Disclaimer: I don't own the Host. Just the mini-Howe's.

I couldn't stop shaking. Why can't I stop shaking? I'm trying to control it, but I can't. I don't want to show my fear. Not when I have Jared watching me. Or Ian. But I can't seem to stop. No matter how much I lock my muscles in place or how much I bite my tongue, my body won't stop shaking. It was pathetic.

When had my distaste for the Seeker turn to fear? I had never feared her before. Melanie had never feared her before. So when did this happen? My stomach was turning. Why couldn't she leave us alone? Why couldn't she believe I was dead like the rest of the Seekers? My heart was picking up speed. My breathing got a little harder. I needed to calm down.

I closed my eyes and I focused my attention on the twins. On their even breaths that I can hear from below me. I blocked out the fact that Jared and Ian were in the same room as me and focused on Aiden and Macey. I pictured it was only us here. No one else was watching, no one else was listening. It was just us.

Finally, my breathing started to even out and my body wasn't shaking anymore. And I mustered my guts enough to open my eyes and assess the situation.

I hesitantly peeked out through my fingers to see Jared and Ian leaning over me. Well, Jared was leaning over me the most while Ian was more behind his shoulder. For some reason, I think that was deliberate.

Both of their faces were hard as stone. Jared's was harder. Ian's looked like it still had some lingering shock.

"Look at its eyes." Ian muttered. There was definitely still some shock left it there. "It's frightened."

Still? Dang, I thought I had gotten all my fear wiped off my face. I wanted to hide back in my hands, but I don't think that would help very much. They would think I was even more afraid. Which I was, but there was no need to advertise it more. I tried to wipe any lingering fear off my face.

Once I thought I had gotten any fear left over off my face, I studied Jared's expression. I could see both he and Ian's expressions clearly, but I only focused on Jared's. And his gaze was only focusing on me. It was calculating. He was probably shifting through what Ian said; looking for what had set me off.

"Who is the Seeker in black?" He barked at me.

My lips trembled. I wanted to answer him. But I knew that being silent was the safest.

"I know you can talk." Jared growled. "You talk to Jeb and Jamie. You were talking to me. And now we're going to talk again."

He moved closer. He leaned more over me that now I couldn't even see Ian anymore. I could feel his warm breath on my face.

"Tell me what you know."

I didn't answer.

"Who is the Seeker in black? Why is she looking for you?" He shouted.

I cringed. He was so loud. The shout echoed throughout the room. I heard the twins whimper below me.

"Ah, Jared? Maybe I should-" Ian murmured.

"Stay out of it!"

I heard Ian move closer, but I still couldn't see him.

"Can't you see you scared it? And the kids? Let it have a-"

Jared suddenly leapt up from above me. He moved and then I heard a thud. Then a muted curse.

I raised my head, but I still couldn't see Ian. All I could see was Jared's back.

I heard Ian spit and then groan. "That's twice, now." He growled. And I realized the thud meant Jared had hit him.

"I'm ready to go for three." Jared muttered under his breath. And turned back to face me. He spoke to me again. His eyes scrutinizing my face. Every word was a sentence. "Who. Is. The. Seeker."

I dropped my hands from my face and stared into his pitiless eyes. It bothered me that someone else had suffered from my silence. Even if they had tried to kill me.

The twins whimpered again beneath me. They were no doubt sensing the tenseness in the room. I used my hand underneath me to rub their heads, trying to sooth them. Trying to ease the air.

Jared looked down at where the twins were at, where my hand was patting them, even though he couldn't see them. His expression changed when looked back at me. "I won't hurt you," He said quietly. "But I do have to know the answer to my question."

This wasn't the right question. At least it wasn't one that I was supposed to protect.

"Tell me." He insisted. His eyes tight with frustration and deep unhappiness.

Was there really any reason for me to keep this to myself? It wasn't anything big. But then again, he might think I was lying and kill me. But he said he wouldn't hurt me. Was he lying? He might be, so if I answered or didn't answer he might hurt me anyways. At least that was the excuse I was giving myself to answer. When the real reason was much, much more pathetic.

I wanted to please him. I wanted to please this human who hated me so much.

"The Seeker." I said. My voice was so rough. It croaked at the end, it's been a while since I've used it.

"We already know it's a Seeker." He interrupted me. He was impatient.

"Not just any Seeker. My Seeker." I whispered.

"What do you mean, your Seeker?"

