I don't own Naruto (I really can't be more imaginative with this anymnore... T_T)
"Wait! Don't go near those plants Choji!" Ino yelled before Choji could get too close to the clearing
"Eh? Why?"
"They're carnivorous!" she clarified. Shikamaru stared bug eyed at the small clearing filled with little white flowers. Choji dropped his crisps in shock.
"But they're so small!" he argued. "How can they possibly eat anything other than flies?"
"They paralyse you with their scent, it's a hallucinogen. All your senses get warped and malfunction. While you're frozen, the flowers themselves secrete a powerful digestive liquid from their petals. They're actually really useful with digestive problems, but like this they're just a death trap." Ino informed them. Choji stared at the flowers aghast.
"They're really rare; I can't believe they're even growing here! They're native to the southern mountains of Lightning Country..."
"Wow, thanks Ino. That was a close one" Choji wiped the sweat that had been gathering on his forehead.
If he'd taken just a few more steps…
"I guess well have to find another way to the river now…"
"Yeah, I'll posses another bird so we can get our bearings" Ino agreed.
Shikamaru cleared his throat.
"I think we have another problem before that"
"Eh? What?" Ino asked.
Shikamaru pointed to three shapes lying amongst the flowers.
Their faces were obscured from view, but the blobs of yellow, black and pink mad their identities obvious.
"That idiot! How did he not notice?! My dad drilled all this into his head ages ago! I know they're rare, but they're not that rare! Just because they aren't a native plant doesn't mean they don't grow here! I meant, its definitely surprising but-"
"Never mind that, how on earth do we get them out of there?" Choji asked. While he didn't know the three members of Team Seven as well as the other two, he didn't want them to be dissolved by the digestive juices of these freaky plants.
"I could try the mind-body disturbance… make them walk away from the flowers, but that'll take all of my chakra. I can only do it once…" Ino bit her lip contemplating whether using the technique would be of any use. She didn't even know if it would work.
"Let me try using my shadow first, then we'll try it your way Ino" Shikamaru said, forming the hand signs for the technique he was about to use. His shadow stretched out across the small, delicate little flowers towards the three bodies lying amongst the flesh-eating flora. The shadow connected with Naruto's own successfully.
"Ok, now for the hard part" Shikamaru said to himself. He forced his thoughts into his chakra enhanced silhouette and concentrated on Naruto's.
'Make him walk, make him walk, make him walk…'
A dazed Naruto slowly stumbled up into a sitting position. After a great deal of concentration from Shikamaru, he began a stumbling walk towards team ten. After a few minuets Naruto was safely out of the patch of beautiful white monstrosities.
Shikamaru released Naruto from his shadow from Naruto's, and the boy flopped into Ino's waiting arms. Unfortunately, he was heavier than she had anticipated and she fell over from the weight. She pushed him off her so she could examine his injuries. Thankfully he didn't seem to have been unconscious long enough for the flowers dissolving agent to take effect, he'd have jump in the river soon though. There was bound to be some still working on him somewhere.
As she examined Naruto, Shikamaru worked on pulling Sasuke and Sakura out of the flower field. He was sweating from the considerable effort he was putting forth. Choji was amazed at his best friend's ability. To manipulate another through shadow usage without using your own actions as a base took considerable effort and skill.
Shikamaru collapsed gasping for breath the moment Sakura and Sasuke were out of the danger zone. He had hardly any chakra left. That was a bit of a downer but he was more worried about Naruto and his two team-mates.
No wonder those weirdoes form Sasuke's family weren't bothering trying to kill Naruto during this part of the exam, even the here flowers were deadly! They were counting on the second stage saving them the hassle and killing him for them! All those plans for the third stage were just a precautionary measure!
As he took gulps of water from a bottle Choji handed to him, Naruto began to come around from the effects of the brutal blossoms.
"Urgh… I feel sick… am I being digested? Damn flowers…" Naruto mumbled to himself. He could see something pale yellow hovering above him...
Was that god? Was he already digested?
He opened his eyes fully, blinking back the sleepy sensation.
"Naruto! Thank god for that!" Ino yelled.
Naruto sat up groggily.
"What…? Those flowers! Sasuke and Sakura are-"
"They're fine, Shikamaru pulled you out with his shadow" Ino said reassuringly.
