoughts. I quickly moved to the door and opened it, probably a bit too eager to see who it was. I couldn't help but frown when I saw that it was an older girl, possibly a fifth or sixth year, standing in front of me.
"You are Suzumi Tamao, correct?" She asked me, looking up from her clipboard.
"Y-yes." I wasn't sure why I was nervous. Did I get into some trouble already? "Can I help you?" Those probably weren't the best words I could have used.
"No, you're fine." She answered, looking back down at her clipboard. "I'm just checking to see if all of the new students have arrived yet. Good day." She turned to leave, but I called out to stop her.
"Please wait! Um…" I looked back in my room. "I'm supposed to have a roommate, right? She hasn't shown up yet, and there isn't any luggage here that might belong to her." The woman raised her eyebrow in confusion and looked at her clipboard again.
"Ah. There was another girl who was assigned to this room, but it seems she changed her mind about coming here. There aren't any other students who applied to stay in the dorms, so it looks like you'll have your own room this year. You're pretty lucky." She offered me a smile and I returned a weak one.
"Yeah. Lucky me." I went back into my room and shut the door. I leaned against the door and tried not to laugh at how…stupid this situation turned out. I worked so hard to get here, and the thing that I wanted the most isn't even here.
For a while, I had hoped that someone would eventually transfer in, but as time went on, that hope began to fade away. I was told that people generally didn't transfer into this school, especially not after seventh grade. If they transferred in any later than that, they wouldn't be able to keep up with the curriculum, or so I was told.
I didn't want to believe it, but it seemed to be true. As the seniors graduated and more first years came in, the rooms were never in short supply to the point where an underclassman would have to room with me. There were no new transfer students, and by the end of my second year, I had given up hope on ever getting a roommate.
Grade 9/Year 3
By the time I started my third year at Miator, I had accepted the fact that I wouldn't be getting a new roommate. It was depressing to admit, but I knew there was nothing I could do about it. It's not like I was lonely or anything. I had made plenty of friends here, but it seemed like people tend to spend most of their time with their roommate. I found out that some roommates were even dating! I was a little jealous of people that were so close, but not too much. I wasn't even looking for anything intimate anyway. That was what I believed in the spring, but when summer came around, I actually developed a crush on someone…I think.
I first met her during summer break. At the start of the break, I had gone home to visit my family. On the night following my return to the dorm, I met Yaya-chan.
Our meeting occurred shortly after dinner. I was wandering aimlessly around the dorm with no reason or destination in mind. Perhaps that was a little redundant. Thinking back on it, that may have been my only way of procrastinating, or maybe I only wanted to put off returning to my room as much as I could.
As I walked around, I stopped to look through the window that faced the center of the dorm. When I glanced down, I saw a girl standing by herself under the gazebo*. I couldn't quite tell from where I was standing, but it looked like she was talking to herself. I wondered what she was doing outside this late. Curiosity got the best of me and I ended up going outside to talk to her.
After stepping outside, I immediately realized that she hadn't been talking to herself. I didn't know how else to describe this girl's singing other than…captivating. I stood frozen in place as I listened to her, completely entranced by her voice. Her singing must have taken me to another world for that brief moment because I didn't notice that she had stopped until she spoke up.
"If you keep staring at me like that without speaking, I'm going to think I'm in one of those horror movies and run away screaming. Ah, but then I would get in trouble and that would be a pain. Facing a possessed girl or hearing the nun's lecture – I don't know which is worse." That certainly wasn't something I expected her to say. I don't know whether she was talking to herself or me, but I could already tell one thing for sure.
This girl is strange.
"Um…hello?" I wasn't really sure how to greet her and my sudden awkwardness just made me feel silly.
"Oh good, she speaks. Guess I won't have to run away screaming after all." She replied with a playful grin.
"Yes, screaming would be bad." I decided to play along, but I wasn't really sure how to talk to her. I don't think I've met anyone in this school that actually teased me before now. It seemed like something that should be a little more common, but it's surprising to realize that it hasn't happened in over two years.
"I could try frolicking, but that seems kind of pointless."
My confusion only grew as I spoke with her. "Was there ever a point to this?"