"Assigned to follow me. She's the reason-" I stopped. I almost spoke the word that would have truly meant my death. I almost said we. The truth that he would see a lie. He would never think that his wish would come true. He would only think me a liar. Even if I had said we, he could have taken it as me including the twins, though. Seeing as I do that a lot. So, really, it could go either way.

"The reason?" He prompted.

"The reason I ran away." I breathed. "The reason I came here."

I wasn't really lying. She was one of the reasons I came here. But she wasn't the main reason. So, not entirely the truth and not entirely a lie, either.

Jared stared at me, his mouth half open. He was trying to process what I told him. I saw a movement from the corner of my eye. Ian was on the side of Jared; his blue eyes were wide with shock. There was blood on his lips.

"You ran away from a Seeker? But you're one of them!" Jared was struggling to compose himself. "Why did it following you? What did it want?"

I swallowed. "She wanted you. You and Jamie."

His expression hardened again. "And you lead it here?"

My word! You stubborn man! Melanie growled, frustrated.

I ignored her.

I shook my head. "I didn't….I..." Now I wanted to growl in frustration. How do I explain this without him automatically think it was a lie.

"What?"

"I didn't want to tell her. I don't like her."

He was confused again. "Don't you have to like everyone?"

"We're supposed to." I admitted. There was small part of me that still held a little bit of shame that I didn't.

"Who did you tell about this place?" It was Ian that asked, he asked over Jared's shoulder. Jared scowled, but kept his eyes on my face.

"I couldn't tell. I didn't know. I just saw lines. The lines that were on the album. I drew them for the Seeker, but we never knew what they were. She still thinks they're a road map." I need my mouth to stop talking. But I couldn't seem to stop. I tried to make my words slower. Just in case I almost slip.

"What do you mean you didn't know what they were? You're here." I could tell Jared was still confused. His hands were flexing at his sides.

"I was having trouble with my- with the - with her memory. I didn't understand. I couldn't access everything. There were walls. That's what the Seeker was assigned to me for. She was waiting for me to unlock the rest." I bit my tongue. Too much. Too much information.

Jared and Ian exchanged a look. They had never heard anything like this. They didn't trust me, but they want to believe it was possible. That my words were possible. They wanted it too much and that made them fear.

Jared's voice was suddenly hard. "Were you able to access my cabin?"

"No. Not for a long time."

"And then you to the Seeker."

"No."

"No? Why not?"

"Because. By the time I could remember it, I didn't want to tell her."

Ian's eyes were frozen wide.

Jared's voice change. It became low, almost tender. And it was so much more dangerous than when he was shouting. "Why didn't you tell her?"

My jaw locked. It was not the secret, but it was still a secret he would have to beat out of me. Though my reason for my determination to hold my tongue had less to do with self-preservation than it had to do with pride. I was not going to tell this man, who hated me, that I loved him.

He watched the expression that passed in my eyes and he seemed to understand what it would take to get that answer out of me. He decided to skip it, or come back to it later.

"Why weren't you able to access everything? Is that normal?"

This question was dangerous. For the first time, I told an outright lie.

"She fell a long way. The body was too damaged."

Lying didn't come easily to me, this one fell flat. Jared and Ian both noticed it. Jared's head cocked to the side and one of Ian's black eyebrows rose.

"Why isn't this Seeker giving up like the others?"

I was exhausted suddenly. I knew that they could keep this up all night, and they would keep this up all night if I kept on answering, then I would definitely slip up. I slumped against the wall and closed my eyes.

"I don't know." I whispered. "She's not like other souls. She's… annoying."

Ian laughed once, startled.

"And you. Are you like other… souls?" Jared asked.

I opened my eyes. Really? I stared him wearily for a long moment. What a stupid question. I shut my eyes tight, buried my head against my knees, and wrapped my arms around my head.

Either Jared understood that I was finished speaking or his back was starting to hurt from standing over me for so long. He grunted as he stood and groaned quietly while he stretched.

"That was unexpected." Ian whispered. "Do you think its lying?"

"I don't know." Jared whispered back. I could just barely make out their words. They were speaking low. "Only… I can't figure out what it wants us to believe. Where it's trying to lead us."

"I don't think it's lying. Well, except for that one time. Did you notice it?"

"Part of the act."

"Jared, when have you ever met a parasite who could lie about anything? Except a Seeker."

"Which it must be." Jared answered back; I could hear in his response that he wasn't as solid on the theory as he sounded.