Naruto looked around, getting his bearings again. They had passed this area before; the patch of killer flowers was close to here. He was sitting on the ground, Ino kneeling next to him. Choji sat some distance way with an exhausted looking Shikamaru, watching over Sakura and Sasuke. Judging from the grumbles and mutterings they were beginning to come around as well.
"What were you thinking going anywhere near those things? You know how dangerous hey are…" Ino berated gently.
"By the time I realized what they were we were already running from the piranha roof tiles…" he grumbled to himself. Ino gave him a perplexed look.
"Piranha roof tiles?"
"I'll tell you later" he said, looking over to Sakura and Sasuke.
He got to his fees somewhat shakily and made his way over to his team-mates. Ino placed one of his arms around his shoulders before he fell over and he smiled at her gratefully. They both made their way over to the other two members of team seven who seemed to have finally come around.
Sasuke bolted up right the moment he awoke yelling about mutated piranhas before he was hit by a wave of vertigo.
He would have fallen backwards again had Choji not caught him.
"Where did they go? What about the frying pan?" he asked turning to Naruto.
Naruto was not given a chance to answer as Sakura had chosen that moment towake up:
"Naruto! Sasuke! This isn't the time for you to be ravishing each other! We have to get out of here!"
They all stared at Sakura, Naruto and Sasuke looks of horror on their faces. There was a long silence as Sakura regained her bearings.
"What the hell were you hallucinating about?" Ino asked.
Sakura turned bright red.
After thanking Ino's team for their help (several times) team seven headed towards the river to wash off. Ino's warning about the digestive juices was a very good incentive to wash. It was slightly awkward at first, for Sakura kept seeing her hallucinations every time she looked at either of her team-mates, and Naruto and Sasuke were both embarrassed for screaming like girls at the sight of Sasuke's roof tiles.
Eventually, they managed to get past this and were soon planning on how to find another scroll to go with their heaven one. However, riding themselves of any dissolving juice was their first priority. This was where Naruto now found himself. Sakura had gone to wash further upstream - there had been some arguments over this from both boys. Sakura wanted to preserve her modesty, but Naruto and Sasuke weren't to keen on the idea of her travelling to far away.
Not that she was weak (they had permanent bruises from her fists than spoke for themselves), but after the carnivorous plant incident they didn't think it was such a good idea to split up. Eventually they had settled for letting her upstream, but had insisted she take some exploding tags to use as a signal for trouble. Sasuke had left to go back the spot they had arranged to meet at, leaving Naruto to finish up with some exploding tags of his own for the same purpose as those given to Sakura. Naruto scrubbed at his skin with one of the plants they knew to contain natural soaps to remove the 'yucky-dissolving-plant-sick', in Sakura's words.
As he scrubbed, he felt the sun go behind a cloud form its absence of warmth on his back. Turning to look up to check for possible rain (that would just be taking the biscuit) he found something else blocking the sun's rays instead.
Naruto's eyebrow twitched in irritation.
"Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me…"
All Naruto remembered before everything went black was trying to reach the shore and something long and slimy wrapping itself around his body.
Sasuke swore again as he jumped up onto another tree branch to dodge another set of shuriken. He could see Sakura pressing herself against the trunk of another tree not too far away, trying to remain inconspicuous. Everything seemed to have been going pear shaped since they set foot in this place.
Sasuke was sure this was somehow all Kakashi's fault.
One minuet he and Sakura had been waiting for Naruto, the next they were running for their lives from some weird bloke who rearranged his face right in front of him! He has literal removed his nose and hacked a bit of before reattaching it! The guy was flying around on top of a really big rhinoceros beetle, flitting about the trees throwing shuriken all over the place. The big blue bug had nasty-looking pincers and it was taking all their energy just to stay away from the thing!
Never mind trying to find Naruto, who was distinctly absent. Sasuke hoped the idiot could look after himself, because he and Sakura were having enough problems of their own just trying to keep away from the freak who had been masquerading as their team-mate.
"I think we should stop here, its getting dark and this place seems to well sheltered" Shikamaru said, jumping down from a tree branch into a small clearing surrounded by shrubbery.