"Oh, crap! You're right!" Is she still messing with me? She snickered at my confusion. "The girls here are so fun to tease." I knew it. "So what are you doing out here?" She put a hand over her mouth as she suddenly gasped in surprise. "Could it be that you've come out here to confess your feelings? You're quite bold to confess under the moonlight like this, aren't you? It's just like out of a romance novel."
"I-wait, what?" I could feel my cheeks burning. "W-what are you talking about?"
"Haven't you heard the rumors about how couples rendezvous at the secret garden? That's this garden right here." She pointed down at the ground to emphasize her point.
"EH?" I looked around frantically. "No, I-" I stopped and glared at her. "That's not funny! This isn't even a garden!"
What started as a soft chuckle grew into full out laughter after my response. "That's great! Nice reaction!" I crossed my arms and tried to frown, but her laughter was contagious. I should have felt like an idiot, but I couldn't help laughing with her.
"You're pretty strange." I said when we stopped laughing. "But then again, I guess I'm also strange for laughing at myself."
"I get that a lot." She leaned against one of the gazebo's columns. "I don't think I'm weird at all. I think everyone else is weird for having a weak sense of humor. I'm the only normal one here." She stopped and looked at me. "Well, I guess you're pretty normal. People should be able to laugh at themselves. Otherwise conversations would be stiff and boring."
"I kind of want to agree with you, but your logic is a little…" Although the entire thing was weird, the conversation also seemed unusually casual. I felt strangely comfortable talking to her, even if it didn't make much sense.
"Sometimes it's just better to ignore things like logic or common sense." She replied with an indifferent shrug.
"Common sense exists for a reason."
"There you go again with your 'logic'." I can't keep up with this girl. I sighed.
"You really are strange, aren't you?" I smiled a little when she frowned.
"I think I'm supposed to be offended."
"Common sense and logic would dictate that you would be offended."
"Geh!" She put a hand over her face. "You got me." I didn't even understand this interaction between us, but I'm certain I was enjoying myself. I even felt a little pride from my victory in this strange game we were apparently playing.
"So what brings you out here?" She asked after apparently having her fill of playing with me. "Are you sure you're not here to confess your unwavering love for me?"
"I'm not!" I guess she isn't done yet. "I only met you three minutes ago." She was grinning again. Maybe the people in this school really were that easy to tease, or maybe she was just that good at it. I don't even know.
"I came out here because I saw what looked like a girl talking to herself. I didn't anticipate that she would be singing." I continued to speak but she immediately had a quip.
"And that was when you had become smitten by that girl's voice, right?" She's relentless!
"Stop that!" If I wasn't blushing before, my face was certainly red now.
She put her hands on her cheeks and pretended to be embarrassed. "W-well, you're cute, but I think we should get to know each other better first." This girl isn't strange. She's just evil.
"Knock it off!" I buried my face in my hands to hide my embarrassment. When she started laughing, I kept my hands over my face to hide my smile. I was having fun even though I probably looked like a fool.
"Anyway-" I had to shift this conversation quickly to save myself from further humiliation, though it seemed almost inevitable just by staying out here. "-you have a lovely singing voice. It's too bad that it comes from the same person that gets a laugh out of making girls feel stupid."
"That's not true." She crossed her arms. "I don't try to make anyone feel stupid – just embarrassed."
"Why do you think people sometimes feel embarrassed? It's not always the case, but it can be because someone made them look like a fool. Either that, or they made themselves look that way."
"Really?" She asked in sudden surprise. She might not be strange or evil. It's possible that she's just an idiot. That's wrong. I shouldn't call someone I just met an idiot. She's probably not really an idiot. No, she's definitely just messing with me.
"I'm not falling for that." I replied calmly. I could have sworn I heard a 'tch', but I ignored it. How many times has this conversation gone in a circle? All the words we've spoken haven't taken us anywhere.
She pushed herself off the pillar and walked up to me. "You're interesting. Most people can't keep up or they just get mad and leave." I can't really blame them. "I'm Nanto Yaya. You?" She held her hand out. I took it and smiled.
"Suzumi Tamao. It might be nice to meet you." She grinned at my response.
"Likewise. We should do this again sometime. It was fun." After shaking my hand, she turned and walked towards Spica's section of the dorm. I stood in the same spot and watched her walk away.
