Previously in "I Was Born To Tell You I Love You":
Edward is back in Seattle and now Alice thinks that...
"This couldn't be happening at a better time! You're a freaking sucessfull writer, New York Times Bestseller, beautiful as hell, and you're finally moving on with your life, Bella. So...", As soon as I realized what she had just said, I had to cut her off, helding my hand in front of her.
"Wait, back up a little. I am what?"
"Moving on with your life.", Alice repetead, in a matter of fact tone, like she was just saying that two plus two are four.. I frowned. What the hell... "Oh please... Things with Jacob seemed to be going pretty good the other night, when I came in.", she giggled when she saw all shades of red that my face turned on. After we heard Esme's message at the machine, Jacob and I decided to try to ignore it as much as we could. So decided to pop in a dvd. We sat comfortably on the couch and over time, we were cuddling in each other. Alice came in just to save me by the bell. We got so caught up in the moment that, when Alice came in, Jacob was about to kiss me. I blushed at the thought.
Charlie, on the other hand, thinks that...
The situation with James it's getting too complicated. This guy is trouble, I always knew it. Of all the killers that they sent before, James is so far the most unpredictible and psychotic.
"Carlisle and I are still in charge. And Edward here is making the smartest move, Rosalie. James made this personal. There isn't enough money in the world to make him change his mind now. He is in this for the pain that he might cause to Edward and how good he will feel if he gets his bloody hands on Bella. I know that you had the best intentions when you were fighting with him here just now, but we have to stick together."
Oh, and he gave Edward a little warning...
I turned to Edward. "But just to be clear, Edward. No funny business with our girl. And if you are going to try bond with Alice again, be careful with what you're going to do. They are better off not knowing anything. I hope you remember that."
But he didn't warned Bella too...
"Emmett, could you take Edward upstairs? He will be out for a while...", Carlisle finally spoke up, looking at his older son.
Emmett just nodded and took his brother away. Every fiber of my being was protesting agaisnt this separation. Every inch was too much. I had to be with him. But I couldn't.
I swallowed, trying to dislodge the sudden lump in my throat. Fuck that; I have to figure out a way...
And Edward kinda got caught by surprise...
I felt the bed move a little at my right side and most delicious smell took over my senses. Bella? Not even three seconds after my realization, I felt her silky skin touchin my face. A trail of fire was left burning through my skin at every single spot that her hand touched my body, and then every part missed the contact instantly. "Edward? Please. Please, babe... You have to be okay. I can go through anything... Even not having you in my life, but... A world were you don't exist is unberable. Please, don't be so reckless. Alright?", I heard she plead, her voice just above a whisper, but obviously shaky. I couldn't stand see her suffering.
But when I was about to open my eyes, the most sweet and yet luxious feeling ript throught my body. Bella kissed me. Bella. Kissed. Me. ME! What is she thinking, now? I tried to remain still, but I wasn't able to fight that feeling anymore. So I gave in.
I felt Bella tensed up immediately and back off. That made me open my eyes. Her face was the pure image of shock, pale as a ghost. '"Bella, I...", she stood up quickly and, still facing me, now blushing with full force, she retracted quickly. "Bella, wait.", I tried to call her back, so we could talk, but she just gave me one more long look and went out the door. Oh-oh! Big mistake...
Chapter 14 - Never give up. Never back down. Never lose faith.
"If you were waiting for the opportune moment, that was it." - said by Jack Sparrow in Pirates Of The Caribbean
Edward POV
As I stared at the door hanging opened in front of me, I processed the idea of what had just happened here. Bella was here. And she kissed me. She was scared, worrying for my well being, fearing that something might happen to me. I felt the corner of my mouth pull up a bit and a faint ghost of hope took place in my chest without permission. She cared. She wasn't mad at the point of wanting me dead. That much was pretty clear. And she kissed me. She. Kissed. Me. I just couldn't bring myself to believe it. I was so nervous with the fact that I would see her here today. I didn't knew what to expect. Would she remember the other night? I wished that she did, but I also hoped that she wouldn't. I sighed. Damm, this is a seriously screwed up situation, Cullen. Congratilations.