Ino and Choji followed suit and they silentley began to make camp. Choji worked on setting up a small camp fire, whilst Ino and Shikamaru made use of their family defence systems to secure the area from any unwanted trespassers.
"We're going to need something to cook; something small so that the smell doesn't attract too much attention" Choji was thinking of the man-eating-eveythings that inhabited the forest.
"You mean like a rabbit? Ino asked, pointing at a small group of the furry animals hovering just past their defences. Shikamaru, who was starving thanks to using so much chakra earlier that day, seemed to be moving purely off of survival instinct as he lunged towards the animals.
They immediately bolted as one of Ino's creeper plants snagged him around his ankle, sending him face forward into the dirt.
"…fucking troublesome hunks of meat… Ino! Get this thing off me!" he yelled trying unsuccessfully to remove the chakra enhanced vine.
After a fashion, Shikamaru was chasing their dinner again as Ino searched for a supply of fresh water. Choji was given the duty of protecting their base camp. Neither of his team-mates worried too much of his being attacked - he possessed some of the best offensive techniques in the village after all.
Shikamaru was beginning to dislike the small furry creatures known as rabbits; They were damn sneaky little buggers!
He couldn't catch any of them!
He was somewhere in the middle of a man eating forest with severely depleted chakra, and he was chasing deranged little hyperactive mammals who seemed intent on getting him lost. Something they were very close to accomplishing; you could only look at so many trees in here before they all started to look the same. Shikamaru swore loudly as he fell to the dirt yet again after missing the animal by a hairs breadth. This wouldn't have been a problem if he could use his shadow technique, but he needed to conserve his chakra.
Looking after deer with his father had also left him with a weird sense of morality when it came to catching animals. He would not lay a trap for an animal that could not defend itself. If it had sharp pointy teeth, then by all means he would make a trap. Rabbits however did not have sharp pointy teeth, so laying a trap for them seemed morally wrong to him. It wasn't a fair fight...
Though the idea was beginning to look very appealing at the moment; some of the bolder little freaks were giving a strange glare and bearing their gnashers at him threateningly.
Maybe using a trap wouldn't be so bad just this once…
Shikamaru lunged again.
Shikamaru fell face first into the ground again.
This time it was wet and sticky.
All sorts of possibilities ran through his mind ranging form quicksand to goat brains. He jerked his head and spat out some of the sticky stuff from his mouth. It tasted like mud. Upon wiping the goop if his face (specifically his eyes) he came to the conclusion that it was mud.
Vowing his revenge on the deranged critters that had landed him in such a position, Shikamaru looked around for a prospective meal. He was next to the river that ran through the training area, specifically near the bank. A pile of familiar clothes could be seen on a nearby rock, and Shikamaru looked around for his blonde friend.
"Naruto? Oi, Naruto!" he yelled.
He received no answer. Turning away to once again pursue rabbit homicide, Shikamaru ignored the pile of clothing. The blonde was probably washing of that digestive stuff from those stinky killer flowers earlier. A loud crash behind him caught his attention and he whirled around to see two pivoting yellow eyes.
Oh no… Surely not?
Shikamaru glanced at Naruto's clothing, and then back at the massive reptile standing in front of him looking like it had found its own dinner.
"You can't be serious… this is just beyond a joke, this is just fucking catastrophically troublesome! How many times can one person be eaten in a day? This is just sad!"
Naruto was not happy.
Why was Naruto not happy?
Because something was trying to eat him for the second time in one day! What did the flora and fauna live off in this place anyway?! Were they so desperate for food they would all compete to eat him?!
Naruto decide to concentrate on getting out of the giant chameleon that was currently trying to digest him. He wasn't quite sure how to go about this however; He had never been in a situation that had required him to escape from an animal's stomach before. Those flowers didn't count - they'd tricked his entire team with illusions whilst they began to gobble them. It was completely different!
Getting back to his current dilemma, Naruto listed all the techniques he knew.
Substitution? That would be no help unless he wanted to substitute himself with the reptile's liver.
Rasengan? He couldn't even control the first stage, let alone the whole thing.
Illusions? There was nothing to befuddle, and the most his illusionary arts came to was a dispel seal.
Transformation? Who the bloody hell was he going to hide from in here? Bacteria?