This was certainly a unique experience. She was probably one of the most unique people in this school, and she certainly had a personality that stood out more than everyone else. Well, Chihaya-chan could probably give Yaya-chan a run for her money.
Long after returning to my room, she was still on my mind. There was something about her that I really liked. I don't know if it was her wonderful singing voice, her casual way of teasing someone she just met, or maybe it really was just how she looked under the moonlight, but there was something about her that made me want to talk to her again.
But I never did.
It's not like I never saw her again. In fact, I saw her frequently, but every time I did, she was with a blond girl that I didn't know. Whenever I saw the two of them, Yaya-chan always looked so happy. It felt like I would be intruding on them if I were to suddenly walk up to them and start talking to her, so I never did.
Was it love at first sight? I don't think so. Did I develop some sort of crush on her? It's possible. It might have just been because she was someone that was completely different from the norm. Maybe someday I'll talk to her, get close, and find out what my feelings really are.
Grade 10/ Year 4
The day had finally arrived! Against all odds, someone was actually transferring in as a fourth year. Even better, she would be my new roommate! I was so excited that I could barely contain my excitement. A few students asked me why I looked so happy and I could only tell them that 'Something good is happening.'
I had managed to convince Rokujo-san to allow me to show the new girl around in her place, so when the day came, I eagerly awaited her arrival. Perhaps I was a bit too excited. I ended up falling asleep late the night before and barely managed to wake up on time. As I went down to the head sister's office, I barely caught a glimpse of her as she entered the room. Strawberries?
The word crossed my mind as I walked down the hall. When I got closer to the door, a group of girls had already gathered in front and seemed to be listening in. I leaned against the wall next to the door and waited for the conversation to end before knocking.
It was difficult to hear the conversation through the wall, but I distinctively heard that my new roommate had some sort of medical condition. When I heard that, I thought I should do something to make these other students leave, but the door to the office suddenly swung open and a few girls fell inside. They spouted a unanimous apology before running off in different directions.
I walked up to the door after it closed and was about to knock, but I stopped when I heard an unfamiliar voice speaking. "-I was diagnosed with photophobia, so I have to wear these sunglasses around light." That sounds inconvenient. I wonder if we can get dimmer lights for our room. I knocked on the door and heard the sister tell me to enter. I smiled again as I entered the room.
As Rokujo-san introduced me to her, I couldn't help but stare at the girl in front of me. Sunglasses or not, she was unbelievably cute! Ah, she has strawberry hair. I don't think I've ever seen that before. Why is she being so quiet? Did I do something to offend her already?
Just as I thought that, she smiled. Cute! Why do cute things have to be my weakness? She's so cute that I just want to hug her, but she'd probably get mad or think I'm weird. Just after she introduced herself, I already slipped up by calling her by her first name. I sighed inwardly with relief when she apparently didn't mind.
After we stepped into the hall and Rokujo-san left, I tried to lead Nagisa-chan into the nurse's office. It proved unnecessary when she pulled out a card that had her measurements written on it. "That's quite some insight you have." Even if someone knew they had to get their measurements, I don't think they would normally measure it in advance. I took the card and studied the numbers intensely. Let's see, if I remember correctly, the uniform number for her size is- ah, I remember.
For a while, things were quiet between us until I asked her why she transferred here. She had apparently fallen ill, but that didn't really explain why her family would decide to move after she recovered. I didn't really put too much thought into it at the time. I told her that I was happy that she ended up becoming my roommate, and the conversation seemed to pick up from there. With her teasing, she reminded me a bit of Yaya-chan. I bet those two would get along well. It would be an entertaining conversation.
The tour seemed to be going great, even if we had to run back to the dorms because I had kept us out too long. Things went sour when Nagisa-chan met Etoile-sama. The Etoile had immediately started flirting with her, but Nagisa-chan was actually able to get away from her. At first, it looked like she was actually going to punch the Etoile, but in the end, she simply slipped out of her grasp and made it look so effortless. She was grinning with confidence when she spoke to the Etoile, but when she walked with me to our seats, I could see that she was annoyed.
After I brought her back to our room, she began rummaging through her things while explaining why the Etoile angered her. I could understand why Nagisa-chan was mad, and it made me wonder why she was the first person to have this reaction, at least the first as far as I knew. Talking with her made me remember bumping into the Etoile near the end of last year, but I was able to get away thanks to the bell ringing. I'm not sure why I wasn't able to get away and I didn't want to think about it.