Slowly, I turned to get out of bed. I had no memory what so ever of how I ended up here, but that was just a small detail. I have to find Bella. I actually didn't figured out what I wanted to say to her, something for me to say that wouldn't make me sound like a complet jerk (or so I think that this is how she will interpret me), but I couldn't let her run away from me like this. Not when my heart was screaming so loud that without her, he might just burst and put a end to his agony. I know, I sound corny and ridiculously dramatic, but this was nothing but the truth. I ran my hand throught my hair, feeling anxious. What should I do?
As soon as I stood up, I felt a twinge in my head and the room spined a little. My knees felt weak. I took a deep breath, trying to regain control of my body. This had never stop me to do what I wanted before. Just a few cuts and bruises. James had a lucky day but I'll make sure that this never happen again. For my Bella... I build up the energy to walk out of the door and stoped in the hallway. Where could she possible had go? Then my head brought to light the single most obvious option: the music room. Bella used to spend so many hours in there with me. Every time we had a fight, we would end up meeting there and I would play and she would sing to me, dancing as much as she could without everything becoming a disaster of nature.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FLASH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bella and I just had a fight, so, of course, I was at the music room once again. Sitting on my bench, I stared at the keys for a while, trying to clear my head. Why was she so stubborn about everything? Couldn't she just be good and see that all that I was doing was showing that I cared? Should I just had sit back and let that guy be all over her, without do anything? The hell that I would do that!
I looked away from the piano, out at the dark window trying to control all the hush of emotion that were trying to take over me. I was so pissed before, but now I was mostly feeling fear and sadness. I hate when we argued like this. She was so angry. I sighed and turned back to the piano. Every second of our fight playing over and over again in my mind. My fingers grew life of it's on and last thing I know, 'Nothing Else Matters', composed by Metallica (A.N.: link for the song is in my profile), was reaching out my ears.
I hate this. I hate this feeling of failing. I couldn't fail with Bella. She was far too good for me to let her down. It was in moments like this that I felt so underserving of her love. I couldn't believe that she picked me. Me, from all the guys that was down on their knees, asking for her to put them out of their misery. Bella choose to be my girl. Not long after Bella and I started to date, I was on my way to the cafeteria, to find her, when I cross paths with the Newton kid again. For the look on his face, he wasn't quite rehabilitated from the lesson that me and the guys pulled up on him. But he had to be well aware that we wouldn't let he mess up with Bella. He was no good to her.
"Lucky bastard...", he mumbled, and I couldn't help but smirk. Yeah. That I was. Not a doubt about it.
I was trying harder and harder let myself go loose at the song, trying to calm down a little more so I would see things more clearly, but all I could think was Bella. Bella mad at me. Her angry beautiful brown eyes. I felt my chest get more tight. I had to make things right. I couldn't let everything like it was right now.
That's when I felt a set of hands at my neck, caressing it softly. The hairs on the back of my necks react instantly. Bella. And without saying a words, still behind me, she gave to the music, lyrics.
I never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters
Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters
I felt every muscle of my body relaxing at her touch, at just the simplest thing like hear her sing. I felt safe and complete when she was with me. Bella was never like any other girls. She was carefree, beautiful, smart, funny and kinda klutz, what just gave her a extra charm. She was perfect in every possible sense of the word. And she was, by my side, choosing to be with me. Accepting me for who I am. No questions asked.
The music now was coming effortless. I closed my eyes, letting myself feel her presence radiating through my body like a current of eletricide taking over.Before she kept singing it alone, I continued with her.
Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know, yeah
So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters
The last notes faded away and I took a deep breath, and a finally felt a little more alive again. My Bella was here with me and that was all I needed. I twisted around so I could read her face and get a feeling on just how much I let her down this time. I looked up to her, and she was glaring with intensity into my eyes. She locked like that, getting a glimpse every now and then of her soul. I felt every hair on my body stend up.
"Hey...", I said whispered breathless.
Her lips broked into a smile that dazzled me. 'How did I got so lucky?', I caught myself thinking, unable to look away from her and prevent that my own face broked into a full force smile.
"Hey you...", she said, seeming us breathless as I was.
I opened my mouth so I could say something, say that I was sorry. Despite everything that brought that up, I shouldn't had argued with her. It wasn't her fault. She beat me to it, though. "I'm sorry, babe...", she said in a quiet soft voice. "I didn't mean to be so... bitchy about it. I get how that would upset you, but you have to understand that as much as any guy can come near me and try to sweep me off my feet, I really don't care. I'm taken." , she said, looking directly into my eyes. Her hands grabbing and caressing my hair and the back of my neck. Her words made me melt front the inside out. Her musical voice and sweetest touch were sending shivers down my spine.I closed my eyes for a second and then looked up to her again.
