Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji belongs to Yana Toboso. I only own my OCs and ideas not seen in the anime/manga.
I pulled up both sleeves on my arms, gazing at the white jagged scars going all along both of my wrists and forearm. I took my right hand and traced a finger down one of the scars, feeling the faint roughness and recalling the same emotions as before.
These are two years old, now completely healed. But, it still hurts.
I sat on the edge of the bed, my eyes wandering to the window. The full moon shined through and cast a dreamy glow into my room.
It was tempting. My body was coaxing me to join the outside. Oh, there wouldn't be any harm. It was in the odd hours, deep in the middle of the night. No one would notice.
Well…at least not the humans.
With that reminder in mind, I got off the bed but stumbled, realizing that it was still quite painful to walk. Instead of going out the door, I went over to the window, opening it up and looking down to see that the ground wasn't too far off.
The cold night breeze blew past me. My hair brushed against my face while I readied myself on the windowsill, getting a firm stance before leaping to the grass below.
My landing wasn't too graceful like I wanted. My feet gave out and caused me to fall over. I winced, feeling the pain shooting up through my body. I lay there on the ground for a moment, rolling onto my back and allowing it to subside. Meanwhile, something cold landed on my cheek. My eyes were closed as my hand reached up to find that it was snow. I opened my eyes to see the flakes sailing down to the earth like tiny specks of cotton.
I slowly got back on my feet, the iciness stinging underneath. I began limping forward, towards the back of the Phantomhive mansion. Once there, I saw the vast garden getting covered in snow, making everything look white and pure. I kept on moving at my frigid pace with the snowflakes beginning to collect in my hair and on my shoulders.
I stopped for a moment, staring off into the distance to see the dark woodlands nearby. Again, something inside me wanted to go in there and lose myself once again.
When I took a step forward, something nudged my back. I gasped and quickly turned around, only to see Pluto in his human form, staring at me intensely and wondering what I was doing. In the moonlight, he looked somehow innocent, as if he could be just as lost as I was.
A small smile managed to break free and I reached a hand out to pet his head. He closed his eyes and I could hear him let out a low growl of approval. He approached me and nuzzled himself against my stomach. I blinked at his sudden move of affection and hesitantly let my hands rest softly on his back.
After a while, I let him go and turned around, facing the woods once again. I made a move to go on but Pluto stopped me again, pulling on my night gown. I looked back and saw that he was grinning at me, his fangs sticking out on the sides of his mouth like a child.
My eyes softened at his cute demeanor and I placed a finger to my lips, signaling him to be silent.
Don't worry, I'll be back.
Pluto's grin disappeared when he saw me turn around again. I thought I heard him whimper but I was already off before he could do anything more.
This time I ignored the pain that I was still experiencing. I broke out of my limp and attempted to walk, approaching the forest that called out for me. But soon enough, that walk became a faster pace and next thing I knew, I was running.
Everything around me was a blur as I passed by, running at my highest speed. My mind began to wander and the pieces of my past rewound in my head.
Percival lied the whole time. He was a fake. I was nothing to him.
I could hear my breathing take a calm rhythm, the freezing winds whipping against my body.
He didn't leave me because he was forced to. He left for a deeper, crueler purpose. I knew now the reason why he had drifted away.
Something moved in the corner of my eye and I skidded to a halt, resting a hand on a tree. The adrenaline was vanishing and now my body bent over with the pain that was quickly returning.
Percival had sought someone else…
I trudged forward, using the trees as support and peering behind one to see what I had spotted.
I was just something he could come back to whenever he wanted. A plaything. His toy.
Not too far away from me, a lone deer was standing in the clearing. Its head rose up to the sky, its dark black eyes catching the moon. I gazed at the animal, hypnotized by its peaceful state. My feet padded forward when its hooves moved first. My steps made no sound whatsoever. The deer was oblivious to my presence.
He smiled at me, his blue eyes locking with mine. His cold fingers delicately brushed my hair aside from my neck, staring hungrily at the skin he couldn't wait to sink his teeth into.
"Will it hurt?" I whispered, a little afraid.
"No Janelle, don't worry. Just relax."
A twig snapped under my foot and the deer's ears perked up, finally realizing its predator. It turned its head at me, its eyes wide before turning and sprinting ahead. I hissed and broke out into a run as well, dodging trees and easily meeting up with it. Before it could swerve in a different direction, I leaped forward and took hold of its body, tumbling to the ground by the collision.
The deer struggled desperately against my grip, putting up a good fight. But I used my strength to suppress it; my eyes glued to its neck where I knew a beating pulse lied.
His lips ghosted over my neck, letting his tongue drag along my skin. I felt a pang of pleasure when he did that.
My mouth neared the animal's throat, fangs bared in its vicious glory.