Physical Arts? They would probably give the animal a stomach ache, but they wouldn't get him out.
Shadow Clones? It was his best option.
"You can't be serious… this is just beyond a joke, this is just fucking catastrophically troublesome! How many times can one person be eaten in a day? This is just sad!"
Oh no! Did Shikamaru get eaten too?!
No, Shikamaru was too smart to get himself eaten, which meant he was nearby...
He was saved!
"Laaaaazy Aaaaassss! Help! Something's trying to eat me again!" he yelled as loud as he could, which wasn't really that loudly.
That proved to be less than beneficial. For one thing the animals hide appeared to be too thick for Shikamaru to hear his pitiful scream, and for another, he had used up a lot of the valuable oxygen that still remained in the chameleons smelly throat hole. Naruto felt the throat muscles surrounding him constrict and found himself being pushed downwards. A sloshing noise further down told him he was getting dangerously close to the animals stomach acids. That wasn't good.
Hurriedly he stuck to kunai to the bottom of his feet with his chakra and rammed them into the side of the animal's throat just before his control gave out. It wasn't a permanent solution; he could already feel the kunai slipping around thanks to the bile and other sticky stuff present in the creature's throat. However, it would do for now.
Naruto formed a cross shaped seal with two fingers from each hand, and muttered the chakra release: "Shadow Clone Technique!"
Naruto pushed as much chakra into the seal as he could, and soon the tight space was stuffed with Naruto's. They didn't last long though. Those below him soon disappeared and Naruto swore with frustration. He was too close to the stomach acids sloshing below him! That left him no other option but to use a type of clone he wasn't very confident in using just yet.
Grumbling to himself, Naruto took the same two fingers he had just used on each hand and formed them into yet another cross-shaped seal; just before he released his chakra, he added another hand-seal - an 'X' shaped one.
Naruto prayed to the gods this would work as one clone appeared. He hurriedly willed his chakra to cover his entire body, acting as a shield somewhat, and waited for his technique to take effect.
"What kind of fucked up forest is this?!" Suigetsu yelled as he hacked yet another carnivorous plant to pieces.
"Who the hell breeds these things?! How the hell did they get so big?!"
Juugo ignored him in favour of communicating with one of the few normal birds inhabiting the forest.
Karin sighed as Suigetsu continued to swear and curse.
"Some are normal plants that reacted to the high concentration of chakra in the area, what with so many ninja running around nearby and all. Some are plants native to fire country, but a quite a few of them are some of Kabuto's early creations" she informed her furious team-mate.
Suigetsu swore even more loudly, if such a thing was possible.
"Why do all my problems have to start with Kabuto?! Who killed Mangetsu? Kabuto Did! Who turned me into a freaking human puddle? Kabuto did! Who made these god forsaken Plants? Kabuto did! Why the hell is Kabuto responsible for all this crap?!"
"Because that was Kabuto does" Karin snorted. "He enjoys making peoples lives a misery. He thinks its fun"
Suigetsu ignored her and continued to hack at an offending looking plant.
"Those are just weeds" Karin informed him.
Suigetsu swore again.
Juugo chose that precise moment to interrupt them:
"The birds say there's something evil in the woo-"
"No duh" Suigetsu said sarcastically.
Karin and Juugo gave him a withering look.
"It's Him, Kabuto. He's here" Juugo finished.
This time it was Karin who swore.
"Shit! He must've been hiding amongst the other candidates! Did you get an idea of what he's doing?"
"He's currently engaged battle with Sasuke and Sakura" Juugo informed her.
"And Naruto?" Karin asked, panic edging into her voice.
Juugo wondered if telling her Naruto had gotten himself eaten by a giant chameleon was the best idea at the moment.
Sakura was making a great effort not to breathe any louder than necessary, but that was hard considering she and Sasuke had been trying to run away form the Creepy-Beetle-Man for almost twenty minuets now. Focusing on lowering her breathing to the absolute minimum so as to create less noise, she waited for the man and his disgusting bugs to pass by the bush she was currently hiding in.
After making certain he hadn't passed her, she thanked the gods for her luck and ran out, and jumped up onto the tree branch Sasuke currently occupied. She placed one finger to her lips, motioning for silence, before weaving a series of hand signs.
