A/N: Oh, my lovelies. I do love you.

~Jasper~

I suppose what I could have done - what I maybe should have done - was laugh the whole situation off. My jaw was sore the morning after. Emmett would have found that hilarious. It had been a while since I'd had a cock in my mouth and Peter wasn't as thick as Emmett was - a fact that would have brought a huge, dimpled grin to my mildly egotistical roommate's face.

At least we would be acknowledging something happened.

But it shouldn't have happened. I shouldn't have done what I did.

With all that was happening with his brother, Emmett wasn't in what anyone would call a good place. I wasn't idiot enough to believe that he was kissing on me because he wanted me, because he was trying to seduce me.

So why oh why had I turned on him like that?

Peter told me so many times that I could be sexy when I wanted to be - seductive. He told me so many times I wasn't meant to be meek and mild and glued to a computer screen.

He said to give it time. When I wanted it, I would know how to get it. I'd laughed because the idea sounded so completely stupid. What was I gonna do? The most I knew about flirting was the lines the characters in WoW were programmed to spout with the flirt command.

Is that a mana wyrm in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Emmett would have been a whole different kind of confused - the kind where the lines on his forehead crinkled up and he laughed at me.

His laugh. Damn, I'd missed his laugh lately.

But see, that was the problem.

These last couple of weeks, Emmett had kissed on me more than once. I didn't mind the kisses. Of course I didn't mind the kisses. They were amazing. Amazing to the point that when I zoned out in class, it was because I was remembering the pressure of his lips on mine, his broad body on top of me, and-

Yeah.

It had gotten to the point where anytime I was home alone with him - and sometimes when I wasn't - my entire body would get rigid with tension just waiting. Waiting for the next time he pushed me up against the wall. Waiting for the next time his hands gripped my waist or...

There was no predictability to his mood swings at all. He could be the Emmett I was used to - well, the slightly morose version of the Emmett I was used to - or he could be that guy.

And Jesus God, that guy knew how to turn me on with just his lips and his touch.

That night, what I wanted was to concentrate on the important things. Emmett was having a difficult time getting through the last three weeks of the semester. As we walked down the hallway, I tried to push aside the want I felt, the eagerness and anticipation, wondering if I was going to get a kiss today.

When he did that thing where he pressed me up against the wall with just the presence of his body, I couldn't take it anymore. There were so many things I didn't realize I wanted until I took control, and it was me calling the shots instead of him.

I gave him an out - the last shred of self control I had - but still. I shouldn't have done it, and I knew it. The look on his face told me to stop. Yeah, there was want there, but there was also fear.

It was so selfish of me, taking what I wanted when it was just going to add to everything Emmett was dealing with. He was-

"I hear a lot of poor Emmett in this conversation," Alice interrupted my diatribe mid-word as I paced in her dorm room. "Poor Emmett this, and you're making him out to be the victim."

Hadn't she been listening? "Who else would this be about? I was the one-"

She interrupted me again. "Jasper, he's the one who keeps making out with you at random - without asking you if you're okay with it, I might add - and not saying a word about what it's all supposed to mean."

"He's going through a rough time right now."

"That's not an excuse!" She growled. Normally I found that hilarious. She was such a tiny thing her ferocity was funny, though I knew from experience she was as lethal as that bunny in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. "His brother is sick, which sucks. It really sucks. But it doesn't give him the right to fuck with you the way he is."

"He's not fucking with me."

"Yes, he is," Alice insisted. "Once, I can understand. He was out of control and it was going to come out some way. But just attacking you on a whim? No. That's wrong. And I can see what it's doing to you."

When I didn't answer, she eyed me in that way of hers that made me feel like she could see things I didn't want her to see.

"Tell me it isn't effecting you," she challenged. "Tell me it's easy to let him kiss you and just back away as if nothing happened."

I looked down, finding a doodad on her desk suddenly very fascinating. "He's a good kisser. Who wouldn't like that?"

"Don't play dumb. You know that's not what I mean."

I knew. I'd just been trying really hard not to think about that.

What I'd done a couple weeks before had unlocked a shit load of things I hadn't realized existed in my head. Or maybe I had realized it, but I'd pushed them away, tied them up tight, and thrown them to the bottom of the river in a sack full of bricks.

It was way too easy to picture things I probably shouldn't.

Before that thought could take hold, I shook my head. "Look, Emmett is straight as straight can be, okay?"

"What if he's not straight?"

I scoffed. "Have you seen Rosalie? You think a guy that goes after that kind of girl isn't straight?"