But in the next second, all pleasure was cast aside as if it were an illusion. The only thing that took hold of me now was an excruciating pain, worse than being burned alive.
My fangs sunk into the deer's thick throat, piercing through the layer of fur and skin until they were embedded inside its flesh. The deer's struggling instantly began to weaken, its legs slowing down from thrashing about.
A scream had escaped me but Percival clamped a hand over my mouth, muffling the blood-curdling cries. My body began to shake violently as the burning sensation was surging through my veins. There was no mercy, no turning back. He moved around, pinning me down with his body to keep me still, his fangs latched in my neck.
How much longer? How much more of this living hell?
He didn't even hold my hand. Never whispered comforting words into my ear. There was no sympathy. No love.
There was just lust. It was only for his satisfaction.
My heart stopped.
The deer's movements came to a halt as I was feeding on its life force. The thick blood flooded my mouth and I was hearing the sounds of my swallowing once again-the gulps of a ravenous monster. The crimson liquid seeped down the corner of my mouth, trailing down to my neck. Along with it, something else flowed down my cheeks.
It was no longer dormant. The floodgates were cracking, after those years of silence trying to build a stronger wall. Heavy brick by brick. But now, all those efforts were wasted. It was no good to keep it all inside.
Quiet tears crawled down my frozen skin, mixing in with the blood that dripped down to the frosty ground.
Spots of red and tears melted through the thin layer of ice on the forest floor.
I trembled, both from the winter cold and the new found sobs that shook my body. I kept fulfilling my thirst, continuing with my role as a vampire.
How many times was he going to hurt me? How many times was he going to lie?
It hurt me, even when he told me it wouldn't.
An unending cycle that I kept getting myself into-wasn't it getting old?
I released the lifeless body of the deer, setting it aside next to me. The rest of the blood spilled into the frozen earth. I grasped my head, pulling my legs up close and leaning my back against the rough surface of a tree. My vision blurred. I didn't bother cleaning the blood from my mouth. Nor did I bother removing the tears from my face.
The snowfall was getting thicker. More snow coated my legs, arms, and head. It covered everything around me: my dead prey, the ground and trees.
I can't go through with it anymore.
Maybe if I sat here for as long as I could, the snow would envelop me, create a burial for me as I slowly die.
…
He knew where she had gone. He knew exactly where she was.
Anger rose inside him. What had gone through her head? She was quickly becoming a burden with the silly games she was playing. This was not something he had to waste his time on, especially at this ridiculous hour.
No…
That was a lie.
It was just something to conceal the worry that was constantly bugging him. Teasing him about how he was feeling.
He abhorred these useless emotions. This was not the reason why he was here mingling with these bothersome humans.
Nevertheless, he didn't hesitate on going after her, his incredible speed easily taking him to his destination. He halted in his tracks when he smelled her scent. But yet again, accompanied with blood?
He walked on, his eyes having no trouble seeing where he was going until finally, he found her. He had almost let his anger subside when he saw her horrific state. A mutilated deer was strewn on the icy forest ground. Blood was splattered on the snow. She was sitting there, as frozen as the tree she lay against. Her head rested on her knees.
He came closer.
…
I barely heard the sound of light footsteps approaching me. I didn't flinch, but inside, a pang of panic shot through me. Please don't tell me it's him.
I used to want to see him so badly. But now, I feared seeing him.
The footsteps stopped right in front of me. I shivered, readying myself to face who I knew I'd see. He found me, there was no doubt. Here to use me for his pleasure…
I slowly lifted my head, my eyes looking into this person's face.
Percival?
…It wasn't him. I was wrong.
Those devilish red eyes glowered down at me. His raven black hair flowed softly with the wind. His tall figure clothed in nothing but black.
Sebastian.
The expression on his face wasn't pleasant. I should've expected as much. He looked serious. Mad. Obviously, I was in for trouble.
But instead of feeling intimidated or cowering in fear like I should in the presence of a demon, I was relieved. The heavy weight in my chest was lessening.
When he kneeled down to my level, my breathing came to a halt. His red eyes pierced through my brain, I almost thought he could read my mind. The rising anger that was resonating from him, I could feel it. Unconsciously, tears began to leak out of me again. I didn't mean to cry in his presence.
He saw the liquid that crawled down my cheeks and I saw a hint of something else in his eyes. His gloved hand barely touched the side of my face and before he could speak the words he had in mind, his eyes widened in shock.
I had thrown my arms around his neck, pulling him into an embrace. The tears continued and I rested my forehead against his shoulder. I didn't know what had gone through me to do that. But it was on impulse, something that forced me to move without thinking.