She pushed all her chakra out into the surrounding area, avoiding Sasuke as she did so. When she was certain her Illusion was complete she took in several long gulps of air.
"What the hell is he?! He rearranged his face dodging a freaking fireball!!" she breathed, not daring to raise her voice more than necessary. She didn't doubt that whoever this freak was would be able to unravel her illusion with absolutely no effort at all.
"Never mind that for now, what do we do? The way I see it we have two choices: stay and fight, or run and try to find Naruto" Sasuke replied, his own voice barley a whisper. He knew that running and trying to find their team-mate would be the best option, but he got the feeling that Bug-Man wasn't going to give up that easily either.
Sakura was about to reply to him when he saw their enemy hovering behind Sakura, a medical syringe with a nasty looking purple concoction inside it. He pulled Sakura out of the way just in the nick of time.
The man brought his arm down towards the area she had just occupied, only for his aim to land in the tree. The bark of the trunk turned a sickly yellow colour before bursting into flames. The two Genin stared wide eyed at the sight and then at the empty hypodermic in the grey-haired-pony tailed man's grasp.
"Now why did you have to move her?" the man asked in an injured tone. "I spent months developing that, now I don't even get to test it!"
"Shut up! Leave us alone!" Sakura yelled at the man throwing a kunai towards him. The kunai slided right through him and Sakura eyes widened in panic. He was using Illusions as well?! But Sasuke's Sharingan would have seen another Illusion! What was going on??!
The man appeared again, this time aiming for Sasuke with a green, bubbling liquid. She pulled him down, rolling off of the tree branch to avoid the blow. She saw abnormal looking growths emerge on the branch above where the liquid had hit.
"Sasuke, can you see his illusion?" she asked.
Sasuke shook his head, hand fingering a kunai as he looked around, looking for some sort of clue that might help them. Sakura wracked her brains. He was using an illusion, he had to be. He couldn't just pop up from nowhere like that! But then, how was he able to hit the tree with those funky potions?
Was he using a combination art? That might explain it, but it didn't explain why they couldn't pick up on his illusion-half of the technique.
Sasuke's sharing should be able to see through it! They would have felt any fluctuations in chakra since the illusion was spread over such a wide area, but there had been nothing. The only illusion in the area was her own and tha-
"Sasuke help me dispel the illusion I just made!" she yelled, hurriedly forming a dispel seal and forcing in as much chakra as she could.
Sasuke shook his head in disagreement.
"He already knows where we are! Dispelling all that would be a waste of chakra! We need to find out how he's-"
"Stop fucking around and do as I say unless you want to be tuned into a pile of organic-mush by this creep god damn it!" she yelled, still forcing chakra into her hand seal.
"That asshole is using my illusion and my chakra for his technique!" she spat.
Sakura was very angry with the illusion-chakra thief.
That was just plain rude! He should use his own brain and chakra god damn it!
Sasuke, perhaps shocked by her uncharacteristic outbursts, obeyed and formed his own seal and began to push as much of his chakra as he could into it. Sakura waited for a few more seconds until she felt they both had enough before relasing her chakra with a loud yell:
"DISPEL!!"
Sasuke shouted the same chakra release barley a second later. The world around them swirled and Sakura grabbed onto Sasuke's arm, feeling dizzy at the sight of the swirling colours surrounding them. After several moments, the swirling rearranged itself into an unfamiliar territory. The trees seemed to climb for an eternity, almost completely blocking out the dim light that remained in the day. The ground was hard and parched of water like a desert.
They were completely lost, and neither Naruto nor Bug-Man was anywhere to be seen.
"Lady Anko! Please take a look at this!" a Chunin yelled as he ran up to the second examiner. Said examiner looked up from her plate of Dango.
"Hm? What?"
"T-This!" The Chunin handed her several photos and Anko's eyes narrowed.
"We found the body just a few miles outside of Konoha! There were multiple bite marks with a blue tinge! Upon examination of the residual chakra traces, we have determined that Kabuto Yakushi is responsible!"
"I already know. Go tell the Hokage though. He'll want to be informed so he can send another set of extra ANBU just in case" Anko ordered, taking another bite of Dango.
