Chapter 14

.

.

.

The lilacs were in bloom. Elizabeth stretched onto her tiptoes to bury her nose in a cluster of the purple flowers. Did anything smell better then lilacs? She thought not. Gently she broke the stem and added the bunch to her basket. Elizabeth was in the Longbourn gardens, surrounded by the tall bushes bursting with color and scent. Jane was with her and together they gathered all the lilacs that were full or just past full bloom to process into scented oils for the rest of the year. It was Elizabeth's favorite flower scent and she was excited to refill her supply.

"Do you think Charles would like me to wear lilac oil?" Jane mused dreamily as she gathered.

"I think your fiancé would like you no matter what scent you wore." Lizzy chuckled.

Jane smiled in agreement and the knowledge that she was loved. "Still, he must have preferences in scent."

"I suppose, you could try it and then ask him. But really, I should think that you should please yourself with the scent you wear, and you prefer rose."

"I do, but the partiality is not strong and I'd very much like to please him. I like to show him how happy I am. Oh Lizzy, it is like a dream still and every morning when I wake, I wonder for a moment if it is real. And it is! I never thought I could be this happy."

"I did. How can you not? Only someone with your goodness could be so happy."

"Are you not happy with Mr. Darcy?" Jane asked.

Elizabeth groped for a reply and seeing her confusion Jane added. "He will be here later today, will he not? Do you look forward to seeing him?"

Monday had been the day Mr. Darcy had said he would arrive and so Elizabeth nodded and then paused to formulate a reply.

"I am, well, excited to see him. Or at least curious. My mind keeps returning to his imminent arrival, what will he say? How will he act? I confess I am most intrigued."

"Only intrigued?"

"What else could I be? I supposed I am flattered by his attention. I think -mostly- well of him and he is very handsome. I confess that my heart does flutter when he is close. But I really do not know him very well. Certainly not well enough to allow my emotions to depend on him."

"Do you not trust him?" Jane prodded gently.

"I cannot. Not yet at least. It has not been two weeks since I was in Kent and I thought he hated me. He had destroyed your hope at happiness and was regularly rude to me. He is kind now, but I'm not even sure why." Elizabeth said. This had been an issue that had concerned her ever since he had asked for a courtship. Why? Why the sudden change of attitude? A man does not typically change all his behaviors overnight. But that is exactly what Mr. Darcy had done. The most flattering idea was that he respected her reproofs and had taken them to heart. The more likely motivation was that he liked her or was amused by her and so behaved how he thought he needed to. Such a motivation would disappear the moment she returned his feelings.

Jane pursed her lips and frowned.

"What? I see you have an opinion, why do you not say it?" Elizabeth laughed.

"You will only laugh at me for being too optimistic."

"I will not! I respect your advice."

"Do you? Very well, I shall say this. His behavior has changed drastically, this I grant you freely. And perhaps his manners have not always been what they ought. But I believe his incentive is that he likes you very much indeed and has for quite some time."

At Elizabeth's skeptical expression Jane sighed and said. "As I suspected, you do not believe me. Very well, I understand you do not wish to feel more then you believe he does. I, of all people, cannot fault you for that. However, you have one advantage I did not. You are courting, you can ask him personal questions. You can ask of his motivations and feelings."

Elizabeth was surprised. She supposed she could, personal or direct questions were inappropriate in most social settings, but within a courtship they were allowed.

"I know I have enjoyed the freedom to speak more directly with Charles." Jane added quietly.

Elizabeth smiled mischievously, "Only speak?"

"Lizzy, I don't know what you are talking of!" Jane said indignantly.

"Nothing I am sure. It is only that on Friday, even though we were busy packing and preparing to go, your Mr. Bingley called to invite you on a walk."

"There is nothing inappropriate about walking out with a man you are engaged to." Jane declared primly.

"No. Of course not." Elizabeth said with extreme seriousness. Then added with a smirk. "It must have been very chilly for you were quite flushed on your return."

"It was quite cool."

"Hmmmmm. Perhaps windy as well? Your bonnet was a bit askew, I'm afraid."

"Lizzy!"

Elizabeth opened her mouth to continue her teasing when her mother rounded the hedge and threw up her hands melodramatically. "There you are! I had quite despaired! What are you doing? Lilacs? How can you think of such tasks! You must change! At once! I shall have to tell Sarah to redo your hair as well, these styles are much to simple!"