While Nagisa-chan was laying on the bed, possibly lost in thought, I went off to the bathroom to shower and change so she could have some privacy. When I returned, I saw her sitting at her desk, combing her hair while wearing…goggles. I knew why, but she didn't know I knew why, so I had to ask. I think she tried to change the subject by teasing me, or maybe she just did it for fun. When I looked over her pajamas, I saw the wristbands and couldn't stop myself from asking about it. I kind of believed what she said about wearing them since she was a kid, but something told me that wasn't it.
When night came around, I couldn't stop my stupid curiosity any longer and ended up asking "Can I see your eyes?" Am I an idiot? That's going to make her uncomfortable. To my surprise, she agreed. Just like her hair, her eyes were unlike any I had ever seen before. They seemed to be a shade of orange and looked as if they were glowing in the dark background. "Your eyes are beautiful." I said it without thinking, but it was true. I think I embarrassed her. It wasn't really how I expected the first day to end, but I'm not complaining.
Over time, I had learned many things about Nagisa, like the fact that she didn't like bothering with honorifics. That quickly led to us to just calling each other by our first names without any honorifics.
I wasn't sure which was more impressive – how hard she studies or how fast she eats. She had worked hard from the start to make up for being three years behind in French. Watching her work so hard inspired me to do my best as well. On the other hand, watching her eat was something else entirely. If you blinked, it would seem as if her food had simply vanished. It was interesting and slightly frightening.
After bringing her to the literature club, I learned about what happened to her parents and how she injured her eyes. I don't know if she was actually ready to talk about it, and it feels like I forced her into a situation where she had to speak. After that, we had spent the whole night telling each other about our parents and ended up falling asleep in the same bed.
It was the following night, and the nights after, that I discovered that Nagisa had frequent nightmares. It seemed that she woke up every morning screaming. It startled me at first, but all Nagisa did was curse under her breath before acting like everything was normal. It seemed like she didn't know she actually screamed. The only other thing she did that wasn't normal was when she would hold her wrist after sitting up. Since she never said anything about it, I never asked, even though I was concerned. I didn't want to force her to speak again, so I decided to wait until she was ready to talk about it.
Sometime after that, Nagisa started spending time with Rokujo-san and the Etoile. It seemed weird at first, considering how much the Etoile had angered her on Nagisa's first day. It didn't really make any sense until she told me why she was talking to them. Those two knew about the past she wanted to keep secret, and they were helping her deal with it. She must have more baggage than I imagined if she was worried about what I would think of her if she told me.
"You are my best friend and if you suddenly have a different opinion about me because of my past, I'd probably be heartbroken." That's what she told me. She wanted to trust me, but she was afraid. She had lost everything before, and she was frightened that it would happen again. To prove her point, she showed me her wrist. Underneath that wristband was a scar that she had kept hidden long before she transferred to Miator. The possibility had crossed my mind before, but part of me refused to believe that my best friend had tried to kill herself.
I was foolish and selfish. How could I be so blind? "Good night, Tamao-chan." The words sounded so cryptic. Without thinking, I called out to her and grabbed her hand. It was the wrong time to be thinking like this. She's my best friend and I'll be there for her when she needs it.
"I won't pity you." I let her know that I was here for her. No matter what she went through, I would be willing to listen to her. I would be there for her, because that's what friends are for, right? Nagisa smiled, clearly relieved that I didn't abandon her. I was glad to see that smile, but at the same time, it felt like I would have lost her forever if I hadn't stopped her right then.
I don't know what she went through, and the possibilities seemed endless. It didn't matter. I felt that I would be ready for anything.
I was naïve.
The three of us were completely silent. There was no way we could possibly be prepared for this. So many awful things happened to her in such a short amount of time. I don't think I would have the strength to move on if I had gone through the same thing. None of us would.
I managed to pull my eyes away from Nagisa long enough to look at the other two. They must have been thinking the same thing. Yaya was clearly torn between anger and surprise. Inside, I felt the same way. I had never met the boys she talked about, and I know I never will. Despite that, I felt a deep hatred towards them for what they had done to Nagisa and how much misery they brought her. Just thinking about making them pay for what they did made my fists quiver.