But Ian didn't hear it. "Are you serious?"

"It's the best explanation."

"She-it is the furthest thing from a Seeker I've ever seen. If a Seeker had any idea how to find us, it would have brought an army."

"And they wouldn't have found anything. But she- it got in, didn't she-it?"

"It's almost been killed half a dozen-"

"Yet it's still breathing, isn't she-it?"

They were quiet for a long time. So long that I started to think about uncurl from the cramped ball I was curled in, but I didn't want to make any noise by lying down. I wished leave now so I could sleep. The adrenaline that ran from my body was now gone and it left me drained.

"I think I'm going to talk to Jeb." Ian whispered eventually.

"Oh, that's a great idea." Jared said, his voice thick with sarcasm.

"Do you remember that first night? When it jumped between Kyle and you to get to the kids? That was bizarre."

"It was just trying to find a way to survive, to escape."

"By giving Kyle the go ahead to kill it? Awesome plan."

"It worked."

"Jeb's gun worked. Did she know he was on his way?"

"You're overthinking it, Ian. That's what it wants."

"I don't think you're right. I don't know why, but I don't think she wants us to think about her at all. Or the kids." I heard Ian shuffle around. "You know what's really twisted?"

"What?"

"I felt guilty. Guilty as crap, watching her flinch away from us. Seeing those marks on her neck."

"You can't let her-it get to you like that." Jared was suddenly disturbed, but there was another emotion behind it, it sounded a little bit…. I don't know what it sounded like. "She-it's not human. Don't forget that."

"Just because she isn't human, do you think that means she doesn't feel pain?" Ian's voice faded as he walked off. "That she doesn't feel just like a girl who's been beaten-beaten by us?"

"Get a hold of yourself." Jared hissed after him.

"And why do you keep call it she?"

Jared never answered.

"See you around, Jared."

Jared didn't relax for a long time after Ian left. He paced the floor, right in front of my bench. Back and forth, back and forth right in front of me. Than he finally sat on the mat, muttering to himself. I gave up on waiting for him to fall asleep. And stretched out on my bench, the twins were already long asleep. He jumped at the noise my movement made, and then went back to muttering to himself.

"Guilty." He grumbled. "Letting her-it get to him." He mumbled something unintelligible. "Just like Jeb, like Jamie…." Something else I couldn't understand. "Can't let this go on. Shouldn't let her-it live. It, it, it. Hate Ian."

Goose bumps rose on my arms, but I tried to ignore them. I'll never have a moments peace if I keep on panicking every time he thinks about killing me. I turned on my stomach, crossing my arms under my head. He jerked again and he met my eyes for a second, an emotion passed through them before he turned and lapsed into silence. I'm sure he was still brooding when I finally drifted to sleep.

When I woke, Jared was sitting on the mat, his legs crossed with Aiden and Macey awake in his lap. His hands in theirs.

I enjoyed the sight. Something in my heart always fluttered when I saw him holding them.

I sat up and mimic Jared's pose, leaning against the wall. I rubbed my eyes with the heel of my palm. It didn't feel like I slept more than an hour or two, but I was too alter to try to go back to sleep right away. I fretted about Ian's visit, worrying Jared would work even harder to keep me more secluded after Ian's strange reactions. After his strange theories. Why couldn't Ian just have kept his mouth shut? We were doing fine. Why did he have to admit he was guilty? If he was capable of guilt, why did he go around strangling people?

Melanie was irritated with Ian, too. And oddly nervous about him in general. Not fearful, but nervous.

Our worries were interrupted after a few minutes.

"Just me." Jeb called from the dark hallway. "Don't get all worked up."

Jared cocked the gun. And I blanched. What did he think he was doing, doing that with the twins in his lap?

"Go ahead and shoot me, kid. While you have you own in your lap. Go ahead." Jeb's voice got closer. His voice was amused.

Jared looked down at the twins, who looking up at him innocently, sighed and put the gun down. "Please leave."

"Need to talk to you." Jeb grunted, huffing as he sat down on the wall across from Jared. "Hi." He said to the twins. "Hey there, hon." He nodded to me.

"You know how much I hate that." Jared muttered.

"Yep."

"Ian already told me about the Seekers-"

"I know, I just finished talking to him about it."

"Great. Then what do you want?"

"Not so much of what I want. But of what everybody needs. We're running low on just about everything. We need a real complete supply run."