"Why mama?" Jane asked.

"Why? Wherever can your head be, child? Your future husbands are coming to call, and you are dressed for chores!"

"In all likelihood, they will not be here for hours, mama, if at all. They must come from London, settle into Netherfield and then, only if all goes well could they visit today." Elizabeth tried to reason. "Also, you ought not call him that, we are not engaged."

Her mother glared at her. "Do not be impudent, he made his intentions clear, if you could just mind your tongue I'm sure he will propose!"

Before Elizabeth could respond Mrs. Bennet took her basket and started shooing them towards the house. Reluctantly the sisters allowed themselves to be herded inside and then redressed in one of their nicer morning dresses. The elaborate hairstyle however, they refused. Elizabeth had intended to allow it but when their mother had started speaking of feathers she had left the room and Jane had joined her. She would not wear colored ostrich feathers in her own sitting room, it was absurd.

After much fussing, confusion and disorder, all six Bennet ladies were arranged artfully around the sitting room. The very picture of domestic bliss. Each woman and girl, dressed carefully and attractively while occupied with some ladylike endeavor. Elizabeth and Jane wished to finish their task with the lilacs but submitted to their mother and embroidered instead. Lydia and Kitty had wanted to rip apart an old bonnet and redecorate it with the new ribbon Jane have brought them from London, but Mrs. Bennet thought that would make a mess and so insisted they were made to practice drawing. Mary was inclined to practice on the piano, but Mrs. Bennet wanted to hear when her guests arrived and so suggested she read. And so, they sat.

The first hour was not too bad. The Longs stopped by and made a brief but polite call and their various activities held some interest.

The second hour they had two calls. Colonel Foster's wife, Harriet Forster, who was not much older than Lydia and her particular friend. That silly visit was blessedly short in Elizabeth's opinion but the same could not be said about her Aunt Phillips' call. It was obvious to Elizabeth that her aunt hoped to stay long enough that she could see the gentlemen and take the gossip of how they behaved back to town with her. Thankfully, Mrs. Bennet showed unusual good sense and did not invite her sister to stay for lunch. Elizabeth was very grateful. While she loved her family and refused to wish them to change for Mr. Darcy's benefit, she had to admit to herself that she would be embarrassed to be in the same room with Mr. Darcy, her mother, and her inappropriate aunt.

The third hour they sat together was the worst, all six women had gotten somewhat restless and there were no more calls to distract from their disinterest in their tasks.

When the clock struck the next hour Lydia bolted up, declared herself done and left the room. It was shockingly disrespectful but when her mother only huffed and released them all, Elizabeth felt grateful. However, she had only just curled up in her favorite library chair when she heard a loud exclamation and her mother burst into the room announcing that the men had been sighted.

Caught between annoyance and excitement, Elizabeth resettled herself in the sitting room and waited. Jane and Mary returned as well but Kitty and Lydia were nowhere to be seen, a fact that Elizabeth had to be grateful of, not matter how unwillingly.

Only a few minutes passed and then the gentlemen were led into the room and announced. All the girls rose and curtsied and were bowed to in return. There were smiles shared by both couples but before the gentlemen could even sit down Mrs. Bennet started thanking the men of the attention they paid her daughters. She fluttered and chattered, fawning and gossiping. Elizabeth was humiliated. She knew her mother did not mean to embarrass her, Elizabeth knew that Mrs. Bennet was uncomfortable, nervous and desirous to please. Her mother was of the opinion that men liked cheerful, engaging women, however it often made her look ridiculous.

Suddenly Elizabeth was reminded of Mr. Darcy's words to her in Kent regarding her family. 'it was obvious to any observer that your mother was the one who cherished the match the most.' He had said. She blushed anew. She twisted her fingers on her lap and avoided Mr. Darcy's looks. She was afraid to see scorn in his expression.

More of his words came back to her. 'But there were other causes of repugnance; your mother's ties to trade was nothing in comparison to that total want of propriety so frequently, so almost uniformly betrayed by herself, by your three younger sisters, and occasionally even by your father.'

Her father, where was her father? Elizabeth realized with a jolt that though it was expected at this point that her father avoid the typical calls of their neighbors, shouldn't he attend this call? A visit by his prospective sons-in-law? It was more than negligent, it was actually rude.