I turned my head slightly to check on Tsubomi, who had a look comprising of both shock and disbelief, most likely similar to the face I was making. I couldn't blame her. This was the girl that was working hard to befriend everyone she met. The two of them had become close friends almost the instant they met. It seemed so unreal that Nagisa would have suffered through so much.
Abandonment
Isolation
Betrayal
Gang raped
Attempted murder
Pregnancy
Stillbirth
Attempted suicide
I had to push down the bile that rose in my throat as I thought back on her story. Any one of these things could push someone over the edge, yet she had experienced them all. What are you supposed to say to someone who has lived through all of that? What could anyone say after hearing that? 'I'm sorry to hear that'? 'Oh wow, that sucks'? 'Cheer up'? Such halfhearted words would only do more harm than good. There aren't any words that could lift the spirits of someone who not only said, but truly believes that her existence is a sin.
What the hell kind of friend am I? She called me her best friend, and I said I would be there for her. After hearing all of this, why am I so useless? I had to keep thinking.
Nagisa remained quiet after finishing her story. She knew we would need time before we could speak. She knew we would be at a loss for words. She probably expects us to abandon her like those girls at her last school. How can we show that we care without making it look like we pity her? She's stronger than she's giving herself credit for. She's stronger than all of us. She doesn't need pity; she needs her friends.
I can't imagine the intense suffering she went through when she was raped, or the disparity and weakness she felt as she laid on the floor. Just thinking about such a horrid experience is hard to bare. No wonder she had so many nightmares. Even after that, she still had the strength to live, not for herself, but for a child that was forced upon her. The sheer willpower to keep living for the sake of someone she felt was innocent in all of this was truly amazing. It seemed so cruel that the baby was never born. I'm sure Nagisa would have been a great mother if she had the chance. How could any of us think less of her for that? If anything, it only proves how strong of a person she is. I wish you could see just how incredible you really are.
I thought through her story again, trying to keep my emotions in check. Thinking about it made me sick to my stomach. I wish I could have been with her. I wish she didn't have to be alone. It's hard to believe that someone who experienced all of that could be the same age as me. My thoughts screeched to a halt. Same age? That wasn't right.
I remembered all of our conversations up until now. Some people might think that's a bit creepy, but I don't think it's wrong. She's the only person I've ever met that I could actually call my best friend. I couldn't bring myself to forget anything we talked about. It would just be sad if I did.
Comparing some of those conversations to her story, I could see how often she lied to keep me from finding out more than she was willing to share about her past. She said she had missed a year of school due to illness, but that obviously wasn't right. Even if she had missed a year of school in America, she could have still come over to Japan and just transferred in late. The time frame isn't adding up. If she got pregnant in May, she would have delivered sometime around February. She said that she went to therapy and then transferred here. There's no way she would have been able to move across the world and transfer in at the beginning of the trimester in such a short time.
I looked back to Nagisa, who was slumped against the floor and sobbing into her hands. Part of me wanted to hold her and tell her it would be okay, but I knew that wasn't the right thing to do here. I had to wonder what she was thinking right now. Was she regretting that she told us all of this? Was she reliving that nightmare in her head? Regardless of what was on her mind, I had to ask her what was on my mind.
"What aren't you telling us?" She lifted her head to look at me so quickly that I feared she just gave herself whiplash. I don't know if she was surprised by me suddenly speaking up, or if it was what I asked. "It's just like when you told me about your parents. Even when you're truly being honest and opening your heart to others, it's become instinctive for you to lie. At the end of the story about your parents, you said that it was the piano that made you open up, but according this story, you had already started speaking by then. I realize now why you did it. You simply wanted the story to end. You rushed to the end of the story with something vague that didn't follow the seriousness that led up to it. You're doing the same thing here, aren't you?"
I could make out that Nagisa's eyes widened as I spoke, even with her shades blocking the view. She didn't speak up, so I continued. "I know you're not trying to lie to us now, but part of you is preventing you from speaking the truth throughout the entire story. It's impossible for you to have delivered in February-" Having to choose my words carefully here made me a little nauseous. "-and then attempt suicide, go through rehab for everything you told us about, then move to a different country, and still make it here at the beginning of the school year. I didn't forget what you told me, Nagisa. I never forgot that you're a year older than us."