Her look was incredulous. "Hello? Has he been making out with Rosalie? He let you blow him, Jasper."

"A blow job is a blow job," I muttered.

She rolled her eyes. "Talk to him, Jasper."

"I'm not going to do that!" I ran my hand through my hair, trying to figure out why I was so riled up.

"So you're just going to keep on letting him use you whenever he pleases? Ugh." Alice picked up her pillow, buried her face in it for a second and yelled before she looked up at me again. "You know what the problem is with you gay boys? You're still BOYS. You don't know how to talk and it's multiplied by two."

She looked up, pointing her finger at me, her expression serious. "I'm going on record right now. I don't like this. You're in too deep, you're going to get hurt, and it's going to break my heart as much as yours. You're a big boy, and I can't stop you." She shook her head. "I don't like this," she repeated.

"Well," I hedged and then sighed. "You're going to like my plan even less."

~Emmett~

"Ah, Rosie. You're too good to me."

Rosalie smirked as she handed over the project I just couldn't get done for the life of me. Typically speaking, I was a fairly ethical kind of guy. It had taken some convincing before I let Rose do my project for me. I didn't like the idea of cheating, but saying I was distracted was an understatement.

The last week before winter break was going to be hell, just hell. I was just trying not to go insane. Anything that helped me pass was just a bonus at this point.

Dad and I had already had an argument about whether or not I was coming back next semester. He and Mom wanted me to stay in school, but I didn't see how that was going to happen. I had to be there.

Helplessness and frustration got overwhelming real quick, and I needed a distraction.

Tossing the folder off the bed, I was over her in a second, kissing on her hard. She squealed a little, but then she was right there with me, her smaller body bucking up against mine.

A few minutes later, I was thoroughly distracted, but not in a good way.

Things were... not happening downstairs.

Not for lack of trying. Rosalie's hands were everywhere, in all the right places, but nothing was working.

I was moving quickly from confused to anxious about it. I mean, what the fuck? This was supposed to be the sure thing, wasn't it? Everything else could be falling apart, but a guy can get off no matter what. It was one of many reasons why I never wanted to be a woman: that shit must have been a pain in the ass.

What. The. Fuck.

I'd heard that if you had these kinds of problems it became self-fulfilling prophecy. If I got more uptight, I was only going to screw myself over, so I tried to calm down. I ended up trying to distract myself from my distraction, trying to rest my thoughts on something I knew was going to turn me on.

Rolling onto my back, keeping Rosalie on me, I tried to concentrate on her gorgeous face. I mean, this chick was straight stunning. I ran my fingers down her face, through her pretty blond hair. The way she was looking at me alone should have turned me on.

My thoughts suddenly flashed to another blond, and the way he'd looked at me with eyes that spoke loud as words how much he wanted me while his lips were wrapped around my cock.

I got hard so fast, I actually gasped.

Freaked out, I grabbed Rosalie's waist, making her sit still a second before I shoved her - as gently as anyone could shove another person - off me. "Fuck."

Rosalie could go from turned-the-fuck on to pissed-the-hell off in under a second. It was one of her many talents. She looked furious enough that I feared for all my vital organs. She wasn't adverse to a good elbow jab; I knew that from experience.

"What the hell is a matter with you?" she demanded.

"Nothing," I muttered, rolling to the side. "Sorry. I didn't mean to push you like that."

"What happened?"

"Nothing, I uh... I just started thinking about my brother, that's all."

I couldn't look at her but her silence couldn't have meant anything good.

"You're lying," she said flatly. There was no doubt in her voice.

"What the hell, Rose?" I tried to sound indignant.

"You're lying. Or if you're thinking about your brother right now, you've got much bigger problems."

I looked up long enough to figure out she was looking at my crotch which was tented.

Bastard dick.

I opened my mouth, knowing there was a joke about 'bigger problems' I should have been spouting, but my head was just knotted up. Knowing I was just going to stick my foot in it again, I shut my mouth.

Rosalie folded her arms. "What's going on with you? First you jump me out of nowhere, and then this?"

"Out of nowhere? Do I ever need a reason to jump you besides you being the most insanely attractive girl in the state?" Stroking Rose's ego never hurt. Never.

She narrowed her eyes at me, but there was some amusement there, I thought. "Bitch, who could resist this?" she gestured down at herself. "But typically you don't pounce. There's usually at least a little bit of charm. Maybe it's better. But, if you're just using me to forget about other things, that's an asshole thing to do anyway."

I winced.

"But why did you stop? Tell me what's going on with you."