"No... No, love, don't you say you're sorry, Never be sorry when it comes to you being who you are. I love you. All of you. Just the way you are. I'm sorry if I act like such a jerk sometimes, but I can't help it. I just have this urge to protect you all the time. I know that you can take care of yourself in this kind of situation, but... It's just my way to show that I care. That I can take care of you and make everything in my power to make you happy. I'm sorry." I'm sorry if I embarresed you or let you down some how. It's just... I love you. So much...", I grabbed each side of her hips and brought her close to me, resting my head at her belly, feeling the heat of her body conforting me. "I just need you to understand that and be patiente with me, okay? I'll try to get better at this. I promise you.", I finished, hugging her small figure. She was so delicate.
"Alright, then." She replied, still with her hand in my hair, stroking it in such a way that was almost getting me sleepy. I loved how she was able to make me realx like this. "So we're good?"
I pulled my head up again, looking at her glorious face again. "I should be the one asking you this. Are we cool?"
Her smile got wider. "In the case, we had never been better.", and she bent down to kiss me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~END OF THE FLASHBACK~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My mouth pulled up on the corners. She was so incredibly beautiful that makes my heart ache. A always welcome ache, if may I say so.
I walked eagerly towards the room. As I got close, I tried to hear if there was any movement inside. And what I heard made my heart sink into my stomach. Sobs were coming from the inside. I decided that was better knock before I came in. And so that was what I did. No answerd, but the sobs became more quiet. I opened the door.
"Bella...?", I asked hesitating. The room was very dark and I barely could distinguish her silhouette. She was near the balcony, looking at the sky, I think... But I was sure that she had her back to me. The silence was unbearable.
"What do you want, Edward?", Bella asked me, her voice weak, like she was fight back tears. I felt a knot building up into my chest. "Because if you're here to mock at me or something, you can stop right where you are. Don't come near me, please.", the last part of her statement sound like a plead.
"Mock you? Why would I do that?", I asked. Hearing her say that hurted more than words could express. "Bella, I don't want to hurt you. I never did. I recognize that this...", I signed at the space that was keeping us apart. "... this awful thing that is going on between us is my own fault. I'm not trying to deny anything. I'm actually here to apologize. You have all the reasons on the world to be mad at me, cause I was an ass. But...", I put one hand over my heart: an unconscious movement to try to hold it at one piece. " I'm sorry, Bella. I really am. Cause I did loved you. Hell, I do love you... I know that I have no right to come here and say this to you, but... I don't know. Maybe I still could had you if I didn't had been such a moron. I blew it. And I don't even know how to beging to tell you or show you this, but I am truly sorry.", she slowly was turning to me, and the moonlight make ir possible to caught a glimpse of her face. It was all covered with tears. Just as my face was, now. I couldn't help it. It still hurts too much. And I couldn't hide much more things from her. I was reaching my limit.
"Say something...", I begged, as she completly turned to me.
"What do you want me to say, Edward?", she asked in a detached voice. Her face was solid in a mask of smootheness, unreadable. I figured that she was trying very hard to hide something from me. That alone was enough to almost get me insane.
"Anything...", I replied, taking a step in her direction.
She took a step back. "What do you want from me, Edward?", her voice just above a whisper. I wish that I could see her powerful eyes better at this light. I needed to know what emotions exactly she was trying to keep in check from me."Hm? What do you want me to say? To do?", she kept talking, though she try to remain aloof. I could feel something building up in my chest. Panic, maybe. I wasn't sure. "Cause I really don't know what you're expecting to happen here. Look, I'm sorry for before, at your room. But...", she was starting to babble a little, the way that she was used to do when she was anxious.
"But?", I let the question out before I could think about the consequences. I couldn't be certain about the answer to that and I was starting to freak out a little. I try to hide my emotions could play this game and I always was better in it.