The Chunin stared at her as if she was some sort of crazy woman.
"Don't look at me like that! The Hokage is already aware of Kabuto's planned attack, he ordered that he and the councillors be informed when his presence was verified! Trust me; I think it's incredibly stupid even for that old geezer!"
Truth be known, she was itching to dive right into the exams and rip his psychotic little head off. However, the Hokage insisted that the back-up he had deployed already would be more than enough aid. Anko wasn't so sure, this was Kabuto they were talking about after all, but she obeyed her orders.
She only hoped that this extra back up would be enough to stand up against her former team-mate.
He wasn't in the bingo book for no reason.
She would be patient for now however.
But if Kabuto harmed one hair on the heads of her maggots she would have him hung drawn and quartered personally.
As this thought entered her mind, a sparrow fluttered out of the trees contained within the fence behind her. Recognising the markings, she held out her hand and the small bird landed on one of her fingers. The bird relayed its message as it hopped back and forth across her hand and Anko's eyes widened.
"I told him this was a bad idea!" she yelled, starling the small creature. "Go to the Hokage! Tell him we have an emergency situation in training ground forty-four! Now! Anko yelled before she disappeared into the forest herself.
Shikamaru stared at the chameleon in front of him. It was huge! It was as tall as his house! True, his house only had one floor but chameleons weren't supposed to get that big! Since when did Konoha have the appropriate climate for chameleons anyway? They were native to Swamp County!
What was the thing even doing here?
Was it lost?
It wasn't wearing war-paint, so it wasn't a summon…
Why was there a man-eating chameleon in Konoha?!
Whatever the reason, the large lizard was eyeing him in a very uncomfortable manner. Shikamaru decided his best option would be to run, but if this thing was anything like a normal chameleon, it'd have that freaky tongue thing going on. He'd have to keep an eye out for that, and that meant running backwards. Shikamaru wasn't good at running backwards on flat ground, never mind in the middle of a forest. He didn't even consider using physical techniques or weapons since they would barley scratch the cold blooded animal.
In short, he was in quite the predicament.
As he came to this conclusion, the chameleon opened its jaw.
"Shit! Forget running backwards I'm getting out of here! Sorry Naruto, you're on you're own here! It'd be a pain in the ass for me to turn into lizard food!" he yelled as he made to run as far as he could as fast as he could.
Shikamaru felt the tremors in the ground as the creature lumbered after him slowly. Due to its sheer size compared to the young shadow-tamer that meant it was catching up fairly quickly. He cursed his lack of speed and stamina as the creature ambled closer. As soon as he got out of this forest (Read: If he got out of this forest) he would brow beat Naruto and Asuma into giving him two full workouts each a week!
There was a nasty-sounding squelching noise; turning around this was proven the beginnings of the animal's tongue unravelling. Shikamaru made a silent prayer to the gods that by some miracle he would be saved. This was was seemingly granted as a muffled cry came from within the beasts belly before all hell broke loose.
"I didn't expect him to actually infiltrate the Chunin exams" Sarutobi grumbled.
He had greatly underestimated his student's former pupil. He had never imagined he would move out into the open so quickly. Kabuto had always been a measured, cautious ninja who never took gambles unless he was sure they would pay off. Obviously that had changed.
"It's not your fault Sarutobi, the news Morina unearthed said nothing about how the invasion would begin. Just that he was planning one. We were expecting a sudden attack, not a covert operation"
"That's not what worries me Jiraiya, what worries me is why he chose to go undercover as a Genin. What possible gain could he receive from that?"
"Isn't it obvious?"
"Well, yes, but I thought I'd try a little optimism and hope I was mistaken"
"Sorry, but I think we can safely say he wants more test subjects" Sarutobi sighed, leaning back in his chair wearily.
"I suppose I'll just have to send as many ANBU as I can spare for no-"
"Damn it woman! Will you let go of my hair?!"
Sarutobi and Jiraiya both blinked.
"Jiraiya, just now was that…?"
"It definitely sounded like him but-"
"Quit laughing at me you- OW! I said let go!"
This time the voice was accompanied by the sound of uncontrollable laughter. Moments later, the door opened revealing the owners of the voices. A woman with scarlet coloured shoulder length hair strode in the room dragging a pale skinned man behind her by his long black hair. Behind them came a heavily endowed blonde woman making no attempt to hide her amusement, and a younger woman with black hair carrying a pig.