"Oh." Jared muttered. This was not the conversation he was tensed for. After a short pause. "Send Kyle."

"Okay." Jeb said easily. He braced himself on the wall to get up.

Jared sighed. His suggestion had been a bluff. He folded the moment Jeb took him up on it. "No, no. Not Kyle. He's too..."

Jeb chuckled. "He almost got us in some deep water last time, didn't he? Not one to think things through. Ian, then?"

"He thinks things through too much."

"Brandt?"

"He's no good for long trips. Starts getting panicked a few weeks in. Starts making mistakes."

"Okay. You tell me who, then."

Seconds passed and I heard Jared suck in a breath every now and then, each time ready to give Jeb an answer, but then exhaled and said nothing.

"Ian and Kyle together?" Jeb asked. "Maybe they could balance each other out."

Jared groaned. "Like last time. Okay, okay. I know it has to be me."

"You're the best." Jeb agreed. "You changed our lives when you showed up."

Melanie and I nodded to ourselves. This didn't surprise us.

Jared was magic. Jamie and I were perfectly safe with Jared while his instincts guided us. We never once came close to getting caught. If it were Jared and not me in Chicago, I'm he would have been fine.

Jared jerked his head towards me. "What about…"

"I'll keep an eye on her, on them, when I can. I'll expect you to take Kyle with you. That should help."

"It won't be enough. Kyle gone and you keeping an eye on her. She… it won't last long."

Jeb shrugged. "I'll do my best. It's all I can do."

Jared started shaking his head slowly back and forth, looking down at Aiden and Macey. He fingered their hands. Watching as they closed around his.

"How long can you stay down here?" Jeb asked.

"I don't know." Jared whispered.

There was a long silence. After a few minutes, Jeb started to whistle tunelessly.

Finally, Jared let out a huge breath I didn't know he had been holding.

"I'll leave tonight." His words were slow. Full of resignation, and a slight twinge of pain I thought I heard, but also relief. His voice change, got slightly less defensive. It was as though he was going back to who he was before I showed up. Letting one responsibility slide off his shoulders and picking up another. This one more welcome.

He was giving up on keeping me alive. Letting nature, or a mob, take its course. And when I was dead when he came back, he wouldn't hold anyone one responsible. He would not mourn. I could hear all this in those three words.

I knew the human exaggeration for sorrow. A broken heart. But I never thought it real. So I was expecting the sudden pain in my chest. The nausea, yes, the swelling of the throat, yes, and even the burning of tears. But not the ripping sensation under my ribs.

That's not what he meant! You didn't hear anything in those three words! Yeesh! Melanie said. Though she was in pain too. But not from the words.

I ignored her. I know what he said.

No, you don't.

The pain wasn't just ripping. But twisting and pulling in different directions. Because Melanie's heart was breaking too. It was a separate sensation, as if we grew another organ to compensate for our twin awareness. A double heart for a double mind. Twice the pain.

He's leaving. She sobbed. Her emotions changed very quickly.

I wanted to weep with her. But someone had to keep level headed. I bit my lip to keep the moan back.

"That's probably best." Jeb said.

"I'll need to get some things organized…" Already Jared's mind was far, far away from the claustrophobic room.

"I'll take over from here, then. Have a safe trip."

"Thanks. I guess I'll see you when I see you, Jeb."

"Guess so."

Jared handed the gun to Jeb, grabbed the twins tight in his arms and stood up. He raised them to his mouth, giving them both a kiss on then head and parting them with a quiet 'be good', and then handing them to me.

I took them choking back a sob. I was glad Jared expected them to live.

He stared to make his way out of the room.

"Jared." I choked out.

He didn't turn, but he stopped where he was at, turning his head a bit in acknowledgement.

"Be careful."

He turned his head fully and met my eyes. That expression was there again. The one I saw last night, before I went to bed.

He stared at me, with that expression, for a moment, then nodded and walk down the dark hallway.

I listened to the fading sound of his footsteps until they were truly gone. Then, forgetting Jeb's existence, I placed Aiden and Macey down beside me, pressed my face into my hands and sobbed.

Author's Note: Here you go! Sorry it's late. My little cousins came over unexpectedly today.

So, thank you for the reviews to those who gave them. And please review again. I like to know how I'm doing.

In response to Emily: Thanks! And yea, I know it seems a little wierd to have baby twins in a desert. But it can happen. :)

See ya soon!

-BethDee