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A new chapter! Surprised? Me too. This one is a tad bit longer than what I usually write. I don't know when the next chapter will be coming out but I want to give you a big extra so that all of you wouldn't bombard me with reviews asking me to hurry up. It really bugs me when you guys tell me that.

To answer some of your questions, no, Jasper isn't going to be a permanent in my story. Maybe a few mentions and a little 'hi, hellos' here and there but not a major role in my story unlike Edward, being Bella's brother. Jasper may be Alice's ex but remember he's gay now, so no worries about him.

Another is that Bella is a total tomboy. Dressed like one, looks like one, just like Kristen Stewart. I know Kristen isn't like that sometimes but MOST of the time the only thing she wears are shirts, jeans, sneakers and her ray bans. But she looks good, isn't she? That's what I want my Bella to look like. She's not like Alice. She hates shopping.

This chapter is in BPOV for a change.

New pictures in blog.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. I also don't own the lyrics of the songs mentioned below.

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
It's brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, I don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine

'Brighter Than Sunshine' by Aqualung

BPOV

"Tell me again why I'm here." I said to my best friend who was walking alongside me behind our girlfriends.

"Because you love your girlfriend like I do with your sister. And you're afraid that your balls will one day be cut off because you didn't do something she wants." Jacob said through gritted teeth, clearly annoyed. We were both tired from walking around this big outdoor mall Forks was having for the Thanksgiving break. Don't get me wrong, I love walking behind Alice, seeing as she wore one of her little outfits today. But come on! She's making it hard for me to walk and expect me not to be turned on when she move that nice ass of hers. I'd rather be trapped inside the house with her all day than buy clothes. Besides, I don't even want clothes on her. She could be naked in front of me all day for all I care.

"Sorry, I don't have any balls." I smirked at him as he rolled his eyes at me before giving me a 'you know what I mean' look. I laughed at my best friend. I miss having this kind of time with him. Just hanging and fooling around like kids.

Jacob, Gabby, Alice and I were here for more than four hours just looking around. But for me and Jake, we were following my sister and girlfriend like lost puppies. My feet were literally killing me. I can already feel it detaching from my body. We didn't even have breaks in between. Just more shopping. I don't know why people do this for fun. It's very tiring. Yeah, the clothes and some things were nice, but come on! They're all the same to me.

This is why I have a personal shopper.

I was so jealous of Edward and Angela right now. They went back to New York this morning for Edward's rehearsal for his concert on Sunday. My family and I were all going to attend it for moral support. This was one of his holiday concerts in New York then he'll have concert tours around the country for a month before coming back here in Forks for Christmas vacation.

"Honey, come with me!" Alice pulled me yet again to one of the stalls selling antique stuff leaving Jake and Gabby to themselves. This was what I wanted.

I found some nice things there like old books, paintings, photography and all that stuff I'm interested in. There were also old compositions that I know Edward would like. The lady selling the antique told me some were from the war and others from rich families living here in Washington back in the 50's up the early 70's. I told her to put aside the compositions and I would purchase it for my brother as a Christmas present.

When I finished talking with the sales lady, I watched Alice as she smiled at the jewelries being displayed. I walked over to her then slipped my arms into her waist. "Found something you want?" I asked her, hoping she would tell me so I could also purchase it for her.

"No, I'm just looking. It's too expensive anyway." She gave back the necklace with a sapphire pendant that she was holding to the lady then thanked her. She grabbed my hand again then walked to where Jake and Gabby were.

Alice and my sister were once again trying on clothes when I found myself walking back to the antique store. I told Jake to tell Alice that I went back to the antique store to try and look for something again for my mom when she looked for me. I also told him to not let Alice go to the store and I would just go back to where they were.

"You're back so soon." The middle-aged sales lady greeted me. "Where's your friend?" She asked me with a big smile. I think she knew Alice was more than a friend to me.

"She's shopping with my sister." I told her. "Uhm… actually, I want to see the necklace she was looking at awhile ago." The lady nodded then went to get the jewelry.

"Here it is. It's one of the oldest we've got. Apparently, this was once owned by a European woman. She went here in America with her father during the colonization era. She fell in love with a local and married him against her family's will. She didn't have any children so her belongings were found by historians in their old house here somewhere in Forks. My grandmother bought it from them and gave it to me. I'm not really a fan of shiny and expensive things so I'm selling it away." She explained. I looked at the sapphire pendant glimmering as I held it between my fingers delicately like it was going to break any moment. It was screaming Alice. Beautiful and hard to find.