"Must you insist on rupturing my eardrums Tsunade?" Orochimaru grumbled as Kushina relinquished her hold on his hear, causing him to stumble forward slightly. Tsunade laughed further as he rubbed the sore spot where Kushina's hold had almost torn his hair out by the roots.
"How can I not?! You, Orochimaru of the legendary three, defeated by a woman's glare! Oh this is priceless!!" Tsunade managed to muffle out around her laughter. Orochimaru gave her a smirk.
"Oh? And who was it who agreed to come along when the same woman won over 12,000,000 Ryou in one poker game in exchange?"
Tsunade turned beet red.
"Shut up Pedo!!"
"You shut up Slug! And how many times do I have to tell you I am not a paedophile?!"
"As many as it takes for you to admit it Snakey"
"Shut up Tsunade! Jiraiya! Control this woman!"
"What? But, well… you do kind of look like one, what with the creepy skin and eyes and the tongue thing…" Jiraiya babbled, caught off-guard by his team mates demand- err, plea for help. Why was Orochimaru here? He'd said wasn't coming...
Screw orochimaru, why was Tsunade here?!
"Damn you! You stupid lecherous frog! You aren't supposed to agree!"
"Hey, I'm a Toad Sage! You wouldn't like it if I called your Snakes Salamanders or Lizards would you? No, so stop calling my Toads Frogs!"
Tsunade chortled even harder at the sight of Orochimaru's twitching eyebrow. It looked like things were about to escalate into one of the rather destructive arguments the students of Sarutobi were so famed for when Kushina grew tired of their little quarrel. She moved between the two males and gave each a severe whack to the head.
"Ow!"
"Ow!"
Tsunade looked like she was going to collapse from laughter until Kushina glared at her. Not another hoot was heard from her mouth after that.
Kushina turned to Sarutobi and grinned.
"I brought you home two strays I found on my travels Sarutobi!" she said before moving to hug the old man.
After succeeding in suffocating him her mind to more serious matters.
"Two questions: one, is Teuchi's still open? Two, how's Naruto?"
Sarutobi knew better than to lie to her, but he cursed whichever god had landed him with this job.
"Teuchi's expanded a couple of years ago. Its called Ichiraku's now. And as for Naruto, well… he got himself eaten by a giant chameleon on the first day of the Chunin exams" Sarutobi braced himself, waiting for calamity to befall the room. When it didn't come he was puzzled.
"Is that all? No pranks? No nothing bar getting himself into a pickle with his writing? Dear god, I'll be having more than a few words with that boy when I see him…" Kushina trailed of mumbling to herself. Various words such as 'stupid Inochi' and 'serious damage control' could be heard.
"Kushina, Kabuto infiltrated the Chunin exams" Jiraiya informed her, breaking her off from her chattering to herself. Kushina raised an eyebrow.
"I already know that baboon, were you expecting a direct attack or something?"
"Please, Kabuto isn't brave or vulgar enough for that" Orochimaru scoffed. "Insane or not, that boy severely lacks a backbone. He has to be certain of his own safety before even considering anything risky. I have no idea why he became a ninja in the first place…"
Sarutobi nodded at this but he stared at Kushina for her apparent disregard for her son's safety. Kushina seemed to pick up on this and mimicked Orochimaru's scoff.
"If Naruto is anything like me, then he'd rather die than be eaten by a chameleon, of all the things…"
Kushina snorted at the very idea as she turned to leave the room.
"Honestly, a chameleon? Why couldn't he have at least been gobbled by one of those tigers? A chameleon doesn't even have teeth!"
"Kushina, where are you going?!" Sarutobi yelled as the woman closed the distance between herself and the doorway.
"I'm putting my name down next to Kakashi's on the greeting list! I have some serious words for that boy… Chameleon…" he voice faded as she walked through the doorway almost as quickly as she had appeared.
Sarutobi groaned ad for once, he let his head slump onto his desk.
"I give up…" he mumbled.
Jiraiya raised an eyebrow. Tsunade became hysterical once again. Orochimaru gave a soft chuckle.
