srry i havent updated since 1997

"Hi, Alex."

"Hi, whitey."

"Are you ever gonna stop calling me whitey?"

"Are you ever going to stop being white?"

Dr. Cullen, the evil lady vampire that surely had a desire to suck my blood until I was dead, smirked. It was a closed mouth smirk, so I couldn't see her razor sharp death fangs, ready to sink into my skin at any moment. "So, race differences aside, what's on the evil agenda for today?"

I shrugged, kicking my feet up on an empty chair in the office. "I dunno. I've been considering establishing communism in the U.S. It's a goal I've had for a while, but I've thought it to be quiet unobtainable. But now that I have a werewolf guardian angel, I think I can use that as a weapon against the government," I said, letting out a loud, overdone sigh and entangling my fingers over my gut. "Don't try to stop me, doc. I'll have my werewolf boyfriend and his werewolf pack rip off the heads of you and all my other political adversaries."

"Wasn't planning on it. I noticed you said werewolf boyfriend."

My left eyebrow spiked up. "Did I? Slip of the tongue. I have no boyfriends, just friends that are boys. I do have three wives, and several mistresses, however." The relationship between Seth and I had fundamentally returned to normal. We hung out just the same, talked just the same, and acted just the same. The only thing that was really different was that I constantly teased him for essentially being a furry and pointed at dogs in public and asked if he knew what they were thinking. He was extremely respectful of my wish to take things slow, which honestly was kind of frustrated, as I kind of wanted to fuck. I wasn't about to tell that to anyone, though.

"So how are you handling the truth since you talked to Seth again?" dear Esmee questioned. At the beginning of therapist-patient relationship, I found her incessant questioning about my emotions to be absolutely insufferable. However, as time goes on, I find them to be increasingly more insufferable, as she is obtaining more and more information about my stupid life, and therefore asking more accurate questions that are far more difficult to avoid.

I was running low on witty responses, as I now spent most of my time with Seth instead of sitting in my room alone planning out conversations. "Y'know, it's been really difficult. But I think I'm actually starting to come to terms with it. Yeah, having a furry as a best friend might get a little difficult, but I think-"

Esmee cut me off. "That's the third time you've made a furry joke, Alex. You're slipping."

"Listen doc, we all have off days."

She hummed, crossing her legs. I stared at them, wondering if vampires needed to shave. "And have you talked to Seth about your history?"

"I thought we agreed to never talk about my personal problems unless I brought them up. Not very professional to break rules, Ezzie. Can I call you Ezzie?"

"No you may not, and that was never part of our agreement."

Pursuing my lips, I stood and looked down at her. "Hmm, it wasn't? Too bad. Well, anyways, looks like that's time. See you next week, doc. Maybe you'll make a breakthrough."

"You know, just because you ignore the problems, doesn't mean they're not there," she stated softly as I stepped out the door. I didn't pause. I knew she was right, I just really did not want to hear it.

There were several "problems" currently occurring, and several previous ones that will occasionally make a reappearance in my day-to-day life. Primarily that my best and closest friend is obviously and almost dangerously in love with me and my chosen path has been to ignore every hint, indication, or sign of the truth. Pretending the whole "imprinting" thing isn't real has really been my primary method of coping. I'm not quiet ready to belong to someone.

There also seems to be a slight issue in the blood suckers department; the issue being there is a lot of them. Seth won't let me go anywhere alone. If I'm not with him, I'm with Embry, who is still a fucking nightmare. I am constantly being babysat. My dads have essentially been deemed completely useless when it comes to protecting me and themselves, so there is always a giant werewolf outside of my house at any given point in time.

There also happened to be a giant werewolf waiting outside Dr. Cullen's office, leaning against his pick up truck with a big stupid grin that was so goddamn cute. "That was fast," Seth commented as I wobbled towards him. My ankle was almost healed. I was able to remove the stupid boot, but I had to walk around with a brace and a slight limp. "Are you sure you're only supposed to be in there fifteen minutes?"

I scoffed, pushing past him to open the door to driver's seat and climbing in. "It's supposed to be an hour, but she tried to suck my blood in a weird vampire frenzy, so I had to scadoodle out of there."

In one swift and heart stopping moment, Seth turned towards me and snaked his arm around my waist, leaving his hand to tightly grip my hip. He gently pushed me across the cushions in to the passenger side, leaning me backwards as he hovered over me slightly. His chest over mine, his nose almost touching mine, his eyes burning into mine, and my chin buried into my neck. I forgot how to think. Or breathe. I forgot virtually everything. I am almost certain I died.

"You know no one's lips are allowed on you, right? I'd have to kill 'em," he said in a very low, dangerously intoxicating voice.

This was a very drastic and sudden change in mood.

"Yeah, I picked up on that," I whispered back, feeling stupid about he vulnerability of my voice.

The intense stare turned back into a stupid grin. "Good!" he chirped, turning back into his normal self and pushing off of me, as I was thrust into the passenger seat. "You know I'm driving, right?"

I frowned. Sexual tension was used as a weapon against me to get to the driver's seat. "Perish, Clearwater."

He laughed, and I wish I had the ability to make him fear me. "So what's on your mind today, love?"

Seth did that a lot. He didn't say my name. He hasn't called me Alex in a while, and he only does it when he's vaguely annoyed at my childish antics. No, it's usually, "love," or "honey," or something of that vaguely romantic nature. It made me feel a way. And also, that the "taking it slow" thing might be harder than I had thought.

I shrugged. "Not much. There's so much nonsense going on in my head that it's hard to grab onto one singular thought. Mostly, there's a lot of screaming going on in there."

Seth paused for a moment. "So what did you and Es-"

I cut him off sharply. "You know you're not allowed to ask that."

Seth knew I was going to therapy, and the two of us came to an agreement. He was allowed to drop me off and pick me up from every appointment, but he was not allowed to ask about what I had talked about in there, on the off chance that I had said something substantial. There was a lot of "don't ask, don't tell," going on between us. I didn't really ask about his supernatural rendezvous and he didn't ask me about my traumatized past. This only bothered one of us.

"I know, I'm sorry," he said, staring straight ahead at the road. He looked frustrated, and I understood. My complete refusal to discuss my problems was an indication of distrust, or at least that's what Seth thought. "It's getting pretty hot out," he said casually. "The sun is actually coming out these days."

"I know. How long has it been since you've seen the sun? Or is it your first time seeing the sun? Holy shit Seth, are you loosing your sun virginity?"

I expected at least a chuckle or a furious blush from the boy, but instead he just stared ahead, jaw clenched. He looked nervous. "You don't have to wear long sleeves around me."

The words he said were so casual, but the weight behind them hit my gut like a brick. I knew exactly what he meant; I knew what he saw the day I was sick. I should have found comfort in his words; they were words of reassurance. I didn't have to worry about his judgment. But when he said them, I felt violated. I feel naked in a crowded room. The power of denial wouldn't work anymore.

"Okay."

"Wait, Alex, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean-"

"Mean what?" I questioned innocently. "It's warm out, why wouldn't I wear short sleeves?"

Seth sighed, defeated. "Yeah, I guess."

For the rest of the ride we drove in silence. Very heavy, very awkward silence. Seth had brought up two of the four things I absolutely refuse to discuss with him. He was getting restless, I could tell. He wanted closure. He wanted something other than my constant denial. He wanted me to stop pretending.

He dropped me off in front of my house without saying a word, but placing a soft kiss on my hand.

For minutes after he left, I stood there wondering if I was capable of not pretending.

this chapter is bad i know let me get back into the swing of things ok