"How much is it?" I asked Naomi, I learned her name was. She told me the price and I protested at how cheap it was. "This must cost a fortune. I'll double the price." I offered, clearly not accepting her price. This kind of jewelry was very special and also needs a special price.

"I know you got richer, Bella Swan but I don't need the money. I got all my treasure here." She waved her hand at all the antique scattered everywhere in her store. I quirked an eyebrow at her, wondering why she knew my name. "Puh-lease, Ms. Swan. Like you don't even know. You're the hottest iconic celebrity since Audrey Hepburn." She answered my unasked question like she was reading my mind. I was not an icon. A celebrity, I can take it. But not a fucking Audrey Hepburn! She's a legend and I'm just a model.

"At least raise the price a little, if you don't want it doubled." Naomi agreed and I paid for the necklace. She placed the necklace in a blue suede case that comes with it that was also an antique. It was gorgeous. I hope Alice would like it. I told Naomi to keep it for me along with the compositions I also got for Edward. I would probably pick it up when I get back to Forks again after my Cosmopolitan shoot. I didn't want to risk Alice finding out about her present.

I left the store and went back to Alice. She and Gabby were still in that little clothes shop trying on some more clothes. Jake had a tired look sitting on one of the stools they had, slouching. Different kinds of shopping bags were everywhere around him. There were even small bags on his lap and around his wrist.

"How you doing man?" I asked him, sitting on the stool next to him.

"Bored out of my mind and fucking hungry." He complained. I can't blame him for feeling like this, I was bored too. But the boy was always hungry! That I can complain to him about.

"When was the last time you were not hungry?" I asked him, smirking. He gave me the middle finger as I gave him my middle finger and pointer, sticking my tongue in between them, calling him a pussy.

"Gabby, look at this!" I turned my head to that squealing and excited voice that was owned by my angel. I love how my sister and her were having such a good time in each other's company. I can't remember Gabby socializing with another person outside my family and close friends when we were still living in one roof. But I guess, her training and going around the world changed that.

Alice, on the other hand, was very friendly. That's one of the things why I fell in love with her. She was a very perky and lively person. Never had a dull moment with her. I was very lucky to have her as a lover, a friend and a confidante. Oh, I almost forgot, my personal sex angel.

Alice showed Gabby a piece of clothing that they were studying. She used to be a fashion designer before this whole modeling fiasco. I wonder why she didn't forego with designing alongside with modeling. She showed me some of her designs before and as a model, I can say that she was really good.

Maybe I could do something about that…

"Bella!" I snapped out of my reverie and raised my eyebrows at my sister who called me. "We want you to try something." She said as I started shaking my head in protest.

"No, Gab. I've already bought so many clothes for myself. I'm tired of dressing rooms. Just go knock with shopping yourselves." I may be a model and wore different kinds of clothes for a living but I'm not a shopper. I think there was enough people in my family addicted to shopping.

"Come on, baby." Oh no! Not the pout. I was always doomed when Alice gave me that pout of hers. Like it was always pulling me to do everything she wants me to do for her. I would fucking kill someone when she ask me to.

"Don't fall for it Bella. Don't fall for it." Jake kept telling me, chanting that I wouldn't get up from my sit and drag my ass towards my girlfriend with sad eyes.

I can't resist it. I stood up and walked over to her.

"BELLA!" Jacob groaned. Gabby threw him a hard look and immediately, he stopped.

"Try this." Alice handed me a black dress. She pushed me towards the fitting room and told me to call for her when I put on the dress. It was a tube dress that ended mid-thigh. I have to say it was a really nice dress. Especially with my black high cut Chuck Taylor's.

"Alice." I got out of the room but stopped dead in my tracks when I saw who Gabby was hugging, awkwardly, might I add. Alice noticed me and gave me a confused look and asked me a silent question who the person was.

Emily.

I didn't want to go over to them and let my presence known. But Jake and Gabby were both eyeing me, telling me with their eyes to walk over. Since Emily's back was facing me, she didn't know I was here too.

"Emily." I greeted, still in my black tube dress. "Hi." I greeted shortly.