Just then Lydia and Kitty burst into the room, both holding one end of a dismantled bonnet. "Mama, Kitty says that it should be blue ribbon, but I think pink is more charming! Tell her, mama!" Lydia exclaimed without a curtsy to their guests.

"It is my bonnet, why should she get to pick the color?" Kitty argued.

Elizabeth all but leaped to her feet. Struggling to maintain her ladylike composure Elizabeth said. "Mother, I don't believe Mr. Bingley or Mr. Darcy have seen our gardens. Perhaps we should walk out?"

Ignoring her youngest two daughters, Mrs. Bennet clasped her hands, thrilled; "that is a great Idea, Lizzy! She certainly is a clever one, isn't she Mr. Darcy? I dare say I don't need to tell you! I-" before she could continue Elizabeth led the way to the front door. Her mother followed to the door and chattered while the two couples gathered their outwear but thankfully didn't join them as they stepped outside.

As soon as they stepped outside all four of them smiled at each other and Elizabeth suggested that they walk down to the river and then tour their gardens.

"How was the journey from London?" Jane asked Mr. Bingley.

"Too long, I was dying to see you!" He returned.

Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy shared a glance and smiled at his eagerness. Jane and Bingley chatted happily of their weekend, filling each other in on their comings and goings.

Elizabeth noticed that Mr. Darcy was walking very slowly. She didn't think he was limping but slowed to match his stride, after a moment passed and the space between the two couples started to grow, Elizabeth thought she understood the reason for the slow pace.

Another minute and both couples had reasonable privacy as well as every appearance of propriety. Elizabeth smiled up at Mr. Darcy and said teasingly. "And how would you describe your journey this morning."

He smiled back, "This is a trap."

"Mr. Darcy, I cannot understand what you mean, I ask after your welfare." Elizabeth said lightly.

Her beau slanted a playful but suspicious look at her face. "If I am gallant then you will smirk as you did at my friend. If I am pragmatic, then you are offended that I was not eager to see you."

"I am sure I would be delighted by any answer you give."

"Then I shall say only this. It was a smooth trip, the weather was good, the roads well cared for and nothing remarkable happened." He paused, then added. "And I missed you and am very pleased to see you."

"I am pleased to see you as well." She looked up at him. His handsome face was smiling at her comment and seeing his dimples, Elizabeth felt her thoughts catch on the sight.

For a long moment the two smiled into each other's faces. Elizabeth felt like she was relearning his features. When he smiled at her like that, she thought he must be the handsomest man in the world. His eyes, which she had once thought dark and disapproving, were now deep and intense with something she couldn't quite name but made her heart beat faster.

Mr. Bingley's laughter from up ahead broke the spell and Elizabeth looked down. "Will Georgiana join you at Netherfield? You said before that she might."

"Yes, she will arrive Monday next."

"We shall be a merry party this summer." Elizabeth said cheerfully.

"It has been some weeks since you had left Longbourn, how do you find it upon your return?"

Elizabeth experienced a feeling of falling. In a second all her joy vanished and the humiliating spectacle from the morning returned to her thoughts. How dare he? He thought to challenge her? Remind her of his words and force her to admit the truth of them? Despite any faults they had, they were her family and she would not be disloyal to them for anyone. Not even him, especially not him!

"I find it very well, sir. It is very pleasant is it not, to be surrounded by family in one's own home." She said stiffly.

He sent her a baffled look. "It is indeed."

Her heated expression met his confused one and they held the look, each trying to read the other. Finally, Elizabeth felt her ire melting away. He had obviously not meant what she had thought he had. She laughed at herself, apparently, I am still a little sore about our past dealings. Remembering what Jane had said about having license to be more direct, Elizabeth tried to be more open.

"Excuse my stiffness sir. I-" Elizabeth started and then heaved a rather unladylike sigh. "In truth I have had some difficulties in resettling myself. But I find it makes me sore to talk about with you, as I know your opinion of them."

Mr. Darcy looked startled. "Miss Elizabeth. I certainly did not mean anything negative about your family. I only meant to ask after your welfare. I now see I said it in very awkward manner, I apologize."