"What happened tonight was a mistake. It wont happen again, I can assure you this much. And it also made me realise that it's time for a change. I'm tired of listening to the sound of my tears all the time, Edward. Tired to pretend to be okay with everything when I'm not. I want to be able to really feel what I'm letting people see plastered on my face. When you decided without consulting me to go to Baltimore and breaking things up between us, you broke my heart in so many pieces that I couldn't even count. You left me broke and miserable. And that's on you, Edward. All these years... Six years, to be precise, and You didn't thought that I deserve not even a word from you. And then there was the thing withAlice, when she went to visit you there. It was just the icing on the cake. You just didn't broke me but you end up with the respect that your little sister had for you when she caught you with that Tanya person in so little time after you left Seattle. After you left your old life behind. I mean, who are you? Because the Edward I once knew and loved wasn't able to do this to his family. Or to me, for that matter." we heard a horn outside. Bella turned quickly to glance above her sholder and sighed and relieve. I couldn't see exactly what she saw. "That's Jacob. Remember him?"
Realization hit me and I could help but feel angry. What was he doing here? I could bring myself to talk as I imagine how better would it make me feel if I crush his scoll at a wall somewhere else, seeing that I didn't want to get Bella that upset, so I just nodded.
'Well, I have to go.", she said, taking a deep breath, when she spoke again, her voice sounded more firm. "Have a goodnight, Edward. I hope you'll feel better soon.", she finished her sentence, whipping away her tears when the horn sounded again.
"Good bye.", she said softly was she glance at my eyes once more and passed by me.
"Wait!", I grabbed her wrist. "Please... Don't go...", Whay was I expecting, anyway? That she would welcome with open wide arms? And now this... Jacob here, taking her away from me. Finally, as he have been dreaming since high school or whatever.I could hear the blood pounding stronger behind my ears and, also, much more faster than usual.
She took a deep breathe and stared at the ground for a long moment. "Edward, let go off me.", she told me, looking directly into my eyes, burning with some emotion that I couldn't quite place my finger on it. "Please... I... I can't...", she let out a heavy sigh, trying to retrieve control of her emotions. Then, she leaned foward, got on her tiptoes and pressed her lips lightly to my right cheek for the briefest of the moments. My eyes closed at the feeling. "Take care of yourself.", she choked out the words, her hot breath caressing my skin.
That action caught me so out of guard that I let my hand loose and she choose that moment to walk away from me. After the feeling of her silky skin at mine, all that was left behind was a gentle wind with her passage.
She was gone.
I close my hand in the air, this time. And a whole burst open in my chest.
My heart was gone with her.
Again.
Esme POV
I was heading upstairs, looking for Bella, when she hadn't come back to the table. She said that she wasn't feeling very well and excused herself to go to Alice's room, use the bathroom and breath a little of fresh air at the balcony. I got worried. She really wasn't looking so well for a while now. And I had this hunch that I knew why. So I helped her out to excuse herself from the table. She wanted to see Edward, I was almost certain of it.
My poor kids. I sighed. I first went to Edward's room to check on him. As I said, it was all a hunch. I could be wrong, anyway. I got close to his door and I noticed that it was open. I don't think that Emmett would have left it that way. Getting closer, I furtively looked inside. Nothing. Only a messy bed.
I went a little further and opened Alice's old room. Everything remained untouched. Bella was here either. Where are they?
As in a answer to my silent question, the music room door burst open and a very shaky Bella came from the inside.
She stoped on her tracks when she saw me. "Oh, hey, Esme.", she said giving a quick glance to my face and then looking at her feet. But was long enough so I could have a good look at her face. She was crying.
"Bella, dear...", I rushed to her side, placing my arms around her. "What's wrong?"
She sobbed a little and shook her head. "Nothing, really.", her head was resting now in my chest. "I'm just not feeling that great. I head a headache.", She looked up at me, wiping away the tears froom her face. That broke my heart. I brushed lightly the tip of my fingers at her face.
"Oh my baby...", my chest got tight. "Can I get you anything? Would you like that I get Carlisle here so he could get a quick look at you?", I offerd, knowing well enough that her problem wasn't a physical one.
Her eyes widened. "No! No... I don't want to be a buzz kill. Everyone is having such a good time... No. I...", she hesited, giving a quick glance towards the music room door. So Edward is there... Good to know. She took a deep breathe and went on. "I called a friend. He came to pick me up. Tell Alice that I'm sorry and I'll see her at home, okay? And , if it isn't too much to asked, please ask dad to call me. I want to see him some more, before he heads back to Forks."