Nagisa lowered her head, but still she remained silent. "It takes a long time for a case to go to trial in the United States, doesn't it?" Yaya spoke up. "Whether you were in therapy or not, you couldn't have left the country until the case was settled. If that Kaito bastard didn't confess until the actually trial, you wouldn't have been able to leave the country as soon as you claim. They obviously couldn't hold the trial while you were in the hospital since you were the victim. If my knowledge of American law is right, which it might not be, don't cases usually take a long time to go to court and even longer if the victim and the one pressing charges is incapacitated?"
Nagisa's body shook slightly as she let out a humorless laugh. "Well, at least you listened to everything. I suppose that's a good sign." Despite how bitter she sounded, it really looked as if she was relieved, perhaps even hopeful. "I was sent to a clinic. Since I wasn't the one that initially chose to go there, I couldn't choose when I no longer needed to go there. There were only two ways for me to get out of it – my grandfather checks me out, or the counselors give me the clear to end my therapy." She leaned back against the wall and looked at the empty space between where I stood and where the other two stood. "Gramps would never believe I was okay after seeing me at my worst. Strangers, on the other hand, are much easier to fool."
"You lied to get out of rehab?" Yaya asked.
"That's an understatement. These were professionals, after all. They wouldn't believe I had suddenly become better." She looked away from us completely. "I really am a good liar. Slowly but surely, I played the role of a recovering victim. It took months, but I eventually pulled it off and I was released. As if their pity-induced coddling would really help anyone." I don't think she really believes that. She probably just felt that everyone was judging her behind her back.
She paused for a moment, probably expecting us to say something. After a moment of silence, she continued speaking. "The trial was held during the summer while I was still going to therapy. There really isn't anything more to say about that other than Kaito confessing. Gramps didn't believe that I should have stopped going to counseling, but he couldn't argue with certified professionals. We moved back here sometime in the fall, but nothing happened between then and my transfer. It wasn't until a few days before I actually transferred here that I was told I would be going back to school. Clever old fart had my transfer ready without me ever realizing it."
She looked at the three of us, and then looked up at the ceiling. "That's everything I have to tell. All of my secrets are out. You guys think I'm disgusting, right? You'll leave just like the rest of them, won't you? I won't hold it against any of you. Our time together was fun while it lasted. I understand. I'm manipulative, pathetic and weak."
"That's not true." Tsubomi spoke up for the first time. "If you of all people are weak, what does that make everyone else?" She walked up to Nagisa and knelt down in front of her, looking her straight in the eye. "If you were really weak, you wouldn't be here right now. I don't think there's anyone else that would have enough willpower to keep living after going through what you experienced. You aren't giving yourself enough credit."
"Aren't you giving me too much credit?" Nagisa sounded almost desperate. Somewhere inside, she really wanted to believe what Tsubomi was saying. She wanted to be saved. "I didn't have the willpower to keep going. That's why I tried to kill myself!"
"But you're still here." Her reply startled Nagisa. "Do you mean to say that in the year or so since your last attempt, you've never had the opportunity to kill yourself?" It was surprising to hear her speak like this, but I could see her discomfort. She was saying it because it was what she felt she had to say. "You survived their attempt and your own because you're stronger than you're willing to admit. You've continued to live because deep down, you still have hope. Part of you still believes that you can escape your loneliness; that you'll eventually find friends who care about the real you instead of whom you pretend to be. You still hold on to the hope that you'll find people that accept everything about you and won't abandon you."
Tsubomi smiled. "Your efforts have paid off. You have that friendship here with us. We're still with you because we want to be with you, not because we feel obligated to. We certainly don't pity you because you're the strongest person we'll ever meet. You're our friend and you always will be. We aren't going to abandon you."
That did it.
Like a dam bursting, tears flowed freely down Nagisa's cheeks. Tsubomi pulled her into a hug and the older girl cried into the pinkette's shoulder. Yaya and I exchanged smiles. I'm sure we were both impressed with how our kouhai handled the situation better than either of us could have. Today, she seemed much more mature than the rest of us.