Elizabeth's first instinct, born of a lifetime of politeness training, told her to smooth it out and turn the conversation to lighter things. But she knew that his scornful opinion of her family had to be spoken of. Cautiously she said. "There is no apology necessary, you truly did not speak anything odd or impolite. I only interpreted it as such because I know the estimation you have of my family. However, you must know, you must realize, that for all their faults -and I realize there are many- I love them and would not wish to be separated from them."

It was Mr. Darcy's turn to be silent for a moment. Her hand was still on his arm and he reached over with his other hand and stroked her fingers. Despite the conversation, Elizabeth found the sensation soothing.

"You are being direct with me, I appreciate it and will do the same." Mr. Darcy said. "I am a little offended that you would think that of me. That you distrust me so that you fear being separated from your own family. But I have considered your words and I must find them fair. I have expressed distaste and scorn. I have spoken of being settled too near one's family and a distaste for connection with your family, although I was speaking of Bingley's future, my opinions were obvious. I was very wrong to have done so. I am ashamed of what I said and that it has hurt you. I am very sorry."

Elizabeth was touched by his sincerity, flattered by his sentiment and distressed at having offended him. However, the strong part of her mind told her that her feelings -even he had admitted- were justified and while she could not like offending him, the truth was more important. And the truth was that while he been wrong to say discourteous things and hurt her feelings, that was not the true concern. It was that he hated her family and that created a distance between them.

"I can and do forgive your discourteous words concerning them. However, how can I be comfortable? Knowing no matter your new politeness that your mind is filled with scorn?"

Mr. Darcy looked pained. He looked around as if searching for the right words in the foliage around them. The forest underbrush was overgrown in this area and the trees had gotten so dense and large, that they could barely see the sky above them. It had created a feeling of complete privacy that Elizabeth appreciated, considering the conversation.

"I have thought often of your words to me in Kent, you said that I had a 'selfish disdain for the feelings of others'. You know not how your words have tormented me since. And not for the pain connected with angering you -though you can be assured I felt that intensely- but for the rightness of them. I realized that I had not made any effort to understand people. I judged them by my standards and made no allowance for difference of character or inclination." Mr. Darcy paused and scrubbed his free hand over his eyes. "I cannot promise to love them at you do. Unfortunately, I believe that they are of the exact wrong temperament for me to get along with well. However, I hope in the future that I can learn to be understanding of them. For instance, I find there is much, with more consideration, that I like about your mother."

Elizabeth was surprised. Knowing that they were nearing the river and that the path was starting to get wet and steep, Elizabeth concentrated more on stepping carefully but still asked. "My mother? I would have thought her manners would annoy you the most."

"Her manners? Yes, I admit that they do. However, I am hardly in a position to judge someone entirely by their manners. While your mother has a tendency to be awkward and say the wrong thing, I can relate. Though that trait appears very differently in my character, it is still one I struggle with. And her character, her intentions, I think are not bad. She is proud of you and your sisters and hopes for a good future for all of you."

Elizabeth could not help but be skeptical. This was an extreme turn of sentiment. With a raised eyebrow she challenged. "And what of Mary? Are you suddenly fond of her piano playing?"

Instead of taking offense Mr. Darcy grinned down at her. "She is eager to please, just doesn't know how."

"Kitty following every idea of Lydia's, even to her detriment?" Elizabeth pushed.

"She is loyal and cheerful."

"Lydia?"

Mr. Darcy looked momentarily stumped and Elizabeth had to fight a chuckle, her youngest sister was difficult to sympathize with. Then a smug expression replaced his confused one and Mr. Darcy said with an air of utmost chivalry, "How can I condemn her friendly, energetic manner when I so appreciate the same trait in you?"

Elizabeth laughed outright. "Very clever, Mr. Darcy. With one statement you forgive my sister and flatter me."

"It is not flattery because I genuinely admire you."

Elizabeth blushed and looked down. She could not help the warm feeling in her heart at his words. "And what of my father?" she said to finish out the conversation. Of all her family she felt that only Jane was without fault, but Mr. Darcy could have little against her father.