…
His mouth opened slightly, his eyes unblinking. That was something he hadn't expected and at first, he thought of pushing her away. How dare she foist herself on him without his permission, he would've done something cruel. He was furious, the demon that he was demanded that he reject her.
However in the end, he chose to ignore it all. He let out a soft sigh and gave in, wrapping his arms around her. To see a woman, to see her shed tears, there was no use in wasting energy in fury. But, perhaps, comfort would suffice for now.
…
I felt myself being pressed closer into his firm body. His slim arms were indeed strong, and they grasped me securely against him. My chin now rested on his shoulder, the tears lessening. I was still shaking from the overflowing emotions but he hushed me, caressing my back gently. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to calm myself as well.
It was alright. The one I thought I loved, he wasn't here. Only this other man, the divine butler of the Phantomhives was here. A beautiful demon in disguise, the one who always seemed to be there at my most vulnerable moments, stayed.
His arms began to loosen on me and I slipped away from him, as did he. When I looked at his face again, I no longer saw anger. His expression was normal and I saw a smile setting on his face, igniting a tiny spark inside me. He was even more extravagant in the moonlight.
His hand reached into his coat pocket and he took out the handkerchief that I had returned to him, using it to wipe the tears from my face and the blood off my lips. He did this all with the utmost care, keeping his mannerism intact towards a lady.
As he finished, he stood up, dusting off his trousers before lending his hand for me to take, that smile still there. My cold hand rose up and rested in his gloved hands, which incased me in warmth-something I hadn't felt for so long and I didn't remember when the last time was.
He helped me up to my feet and from there, he kept his grip on my hand, leading me forward and back towards the mansion.
My feet were numb and healing from the scratches they had attained. I limped but I did my best to keep up with his strides. Traces of blood were left behind in my tracks. But all that didn't matter. I could deal with it now that someone took the time to come for me.
…
Sebastian noticed her efforts to keep up. He saw that she was still concealing her pain and moving on like nothing was wrong. To hell with that, no matter how hard she tried, there was nothing that he didn't know through her actions.
His hand clenched hers for a second. An idea lit inside his mind. Before when he was tending to her wounds, he had stopped himself from going through with it. It was wrong for him to do, especially since she was obviously caught up with an unexplained past.
But who said he didn't do the wrong thing from time to time? And this moment was perfect. It was just them, alone in this forest. Deep in the woods, no one would see them. No one would know. It could be their dirty little secret.
He could be one hell of a rebel if he wanted to…
The idea excited him and he abruptly stopped in his tracks.
…
I snapped out of my thoughts when I saw that he had suddenly stopped. I looked at him curiously, wondering why he had done so. Was something wrong?
When he turned around, I saw that there was a smirk crossing his face, a devious glint in his crimson eyes. They glowed in the shadows of the trees, making him look frightening. A chill ran up my spine.
His hand let go of mine and instead, he gripped onto my arm, pulling me gracefully into his grasp. I collided softly against his chest, my hand resting on his front. I was confused by his sudden movements and the distance between us that he had cut off out of nowhere.
Then his hand snaked around my waist with his fingers resting against the side of my hip. I didn't know how to react to his actions at that moment and so I allowed him to take control.
His fingers lifted my chin.
I was staring into his red eyes again.
The space between our faces drew to a close…
The little breath I had left caught in my throat, and he connected his lips with mine.
The shock I experienced was beyond comprehension. This was so sudden; I didn't know what to think.
His kiss was gentle, soft, just like he had been treating me all this time. I quickly tried to recollect my thoughts, shoving the immense shock aside.
When his lips began to move against mine, my hand clenched onto his coat and I kissed him back. I felt him immediately smirk at my willingness and his other hand went behind my head, taking me deeper into it.
"How could you betray me?" I could hear Percival's voice say, his face flashing in my mind.
Though, he was quickly fading into oblivion.
It was freezing, with the snow falling continuously around us. But no, I didn't feel cold. I felt the warmth that I had longed for. Sebastian's lips were soft, his tongue velvety as he seductively licked my bottom lip. I parted my mouth slightly and he shot through, expertly tantalizing my senses with his touch.
"Janelle…don't forget that you're mine. You don't belong to anyone else."
This sensation he was giving me was nothing in comparison to what I had ever experienced. It was out of this world. It was crazy.
But it all came to an end when he was the one to pull away, having been the one to initiate it in the first place. It had seemed to have lasted for only a mere second.
The smirk didn't disappear off his face and he leaned over to pick me up in his arms. I gasped and clung onto his shoulders, my senses lagging by his quick actions. Once he had a steady grasp, he then went full speed through the forest. The scenery around us became blurred into a mess of images.
"Don't forget about me…"
From that night forth, I knew what choice I had to make. This time, it was going to be the right decision. For once, it was for me.
I had to move on.