"Bella." She said with a big smile on her face. It once had an effect over me, but now, only Alice's gorgeous smile could make my knees go weak. Nobody else's. "How are you?" Emily asked. She gave me a slight hug then I hurriedly cut any contact with her. What happened to us was years ago, but it had a great impact on me. It was because of her that I used girls. That I used fucking drugs in the first place. Yeah, James gave it to me. But it was her fault why I took it. Why I wanted it. James persuaded me but every time I remember her face in my head, it pushed me to reach over James' outstretched hand, giving the drugs and alcohol to me.

It's all her fucking fault why I almost lost my job and my brother's trust.

"Fine. How's Sam?" I asked her in an unfriendly way. Sam was one of my and Jake's friends. We did things together back in our teenage years but we were not as close as Jake and I.

"We're not really together now." She looked down at her shoes like she was ashamed of something.

"Really? Why is that? Last time I talked you, you told me that he promised you he would marry you." I reminded her with a big fake smile. Like I was really interested in knowing all about her life at the moment.

"Well," She started but I cut her off.

"Oh, have you met my girlfriend?" I looked over at Alice and she still had that confused look. "Alice, this is Emily. She's one of our friends back then."

"Hi." Alice offered a hand and they shook hands. When they broke of their hand shake, I pulled Alice to me in a heated kiss in front of many people. I didn't care who saw us, even my sister and best friend. I wanted to let Emily know that not taking her back was the best decision I ever had. If I ever took her back in my life and accepted her many apologies, her cries in front of me, I would never find this beautiful woman I'm kissing.

But when I grabbed Alice's ass, she yelped and pushed me away from her. She had a pissed look and all I can do is smirk at her. She rolled her eyes at me but not the playful kind. It was more an angry eye roll.

Shit.

"I can see you're still a dyke, Bella."

"I can tell that you're still a cheater, am I right?" I told her, giving Emily an all-knowing smile.

"Fuck you." She hissed. "Why don't you back to your big haven in New York and fuck yourself senseless." Emily said angrily before storming out of our faces.

I went back to the fitting room and took out the dress to change into my own clothes. I didn't look at any of my family's eyes. It's not that I didn't want to, it's more of I can't. Especially Alice. Another thing why I didn't want her to know the real me. Another thing to add into the list of my baggage.

"Let's go home." The girls didn't protested for the first time when Jake this sentence yet again. The ride home was ear-piercingly silent. The radio wasn't turned on and it seems like no one was breathing. The car heater was hissing quietly but other than that, it was pure silence. Alice kept glancing at me but didn't ask questions. Jake was switching his eyes from me then to Alice through the rear view mirror and Gabby, I know, was also looking at me from the side of her eyes. It was fucking irritating but I can't blame them. Gabby and Jake knew what happened seven years ago but they didn't know the last time Emily and I talked to each other. But Alice. Alice didn't know anything.

She deserves to know all of it. I know it wasn't entirely my fault but I still had done something bad. I had slapped Emily hard on the face when I can't handle all the pain inside of me anymore. I just lost it. I was a monster. One of the devil's fucking follower. I kept telling myself that I didn't deserve Alice but I love her. I can't go on with my life without her walking beside me.

I won't do anything to Alice like what Emily did to me. It hurt like hell and I wouldn't dream of hurting Alice. And I definitely wouldn't hit her. She can hit me all she wants but never would I ever hit her.

When we arrive home, I sprinted out of the car and pulled Alice inside the house. I wanted to talk to her, to clear things out and explain what happened back there in the open mall. I told Jake to leave Alice's shopping bags in the car and I would just get them later.

I plan on telling Alice everything. Everything about why I started my vices. Everything about me and Emily's past.

"What was that all about Bella?" Alice asked as we she sat on the edge of my bed and I stood in front of her.

"Emily… she's my ex-girlfriend." I started. Alice didn't say anything, letting me continue with whatever I wanted to say. And I was thankful for that. "We started dating half of sophomore year and all of junior year. I thought I loved her but I never told her that, wanting to know the real meaning of love first before I actually say the words to her.

The summer before senior year, my family and I were staying in our beach house in The Bahamas for two months. I wanted Emily to come with us but her mom didn't let her. I missed her and just wanted her to be with me all throughout my stay there. But I know I'll see her again before school starts.