Mr. Darcy didn't answer her right away and Elizabeth looked up, surprised to see his troubled eyes looking back at her. "I do not wish to injure your feelings. I know how much esteem you hold him in. Indeed, in him I see many of the traits that I admire about you. He is intelligent and witty, he has gifted you with a love of reading and his attachment to you is obvious." Mr. Darcy stopped and taking both her hands he said gently. "However, I cannot like the abuse and neglect of his manner regarding the rest of your family. He exposes them to ridicule and then laughs as if he is not connected. No. nor can I like his witty barbs that hurt others, I think all the rest of your family would be much happier and more respectable if he would only take the effort to guide them."

Elizabeth fought the urge to snatch her hands from the man. He had taken her uncomfortable words and rebukes so calmly and fairly that she felt she owed him some consideration of his words. She could not like them though. Her father had always been there for her, he was kind to her when her mother scorned her interests and manner. He had backed her up when Mr. Collins had made his odious proposal. But… But he had not said that her father was without redeeming qualities but had instead laid several specific sins at his door.

Elizabeth gently withdrew her hands and taking his arm, led him on. A moment later they came to the river and the foot bridge across. Elizabeth stopped in the middle of the bridge and looked down into the water. It bubbled happily below, and she allowed herself to get lost in thought. She had always seen her family as individuals, each with their own flaws and strengths. But now she realized that to Mr. Darcy, the ultimate responsibility for the behavior of her family did not lie with the individual but with their father as the head of the household. Now that she thought of it, she was aware that most of her friends respected and to some extent feared their fathers. Did Lydia fear to displease her father? She thought of her uncle, Mr. Gardiner, and the caring but firm manner he had with his children. How different would she and all her family be if her father had demanded good behavior of them?

In her peripheral vision she saw Mr. Darcy lean against the rail, facing her, his intense eyes on her face. She turned and offered him a small smile, "I cannot like your words Mr. Darcy. But I feel they have some truth. Can I leave it at that for now? I'm sorry but I do not have a better answer at the moment."

"I do not need any answer from you. I did not wish to make you uncomfortable or force you to answer for him. Do not concern yourself over my thoughts." Mr. Darcy shifted a little closer and smiled down into her upturned face. "In the end it doesn't really matter how I feel about your family. They could be the worst people in England, and I would still- My feelings for you would not change."

Elizabeth was suddenly aware of how close he stood to her, and how very alone they were. She had not caught sight of Jane or Mr. Bingley for some time and the forest around her was quiet. Her breath quickened, and she felt nervous and excited.

In a quiet voice Mr. Darcy said, "Beautiful Elizabeth, nothing could change my admiration for you."

Slowly, as if he expected her to bolt, Mr. Darcy raised his hand and lightly brushed a loose curl from her cheek. When she didn't pull away, his hand returned and gently stoked her cheek with his fingers.

Elizabeth could think of nothing to say; her mind was too excited and her feelings too new and confused but she- she didn't want to move. His touch felt like nothing she had ever felt, and she wanted it. Cautiously she took a tiny step closer to him. Mr. Darcy looked surprised but thrilled with her movement, he took her hand and kissed it. Still Elizabeth did not pull away and suddenly Mr. Darcy removed his hat, dropped it and then gently pulled her closer, bent down and kissed her lips.

The kiss only lasted a few seconds, but Elizabeth's head swam with the sensation. She gasped and stepped back.

For a moment they both stared at each other, their chests heaving and their eyes alight. He kissed me! Elizabeth thought, with more delight than concern. She knew he oughtn't have and she certainly should not have allowed him, but she found she couldn't care. She smiled at him, despite needing to retreat, she found she was glad he had done it.

At her smile, Mr. Darcy grinned with triumph and joy. Then he reached out and took her hand, kissing it and placing it on his arm. "We should probably return. I cannot trust myself so completely alone with you."

The walk back was made mostly in silence. Elizabeth was too overcome to say much and spent most of the time lost in the memory of the kiss, the feeling of him walking so closely to her and his loving eyes on her face whenever she looked up at him. They spoke a little of inconsequential things and smiled much and laughed often. As they neared the garden they caught sight of Jane and Mr. Bingley rejoining their path from a different one and neither couple said a word of the extended time away or the slight blush on the cheeks of both sisters. It was a happy, easy party who made their way back to Longbourn.

Elizabeth invited the men to stay for dinner, but they said they had promised Mr. Bingley's sister, Caroline, that they would return for dinner. And so, very regretfully, the men took their leave, promising to return the next morning.