There was no part of me that wanted to have that particular conversation with Rosalie. My flight-or-fight response was kicking in something fierce which didn't make a whole lot of sense to me, but then again, what did at that point?

"I gotta go." I started gathering up my stuff.

Rose tried to rope me into talking, and I got so agitated, I was still mumbling to myself as I practically sprinted to my car.

When I was inside, I felt stupid. Stupid and ungrateful. Here she'd busted her ass to help me out - the girl had a full class load, after all - and I'd tossed her away from me like she was on fire. Any other girl would have been hurt. Rose was tough, but that didn't mean she deserved to be treated disrespectfully.

And then I ran. That was seriously cowardly shit.

Fight or flight. Base reaction. Fight wasn't an option, even verbally, so I ran.

Because the alternative?

Rosalie knew me too well. I was ready to sing. I was so close - close to spilling something I didn't know how to deal with.

For the last two weeks, thoughts of Jasper had kind of assaulted me at random. Though, I guess assault was the wrong word. My thoughts hadn't exactly been unpleasant.

Every time I started thinking about kissing him, about his lips around my cock and his hair in my fists, I fought to push those images away. I couldn't think about it. It felt so wrong: my thoughts bouncing between worrying for Edward and the things I wanted to do with my roommate.

But in the small space of my car, I couldn't stop the thoughts in their tracks. Rose had effectively drawn them out where I couldn't ignore them, couldn't explain them away as stray thoughts - because who could help the things that occurred to you randomly, right?

I could tell myself all I wanted that Jasper was just a catalyst. Most things slid right off my back, but what was happening with Edward wasn't like that - couldn't be like that. The fear, helplessness, and frustration was part of my blood, just under my skin, and it made me feel like I could go crazy.

It was a weight on my chest, and I couldn't lift it.

So of course it made sense, right? Kissing Jasper felt good. Kissing felt good. Blow jobs felt good.

But...

When I told Jake about Edward, he told me he was sorry, and how much that sucked. Then he tossed me a basketball and attempted to kick my ass in a little one-on-one. It helped a lot. The adrenaline, the competition - it all helped me channel my stress, and when I was worn out and sweaty on the concrete of the court, I felt better.

If I had to think about it - and suddenly, I couldn't not - I had to ask myself a pretty important question.

With Jasper, my first reaction, besides bawling my eyes out, was to kiss him.

I could disappear into his kisses.

Fuck.

And he turned me on. He really did. Now that I couldn't hold the thoughts back, I was inundated. All I could think about was that look in his eyes when I knew he wanted me. His body felt different pinned under mine. If I had to think about it, I would have expected it to feel weird. When I touched his face, I felt stubble. His body was broad and hard: not at all what I was used to. But rather than be weird, it was all just... hot.

Like drive me a little out of my mind hot.

I groaned to myself, shifting in my seat, and banged my head against the steering wheel.

The thing that was getting under my skin right then was the way I wanted him. I wanted him the way I wanted to want Rosalie.

Aw, hell.

See, Rosalie and I - we were a matched pair. There was no woman out there that could be more compatible with me. She had the body and the brains. She filled in all my blank spaces.

I tried to make it work with her, but there was always something missing. Being with her was nice, but it was never...

It had never felt like this; not even close.

My cell phone went off, making me jump and hit the horn of the car.

It was my mother's ring tone.

Like it always did when Mom called these days, my blood felt cold as ice. I forgot about anything and everything else. And then I really couldn't help the thought that made it hard to breathe, hard to even move.

What if this was the last call?

Panic pricked at my lungs, making breathing painful.

I answered the phone at the last possible second. "Mom?"

"Emmett?"

I breathed a little easier. Mom sounded tired but she wasn't crying.

We talked. Edward had been in for his first round of chemo. Of course, he was trying to pretend he was stronger than he was. He'd fallen, and he was okay, but he had a big bruise that covered most of his right thigh.

Again, the need to be home with my family was so strong, I almost started the car and got on the road right then. Mom had to talk me down.

"For heaven's sake, Emmett. You have finals next week."

Fucking finals. I was pretty sure I could pass most my classes without them.

Well. Not really, but whatever, who cared? I belonged at home with my family.

And it was stupid to think of anything else but that.

A/N: Oh, kids. There's a river in Egypt you should know about.

Thanks so much to barburella and GinnyW. Especially GinnyW cuz she doesn't like the slash but she loves me so much, she betas for me anyway.

Remember, if you want an outtake from me, bit . ly/ptblkris ... hit it up! Great cause!