When we got back in Forks a bit earlier than planned because my brother got food poisoning, I wanted to see Emily right away. So I surprised her by not telling her we were arriving that day. I went to her house and surprise, surprise… She was in bed, all naked and jumping Sam Uley's dick." It wasn't hard telling Alice this, not yet. It's more of like therapy. I never told anyone this before. And it was taking a heavy load off of my shoulders saying it out loud, finally removing the nail that crushed my heart and soul.

"Emily begged for me to take her back when I let go of us. I didn't want to spend my life being hypnotized by a girl who hardly ever recognizes how much she means to me. She said she needed to know what she really was. If she really wanted to be with me or if she wanted to be with someone else. Particularly with a guy. A guy that I'm friends with. It was a low excuse and I didn't buy any of it. I ignored her and didn't talk to her throughout senior year. It was hard, yes, because she didn't stop begging me, telling me that she loves me, but I know that I didn't have any sort of feelings for her anymore. She disgusted me.

I left for New York after graduation and never wanting to see her again. The drugs James gave me all those times? It was her fault. All Emily's fault why I took it. I had a broken heart and I wanted to just mend it. The only option I had for it to be healed were pills. Different kinds of them plus alcohol. It wasn't purely James who gave me those things but in a way, Emily was pushing me to those too.

Three years ago, Leah and I went home here in Forks for a two week spring vacation. There were no photo shoots for two months and Leah and I were bored with New York living. So, we went home. We got invited in a get together in Jake's dad's house in La Push one day and Emily was there since she was also living in La Push. But she was alone. No Sam in sight. She tried to get to me but I ignored her.

Before we went back to the city, Emily went to my house telling me that Sam and she were very much in love and he would one day marry her and have a family together. I told her I don't give a damn but she knew she was getting me annoyed. She yelled at me, at my own house, how pathetic I am for being a lesbian and that I had no life. She continued with telling me that I wanted to be a model to be recognized. I was slowly losing it. I didn't want her telling me off with what I do best. Modeling was my life ever since I knew what the word means. It was my dream and she had no right to tell those things to me. That I am a worthless piece of crap. By then, I know I totally lost it. I slapped her." I stopped, didn't want to continue anymore. I chanced a look at Alice as she stared back at me. I didn't expect what I saw in those beautiful eyes of hers though. Tears were streaming down her face. I didn't want her to cry. That was what I was avoiding and yet she was crying now.

"I have one question to ask you, Bella." She whispered still staring at my eyes.

"What is it baby?" I walked over to her and sat down beside her on the bed. I took her hands in mine but my heart broke when she pulled it away from me. "Alice?"

"I want you to tell me, I don't want any lies, do you still have feelings for her?" I was taken aback by her question. Of course I don't! "Because with what you're telling me, it seems like you had such a deep feeling for that woman and seeing her again today, flaunting our relationship in her face, it's as if I was all a show to her." She cried harder.

"No, Alice. It wasn't. I was showing it to her that letting go of my feelings for her was the best decision I ever made. Because if I didn't, you're probably not with me now. And that my life would still be miserable. You're the best person that's ever entered my life, Alice. You gave life back to me and you put back the pieces of my crushed heart. You put color and laughter in my life. Before you, it was all black and white and I don't want to go back there now that I have you with me." I explained, begging in my mind that Alice would believe me.

"I don't know Bella…"

"Please believe me Alice. I'm telling you the truth. I love you, only you." I cupped her face in mine and gently kissed her. I can feel myself slowly falling into the black again when she didn't kiss me back. Yeah, her lips touched mine and didn't pull away, but there was no emotion in it. No feeling.

This can't be happening. No, not to me again. And right now, I think I will not take it easily if Alice leaves me. It was always me that's always fucking up. If Alice have had enough of me, I would die. I'd rather die than be away from her.

I never felt an inch of what I'm feeling for Alice with Emily. It was so different. With Emily, it was like infatuation. My first fling. But Alice was more than a fling. She was my life, the reason why I want to wake up in the morning and breathe.

I'll deal harder with Alice breaking up with me than with Emily's. I'll end my life if that time comes.

Remember, Bella had relationship issues and easily freaked out with little things Alice says. And even though Alice already got over Jasper being gay, she hasn't gotten over the fact that he lied to her and gotten involved with his experiment when he was finding his true self.

Basically, they both got baggage, not only Bella. They both have relationship issues and they try to solve it with their own relationship.

LMU