Just when things seemed to improve, the sound of movement in the hall caught my attention. Before I could even move, Yaya was already opening the door and looking out in the hall. After a moment, she shut the door and looked at me with a frown before shaking her head. Had someone been listening this entire time? I could only hope that wasn't the case as I looked back at the two girls on the floor. It seemed neither of them noticed anything. Please, just let her be happy for once.
After Nagisa calmed down, Tsubomi took her up to our room while Yaya and I went to speak with the Etoile and Rokujo-san. I was truly surprised by how late it had become. I knew that the story would last a while if Nagisa was willing to speak, but I hadn't expected it to last this long. Dinner had ended quite some time ago. I sincerely hoped that the noise from earlier was just someone returning to their room.
Yaya and I entered Rokujo-san's room and explained what had happened. The night before, the three of us visited Rokujo-san and Shizuma-san and told them about how worried we were about Nagisa. It was Rokujo-san's idea to wait until she returned to Shizuma-san's room to confront her and tell her that we were worried about her. Did she know that Nagisa would tell us the truth in that situation?
"So in the end, that first year girl outshined all of us." The Etoile mused. "I'm a bit impressed, considering how nervous and fidgety she seemed when I first met her." I noticed that both seniors seemed to be relieved. They were both worried about her as well.
"Perhaps, because she is younger, she couldn't fully grasp the severity of what Nagisa experienced. That may have allowed her to think more clearly than any of us did." Rokujo-san pondered. I don't believe that's really true. I could tell by the shock on her face. She fully understood what Nagisa was saying, just as the rest of us did. Yaya and I were probably thinking too much and ended up not knowing what to say, while she probably didn't need to think. I bet Tsubomi just spoke what she truly believed.
"The three of you seemed to handle the situation very well. I wonder if we could have done the same if she had told us everything."
"I doubt it." Shizuma-san frowned. "I could barely control my anger just from what she told us. I can't imagine my reaction if she had been completely honest. Did you know that she told us she pretended her ex was a girl just so people were less likely to figure out what he did to her?"
"She never said anything like that, but I'm not really surprised that she didn't say everything the first time. It seems she instinctively lies to protect herself; she makes sure that people don't know more than she's willing to share." I replied. Lying became second nature and she ended up doing it whether she wanted to or not. "What was different about your version?"
"It was quite a bit different, really. She never mentioned the other two boys that raped her, nor did she mention them trying to kill her. In fact, she claimed that she had cut both wrists when she tried killing herself, but she only showed us one wrist. She also left out the rehab and never gave us a timeframe for when everything occurred, probably so we wouldn't find any contradictions." Shizuma-san sighed. "What a hard life to live." She glanced over at Yaya. "You've been quiet. Something on your mind?"
Yaya blinked a few times, and then looked up at Shizuma-san. "Yeah." She answered. "We think someone may have been listening in on us. When Nagisa finished speaking, Tamao and I heard someone running in the hall. I don't know what we should do about it."
We put our heads together in order to think of a solution, but in the end, we couldn't think of anything to do about it. It's not like we could go around and ask if anyone was in the hall at the time because that would just raise suspicion. All we could really do was hope for the best.
Miracles don't exist.
Those words chilled me to the bone.
I separated from Yaya and returned to my room. When I entered, I saw that Nagisa was under the covers, already asleep. Tsubomi was sitting on the edge of the bed, running her fingers through Nagisa's hair in a calming manner. It was rather cute, really. I leaned against the door after closing it and looked at the two.
I had noticed the building relationship between these two in the few weeks they had known each other. They had become friends almost instantly, but I suppose that was pretty normal for Nagisa. I wonder what Tsubomi thought of her at the time. Nagisa suddenly called her cute and even 'moe', and then started dragging her around by the arm and even hugging her. She looked so completely caught off guard by how Nagisa acted towards her. It was interesting to watch.
"Say, Tsubomi." It's rare for the two of us to be alone like this, since Nagisa is asleep. I felt like I should ask while I had the opportunity. "Do you like Nagisa?"
"Huh?" She suddenly looked over at me. Had she been so preoccupied that she hadn't notice me enter?
"Do you like Nagisa?" I asked again. I thought about trying to be roundabout, but I ended up being direct.