"She certainly moves at her own pace doesn't she?" he said to Jiraiya.
"I'm more interested in what she deems dangerous. Remember when Minato and Deidara were almost eaten by a giant cave bear during their Chunin exams? Koharu was beside herself"
Orochimaru nodded as Tsunade laughed at their old teacher.
Shikamaru was very confused. One minuet he had been rooted to the muddy ground at the prospect of becoming chameleon lunch, next moment all hell broke loose. There was a loud fiery explosion, and Shikamaru was thrown backwards towards by the force it exuded. He now found himself sprawled on the muddy ground covered in god know what.
Shikamaru struggled to his feet and took a look at the surrounding area. The chameleon lay splattered, burning, and in chunks about him.
Not even the trees had escaped.
Needless to say, that also meant Shikamaru had been splattered with chameleon-gunge. He looked down at his clothes and wrinkled his nose. He was covered in mud, chameleon innards and some unpleasant smelling reptilian bodily-fluids. He brushed a gungy what looked suspiciously like brain matter off his shoulder and removed a piece of tongue from his head. Shikamaru made a mental note to avoid giant chameleons from now on. Not only did they view humans as food, they seemed to spontaneously combust.
Messily.
Or they did when they decided that Naruto Uzumaki would be a particularly edible morsel. The blonde lay propped up on his elbows, looking slightly dazed and slightly triumphant.
"Ha! Take that you great stinking lizard!" he yelled at a larger chunk of flesh that hung from a nearby tree branch, smoking.
Shikamaru moved to join his friend on still-wobbly legs, taking care to avoid a large ruptured eyeball that oozed its contents across the ground.
"What on earth…?" he said, collapsing next to Naruto. Naruto seemed to notice him for the first time and he grinned happily before gluing himself to Shikamaru.
"Lazy Ass! I knew you were too smart to get yourself eaten!" Shikamaru decided to keep his momentary state of statue-mimicry to himself.
"What on earth…?" he gestured to the chaos and gore surrounding them.
"Did you expect me to settle for Death-By-Lizard-Gastric-Fluid? Hell no! That's such a lame way to die!" Naruto said in a disgusted tone.
Really, how would that look on his death certificate?
NAME: Uzumaki, Naruto
AGE/D.O.B: 13/10th October
SEX: Male
RANK: Genin
CAUSE OF DEATH: Eaten and digested by a giant chameleon.
Really, his mother would disown him if ever died in such a pathetic manner.
Naruto was jerked out of his musings by Shikamaru, who was enquiring as to how he blew up a giant lizard.
"I used an Exploding Clone, I think I over did it a bit with the chakra though…" Naruto looked at the decimated area a sheepish look in his eyes.
"It was one of the variants of the shadow clone technique in the forbidden scroll I borrowed from the old man for training before the exams started." he explained looking around, trying to get an idea to his location. This was where he was supposed to meet up with Sasuke and Sakura.
He hadn't heard them earlier, only Shikamaru. That meant they had moved off somewhere, and that was worrying. Paranoia was not the word for it, especially after that flesh-eating-flower fandango.
Something had happened.
There was a bad feeling knotting itself into worry somewhere between his intestines and his stomach.
"I used an Exploding Clone, I think I over did it with the chakra though… It was one of the variants of the shadow clone technique in the forbidden scroll I borrowed from the old man for training before the exams started…"
Naruto trailed off, obviously thinking about something else that was more important.
Shikamaru was unaware of this. He was too busy freaking out inside his head.
'Who in their right mind gives Naruto a scroll for training when it has exploding clones in it?! That's just a really troublesome disaster waiting to happen! The Hokage must be going senile… Yeah, he's old so it's not really his fault… Sort of… He should think about retiring now that he's loosing his brain a bit…'
Both boys were interrupted from their respective thoughts by the sound of a long, terror filled scream they could identify as Sakura's. Moments later it was accompanied by an outraged yell form Sasuke.
They immediately sped in the direction that voices had emerged from with no thought to the consequences that would be brought by their actions.
Update-No-Jutsu! Cookies for Reveiws!
I think you can se the sadistic streak in me breaking out in this chapter...
Don't know why, but ive always been facinated by Chameleons.
Nat.
xxx