"All right, dear. If you think that it's better that way...", I agreed, rubbing her back lightly.
"It is...", she nooded, eyes closed. Then she hugged me tight. "Thank you, Esme."
"You're welcome, my baby. You know that I'm here for you, don't you?", I replied. She took a step back and looked at my face, brushing gently her finger at my cheek. "And don't worry.", I glance to the door from where she had just came out. "I wont tell the others."
She smiled a little, but didn't reached her eyes. "I know. Thank you.", She sighed."I better go. Thank for the lovely dinner, Esme. I hope I'll see you soon. Bye."
She gave me a quick peek at the cheek and walked away. Oh, my little girl...
A lingered for a little while at the hallway, debating either or not go after, but I decided agaisnt it. She needed her space and I wouldn't be no help to her while she would try to sort things out. Then I turned to go check on Edward. As I was about to walk in, I heard a quick sound of piano keys being pressed. Slowly I walking in, and went so stand behind him, at the bench, reching out to put a free hand on his shoulder. I have no idea of what had going on between the two of them here but that didn't stop me from worrying about
him.
His body tensed up when I touched him. "Hey son...", he seemed to be concentrating on relaxing, taking deep breaths from time to time. I went on. "What you doing here? You should be resting..."
Still not turning to me, but putting his hand on top of mine, he replied. "Nothing, mom. Just have something on my mind...", he said softly.
"Yeah, I saw her...", I whispered.
"I know. I heard.", it was silent for a moment and them he squeezed my hand. "I'm sorry, Esme. I shouldn't had come back."
"What? Edward, don't be silly. You're my son. I missed you here. This house is too big just for me and your dad. I miss my babies.", I smiled, "Besides, it's not like you didn't came to work too. James is here. We need you.", I sighed, squeezing his hand back.
"I know, but... I shouldn't got Bella involved in this again. I hurt her enough already. This is unecessary pain.", he spoke slowly, measuring his every word. "I can't stand the thought of hurting her but I can't keep her from hurting either. I feel... Helpless. Useless. The whole point of this arregement was that Bella could have an oportunite to enjoy life, without worrying about you or any of us to be in danger. And now that she seems to have a chance to finally acomplish this I... I can't seem to be able to do it. I don't seem to be able to let her be. I love her, mom. What should I do?", he sighed in defeat and I could feel his pain passing through me as we were one. I knew what he was going through. Love was just like this. It gives someone the power to tear you apart as much as it gives the power to make you brand new.
"I don't know, son. I didn't liked this plan from the begining. I love you both so much to like things the way they are. But Charlie was decided and got your support at first. Carlisle and I couldn't really argue about it. But, son...Don't lose your hopes. I have faith that this madness wont last long. And once Bella finds out everything, all we can hope is that she'll understand and forgive us. Sounds artificial, kinda forced, but I believe at that saying 'If is meant to be, it will be.' Have faith, Edward. We have to believe.", I really hope that she'll forgive me too... My voice became broken, cracking at the thought of her hating me for what I had done. I hope she'll understand that I just wanted to protect her. I swallow hard.
"Oh mom... I'm being selfish, am I not? I'm so sorry.", he said, turning to me and wrapping his arms around my waist, like he used to do when he was just a little boy.I felt his body trembling. My boy was crying... I looked up at the sky and gasped for air. How much more a mother's heart can take? I looked down at him again and kissed the top of his head, hugging more tight.
"It's okay, my love. I understand. Don't worry...", was all I said.
We stood like that for a moment, trying to support each other. When his sobs calmed down, I lifted up his face and smiled timidly at him. "Let's see if Emmett left you any food, shall we?"
He chuckled and wiped the tears out of my face as I did the same to him. "Oh, I seriously doubt that.", he teased as he stood up and, arms still around my waist, lead us throught the door. "Your cooking is too good. That's why Emmett, with that appetite got so big.", he laughed.
I hit him lightly at his arm. "You are such a boy!"
"I'm your little boy, though.", he smiled, kissing my cheek.
I laughed. Yes, my little boy was at home...
Finally.
Thank you all so much for reading my story. It feels good to be able to share this with you guys!
Did you liked the chapter? I hope so! I'll try to update soon, again. I promise!
I would like to send a kiss to my British sister. She went on her holiday this week, but I miss her terribly already! E, xx
Well, thanks for reading it and please, let me know what you think!
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