"W-what?" I could see a deep crimson spread across her face before she turned her head away from me. I walked over to my bed and sat down.
"You two have gotten close at a surprisingly quick rate, even for Nagisa. Your blush pretty much gives away the answer. I'm asking as Nagisa's overprotective best friend – do you like Nagisa?" Maybe I was asking it a bit harshly. I probably made her uncomfortable.
"She's a really great person, you know." Tsubomi spoke up. "She's always trying her hardest, isn't she? I'm sure that even before I met her, she was working hard to do her best at everything, especially befriending and getting along with people she just met. Nagisa was always doing everything she could for her friends, even going out of her way to help them. She'd play it off as a joke, or try to hide what her intentions were, but it was obvious when she was trying to help someone."
Tsubomi chuckled a little. "I know I wasn't the easiest person to get along with. Most people were put off by my attitude, but she wasn't. No matter how I reacted, she'd always pull me into a hug and say I was being cute. It was something I had never experienced before, and it made me happy. Without even realizing it, I felt myself being drawn towards her. I might have been drawn to her from the first time we met. Just being with her is enough to make me smile." She looked up at me with a sweet smile I had never seen before. "Yes. I like Nagisa. I know I can't confess my feelings right now, but I'm fine with that. The important thing right now is that she knows we're here for her. I know she wouldn't abandon any of us, so I'll make sure she knows I won't leave her."
"You're a good girl, aren't you?" I asked without thinking. Tsubomi really is mature for her age. She looked away, most likely feeling embarrassed. "I agree. We'll support her as much as we can because she's our friend, right?" Tsubomi nodded her head vigorously.
She's my best friend. I'll do all that I can to ensure that she doesn't suffer anymore.
Act II: End
*I don't know if the actual term for that thing is 'gazebo', but I couldn't figure out any other name for it. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, it's that thing near the center of the dorms that Nagisa is standing on halfway through episode 15. If anyone knows the actual name of that thing, please tell me because I have no clue. Or gazebo could be right and I could secretly be awesome, but I'm betting on the former.
A/N Well, at least this chapter came out faster than the last one, right? I thought this would be a good chapter to do from someone else's perspective. Tamao seemed like a more appropriate choice over Yaya, and Tsubomi hasn't been in the story long enough for it to make much sense in doing it from her point. I also took the chance to create a background for Tamao that would explain why she acts the way she does in this series and perhaps explain why she's so crazy attached to Nagisa in the anime. Of course it's not canon, but how much of this story actually has been?
I'm sure parts of this chapter weren't unexpected. Well, I'm sure most people wouldn't expect me to fix the contradictions, but that's another story. The childhood friend, the best friend, and the friend she got unexpectedly close to – I doubt very many people expected them to just say "Fuck this, I'm out" and leave.
Next Chapter marks the start of Act III and it returns to Nagisa's perspective and returns to third person. Writing in first person felt weird. I bet the transition back will feel even weirder.
Only six reviews? I expected a staggering thirty or something. Not really, but that would have been awesome. But seriously, thanks for the reviews guys and gals and people of questionable gender!
the cold raven – You shouldn't thank me for it. It makes me feel awkward. I didn't actually expect to make anyone cry, though. All I can offer is this chapter and a hug. C'mere, you.
romancejunkie – Remember all of those times when I said I was a sadist? I think I proved it. This is probably the darkest past I could write while keeping it within the scope of reality.
lord orion123 – Compared to some of the writing I've seen on here, I'd say my grammar is good enough to justify not needing a beta. I've seen plenty of stories that were betafied that still had worse grammar than mine. One might be good for idea generation, but I also like going with the flow of my own writing and seeing if I can do something about my mistakes later on. Also, Tamao doesn't blush enough to be a tomato.
KittyAttack – Mission accomplished!
kaizer20 – What? No! That's not right at all! There's no punchline! This isn't a comedy…right now. Well, I had expected you to laugh at this anyway. Maybe you're just a lost cause in the "make people baww" department. I won't hold it against you for laughing at angst. To be honest, I laugh my ass off at smut. No matter which couple is or how well it's written, smut always makes me laugh. I can't even attempt to write it because I'll just laugh at any stupid line I'd write.
YOUnoWHO – There's always more…until there isn't more. But that's at the end when it's over.